before you start reading it, if you know by yourself that these kind of topics will make up sincerely upset, please leave this thread. No, this is not a try from a "liberal" person to owerthrow your countrys government and give it a bad name (you do that by yourselves so good anyway
i even made this little thing in the brackets here for some people to understand it fully.
To the citizens of the United States of America.
In view of Prime Minister Tony Blair becoming President of all he surveys, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded and George Dubya Bush will be sent back to Texas. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up 'revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up 'interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as 'US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. You will also be required to create films that show history in a factual manner. (Try to remember that you don't have any.) It is no longer acceptable to make films showing daring British actions as being undertaken by the US. Also remember that you didn't join the Second World War until nearly halfway through. Your films should recognise this in future and the fact that you only ever get involved in a fight if someone else has done all the hard work, there are financial gains to be had, you have far greater numbers and never ever for humanitarian purposes.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half-way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 8th November will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
8. All American cars are hereby banned. This for your own good. When we show you good German cars, you will understand what we mean.
9. You will reduce the amount of food you eat and send it to those who really need it. The vast majority of you are overweight and will then start exercising and dieting.
10. All MacDonald, KFC and Pizza Hut outlets will be only be allowed to serve Fish and Chips (that's fries to you).
11. Beer will be served flat and unchilled as nature intended.
12. Please tell us who killed JFK
. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.