Sabenaboy
Topic Author
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2001 5:31 pm

English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:43 am

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
 
TPASXM787
Posts: 1667
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:31 am

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:06 am

Holy crap.

That is a complete disaster.
This is the Last Stop.
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:14 am

An oldie, but still a goodie.  Wink
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:22 am

I would write some of these phrases as follows :
-
Sertainly, zis wil maik ze sivil servaents dshum vid dzhoy
-
dis shud klyr ap konfushon and kybords kan haev wan les letr
-
dis wil maik vords laik fotograf shorter
-
in de 3rd yyr, pablik akseptans of de niu speling kan be expekted tu rytsh de staidzh wer moor komplikaited zhanzhis aar posibl
-
governments wil inkoridzh de rimuval of dabl letrs widzh hav aalwys bin a deterent tu akuret speling
-
al wil agry dat de horibl mes of de sailent "E" in the laenguidzh is disgraisful and it shud gou away
-
bay de 4th yyr pipl wil by riseptiv tu stepls sadzh as ryplaising "th" wid "z" and "w" wid "v"
-
dyuring de fifz yyr de unecesary "o" kan by dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after diz fifz yyr vy wil hav a ryl sensibl riten stail
-
der vil by nou mor trabl or difikaltis and evrivan vil faind it yzi tu understand ydzh ozer. De drym of a yunaited yurop vil fainali kum tru.
-
 
flybyguy
Posts: 1415
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2004 12:52 pm

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:29 am

Very clever! I like it very much! I think I'll print your post and put it on my door... Thanx  bigthumbsup 
"Are you a pretender... or a thoroughbred?!" - Professor Matt Miller
 
dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:44 am

 rotfl 
I was taking it seriously for a minute.....


............Oh that's a good one! I'll be sending that to people.
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flyAUA
Posts: 4287
Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 3:12 am

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:49 am

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 3):

I've actually got a German colleague who speaks like that. Don't laugh!!
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
Marambio
Posts: 1145
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 9:41 am

RE: English, Not German, Official European Language

Thu Sep 01, 2005 5:54 am

Quoting Sabenaboy (Thread starter):
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

That sounds exactly the way the average Frenchman pronnounces English!  Smile

Nah, we have a very similar joke in Spanish, and both are hilarious.

Saludos,
Marambio
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