canuckpaxguy
Posts: 1482
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 2:31 pm

Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:19 am

Okay, I know a few people who could use a laugh right about now.
How's about some good ol' aviation humour? (Is there such a thing?)

Here's one someone just sent me....

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Atlanta noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Ooh shit, she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" Once again she gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?" This time the woman turned on him. "What the  censored  do you want?" she snapped. The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said... "Ahhh, Olympic Airways!"


G
 
FriendlySkies
Posts: 3540
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2004 3:57 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:24 am

lol, that was pretty good...unfortunately nobody outside of this little world of ours would know what that meant.
 
TedTAce
Posts: 9098
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:31 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:40 am

Quoting Canuckpaxguy (Thread starter):
"Ahhh, Olympic Airways!"

Funny..

Only a joke because this is a 3rd or 4th hand account of the incident that allegedly occured in the late 70's early 80's.

A plane lands in EWR, during the holiday season, and as the plane hits the taxiway, people start to get up and get their stuff. The FA making the cabin 'welcome to EWR' announcements notices the crowd getting up long before they are supposed to and says: "We'd like to thank you for flying (airline name), and we'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and for those standing in the aisle, a Happy Chanukah"
This space intentionally left blank
 
canuckpaxguy
Posts: 1482
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 2:31 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 12:19 pm

Here are a few quotes too...

"I did not fully understand the dreaded term 'terminal illness' until I saw Heathrow for myself." - Dennis Potter, in The Sunday Times, 4 June 1978.

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute." - George Bernard Shaw.

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."- Mark Russell

"When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled, too." - Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.

"Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes." - Anon

"Muhammad Ali: Superman don't need no seat belt.
Flight Attendant: Superman don't need no airplane, either."
- quoted by Clifton Fadiman, 'The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes,' 1985.

"Our headline ran, 'Virgin screw British Airways.' We'd have rather preferred 'British Airways screws Virgin,' but we had to run with the facts." - News Editor, 'The Sun' newspaper.


G

[Edited 2005-09-09 05:20:36]
 
searpqx
Posts: 4173
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2000 10:36 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:27 pm

Told to me by a PanAm FA many moons ago - he claims it happened, I have my doubts (but I could see it. . . )
A Princess was flying LHR to JFK on PA, and had been makeing life miserable for the crew the entire time. Finally the plane was on approach to JFK, but despite repeated announcements for the pax to take their seats, the Princess was still up and about. Finally the Purser (a flaming queen), had had enough and walked over to the Princess and ordered her to sit down. She glared at him and defiantely stated that she was a Princess, and in her country her she could have him shot for speaking to her like that. The Purser smiled and said, "Honey you may be a princess, but back home they call me a queen, so I outrank you. Now sit down and shut up!".
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
CRJonBeez
Posts: 310
Joined: Mon Nov 29, 2004 8:08 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:36 pm

How many Gulfstream pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One! They stand there holding it while the world revolves around them.
 
flyboy36y
Posts: 2897
Joined: Sun Mar 19, 2000 1:45 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:41 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 2):

A plane lands in EWR, during the holiday season, and as the plane hits the taxiway, people start to get up and get their stuff. The FA making the cabin 'welcome to EWR' announcements notices the crowd getting up long before they are supposed to and says: "We'd like to thank you for flying (airline name), and we'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and for those standing in the aisle, a Happy Chanukah"

i dont get it
 
curlyheadboy
Posts: 811
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:56 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 7:31 pm

:D


If God had wanted men to fly he would have given them more money...
 
atco2b
Posts: 1099
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:20 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 7:43 pm

Quoting CURLYHEADBOY (Reply 7):
:D

Ive seen that in the back of Aircraft Illustrated magazine...wonder if its real?!

Also heard the 'Olympic' joke, but with Easyjet instead  Smile
Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
 
curlyheadboy
Posts: 811
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:56 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 8:14 pm

Quoting Atco2b (Reply 8):
Ive seen that in the back of Aircraft Illustrated magazine...wonder if its real?!

Likely made-up, still funny though....!  Smile
If God had wanted men to fly he would have given them more money...
 
TedTAce
Posts: 9098
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:31 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Fri Sep 09, 2005 9:32 pm

Quoting CURLYHEADBOY (Reply 9):

Likely made-up, still funny though....!

Maybe, but I have a freind of a friend who swears on their life that it's real.

Quoting Flyboy36y (Reply 6):
i dont get it

You don't know enough FA's personally.  Wink
This space intentionally left blank
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Sat Sep 10, 2005 12:19 am

Quoting Atco2b (Reply 8):
Also heard the 'Olympic' joke, but with Easyjet instead

I've heard the Spanish version, with my beloved TACA Airlines... soooo friggin' funny!  laughing 
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
aa777223er
Posts: 217
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:32 am

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Sun Sep 11, 2005 2:37 am

How many Flight Attendants does it take to change a light bulb?

None.

We'll all just sit around in the dark and bitch about it!

 Smile

Regards,

AA777223ER
time flies, seize the day
 
pilottj
Posts: 274
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2004 1:23 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Sun Sep 11, 2005 8:10 am

A female pilot flying inverted is going to have a hairy crackup.... Big grin
God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him...
 
Timmytour
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2004 8:52 pm

RE: Friday Thread - Stupid Airline Jokes.

Sun Sep 11, 2005 9:12 am

She was only the pilot's daughter, but she kept the cockpit clean

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: PacificBeach88, WarRI1 and 41 guests