Pe@rson
Topic Author
Posts: 16015
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:23 pm

The GSCE Test is given to students in England when
they are 16 years old.

These are actual responses given by the students:

1. Geography Q: Name the 4 seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

2. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can
be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

3. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

4. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

5. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the
Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon,
because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight.

6. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company
insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are
well endowed (guess you win on that one, Miss PPP).

7. Q: In a democratic society, how important are
elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male
gets an election.

8. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

9. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

10. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward
to his adultery.

11. Q: Name a major disease associated with
cigarettes.
A: Premature death

12. Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the
cow.

13. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the co[w.

14. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized
(e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the
branium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The
branium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I, O, and U.

15. Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

16. Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

17. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.

18. Q: Give the meaning of the term " Caesarean
Section":
A: The Caesarean section is a district in Rome.

19. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

20. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

21. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a
characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so
they look like umbrellas.

22. Q: English Q: Use the word "judicious" in a
sentence to show you understand the meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face,

23. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

24. Q: Technology Q: What is turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears.
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
ushermittwoch
Posts: 2535
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2004 10:18 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:46 pm

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
2. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can
be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists


At least that's technically not a wrong answer...

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
9. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.


A true classic...

Quoting Pe@rson (Thread starter):
23. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Well at least Ali G. took the GCSE...
Where have all the tri-jets gone...
 
Pe@rson
Topic Author
Posts: 16015
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:52 pm

Quoting Ushermittwoch (Reply 1):
At least that's technically not a wrong answer...


I think the marker would laugh if he or she read 'flirtation' and not 'filter.'
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
ushermittwoch
Posts: 2535
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2004 10:18 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:58 pm

Ah!

Maybe I should read more carefully.
 white 
Where have all the tri-jets gone...
 
Jaspike
Posts: 4843
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 1:40 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:17 pm

Here's one an examiner told me a few years ago:

Q: What is germination?
A: The process of becoming a German.

 Smile

Tom
 
atco2b
Posts: 1099
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:20 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:26 pm

Taken from a book, 'A pis of Cak' (A piece of Cake). Pretty much the same as the above, kiddies at a school in Sussex, UK, making genuine spelling mistakes.

"Sometimes we work in gropes (groups). Sometimes the teacher gropes us or we grope ourselves".

"It was my sisters birthday last week. She had a big cak (cake). I had a white pis (piece). She had a pink pis".

Ill try and remember some more!!

Cheers
Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
 
jasepl
Posts: 3499
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:15 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Wed Mar 09, 2005 11:58 pm

Oh c'mon Pe@rson... You can admit it.

These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?  Wink
 
Airplanepics
Posts: 2591
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 4:12 am

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Thu Mar 10, 2005 12:08 am

Quoting Jasepl (Reply 6):
These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?


He hasn't done GCSE's yet, he is still going his SATS exams (For 12 year olds!)

Simon
Simon - London-Aviation.com
 
Pe@rson
Topic Author
Posts: 16015
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Thu Mar 10, 2005 1:48 am

Quoting Jasepl (Reply 6):
These are answers from your GCSE papers, aren't they?


Nah, I am too dumb to have been able to answer those questions so well.


Quoting Airplanepics (Reply 7):
He hasn't done GCSE's yet, he is still going his SATS exams (For 12 year olds!)


I thought it was our little secret?  Wink
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
AMSMAN
Posts: 975
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2002 6:24 pm

RE: Gcse Answers - Funny

Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:07 am

absolutley fantastic...have to send them to my mates...
Aer Lingus, Proud to be Irish.

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