TheGov
Topic Author
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Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 1:24 pm

To continue the theme

Farts: Can you do in on command?

Ever cleared out a room?

Ever have one go bad? (less air, more..........)

Cropdust?

Feel free to let it all out............

Always a pallbearer, never a corpse.
 
Airlinerfreak
Posts: 1246
Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2005 4:16 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 1:25 pm

SOmetime I can do it on command dont ask why. One time I was doing sit-ups and i just plain farted, it was soo embarressing. But the fact is that we all do it on an average of 7 times a day
 
stlgph
Posts: 9054
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:19 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 2:24 pm

I cannot fart on command but I can definitely make them silent if necessary. Of course they all smell like gargantuan amounts of poopie. I am most proud of my creations, I must add.
if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport
 
BartiniMan
Posts: 304
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 8:14 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 3:00 pm

would you all agree though, that the silent ones are the most deadliest?
What is a cropduster like? a term im not familair with
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 3:15 pm

Can you do in on command?

Nope, but I woke myself up once with one. I'll leave it at that.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
NorskMan
Posts: 111
Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 2:26 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 3:50 pm

I'm a bloody fart machine. I can't fart on command, but when i do fart, the room is getting cleared for sure. I can't hold them in. Also the harder i try to keep them silent, the louder the bastard is...
yeah i know
 
unattendedbag
Posts: 2154
Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:35 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:00 pm

Bartiniman wrote:

"What is a cropduster like? a term im not familair with"


-----
Typically used by flight attendants. They will start from the front or the rear of the aircraft, release the beast, and walk to the other end of the plane. Everyone gets a whif!!

You gotta be sneaky about it though. Gotta find an old guy to walk behind so the passengers don't think it was you!  Smile
Slower traffic, keep right
 
tokolosh
Posts: 357
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2001 7:02 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 5:22 pm

I do both types of fart: "Silent but violent" and "Loud and proud".
Did the chicken or the egg get laid first?
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6812
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 5:49 pm

Farts are awsome, where would we be without them
 
airlinelover
Posts: 5287
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 8:03 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:26 pm

you people are fucking sick..............

Chris
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
 
707CMF
Posts: 4698
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2002 5:39 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:41 pm

To continue the theme

To continue with the shame...

Farts: Can you do in on command?
No, and I do not wish to learn how.

Ever cleared out a room?
I don't need to fart for that.

Ever have one go bad? (less air, more..........)
When I wore diapers, yes.

I will end with a French motto that you can feel free to translate.
"Mieux vaut un pet qui franchement résonne, qu'un doux vent qui empoisonne."

Cheers,

707
 
ConcordeBoy
Posts: 16852
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2001 8:04 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 3:19 pm

Always violently loud in the morning... but never deadly.

After that, I'm pretty much a good boy for the rest of the day  Big grin
Faire du ciel le plus bel endroit de la terre c'est impossible sans Concorde!
 
jasepl
Posts: 3499
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:15 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 3:28 pm

LOL 707! We have a similar one here. Roughly translated:

Loud fart, you're safe. Medium fart, won't hurt to take cover. Silent fart, run for your life!
 
mdsh00
Posts: 3968
Joined: Mon May 17, 2004 11:28 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 5:29 pm

Farts: Can you do in on command?
No, but I have a freind who can almost do that.

Ever cleared out a room?
No, but I've gotten strong reactions after claiming the fart.

Ever have one go bad? (less air, more..........)
Oh hell yeah, especially after eating certain foods....phew!

Just wanted to add to ConcordeBoy's post, I fart loud as hell and long in the morning. Luckily they don't smell.  Smile
"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change."
 
UTA_flyinghigh
Posts: 6304
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2001 8:46 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 5:36 pm

What's fun is when you do it in an a/c - noone can hear the nose but they can definitely smell it - and everyone starts looking at each other strangely Big grin

UTA
Fly to live, live to fly - Air France/KLM Flying Blue Platinum, BMI Diamond Club Gold, Emirates Skywards
 
707CMF
Posts: 4698
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2002 5:39 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:04 pm

I guess you speak from experience...

But let me enlighten you. You don't hear yours while in an aircraft, not because of the engine noise, but because you usually produce silent farts. The most lethal ones...

Cheers,

707
 
UTA_flyinghigh
Posts: 6304
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2001 8:46 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:50 pm

Even the loudest ones cannot drown out KF's drone. And yes, I speak with experience of the fact Big grin

UTA
Fly to live, live to fly - Air France/KLM Flying Blue Platinum, BMI Diamond Club Gold, Emirates Skywards
 
FLYtoEGCC
Posts: 929
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2004 7:56 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:20 am

Farts: Can you do in on command?
Usually, yes, after swallowing a bit of air. The only time when it's not a good idea is when you feel a dump coming on in the near future... you don't want to be left with skidmarks!

Ever cleared out a room?
Yes, my kitchen in my uni house. Admittedly there were only two of my female housemates in it at the time, and farting is one of their pet hates.

Ever have one go bad? (less air, more..........)
Fortunately not.

Cropdust?
I've done one that lasted about 10 seconds while walking in a crowded shopping centre, past loads of people - does that count?

Has anyone ever lit a fart?
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away...
 
ConcordeBoy
Posts: 16852
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2001 8:04 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:55 am

Rejected fart scenes from "THE MATRIX"


http://i4a.pocketmovies.net/movies/fun/matrixfart.mpg
Faire du ciel le plus bel endroit de la terre c'est impossible sans Concorde!
 
canuckpaxguy
Posts: 1482
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 2:31 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 11:15 am

FINALLY!!! A THREAD ABOUT A TOPIC THAT I AM AN EXPERT ON!!!!

While I can't fart on command, I generally do it so often that there's usually one brewing if someone requests it. Generally, my farts don't stink if they're loud. I'm not sure why...but I can provide names of people who can vouch for me. I guess I'm part of the 'loud and proud' gang.

Power-farting is a talent I inherited from my Dad. (We both got sent away from the dinner table last Christmas for farting. We couldn't help it --- and we couldn't stop laughing.)

Sure it's immature, but I still think it's hilarious to hear someone fart.

Better yet, farting loudly and blaming someone else for it...THAT is fun! I was in an elevator the other day with a bunch of strangers and let a really loud one go....I turned around and glared at the woman behind me and asked "Was that YOU???".

She was mortified. I almost passed out trying to hold in my laughter.

...and before anyone asks, NO - I do not fart at work in front of coworkers or customers.

G

[Edited 2005-02-09 03:17:32]
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
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RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 11:38 am

I do not fart at work in front of coworkers or customers.
So, you do it behind them?  Laugh out loud
I lift things up and put them down.
 
JAGflyer
Posts: 3453
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 5:31 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 11:47 am

Not really on command. But I can do them silently as I admit I do in school sometimes. I have had a few skidmarks in my life. Once i feel a "diarahea fart" I try to hold it in or run like hell. The most annoying thing is when you think you have to shit, you go to the toilet and its just gas.
Support the beer and soda can industry, your recycle old airplanes!
 
NWADC9
Posts: 3940
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RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Wed Feb 09, 2005 12:04 pm

"FINALLY!!! A THREAD ABOUT A TOPIC THAT I AM AN EXPERT ON!!!!"
You scare me...
Flying an aeroplane with only a single propeller to keep you in the air. Can you imagine that? -Capt. Picard
 
Boeing Nut
Posts: 5078
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2001 2:42 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:25 am

I'm not a real aeronautical engineer, I just play one on Airliners.net.
 
Logan22L
Posts: 4464
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RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:43 am

FlytoEGCC: I have most certainly lit 'em up before. I first heard about it from a friend who went home from college on Thanksgiving break, and his brother lit one up at Thanksgiving dinner in front of all the relatives. Anyway, my disclaimer: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME (OR ANYWHERE ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER). LEAVE IT TO WE PROFESSIONALS. I don't wanna read about any Darwin awards for this by A.netters.

As for the added bonus, yes, I have had the occasional mud strike, usually associated with too much Guinness  Wink/being sarcastic.

Logan
"The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
 
FlagshipAZ
Posts: 3192
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2001 12:40 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:20 am

Yes. Yes. No. No.
See my signature. I adopted it from a Ben Franklin's book.
So fart proudly, and have a nice day.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Regards.
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Ben Franklin
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:33 am

Beans Beans they're good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart

Beans Beans the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot

Go big or go home
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:49 am

I keep farting tonight, I don't know why.
Go big or go home
 
zkjim
Posts: 67
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2004 10:45 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:07 am

I dropped a huge one when I was an altar boy at a 7.30 am mass. A nun was doing a reading, I felt it brew so in my wisdom I thought if I didn't force it it would pass unnoticed. Wrong. It reverberated around the chapel and as there were only 50 people in our very big parish church it echoed. The nun actually paused to allow it to quieten. I was really hoping that the ground would swallow me up. Embarrassment

And as Billy Connolly says, "When you reach 60, NEVER trust a fart." I learned that a very young age.
My cat is a total spaz
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:21 am

I lift things up and put them down.
 
ConcordeBoy
Posts: 16852
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2001 8:04 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:40 am

...took 26 replies, but it finally happened  Laugh out loud
Faire du ciel le plus bel endroit de la terre c'est impossible sans Concorde!
 
Boeing Nut
Posts: 5078
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2001 2:42 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:57 am

I wonder what the Preacher thinks about all of this. He must have a good sense of humor because I imagine he'd be taking these poeple to court for defamation if it angered him.

Maybe it proves that even God has a sense of humor.  Laugh out loud
I'm not a real aeronautical engineer, I just play one on Airliners.net.
 
aa61hvy
Posts: 13021
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 1999 9:21 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Fri Feb 11, 2005 1:32 am

Nut- that dude is a whack job, he used to preach in Dallas, he was always all over the news
Go big or go home
 
CaptOveur
Posts: 6064
Joined: Thu May 06, 2004 3:13 am

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Fri Feb 11, 2005 1:38 am

He is the one that wants everyone to send him a thousand dollars because God will pay them back 10x as much.

The worst part is: People actually send him thousands of dollars, in many cases it is their last thousand dollars.


"Maybe it proves that even God has a sense of humor."

Yeah, God will be laughing at this guy doing his time in hell for extorting money out of the ignorant. I call them ignorant because they must be. That is the only explanation for sending a thousand dollars (and expecting nothing tangible in return) to a guy wearing a Rolex and an expensive suit.
Things were better when it was two guys in a dorm room.
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Really Stupid Thread II - Farts

Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:32 am

I call them ignorant because they must be
More like naive.

Back to the video, that has to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Rarely to I laugh myself into unconsciousness! Coming in a close second is that video of "rejected scenes" from the Matrix (Reply 18).
I lift things up and put them down.

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