skidmarks
Posts: 6614
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 7:51 pm

Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:59 am

Well, where to start. My stepdaughter was raped on Saturday night. Not just raped but assaulted up the backside , causing her to have stitches.

The police have bailed the guy with no restrictions. My wife has gone across to be with her but, how the hell do you deal with something like this?

Where do you start? what do you do? It has really kicked me in the nuts, and she's not even my daughter. All I want to do is go and find this bastard and put his dick through a mangle! And the stick a fuck-off dildo up his arse and see how he likes it!

I feel our life has changed irrevocably for the worse. Where do we go from here?

Andy  old 
Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
 
MFEFlyer
Posts: 357
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2005 12:22 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:02 am

Well Andy, all I could tell you is I'm sorry for what happen, but you make sure get the guy and beat the crap out of him, and give him a taste of his own medicine.
Valley Approach.....
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:04 am

Terribly sorry to hear this.

But I am in no condition to give advice. There is no justice in these cases.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
jap
Posts: 2196
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:25 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:09 am

what a horrible, horrible situation... I'm so sorry this had to happen to your step daughter...

As for advise, I'm afraid I'm not very helpful... all I know is that she'll most likely need to talk about it a lot to get through it- not only to a shrink but to her family too- so the best advise I can give you is to be there for her, even though this may seem fairly obvious.

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you- this shouldn't happen to ANYBODY and the person who did this doesn't even deserve to live...
Scandinavian chick with a scandinavian horse- oh yeah! :D
 
777DadandJr
Posts: 1484
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:37 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:13 am

Hey Andy,
Let me just start by offering my prayers for your stepdaughter and you and your family.

This is an horrendous circumstance that you have been unexpectedly put into. Though I can empathize with your desire to hammer the crap out of this low life. I know I would feel the same had something like this happened to my son. The fact is, you would only make things worse for you and your stepdaughter.
I'm not a psycologist or anything like that, but I can understand all the feeling you are probably having.
My neighbors mother was murdered last summer, so I can relate.
The only advice I have for you right now, is to be strong, not only for the sake of your own sanity, but also, you need to be strong for her. You must support her in anyway you can. Seek consuling as well, for her and the family. It can be a great comfort.
Be there for her, and let the legal system run it's course with the perpetrator.

Again, my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Take Care.

Russ
My glass is neither 1/2 empty nor 1/2 full, rather, the glass itself is twice as big as it should be.
 
DLKAPA
Posts: 7962
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2003 10:37 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:14 am

Quoting Jap (Reply 3):
I'm terribly sorry this happened to you- this shouldn't happen to ANYBODY and the person who did this doesn't even deserve to live...

From what my sister tells me (she is around inmates at the county lockup on a weekly basis) that Sexual criminals don't last long in prison. That might be some comfort, also knowing that the bastard will rot in hell should certainly provide some small measure of justice?

But really, I have no experience in these cases so I can't really give advice.
And all at once the crowd begins to sing: Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
 
andz
Posts: 7626
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 7:49 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:15 am

This is the obvious first step here but maybe not so in the UK... has she been tested for HIV?

Good luck during this trying time.
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
greasespot
Posts: 2955
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:15 am

Contact one of the local rape crisis center. Most cities have them. If not then one in the nearest city. While thye tend to be for the victims of the rape they will privide you with a list of suport services.

I have worked in the rape crisis center here and you step daughter is going to need your support. NOt the "be strong" man type of support. She is going to just need you to be there for her. She will let you know what she needs as long as she feels she can trust you.

I truly am sorry that this had to happen to someone close to you.

For the people who want to beat him up is not going to help HER....This is about her and not anyone elses ego or outrage.


Lets say you did beat the guy. How much help would you be if you were in jail?
GS

[Edited 2005-10-26 22:22:56]
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
EZYAirbus
Posts: 2318
Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 4:57 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:16 am

Andy mate, so sorry to hear this, this bastard certainly doesnt deserve to live, but thats the easy way out, id like to see this guy suffer, an eye for an eye as they say, as you said stick a fucking great dildo up his arse until he needs stitches, lets just hope he is charged and the bastard goes down for a long time.

Glenn
http://www.glenneldridgeaviation.com
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:16 am

First off, and I know this sounds patently obvious, but what happened is neither yours, your wife's nor your stepdaughter's fault. Keep that in mind as you deal with this, because self doubt and criticism always seems to surface at these times.

Best way to deal with it is to talk about it, both with your wife and with your stepdaughter. If you are religious someone in your Church may be able to help, but I also know the Police have counselors who can help you deal with these things or can suggest someone who can help.

It can take a long time, but these things do get easier to deal with, but the important thing is to give permission to feel what you are feeling. Are you alone in the house right now? If so, you might want to spend time with your wife and stepdaugher. It does not matter if you don't know what to say. Being there is ultimately more important is anything you say or do.

I'm shocked the guy was bailed out. Years ago my teenage sister was beaten and raped and I felt about the same as you did. What is more important right now though is your stepdaughter's health and helping her and your family through this.

Remember, you are not alone.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
greasespot
Posts: 2955
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:19 am

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

Start there. It is a link of Rape crisis centers accross the UK.
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
BAViscount
Posts: 1975
Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 8:01 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:21 am

Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to give, I was just so shocked to read your post that I had to reply.

If you need anyone to hold the b*stard down while you put his dick through a mangle, just give me a shout.

Andy.
Ladies & gentlemen this is Captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barb
 
N1120A
Posts: 26467
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:40 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:22 am

Andy, I don't know what to say. People like to say things like "you'll get through", "be strong", "this too shall pass" etc. but when an event like this happens that kind of stuff seems just impossible. All I know from having met you a few times and from these forums is that you are a great guy and will be strong in this for your step daughter and your wife. The really important thing to know is that, as much as you wish you could, you can't control things that go on in this situation but you can be proactive in other ways and that is what will get you through it

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 7):
Lets say you did beat the guy. How much help would you be if you were in jail?

Precisely. You know full well that the UK is a place where sex offenders are shown less quarter that pretty much anywhere in the world. This bastard will spend plenty of quality time at Her Magesty's Leisure and probably get lots more pain inflicted on him by big, violent criminals who still despise his type as much as you do.
Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
 
9VSPO
Posts: 4187
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 9:03 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:28 am

I am truely sorry if this is the case Andy but it is something I would definately not be posting on a public forum.
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:29 am

Oh my God, Andy, I am so sorry. How awful, how terrible.

Please take the above advice to heart and talk to a counsellor, your religious leader, or a crisis group. Don't be ashamed. Don't let her be ashamed. She did nothing wrong. What a horrible thing to have to deal with. Encourage her to get help.

Anger is a perfectly natural feeling to have - I think any caring dad must have huge amounts of anger in such a situation. However, as was pointed out above, you beating up the guy and going to jail won't help. Do everything you can within the legal system.

Very big hugs to you, and your wife, and most importantly your daughter.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
pilot kaz
Posts: 4591
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2001 9:07 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:34 am

Andy,

Sorry to hear about this, truly a terrible event. I can only hope your step daughter will make a full recovery.

You know my number if you want a chat ok...

All the best
Kaz
-
 
captaink
Posts: 3987
Joined: Wed May 23, 2001 10:43 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:35 am

Very very terrible tragedy. I hope you continue to be of support to your stepdaughter as she will definitely need it. I also hope justice prevails but as one guy mentioned, all you attention and love should be focus on your daughter. I hope she feels better soon, physically and emotionally.

Captaink
There is something special about planes....
 
TheSorcerer
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2005 3:35 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:47 am

Oh dear, can't really imagine how you feel ATM. Sorry 2 hear it.
Why did they bail the guy? Was there not enough evidence?
Anyway I don't think it'll be long before he gets beaten up by someone, I think rapist are despised all over the world.

All the best to you and your family , especially your step daughter.

The Sorcerer
ALITALIA,All Landings In Torino, All Luggage In Athens ;)
 
jafa39
Posts: 4320
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:14 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:48 am

Quoting Skidmarks (Thread starter):
All I want to do is go and find this bastard and put his dick through a mangle! And the stick a fuck-off dildo up his arse and see how he likes it!

After you phone BAViscount, give me a shout, regardless of the fact that you might end up in trouble for it your reaction is to be expected.

Quoting Skidmarks (Thread starter):
Where do we go from here?

I have had to deal with a rape case as a youthworker and THE most important thing is that your daughter is counselled in such a way that she doesn't feel it is her fault. This is a fairly common reaction and by far the most destructive, letting her express feelings of hate will help as her feelings will then not turn in on herself and that is what you must avoid at all costs.

This isn't something that will go away I'm afraid, we all live with our traumas but don't just suck it up and get on with life, express that anger and articulate your grief (Counsellors are paid to listen and never tell you to shut up) take time to fully unload and worry about where to next once the feelings begin to subside.

If it is any help, I know 4 or 5 rape victims and they all seem to handle it better than some of their family members have and they do lead normal lives.

And, as one bloke to another, if they catch the bastard, he will get a good hiding and several rogerings in prison, it ain't PC but it helps!

Jafa XXXX
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
 
Bikergirl
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:48 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:05 am

The horror dream of every girl I think.
Truely sorry this happened to someone so close to you.

If you want some advice (for what its worth) just be very patient and let her talk as much as she wants to get it out of her system.
Also try to convince her that she was in no part to blame for this.
Victims sometimes convince themselves that they had it comming to them just to try to explain to themselves why it happened.

Show her that you're mad at the person who did it but make absolutely sure that you show her that you keep yourself in hand and don't get her starting to worry about you doing something stupid, she doesn't need an extra worry now.

My best girlfriend at school also got mollested 2 yrs ago and she felt really bad for almost 1 yr but it did get better (because her family and friends where so supportive), you'll have to believe that things will get better again.
If you do that so will she.

All my best wishes to your stephdaughter and also your family.
Hang on Andy.

Greetings from Nathalie in Belgium.
 
gkirk
Posts: 23346
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:08 am

Shit, sorry to hear this Andy.
If you see the bastard, just beat the living hell out of him.
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
redngold
Posts: 6673
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:11 am

Andy, I am so sorry to hear about this.

Right now you're grieving. You're angry. You want to go out and kill the SOB that did this - but that would make things so much worse. The best thing for you to do is get help from the rape crisis people and stay with your stepdaughter and your family. If you go out and commit another crime, no matter how much the bastard deserves it, you won't be able to be with your family. You need to be with them right now.

Your life will go on and so will your stepdaughter's. That doesn't mean the coming days, weeks, months, or even years, will be easy. She will have to come to terms with what happened. It's important that you are with her to listen, cry with her, let her know that she didn't do anything to cause this, and that above all you love her in the real sense of the word.

I'm praying for you and your family.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
AGC525
Posts: 956
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2004 9:50 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:35 am

He'd never make it to trial if it was my kid.
American Aviation: From Kitty Hawk to the Moon in 66 years!
 
ANCFlyer
Posts: 21391
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:51 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:44 am

Andy, rape is one of the most violent of crimes, and those responsible are never treated well by law enforcement or their fellow inmates. Perhaps there is a little comfort in knowing that . . . he will be in for a very rough ride for a very long time.

My sympathies . . . to you, your family and your step daughter.
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
whitehatter
Posts: 5180
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2004 6:52 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:44 am

Don't do anything stupid, just remember that if and when he gets the big house for what he's done then his nightmare starts....

rapists are not exactly given an easy ride in the nick....and once it gets round the prison he'll be lucky if he comes out of there in one piece.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way there...
 
redngold
Posts: 6673
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:01 am

I don't know how to put this gently but I have another suggestion.

As painful as it is to deal with, the rape should be addressed as openly and frequently as possible (within your family) until your stepdaughter comes to terms with it. Talk with a therapist about how to do this. It's not to keep her thinking about it, but rather to help her realize she doesn't have to sublimate it (push it into her subconscious).

I make this suggestion only because I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and I didn't even remember it had happened for years. It was so horrific to me that I just went home and didn't tell anyone about it. I wish I had dealt with it immediately because when I finally remembered, it explained a lot of the confusion and anxiety I had suffered over the years. You see, I was assaulted by another girl.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
A340600
Posts: 3893
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2003 10:24 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:02 am

Andy, i'm so sorry to hear about this. The bastard who did this doesn't deserve to live!

My thoughts go to you and your family,

Sam
Despite the name I am a Boeing man through and through!
 
9VSPO
Posts: 4187
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 9:03 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:08 am

1. We don't know the full facts.

2. He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:13 am

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
1. We don't know the full facts.

2. He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.

1. That's for a different thread.

2. I'm positive he's doing better things than discuss anything on any internet forum. So take your bitching elsewhere.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
BAViscount
Posts: 1975
Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 8:01 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:14 am

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
1. We don't know the full facts.

Did you READ the original post?? I find it hard to believe that you are suggesting that someone would have asked to be treated like that.

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
2. He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.

That's "his" choice and not for you to suggest where he should or should not go for advice and support.
Ladies & gentlemen this is Captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barb
 
vaporlock
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sat May 19, 2001 9:22 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:15 am

Quoting Skidmarks (Thread starter):

I feel our life has changed irrevocably for the worse. Where do we go from here?

Andy, I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened. I know we all read and hear about it but when it happens to someone we know that makes it even worse.

At least they caught the bastard....and I can understand exactly what you'd like to do to him...but I think for right now the best thing to do is to support your daughter and be there for her. Just make sure she knows it is not her fault and that the person responsible will be punished. Remember...what comes around goes around, he'll get his for sure.

I'm sure there are some support groups that you could contact and I'm sure they will be able to give you information as to how to handle what has happened.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Phyllis
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:17 am

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
1. We don't know the full facts.

2. He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.

Oh for God's sake, leave the man alone. If he wishes to share this tragedy with the A.net community that's his choice. This is not the appropriate time to be chastising him.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
JHFLYER
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2005 9:12 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:25 am

I am very sorry for your Step-daughter and your family I hope everything works out in the long run. And if you need help holding the prick down I will come from Australia to do so!
 
slider
Posts: 6806
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:42 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:35 am

I am totally without words.

I can't being to relate, nor even comprehend the total tumult that rape creates nor understand the long term repercussions.

God bless you, her and your family as you move on dealing with this.
 
IslipWN
Posts: 1082
Joined: Mon May 10, 2004 1:05 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:57 am

That is just disgustingly horrible and the a$$ hole needs to be locked up for good!

My sympathies go out to you and your family, especially your step-daughter.

Joe
 
BCAInfoSys
Posts: 2617
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 11:09 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:11 am

Oh hell no! Andy, we're coming buddy! Round up the posse! It's time to go whoop some ass. I will gladly trade in some miles for a trip to the Isle of Man for some vigilantism. Come on guys, lets get some justice for Andy, since we don't want to compound his problems by getting him involved.

I've got dibs on the first blow to the head with a baseball bat!

[Edited 2005-10-27 01:12:31]
Militant Agnostic - I don't know and you don't either.
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:13 am

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 31):
Oh for God's sake, leave the man alone. If he wishes to share this tragedy with the A.net community that's his choice. This is not the appropriate time to be chastising him.

What Charles said. Most of us do not know Andy directly and you know what, an Internet forum might be the best place to post - because we are not his family and we are not his (physically close) friends. Can you imagine how hard it is going up to your friend and saying "Hey Bill, my daughter was raped. How's your family?" We can provide support for Andy, and there's nothing wrong with his asking us to.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
PMN
Posts: 547
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 7:44 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:13 am

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
1. We don't know the full facts.

2. He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.

How nice to see some show so much compassion for their fellow people.

Firstly, "we don't know the full facts"? A member of this forum is saying his stepdaughter has been raped, and you make this utterly meaningless statement. What other 'facts' are there to know? Please explain...

Secondly, "he shouldn't be discussing something so private in a public forum". Again, please explain. Every now and then things happen to people, and whether you even know the people you're talking to or not, be it in an internet forum or wherever, it makes a difference to how you feel. If you've lived such a perfect life that you've never been in that situation, then good for you. I suspect, however, that isn't the case.

Please keep your ignorant statements to yourself, and consider how what you say may come across to someone who really doesn't need to hear your opinion.

Andy, I've never spoken to you directly in these forums, but you always come across as an all round nice guy, and I sincerely hope everything somehow turns out OK for you and your stepdaughter. Hopefully you can ignore the shallow comments some people occasionally feel the need to make.

Paul
Edith in his bed, a plane in the rain is humming, the wires in the walls are humming some song - some mysterious song
 
redngold
Posts: 6673
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2000 12:26 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:16 am

Quoting 9VSPO (Reply 27):
He should not be discussing something so private on a public forum.

Keeping silent about rape only worsens the outcome. People who speak openly about their trauma, whether or not it of a sexual nature, find comfort among other survivors and lessen the unwarranted stigma of such a "dirty" crime.


redngold
Up, up and away!
 
Springbok747
Posts: 4007
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:13 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:24 am

Sorry to hear about your step daughter's ordeal Andy. Just find the a*hole who did that and drive a cricket bat through his nuts.
אני תומך בישראל
 
Logan22L
Posts: 4464
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:28 am

Andy - I couldn't even read most of the posts. I dont't know you, but we've know each other more than just someone you see on the news, but know that we are pulling for all of you. Unfortunately, this is more common than you think. I know several women who have gone through this at younger or older ages.

My first reaction would be akin to yours. But Greasespot made a great point.


Quoting Greasespot (Reply 7):
Lets say you did beat the guy. How much help would you be if you were in jail?

You need to be there for her and your family. Like it or not, you have to bite your lip and deal. No one will think you less of a man for not subjecting this guy to the same. But they might if you left your family alone with you facing charges yourself. But, your reaction is completely understandable. Hang in there.

Unfortunately, you have to put your trust in the judicial system. These cases are often "he said, she said," so it can sometimes be a painful ordeal making a charge stick. I do not know the particulars here, but try to trust in fair judgement. I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner, but I didn't want to read this at work, and I've been busy. Good luck, my friend.

Quoting Andz (Reply 6):
has she been tested for HIV?

I believe it takes several weeks before any test results would be reliable.
"The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
 
F9Widebody
Posts: 1475
Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2003 5:47 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:29 am

So sorry to hear about this, but I am so glad for your sake that he was caught. My prayers are with your family.
YES URLS in signature!!!
 
Logan22L
Posts: 4464
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:29 am

Sorry, double-post.


.

[Edited 2005-10-27 02:30:55]
"The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
 
checkraiser
Posts: 814
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:35 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:31 am

Quoting AGC525 (Reply 22):
He'd never make it to trial if it was my kid.

  

[Edited 2005-10-27 02:34:17]
N1120A is a camel-fucking terrorist.
 
dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:32 am

Skid.....I'm very sorry to hear about this, and extend my hopes that your stepdaughter will recover from this trauma.

All I can say is that this will take some doing for her and your entire family to get through this.....and the best thing for you is to begin being proactive. Perhaps not with Steve's/BCA's idea (although it certainly has merit, and if you decide that's the way to go IM me...I'll make the time and bring the bail cash) but perhaps with getting some counseling for her and your family, as well as perhaps finding a support group of people with similar experiences. I assume there is a rape crisis center locally there where you can call for such information. If not perhaps you could start one......because rape happens more often than most people clearly understand. Another thing is to try and spend more time with family for this period, while affording her some time and space may be her desire you guys need to be there for her more than she may understand at first. There is rarely a textbook answer for this.

I understand your desire to exact revenge, and the feelings of frustration at this animal being released with no restrictions, and offer merely this. Keep in mind that the consequences of taking your own vengeance can impact you more than the piece of excrement that committed this foul act. Such acts can cause you to lose your own freedom, and thus your ability to help her get through this. She's going to need support and help for a long time, and if you're locked up for beating this turd with a cricket bat then you won't be able to help her. Or anyone else in your family.

I'm just saying consider all your actions and desires before taking whatever action you decide to take. For what it's worth I'll offer my empathy and support no matter which way you go.
Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
 
KevinL1011
Posts: 2858
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2005 3:48 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:39 am

Andy...
CBarnes and Greasespot speak truth. You need to be there for her. Focus your attention on supporting her. Show stength and courage as an example for her to learn from, not hate and pain. This is about her recovery.
Stand tall, be strong.
KevinL
474218, Carl, You will be missed.
 
texan
Posts: 4059
Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:23 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:53 am

Thoughts and prayers are with your stepdaughter, yourself, and your entire family. Drop me a line if you need to talk. We are all pulling for your family. Take care

Texan
"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
 
baylorairbear
Posts: 2841
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2005 5:25 am

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:01 am

Andy, now is the time for you to be all the father that you can be. Be strong and pay close attention to your daughter's expressions. Cast your anger aside. Focus your energies on keeping your family comfortable in the shadow of tradgedy. Undoubtedly, if a trial comes, you all will have to relive again and again the thoughts and emotions you've been subjected to. Counseling can prepare you for all of these things. I would like to add myself to your support base. If ever you would like to talk privately, I am available at your convenience.

Quoting Vaporlock (Reply 30):
what comes around goes around, he'll get his for sure.

Take his name and his face, and place it in the back of your mind. Do not act now out of hatred and vengeance. If accountability is not provided for by your judiciary in the near future...let it go. Things have a way of coming full circle.

Years from now you may be walking alone in the middle of nowhere, and along comes this person. If fate delivers him to you, by all means, hold him accountable. But don't allow yourself to be taken from your daughter when she need you most.

Josh
I'm just skipping stones...
 
TNboy
Posts: 1115
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2002 8:12 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:16 am

The fact that this guy was bailed is hard to accept - but it doesn't mean that he wont be dealt with harshly when he comes to trial. (...and in jail as well). His turn will come.
In the meantime, put him out of your mind and focus on your family. It will take time to come to terms with what has happened, so dont expect to get over it in the short term. Just try and make each day just a little bit less painful.

Bill
"...every aircraft is subtly different.."
 
jafa39
Posts: 4320
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:14 pm

RE: Rape

Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:47 am

Quoting BaylorAirBear (Reply 47):
Years from now you may be walking alone in the middle of nowhere, and along comes this person. If fate delivers him to you, by all means, hold him accountable. But don't allow yourself to be taken from your daughter when she need you most.

I believe that if you take control of someone else's Karma, through revenge, and you go too far (Do a worse thing than God intended) then you will get back the excess as bad karma, if you don't do enough, they get off too lightly.

A few years ago I got done a bad turn by a group of people who gave me a nervous breakdown and tried their hardest to destroy my sanity and well-being.

My friends couldn't understand why i took no revenge, I explained the above and they wrote me off as a hippy.

The things that eventually happened to these 3 people were worse than I would have dared to inflict.

Us blokes will always feel the urge to destroy those who do bad stuff to our family (especially daughters) and I am no different but sometimes, you have to leave that revenge or karma in the lap of your God or Gods and free yourself of the feelings that may eat you up.

They will get what's coming to them, might not be today, might not be tomorrow but after 4.4 decades on this earth I have come to the understanding that you gotta have a little faith, it enables you to let go of things and move on because what hangs us up most is the wanting to know that punishment has been meted out.

It will be, believe it and let it go, look after your daughter and be kind to yourself too. I'm not saying you got to be a card-carrying, placard waving Christian (I'm certainly not!) but when you accept that there is a higher force and a bigger plan.....well, it still don't make any sense but it's easier to swallow.
We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....

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