gkirk
Posts: 23349
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:08 pm

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/disease.cgi
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
GKirk's Syndrome
Cause:spread by rats
Symptoms:occasional flacidity, frequent anger, vague water retention, drooling
Cure:paint a black cross on your front door and wait
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
707CMF
Posts: 4698
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2002 5:39 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:11 pm

Oh well...

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
707cmfitis
Cause:running too fast
Symptoms:excessive feverishness, murderous rage, vague dementia
Cure:expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Cheers,

707
 
atco2b
Posts: 1099
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:20 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:25 pm

Textbook example. You are suffering from
Atco2b's Disorder.

Cause: poor dental hygiene

Symptoms: swollen lymph nodes, swearing, occasional hives

Cure: eat more squirty cream

Seems pretty reasonable  Wink
Hey, you want to go out for pizza and some sex? What, you don't like pizza?
 
EGGD
Posts: 11880
Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2001 12:01 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:36 pm

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
EGGD's Disease
Cause:early mornings
Symptoms:scaly skin, halo, vague French accent, high blood pressure
Cure:take five placebo tablets every day before meals
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
 
LHB727230Adv
Posts: 247
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:49 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:30 pm

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
LHB727230Advitis
Cause:poor hygiene
Symptoms:vague extra toes, electric shocks, steam whistling from ears
Cure:fire
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Cheers,
Alex  bigthumbsup 
 
Airbuff
Posts: 136
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2005 2:51 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:55 pm

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Airbuff's Lurgy.
Cause: genetically-modified chicken

Symptoms: slightly excess of money, long hair, drowsiness, shrunken head

Cure: take a day off work
Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?
 
mika
Posts: 2810
Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2000 7:53 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 6:39 pm

Hilraous stuff! : bigthumbsup  bigthumbsup 

"You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Mika's Disorder.
Cause: lack of celery

Symptoms: temperature sensitivity, glowing, extremely orange irises, abdominal swelling

Cure: prayer"

Oh my. Big grin
 
baylorairbear
Posts: 2841
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2005 5:25 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:40 pm

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
BABosis.
Cause: overwork

Symptoms: smiling, tufts of hair, sudden anger

Cure: take a day off work


BAB vomit 
I'm just skipping stones...
 
Matt27
Posts: 2070
Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2003 9:53 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:51 pm

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Matt27itis
Cause:mobile phone radiation
Symptoms:flatulence, excessive shoulder pain, Hitler moustache
Cure:fresh air
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Man ska inte dricka rödvin i en vit hall.
 
flyAUA
Posts: 4287
Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 3:12 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:00 pm

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Moe Mousa's Syndrome
Cause:caught in hospitals
Symptoms:coughing up blood, neck swelling, feather growth, mild demoniacal visions
Cure:take seven ibuprofen before going to bed
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
Not drinking, also isn't a solution!
 
baylorairbear
Posts: 2841
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2005 5:25 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:02 pm

One for the ladies:

It's just as I feared. You are suffering from:Femaleosis.

Cause: improperly prepared chicken

Symptoms: flacidity, flashing eyes, tentacle growth, squawking

Cure: take a few Prozac tablets before going to bed


That sounds like quite a few women I know  Wink

BAB
I'm just skipping stones...
 
TACAA320
Posts: 7153
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:03 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:16 am

You are suffering from
........

Cause: cursed Japanese video

Symptoms: delusions, occasional jaw dislocation, suicidal thoughts, invisibility

Cure: electroshock therapy


This DR. is crazy. HE is the one who needs electroshock...
'Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind'. Albert Einstein
 
rossbaku
Posts: 643
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:06 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:20 am

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Rossbaku's Disease
Cause:old library books
Symptoms:flacidity, frequent terror, excessive impotence
Cure:electroshock therapy
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
 
TACAA320
Posts: 7153
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:03 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:32 am

Rossbaku

Don't worry about the "excessive impotence". You may use "Viagra"[just joking].
'Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind'. Albert Einstein
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:35 am


Doctor Unheimlich
has diagnosed me with
Carmenlu15's Disorder

Cause:

spaceborne bacteria

Symptoms:

foot numbness, sudden pimples, delusions

Cure:
take two vitamin C tablets a day until it goes away

Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:


Ok... I know I am a mess, but a disorder?
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
Pyrex
Posts: 4081
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:24 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:39 am

It's just as I feared. You are suffering from
Pyrex's Lurgy.
Cause: eating spicy food

Symptoms: wheezing, swearing, reflective shots, hand tremors

Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream

And now for my actual name:

I'm afraid it's bad news. You are suffering from
Miguel's Lurgy.
Cause: natural sign of ageing

Symptoms: slightly chapped lips, face swelling, scaly skin, space alien bursting from stomach

Cure: fresh air



I honestly didn't know that space aliens bursting from your stomach was a natural result of ageing that could be cured with fresh air. Oh well, you learn something new every day.
Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
 
Christa
Posts: 1215
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2004 9:37 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:39 am

Croeso i Faes Awyr Rhyngwladol Caerdydd - Welcome to Cardiff International Airport
 
TACAA320
Posts: 7153
Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:03 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:41 am

Carmen,

Better use Penicillin instead of the vitamin C. It works better on bacterias...  Wink
'Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind'. Albert Einstein
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:54 am

Quoting BaylorAirBear (Reply 10):
One for the ladies:

 grumpy 

Quoting TACAA320 (Reply 17):
Better use Penicillin instead of the vitamin C

When I was a kid, I frequently suffered from sore throat... After trying cough syrups, pills, and what-not, the doctor decided the best way to go was penicillin shots... OUCH OUCH OUCH!!! Fortunately, it worked, since it was either that or a tonsil operation.

Thanks for bringing back those memories  ouch 
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
747buff
Posts: 676
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2001 3:05 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 3:00 am

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
747buff's Lurgy
Cause:poor hygiene
Symptoms:smiling, mildly orange vomit, excess mucus, chills
Cure:infect someone else
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:
At Eastern, we earn our wings every day!
 
Greyhound
Posts: 1012
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:37 am

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 3:02 am

You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
Greyhound's Lurgy.
Cause: eating spicy food

Symptoms: bulging eyes, indigestion, dry skin

Cure: sleep


I had to do this just for laughs, as I was far too curious:

For ANCFlyer:

Bad luck! You are suffering from
ANCFlyer's Disorder.
Cause: zombie attack

Symptoms: sudden tongue retraction, foaming at the mouth, hives

Cure: don't do it again
29th, Let's Go!
 
SLC1
Posts: 1360
Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:13 pm

RE: What Disease Are You Suffering? (Humour)

Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:19 am

Congratulations! You are suffering from SLC1osis

Cause: Improperly Prepared Alcohol

Symptoms: Déjà Vu, Pustules, Excessive Gills, Forgetfulness

Cure: Smoke Five Cigarettes With Meals
We're gonna do what we like to call a "jetBlue how do you do", which is slang for dumping a bunch of fuel in the ocean

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