MiCorazonAzul
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Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:17 am

So I have two things to "inform" my family.

1. I no longer want to be an architect. I want to be a pilot! This is not really breaking news because I said it since I was little but my mom refused to pay for anything related to being a pilot so I got stuck with architect. Now that I am in the industry, I have realized, even more, how BAD I WANT IT!

2. The gay thing. LOL. Sad how this day in age, "coming out" is such a huge deal. My family is a very traditional, catholic family with OBVIOUS issues regarding homosexuality. It doesn't look good!!!!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, how on earth can I break these news to the family yet not send my mother to an early grave?
Live for Today.....tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.
 
KROC
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:31 am

You can man up and just tell them...
 
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ClassicLover
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:34 am

I would agree with KROC, quite frankly...

The pilot thing - she just has to deal.
The gay thing - she just had to deal.

It does sound like you're under her thumb a bit though. Perhaps you might want to move out first so she can see you're being independent and can make your own decisions?

Trent.
I do quite enjoy a spot of flying - more so when it's not in Economy!
 
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OzarkD9S
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:36 am

Just don't do it on Thanksgiving...

Unless you wanna do it with "style"! Big grin
Next up: STL-OAK-RNO-LAS-ICT-STL
 
flyingbabydoc
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:40 am

The job thing:
I am the only physician in a family of lawyers (grandparents, both parents, brother, sister and in-laws). I had to struggle a bit to "break the tradition" of the family, but eventually my folks came around. I think your mother will just have to deal with it. After all, it is a great job.

The gay thing:
Not quite sure. I think if she knows you well, she already knows that you are gay. I would take the approach I take with my patients: thoughtful, slowly: the truth given bits at a time. Gives her time to adjust, I think.

Good luck.

Alex
Marriage is the art of turning a lover into a relative
 
Nordair
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:41 am

It's your life. There is no way you should be "stuck" being anything to please your family.

If you don't want to be an architect, then simply explain that. If your mother refuses to pay for your training to become a pilot, then so be it. You'll have to do it on your own....others have. Not everyone in life has the silver spoon to rely upon.

As for the gay thing...your mother probably already suspects, but is deeply in denial. Start by informing one or two family members who will be supportive of you and enlist their help to be there when you tell your mother. But, for gawdsake, keep the drama to a minimum. Drama will only make things worse for everyone around you.

Don't expect your mother to be happy about it. Parents seldom are, but most thankfully get used to it and even become totally accepting. Remember though, you are who you are and what Mummy thinks about it will not change that. Once you've come out to her, carry on as usual and don't inflict any boyfriends on her just yet. Let her adjust at her own pace and if she cannot, it's her problem and not yours. Don't plead, don't beg, don't apologize. Be the sort of son you've always been..no more and no less. If she refuses it, then that's her choice, isn't it.
"It is never legitimate to use the words of scripture to promote a loveless agenda." - Right Rev. Dr. Peter Short
 
luv2fly
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:54 am

Grow a set, and like the Nike slogan "Just do it!"
You can cut the irony with a knife
 
EGGD
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:55 am

Quoting KROC (Reply 1):
You can man up and just tell them...

Oxymoron if ever I heard one.....  Wink
 
trekster
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:57 am

Job thing- Well, its your job, not theres so i dont see why it a problem,

Gay thing- Your mother already proberbly knows,mine did (saying that the whole family were not shocked) Just have to take things one step at a time.

Good luck dude
Where does the time go???
 
MiCorazonAzul
Topic Author
Posts: 550
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:12 am

Quoting KROC (Reply 1):
You can man up and just tell them...

Its not that easy. I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spent..... she will want to kill me!

Quoting OzarkD9S (Reply 3):
Just don't do it on Thanksgiving...

I know right. LOL

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
You'll have to do it on your own....others have. Not everyone in life has the silver spoon to rely upon.


   Have already started to cut the "connections" and have my own jobs etc. So that when sh*t hits the fan, I'm ready to live on my own.

Quoting Trekster (Reply 8):
Your mother already proberbly knows,mine did (saying that the whole family were not shocked) Just have to take things one step at a time.

That's what my friends tell me. So I guess it could be true but she must be in deep denial because sometimes she doesn't say nice things about gays.

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
Once you've come out to her, carry on as usual and don't inflict any boyfriends on her just yet.

Let me first find a boyfriend and THEN worry about presenting him to her....     

Quoting ClassicLover (Reply 2):
It does sound like you're under her thumb a bit though. Perhaps you might want to move out first so she can see you're being independent and can make your own decisions?

Once again, done that already. I have completly changed from how I used to be in preparation for the worst, if you will.

Quoting Nordair (Reply 5):
Start by informing one or two family members who will be supportive of you and enlist their help to be there when you tell your mother

   Already told my sister-in-law, who already suspected it. She was very supportive about it. I DEFINETLY have her on my side and she'll help me with the rest.

[Edited 2005-11-22 19:18:56]
Live for Today.....tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.
 
KROC
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:15 am

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 9):
Its not that easy. I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spen..... she will want to kill me!

It is that easy. People change their minds on what they want to do in life...usually during the middle of schooling for one thing. If you would have manned up 3 years ago, you may not be in this situation.
 
usnseallt82
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:18 am

Quoting KROC (Reply 10):
If you would have manned up 3 years ago, you may not be in this situation.

 checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark 

I was going to stay out of this thread because it think its pretty obvious what this guy needs to do. But, since he doesn't seem to get it, my vote is definitely for manning up, find your sack and just tell the truth.
Crye me a river
 
concord977
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:22 am

If you are keeping your mother happy by lying to her, then you aren't REALLY keeping her happy.

Do the right thing and introduce your true self to her, for the first time.
No info
 
kiwiandrew

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:03 am

first thing ... your mother probably knows already - they usually do

second thing ... coming out is a personal decision ... you do not have to come out to absolutely everyone all at once ... especially if it is going to cause you more stress ... you decide when the moment is right for you .
 
ctbarnes
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:37 am

#1: Tell them, the sooner the better (but not necessarily over the holiday). It will be painful but it will be quick.

#2: I agree with the above. Your mother may already know so it might not be such a shock. Secondly, ask yourself, how important is it that they know. On the one hand, If they have trouble with the fact you're gay, well, that's their problem, not yours. On the other, since you're an adult how you live your life is not really their business.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
skysurfer
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:39 am

If they don't know by now, they never will  Wink

Cheers
In the dark you can't see ugly, but you can feel fat
 
whitehatter
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:27 am

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 11):

I was going to stay out of this thread because it think its pretty obvious what this guy needs to do. But, since he doesn't seem to get it, my vote is definitely for manning up, find your sack and just tell the truth.

No other way.

The alternative is that she finds out some other way, then he's in even more shit for not being honest.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way there...
 
VSlover
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:35 am

just be sure to exhibit absolute confidence in what you are saying when you say it.

parents, like dogs, can sense discomfort and if they sens that in what you are saying, it will make it just that much easier for them to pick you apart.

confidence, confidence, confidence.
 
captaingomes
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:40 am

You can finish the architect course then do your flying, or you can just pull a George Constanza and pretend that you're an architect ...

And I'm with Stu on this ... trust us, she knows, you don't hide it well!
"it's kind of like an Airbus, it's an engineering marvel, but there's no sense of passion" -- J. Clarkson re: Coxster
 
ctbarnes
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 9:58 am

Another thing hit me reading the responses: Have you ever considered airport architecture and design?

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
usnseallt82
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:27 am

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 16):
The alternative is that she finds out some other way, then he's in even more shit for not being honest.

Exactly. And telling your mom that you're gay is enough to give her a heart attack, let alone telling her after you've already lied about it. Poor woman might kill him!  yes 
Crye me a river
 
whitehatter
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:35 am

Honesty is the only option.

If you are not prepared to be open with your own family, then when (not if, as it always happens) they DO find out the seed is planted. What else are you hiding or being dishonest about?

Two strands here. Gaining respect for being honest with your family and gaining self-respect for doing the right thing. Hiding in that closet is not an option as sooner or later it'll cause ten times the trouble that just coming out to them would.

I would think she would rather have a gay kid than a liar she can't trust. Same goes for the career choice. She'll get over it, just be upfront and if necessary get off your ass and pay for your own training.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way there...
 
NWA742
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:37 am

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Thread starter):
The gay thing. LOL.........It doesn't look good!!!!!!

If you ever communicate to your family in writing, trust me, they already know that you're gay.





-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
usnseallt82
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 11:21 am

Quoting NWA742 (Reply 22):
If you ever communicate to your family in writing, trust me, they already know that you're gay.

Hahaha!  bigthumbsup 
Crye me a river
 
Mir
Posts: 19093
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:24 pm

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 9):
I'm 2 years away from finishing the 5 year program for architecture.....so after 3 years in school for it and LOTS of money spent..... she will want to kill me!

I would give serious thought to finishing that degree if I were you. First of all, you need a degree to get hired by the airlines (and a five-year degree from a reputable institution says something). Second, there's no sure pilot job anymore, and it would do you a lot of good to have that degree as a backup in a field that you would want to work in. It's somewhat worrying that many of the people who are going to school to become pilots aren't thinking about what should happen if they can't pass a first class medical somewhere down the line, or if they just don't get hired.

With you being in Florida, there's no shortage of pilot schools that you can go to while finishing your degree.

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 19):
Another thing hit me reading the responses: Have you ever considered airport architecture and design?

 checkmark  If the flying doesn't work out, you might want to look into that.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
MiCorazonAzul
Topic Author
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Thu Nov 24, 2005 2:53 pm

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 19):
Have you ever considered airport architecture and design?

Yes and I could see how that would work. However, I want to be flying the planes, not just designing airports.  Big grin
Live for Today.....tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.
 
airlinelover
Posts: 5287
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:18 pm

Quoting KROC (Reply 1):
You can man up and just tell them...



Quoting ClassicLover (Reply 2):

The pilot thing - she just has to deal.
The gay thing - she just had to deal.

 checkmark   checkmark 

Chris
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
 
TNboy
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Thu Nov 24, 2005 9:26 pm

Wasting three years of fees is better than wasting five years, IF, repeat IF you are absolutely sure about the career direction. Trying to tackle two fairly major discussions at once is not easy, so are you sure you aren't just bundling everything together just to 'get it out of the way'?

Look at each issue separately and clearly. If you are sure your decisions are strong and right for you, then be open and honest. In the case of your study, its not fair to waste her money - can you change degrees at this stage? In the case of your sexuality, there are two issues of pain here - your mothers when you tell her, and yours if you dont. Be true to yourself first, and it will make it more likely that the rest will follow.
Cheers
Bill
"...every aircraft is subtly different.."
 
whitehatter
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:30 am

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 25):

Yes and I could see how that would work. However, I want to be flying the planes, not just designing airports.

Save your money (or whoever would pay for it).

With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations.

Don't waste the time of instructors and interviewers. They will see through you as if you were glass.

You have the option of proving me wrong, but somehow I doubt you have the guts.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way there...
 
AA777
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Fri Nov 25, 2005 9:33 am

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):
With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations.

Thats really harsh and I dont think its up to you to judge whether he will make a good pilot or not. The fact that he is unsure about telling his family that he doesnt really want to be an architect and that he is gay, in reality says nothing about his ability to fly an airplane.

-AA777
 
MiCorazonAzul
Topic Author
Posts: 550
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 12:04 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sat Nov 26, 2005 1:58 pm

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):
With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations.

Don't waste the time of instructors and interviewers. They will see through you as if you were glass.

and you're saying this because? I mean seriously, you don't even know me yet you can make such assasin comments about me? I think you're one of those people that are quick to judge without truly knowing what they are talking about. If your words were meant to hurt me, trust me....didn't work. Such comments from a complete stranger have zero influence on myself...especially since they aren't true.

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):
You have the option of proving me wrong, but somehow I doubt you have the guts.

who the h$ll are you for me to have to prove myself? If I cared in the least bit about your opinion about me, I STILL wouldn't feel the need to prove anything to you. I know what I am capable of doing AND I will do it. So once again, I could care less about what you say or think of me and I will MOST CERTAINLY not "prove anything" to you.

Quoting AA777 (Reply 29):
The fact that he is unsure about telling his family that he doesnt really want to be an architect and that he is gay, in reality says nothing about his ability to fly an airplane.

Not so much about being "unsure" because I know I HAVE to tell them about both things at some point. Just more concerned about the approach I take and making sure its the best. Thank you for your comments though.
 Big grin
Live for Today.....tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.
 
Aggieflyboi04
Posts: 164
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sat Nov 26, 2005 3:08 pm

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):
With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations

arrogant much??? dude you seriously need to lighten up the guy is in a tuff sitiution. Tell your family that after 3 years of school are you chaing what you are doing and on top of that telling them you are gay isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, belive me I have been there.

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 30):

As for telling you family about wanting to change careers just do it, I did and granted my mom was ready to kill me she got over it and accepted what I wanted to do.

Your mom more then likely knows you gay and is just waiting on you to tell her. My mom knew long before I told her and it didnt' come as a shock to her she was a little disappointed but not very much.

I wouldn't do both of the at the same time. I would figure out which one is the most important to tell them and get it out of the way. Telling them both thigns at the same time will cause alot more strain and stress then need be.
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 3:55 am

I can't believe this thread is still active.....











Grab some balls and tell her already. Get into a flight school and work your happy ass off. You can be anything you want.......don't let anyone talk you out of it. But you have to work hard for it. Unfortunately for you, you'll have to work hard with your mother as well.

However, in both areas of your life, after some hard work, things will work out.
Crye me a river
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
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RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:46 am

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):
With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations.

Sensititivity, parental pressure and a prevailing environment of homophobia are not indicators by which we can judge how someone will behave under pressure. It is, rather, how one does during their training, which can be very different from how they behave in their personal lives. I know many people who can function well in difficult situations such as a pilot in command or working in an ER, but whose personal lives are a mess because they realize they cannot command their families or others in their lives in the same way they can on the job.

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 32):
Grab some balls and tell her already. Get into a flight school and work your happy ass off. You can be anything you want.......don't let anyone talk you out of it. But you have to work hard for it. Unfortunately for you, you'll have to work hard with your mother as well.

That we can be anything we want if we just work hard enough at it is, quite frankly, a myth. We all have gifts and talents and when we enjoy something this is a good indicator of what those talents are. We also have limitations, things we cannot do or are unable to do no matter how hard we try. Knowing our limitiations is an important part of our maturity and does not indicate weakness, lazyness or a lack of effort. To say someone can be anything they want, then berate them for not trying hard enough when they have trouble trying to achieve something sets a person up for feeling a failure and inadequate.

To be sure, hard work and commitment are necessary to excel in any field or state of life, but it must be tempered with realism about ourselves and what are good and not so good at.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:51 am

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 33):
That we can be anything we want if we just work hard enough at it is, quite frankly, a myth.

Well, yes.........no shit. But I have no place to tell him or any other that they cannot be a pilot if they want it bad enough. While his talents and physical limitations may not allow him to be the next Blue Angel, that sure as shit doesn't mean that he can't get his private's and enjoy the field of aviation as well.

I'm a very skeptical person, so picking out someone's limitations is usually the norm for me. However, I don't see the need in reminding him what he only knows himself. If he can't get it, that's one thing. He can't control that. But what he can control is how hard he works for it, which I'm sorry to say is a low priority for many people in the world today. Too many like to focus on letting their limitations dictate their lives instead of their desire or determination.
Crye me a river
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 5:21 am

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 34):
I'm a very skeptical person, so picking out someone's limitations is usually the norm for me.

Are you equally zealous about pointing out peoples strengths too?

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 34):
But what he can control is how hard he works for it, which I'm sorry to say is a low priority for many people in the world today. Too many like to focus on letting their limitations dictate their lives instead of their desire or determination.

I think you're making an assumption here which may or may not be accurate and cannot be deduced from a single thread starter. We're also not talking about physical limitations either. It's more complciated than that. What our friend here needs is our encouragement to say what he needs to say to people he cares about. We should not automatically assume that indecision or interior struggle indicates someone is weak or that he won't do what it takes to realize his dream. Quite the contrary. Being honest about the struggles indicates a level of emotional maturity and I think is a good trait in a pilot.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 8:35 am

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 35):
Are you equally zealous about pointing out peoples strengths too?

You must not have read my posts before then.

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 35):
We should not automatically assume that indecision or interior struggle indicates someone is weak or that he won't do what it takes to realize his dream.

Did you not read what I wrote? I posted it with the idea of just getting the job done. You can talk about it all day long, but if you don't put forth the effort, nothing will be accomplished. I'm not looking for him to go balls to the wall every single day, but in this industry he's going to have to work hard. I have no idea what his inner strengths are, which is why I said the fairly common idea that most pilots understand........you have to work your happy ass off.

If you think otherwise, then I'm sorry to say that you might be the one who is mistaken.
Crye me a river
 
csavel
Posts: 1265
Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2001 9:38 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 8:47 am

Quoting WhiteHatter (Reply 28):

With your attitude you will NEVER be a pilot. Pilots need to be strong characters who can make decisions fast and act as leader in the isolated situation of being a pilot in command. Whereas you are so far just a snivelling coward who wants everything easy and runs away from difficult situations.

Don't waste the time of instructors and interviewers. They will see through you as if you were glass.

Well I don't want to be the 876th person to tell WhiteHatter why he is wrong, but I'd like to merely point out that people often have situational guts. I.E. I guarantee that there are lots of steely, confident, pilots who are seriously gutless and pussy-whipped at home, or if gay, can't come out at home or at work. Zero correlation between the two.

MiCorazonAzul.
Ctbarnes' advice is quite good on #1. I know you want to be a pilot above all, but life isn't fair. I mean Penelope Cruz never returns my calls! But seriously, You could wash out. You could fail the medical, or you could be waiting tables for ten years before landing a job. Then you might be even more under your family's thumb. And designing airports or aviation related structures keeps you close enough to the action that you can take flying lessons from the friends you'll make on the job. This is provided you don't absolutely hate architecture. Then get out immediately.

As for the people who tell you to grow balls. While, yes you have to be courageous, and "to thine own self be true," but don't let them cow you or bully you into thinking you are a loser. Lord knows that this is most difficult with family. Everybody, ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY on this thread had no balls in dealing with their family in one station or another. Guarantee you. Why do you think Prozac is such a hot seller?
Psych yourself up to it. Have a friend in phoning contact right after, and know that time is a great factor in acceptance.
Good luck.
I may be ugly. I may be an American. But don't call me an ugly American.
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:02 am

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 36):
Did you not read what I wrote? I posted it with the idea of just getting the job done. You can talk about it all day long, but if you don't put forth the effort, nothing will be accomplished. I'm not looking for him to go balls to the wall every single day, but in this industry he's going to have to work hard. I have no idea what his inner strengths are, which is why I said the fairly common idea that most pilots understand........you have to work your happy ass off.

To use your own words, no shit. Of course he will have to work hard. That much is obvious. Why, then are you reacting the way you are when I suggest that it is OK for him to struggle with telling his parents what he has to tell them? It is not clear from what you posted. Sorry, but I'm not a mind reader.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:06 am

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 38):
Why, then are you reacting the way you are when I suggest that it is OK for him to struggle with telling his parents what he has to tell them?

Because it seems like this guy is having some problems with courage. You have to suck it up and get the job done. It just seems like you were taking a round-a-bout way of doing it.

Well maybe his limitations need to be put under consideration, maybe he needs to focus on his inner strengths, maybe he needs to have some self-realization, maybe he needs to focus on what his goals in life are, maybe he needs to..........no. He needs to suck it up and tell them. Plain and simple.

He asked how.........so I told him. Sorry if you misunderstood me.
Crye me a river
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:17 am

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 39):
Because it seems like this guy is having some problems with courage.

Not to me it doesn't.

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 39):
Well maybe his limitations need to be put under consideration, maybe he needs to focus on his inner strengths, maybe he needs to have some self-realization, maybe he needs to focus on what his goals in life are, maybe he needs to..........no. He needs to suck it up and tell them. Plain and simple.

I suggest you re-read the following:

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 14):
#1: Tell them, the sooner the better (but not necessarily over the holiday). It will be painful but it will be quick.

Where, specifically, do we disagree? There was no need for your sarcastic response to my suggestion that talking candidly about an interior struggle suggests emotional maturity. It does not necessarily denote a lack of courage.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
sleekjet
Posts: 2006
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2001 1:35 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:59 am

Well, you can always do the right thing and denounce homosexuality.
II Cor. 4:17-18
 
BR715-A1-30
Posts: 6525
Joined: Thu May 30, 2002 9:30 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:15 am

Quoting EGGD (Reply 7):
Oxymoron if ever I heard one.....

Saw: Uncut edition NOW ON DVD  Smile

THAT is an Oxymoron
Puhdiddle
 
TNboy
Posts: 1115
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2002 8:12 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 5:54 pm

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 34):
But what he can control is how hard he works for it, which I'm sorry to say is a low priority for many people in the world today. Too many like to focus on letting their limitations dictate their lives instead of their desire or determination.

 checkmark 

What you are saying seems pretty clear to me. The guy has some big issues which he is having trouble dealing with. He has the choice of just going on as he is, which will achieve nothing positive, or else finding the courage to face the dilemma and take steps to resolving it, by firstly having the conversations.

After that, he has to work as hard and diligently as he can to (a) help realise his goals, and (b) show people that he is serious, and not just a quitter.

Sure it won't be easy, but these are the situations where we learn just what we are really made of - as a few other posters have already discovered. His alternative, of a career in a job he hates, and life lived in some closet, isn't too appealing I would think, and his career dream certainly seems to be worth making the effort for. As I said earlier, IF he is absolutely sure about his career direction (and he is working in the industry, so he should have some idea), then he needs to make that switch now. Otherwise he isn't being fair to anyone. Personally, I think he is still a little undecided, in which case he needs to talk about it anyway. It doesn't have to be confrontational - none of us are set in concrete with careers at that age. The sexuality thing is something he will have to do at some time, and better to do it before THEY tell HIM.

Cheers
Bill
"...every aircraft is subtly different.."
 
jpetekyxmd80
Posts: 3972
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2003 3:16 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 6:12 pm

Quoting Sleekjet (Reply 41):


Well, you can always do the right thing and denounce homosexuality.

You can mind your own damn business. Stop putting yourself up on a pedestal like always and flaunting your Christianity. It's disgusting.

You deserve a pedstal alright, and it would say hypocrite, you sham to your faith.



That, or you could make an intelligent post.
The Best Care in the Air, 1984-2009
 
greasespot
Posts: 2955
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:41 pm

Quoting Sleekjet (Reply 41):
Well, you can always do the right thing and denounce homosexuality.

It is funny how people like this tend to pick and chose which part of the Bible they chose to live under.. They seem to have no problem denying slavery and beating of wives and killing of sons. All in all kind of hypocritical. Who gave you the power to pick and chose the parts of the Bible? I thought it was the word of god SO therefore you must obey all of it...in It's entirety and not pick an choose.


GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
md80fanatic
Posts: 2365
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 11:29 pm

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:40 pm

Quoting Csavel (Reply 37):
Lord knows that this is most difficult with family.

Correct, the Lord knows how difficult it is....which is why He strongly suggested that the other path be taken instead.


About the fellow that is having a difficult time talking serious issues with his Mom:

It sounds to me that you love your mom and don't wish to disappoint her in any way. Perhaps you do not wish to lay all the groundwork of explaining decisions you are still not 100% sure about, like career choice or sexual proclivities, if these may also change in the future?

In 9th grade I wanted, well I thought I wanted, to quit school. I decided to tell my mom this and she exploded with a rage that I could never dream would come from her. She used the "F" word several times and that completely shocked me. She also said with a straight face "I hate you!". Man...I thought, what have I done?  Sad Needless to say that I quickly changed my mind back and returned to school, but the memory of that morning still troubles me to this day....28 years later.

My mom died suddenly last year....and a few years before she told me that she was just trying (in 9th grade) to shock a little sense into me. Although I accepted her reasoning....I still knew instinctively that I hurt her really bad and that changed the whole family dynamic from that point further.

Moral of the story:

You had better be absolutely sure of yourself and your choices before sitting down with mom or dad and having a little talk. They are not your friends...they are your parents (who love you intensely and think of you each and every day).  Smile
 
ryangooner
Posts: 956
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2003 4:56 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:00 pm

Easy solution.....

kill the 2 bits of news with 1 stone, tell them you want to be .....

A Gay Pilot
ooh to ooh to be ooh to be a gooner!
 
luv2fly
Posts: 11056
Joined: Tue May 13, 2003 2:57 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:00 am

Quoting Sleekjet (Reply 41):
Well, you can always do the right thing and denounce homosexuality.

Yes the Christian answer to judging, pick and chose the points that work best to win your argument. What happen to love the neighbor? Just not if he is GAY right.....
You can cut the irony with a knife
 
jmc1975
Posts: 2893
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2000 10:57 am

RE: Breaking News To The Fam....how On Earth?!?!?!

Mon Nov 28, 2005 2:06 am

Quoting MiCorazonAzul (Reply 25):
However, I want to be flying the planes, not just designing airports.

You said not "just" designing airports. Well, if you have that talent of gift, you should at least encourage it, perhaps its ultimately on a freelance level. However, once you are finished with your architectual degree, go for your pilot degree! Who says you can't have two degrees?

My suggestions:
1. Continue architectual school.
2. Find a job in the field, preferably in airport design.
3. Use that income to help put you through pilot school.

It would be cool for there to be a pilot who has a feel and a passion for airport architectual design.
.......

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