levent
Posts: 1589
Joined: Sat Sep 04, 2004 8:11 pm

To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:57 pm

What do you think about love and marriage? Would you like to get married, or do you prefer to live together without marrying? Do you believe in life-long marriages? And do you support gay marriages?

I personally don´t like marriages at all. I think people get tied up while it´s not necessary. If you love each other, you don´t have to marry to prove it. But if your relationship fails, which we don´t count upon but naturally can happen, it makes things just worse with the separation. Especially if there are kids.

I´ve seen to many problems with married people to be able to support it, including in my own family.
 
TWFirst
Posts: 5752
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2000 5:30 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:58 pm

Basically, I have the same thoughts as you. And yes, I do support gay marriages (using the "legal" definition of the word marriage).
An unexamined life isn't worth living.
 
PH-BFA
Posts: 444
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2002 6:22 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:05 pm

An interesting question. I guess I would like to marry someday when I am a bit older, given the right girl. Well I just enjoy having girlfriends now, but never considered what it would be like marrying them. Being straight, I absolutely support gay marriage.

PH-BFA
 
KROC
Posts: 18919
Joined: Mon May 08, 2000 11:19 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:10 pm

As a bitter divorce-e already at 28, I still love the concept of marriage, commitment, life-long relationships ect. but it has to be with the right person. In this day and age, unlike say 40 years ago, people ar not willing to settle for what they get into. I think its good, but also leads to high divorce rates, problems and things of that nature. Marriage isn't for everyone, to each their own.

And I support gay marriage as well. They are no different than me, so who am I to tell them "no"?
 
CaptOveur
Posts: 6064
Joined: Thu May 06, 2004 3:13 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:28 pm

Save yourselves. I used to think marriage was a good idea, after living with my girlfriend I have since changed my mind, I highly doubt changing the girl would alter my views either. I just don't interact well with women, they make no sense.

http://www.nomarriage.com

If the gays want to suffer, let them get married, it's not like it hurts anyone.
Things were better when it was two guys in a dorm room.
 
ussherd
Posts: 322
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RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:17 am

I do believe in marriage, probably because my parents have a marriage that really works, so I’ve seen what an amazing institution it can be. Having said that, I’m not sure if folk nowadays (myself included) are prepared to put in the work that’s required for a relationship to last over the long haul.

I think gay couples should be free to marry, but acknowledge that the term “marriage” carries with it a lot of baggage.

For this reason, I think that there should be a clear separation between civil and religious marriage. This happens in countries as diverse as France, Japan and Venezuela, where the civil contract is the only legally recognised form of marriage. The civil ceremony must be performed by a state official and a priest or minister may not act as a deputy. The religious marriage is performed after the civil ceremony and is the most important event for most couples – most couples view the civil ceremony as a formality.
Cada loco con su tema...
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:26 am

I tend to get into serious relationships. So I suspect I will be married within the next 5 years. As for gay marriges, I really don't care either way. But if they do get married, they shouldn't expect any special treatment etc.
Go big or go home
 
KROC
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Joined: Mon May 08, 2000 11:19 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:28 am

What special treatment would gay couples expect Aa61hvy?
 
LHMark
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RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:29 am

Free lube deliveries every Thursday.
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:32 am

I can't think of anything truthfully, I shouldn't have written that without an example. I just went back to thinking of women in the military they get special treatment and stuff. Equality is quality.
Go big or go home
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 3:05 am

Personally, I like being married, but it wasn't really a big deal for me - it was the logical next step to my relationship with my then-boyfriend. We met young - at 18 - married young - at 23 - and have been married for 9 years now. It's worked for us. I love my husband, and more important, I like him. He's my best friend and I am happy to be with him every day and to work together as a team in life.

On the other hand, marriage isn't for everyone, and that's okay. I have no problem with people just living together. What business is it of mine to tell someone else how they should view their relationship?

And on that note I think gays should be allowed to marry. It doesn't affect me at all.

When I was younger I always thought I would get married one day but never had any big desire to have kids. I don't like being called Mrs. though. My marital status has nothing to do with my definition of myself. Someone around here has a license plate that is something like "WIFNMOM". I find that kinda pathetic - that she has no identity of her own - that her whole identity is based on her relationships with others.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 3:56 am

I am pro-marriage, under the right circumstaces. Being married is all about lifelong friendship and support. The right person will be the one you fell will stick with you, and vice-versa over the long haul with all the troubles, fun, stupidity, adventure and everything else that one faces over a lifetime. I make no claim to be a marriage expert, indeed I divorced my first wife because it was obvious we were not right for each other over the long haul. I lived with my wife now for three years prior to getting married just so we would see what it was like as the daily grind hit. We have all the same ups and downs everyone else has, and we argue and fight, but the good stuff far outweighs the bad stuff. I feel pretty lucky to have found a woman that appreciates my good qualities (Hell, that she found any to begin with) and tolerates my bad ones...and even encourages me to go on A.Net meets on the other side of the country. I try to do the same for her, and work to get better at it. I reckon thats what it takes, being willing to work at it and being determined that the good is worth the bad.
Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:50 am

That's exactly it, Ian! Me too...Mr. Harlot had no problem with me hanging out with you guys when you were here, and next month he's going off to Vegas to play hockey. And it's not always easy and it's not all roses but it's totally worth it.

However - even though it's worth it for me, that doesn't mean that I think it's right for everyone.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6806
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:17 pm

Marriage would be going all the way and it is the ultimate thing that is possible in any persons love life. So I am Pro-marriage.
 
duke
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 1999 9:52 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:05 pm

Due to my religion, I will not have sex until I'm married, if that ever happens. Yes, I am almost 25, a virgin, and am not ashamed of this at all.

I certainly believe in marriage, but think people should really be ready to commit and be extra sure they're marrying someone they can love and live with. Divorce is an ugly thing, most particularly if you have innocent children in the deal.
 
JGPH1A
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Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:36 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:14 pm

Marriage works for a lot of people but should only be considered after the couple has operated as a unit for a good long time. Most of the divorcees I've met married way too young and way too quickly, then only discovered who it was they got married to. The strongest marriages seem to be those of people who've lived together for a good long time first.

Re gay marriage - why not ? Marriage is essentially a commitment to share your life with another persion, it's not anybody else's business who you choose that person to be.
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
DeskPilot
Posts: 704
Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2004 8:02 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:22 pm

ScarletHarlot wrote "...It's worked for us. I love my husband, and more important, I like him. He's my best friend and I am happy to be with him every day and to work together as a team in life...."

I think the last sentence sums up a good marriage. I've been married for 17 years and my wife is my best friend too. We're lucky we have a good marriage, through lots of work, ups and downs. We argue at times, but we resolve it. So, yes I'm for marriage and the partnership through life it represents. I don't see why heterosexuals should have the monopoly on it. Also, the statements that marriage is procreation is bullshit. Not all couples who are married can or want to have kids. Is their marriage any less worthwhile ?
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
 
dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:12 pm

I agree with Harlot in that not everyone should get married to the people with whom they currently cavort. Some folks are just nor meant to be together. It takes time to understand if what you have is worth all the trouble it will take.

APril, My wife will be in Vegas next month at a bachelorette party...hmmmm...coincidence. Let me know next time you guys are in town. Ian
Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:34 am

Hey Ian, tell your wife if she sees any hockey players hanging around to heckle them loudly.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy I don't have any plans to come back to ATL right now but I will keep you posted if I do.

I'm not sure if that's what I meant, Ian. Some people are with the right partner, but don't want to get married, for whatever reason. I respect that decision. It's not for me to tell them what works for them. I do agree that there's nothing wrong with living together before marriage.

Duke - I respect your decision and who cares if you're a virgin? That's your decision to make and nobody else's. You are right about divorce being ugly for kids. I think that is the saddest thing.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
TheGov
Posts: 370
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2003 6:44 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:55 pm

For a good many people, a marriage license is nothing but an admission ticket to divorce court. I should know................
Always a pallbearer, never a corpse.
 
vaporlock
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sat May 19, 2001 9:22 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:05 pm

Marriage is not for everyone.......so each individual needs to look at what works for them.

A few things that I feel are the most important if you are in any type of relationship are honesty, friendship and communications. Without those....it will never work!!!

Phyllis  Wink/being sarcastic
 
MD11Engineer
Posts: 13916
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 5:25 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:23 pm

I was married twice before and unfortunately I let myself being pressed into getting married due to immigration reasons (Immgration officer:"If you don´t marry your girlfriend we will deport her!") and cultural expectations: "I´m a good Roman-Catholic/Muslim woman, I can´t live with you without getting married, my family wouldn´t accept this!". In both cases it turned out that the women were more interested in my citizenship to get a permanent residence in Germany (If not for this they probably would have never been interested in me, on the other hand they both were quite good looking and both were good actresses, pretending to love me), and the second one also in maintenance (I was still a college student when I was with the first one, I got my act together and landed in a wellpaying job through my own work, no help from her, while being with the second one).

I´m in a permanent distance relationship with an educated Filipino women working in another European country (she´s got her own residence permit through her job and a good income of her own) since about 4 years, we see each other regularely, and I can seriously imagine that we might get married some day, but I refuse to let myself be pressed into marriage again by outside people, like immigration officers or her relatives and friends (who are already asking when I will marry her due to her countries customs, something like Roman-Catholic Bavaria 50 years ago).
In a few years we both might move to a third country, where we both can live together for a few years and then finaly make up our minds. In meantime, we treat each other with respect and love. If I get married again, I want the marriage to last, and not to fall apart again.

Jan

[Edited 2004-09-23 06:43:04]
Je Suis Charlie et je suis Ahmet aussi
 
vaporlock
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sat May 19, 2001 9:22 am

RE: To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:36 pm

MD11Engineer, sounds like you've got things under control! I don't blame you for not wanting to be pressured. I was married for 22 years to the first guy I ever dated....and was pressured into getting married. The old...well my parents won't have respect for you....

While I don't regret getting married because I have 2 fantastic sons...... when I look back....was I stupid!  Big thumbs up

I am not married now and will NEVER be pressured into getting married. I have a great job and can support myself......

So I understand exactly what your saying!!!  Smile

Phyllis  Wink/being sarcastic

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