I was just really tired and down last night. I had a good talk with my counselor today (funny, I had an appointment right when I needed it!) I've got the MRI
scheduled now, next Friday, and late this morning I got a call from the academic services counselor who is going to help me file a financial aid appeal. Plus my Mom called me early this morning and told me she's sending me some stuff I really needed, because she was thinking about how she could help me right now. Good things happened because I was honest about my situation and pursued the right avenues.
Phyllis - you've always got encouragement for me, how did I know you were going to be the first responder? Thank you!
Fr. Barnes - Y'know, since I've been a Christian I've always told people that it's better to be honest with themselves and God - even if it means getting into a screaming match during a prayer - than to hold it all inside. It's funny that sometimes I forget my own advice.
- as for neglect, well, I suppose I'm somewhat guilty of that, but less because I didn't think I have a problem than I seriously did think it was all in my head. I was told so many times by my family that I overexaggerate my physical problems that I guess I believed them. It was my new primary care physician who said she thought the more serious problem wasn't my headaches but my difficulty walking in the morning. Luckily, I seem to have caught this early, since I still have almost normal function. Plus, I am in the "underinsured" category because of my low income. I really needed that financial aid if I was going to continue taking classes, so in consideration of the upcoming medical bills, I guess it's good I'm not spending my money elsewhere. I'll have to pay a deductible plus 20% of the accepted charge. For an MRI
that's going to be a chunk of change.
Klaus - you're right about the negative illusions thing. I guess in my quest to get acceptance from as many people as possible, I dwell on the people who probably aren't even worth it. My Dad says it's like I keep playing a tape over and over in my head, thinking the story's going to change eventually. Well, I gotta just let go of those people who don't know me in person, who turn on me like that. I can't be perfect anyway.
Tricki - Chiropractic treatment is an option, but I find myself at odds with much of chiropractic philosophy. I would probably try a D.O. for osteopathic manipulative therapy first. Until I have the MRI
, I won't even know what kind of treatment is necessary. But I have started some self-treatment already -- poor man's traction (lying with my head back over the edge of the bed for ten minutes at bedtime) and using a bed wedge to prevent swelling at night. Plus this has motivated me to get back into an exercise regimen that will help me use what I've got. And yes, I know all about physical pain from mental stress -- I used to have terrible pain all over my body when I had panic attacks. When I started getting treatment for my anxiety, the pains went away, although I still have the occasional panic attack. Of course being a librarian I immediately started to research the condition and read on one site that although spondylosis is progressive, it usually doesn't deteriorate quickly or leave people wheelchair-bound. That was comforting!
Thanks to all of you for your insight.