Calm down now, just one reply at a time...
Righto, my captions...
1) "Please, no tounge."
2) Gazza: "Ehehe, I was only kidding, I LOVE your haircut."
3) Ron Atkinson: "OH
he's hit the bar!"
"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"