BR076
Topic Author
Posts: 1032
Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 4:10 am

Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:04 am

Found this on the net , rule 9 and 10 must be music in the ears of ANCFlyer

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
"Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com/"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Edited 2005-12-15 22:07:21]
ú
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2001 12:57 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:11 am

Obviously this does not apply to 90% of users here anyway.

Funny nonetheless.
 
SlamClick
Posts: 9576
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 7:09 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daugther

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:11 am

That is all good stuff. Righteous rules.

I do not envy the parents of teenage girls. In fact I thank God that my daughter inherited my personality disorders and was wildly unpopular in high school.

(just kidding!)
Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
 
yooyoo
Posts: 5686
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2003 5:01 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:19 am

I will be printing these rules and pasting them on the fridge for all to see.

I have several years (I hope) before these rules are applied.

The above is sound good advise and should be followed by the letter.

That is all.





 Wink
I am so smart, i am so smart... S-M-R-T... i mean S-M-A-R-T
 
WellHung
Posts: 3299
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:50 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:26 am

One rule for banging your teenage daughter:

You can't be everywhere all the time. You may think you see, know and hear everything about your little girl. It's better that you don't know how wrong you are.
 
tristarenvy
Posts: 2235
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:07 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:28 am

I plan on subscribing to the Texas Dating Manual: Meaning ONE rule, and ONE gun.

1) Touch my daughter in an inappropriate way, and die.
2-10) See above.

[Edited 2005-12-15 22:33:13]
If you don't stand for SOMETHING, you'll fall for ANYTHING.
 
aireuropeuk733
Posts: 944
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:33 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:31 am

I've already told my daughter (3 1/2 years old) that she's not having a boyfriend until she's 40!

AE733
It's nice to fly with friends
 
Superfly
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:32 am

I don't think any of this matters if the daughter looks like this....







Bring back the Concorde
 
TPAnx
Posts: 1007
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:53 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:34 am

Reminds me of the commercial in which dad mentions his collection of knives..
the fact that the guy would fit in the back of his pickup..and that he knew a lot of deserted areas..  mischievous 
TPAnx
I read the news today..oh boy
 
tristarenvy
Posts: 2235
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:07 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:36 am

Quoting Superfly (Reply 7):

Hey 'Fly! We could set her up on a date with my car! They sorta resemble each other.
If you don't stand for SOMETHING, you'll fall for ANYTHING.
 
Superfly
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:40 am

...and run it off the cliff? Big grin
Bring back the Concorde
 
tristarenvy
Posts: 2235
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:07 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:43 am

Sounds like a mercy killing, all the way around.....

(Trumpet SFX)

waa-waaa-waaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
If you don't stand for SOMETHING, you'll fall for ANYTHING.
 
ANCFlyer
Posts: 21391
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:51 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:35 pm

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
rule 9 and 10 must be music in the ears of ANCFlyer

 rotfl 

Pretty damn close to accurate . . . . well, except for the pot bellied has been part!

Quoting TriStarEnvy (Reply 5):
I plan on subscribing to the Texas Dating Manual: Meaning ONE rule, and ONE gun.

I like it.

I have often teased that I WILL be cleaning the Ruger, or the Glock, or the Remington, or the Bushmaster (you get the idea) when my daughters first date shows up . . . and I'll conveniently have a badge laying about in plain sight.

I'd like to run a routine like that in Bad Boys II.  rotfl 
"How old is you?" "Shit you look at least 30!" "You smoke any of that shit?"
 rotfl 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
Do not lie to me.

 checkmark 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
dimwitted

 irked  no 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.

 yes 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
I have a shotgun, a shovel

. . . and a Rifle, and a Pistol, and another pistol, and yet another pistol - and I'm an expert shot - with either hand . . . . . .  scared 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
Do not trifle with me.

 ziplip 

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.

ANCFlyer version: It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your POS in the driveway for a chopper over the Iraqi desert . . . .

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 yes  Believe it Son.

 rotfl  rotfl 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
NWA742
Posts: 4505
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2002 11:35 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:43 pm

The tones that these messages give off are just too angry and intolerant. I'm offended.

Ugh, now I need some herbal lemon tea and a fat free cookie.


Signed,



Wellhung
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
USAFHummer
Posts: 10261
Joined: Thu May 18, 2000 12:22 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:44 pm

Quoting Superfly (Reply 7):
I don't think any of this matters if the daughter looks like this....



HUBBA HUBBA! I'd tap her in a flash!

Signed,
KiwiNanday
Chief A.net college football stadium self-pic guru
 
StevenUhl777
Posts: 3281
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2001 11:02 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 1:43 pm

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
Rule Nine:
I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

ANCFlyer has the ENTIRE STATE OF ALASKA in his backyard...all 500,000 square miles of it, and then a few inches more. F--k with his little girl and you will *NEVER* be found, forget looking for the pieces, either.
And the winner for best actress is....REESE WITHERSPOON for 'Walk the Line'!!!!!!!!
 
FlyboySMF2GFK
Posts: 193
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:13 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 1:50 pm

When my wife and I were dating she had me drive her out to her folks house. I knew her dad because he was my boss at the time. I also knew he was an avid hunter. As we drive out I get a premonition about all those stories I'd heard as a youth about standing on the front porch and hearing a shotgun being racked from behind the door. She giggled a bit and said I was being paranoid.

So we're in her parents' living room and I'm talking with her mom when I hear a shotgun (very empty) being racked behind me followed by the stern warning "we need to have a talk." I actually laughed.

I think that was the last time I got to use "I told you so."
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2001 12:57 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:49 pm

Quoting FlyboySMF2GFK (Reply 16):
When my wife and I were dating she had me drive her out to her folks house. I knew her dad because he was my boss at the time. I also knew he was an avid hunter. As we drive out I get a premonition about all those stories I'd heard as a youth about standing on the front porch and hearing a shotgun being racked from behind the door. She giggled a bit and said I was being paranoid.

So we're in her parents' living room and I'm talking with her mom when I hear a shotgun (very empty) being racked behind me followed by the stern warning "we need to have a talk." I actually laughed.

I think that was the last time I got to use "I told you so."

The biggest reason why as a European I refuse to date American girls...jesus.  Silly
 
N1120A
Posts: 26468
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 5:40 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 5:04 pm

Quoting NWA742 (Reply 13):
Ugh, now I need some herbal lemon tea and a fat free cookie.

Yum
Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
 
User avatar
aerorobnz
Posts: 7486
Joined: Sat Feb 10, 2001 3:43 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:40 pm

LOL let me tell you I was glad to live in NZ where gun laws are very strict the time I got caught in my ex girlfriends bed by her dad....He really would have adhered to those laws back in South Africa....
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
sudden
Posts: 3934
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2001 5:20 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:40 pm

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rock 'n Roll to that.

I have printed this out and given it to my daughter, so she can study the whole list untill it will be time. I mean, she is 2 years old now, so she has enough time to study it. Big grin

Aim for the sky!
Sudden
When in doubt, flat out!
 
crjflyer35
Posts: 509
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:26 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:03 am

Quoting Superfly (Reply 7):
I don't think any of this matters if the daughter looks like this....

Ackkk!!, Put it back in...It's not done yet!!

Jeez, not even a scalding shower will get that image out of my mind...
Ok, wait for the RJ to pass, cleared to push tail south Mike, and you're cleared to spin #2 in the push.
 
kiwiandrew

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:07 am

Quoting Crjflyer35 (Reply 21):
not even a scalding shower will get that image out of my mind...

how about an ice cold shower  Wink
 
tristarenvy
Posts: 2235
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:07 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:27 am

The basis for my concept of dating stems from a girl I dated in High School. Her dad was the classic "Former Marine Texas Redneck". Big as hell, and all muscle. We were standing in the driveway talking, and he noticed I had a big dent in the fender of my Olds 98. He said "Lemme see what I can do 'bout that dent." So I open the trunk, he reaches in and punches the side of it, to force the dent out. BANG! Out goes dent. He winks at me. I get the message.

Needless to say, I didn't even kiss her for three more dates.
If you don't stand for SOMETHING, you'll fall for ANYTHING.
 
Superfly
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:36 am

Quoting TriStarEnvy (Reply 23):
So I open the trunk, he reaches in and punches the side of it, to force the dent out. BANG! Out goes dent. He winks at me. I get the message.

If you wanted to be @sshole, then it would have been funny if you BANGed his daughter and videotaped and winked as you passed it off to him. Big grin


Every girls parents I've met fell in love with me everytime. I am not sure if that's good or bad.
For a long term relationship, that is a good thing but for the bad girls that wanted to a guy for shock value against there parents, I wasn't the guy.
Bring back the Concorde
 
BR715-A1-30
Posts: 6525
Joined: Thu May 30, 2002 9:30 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 12:13 pm

ANCFlyer... I like the way you think.. LOL!!!
Puhdiddle
 
uadc8contrail
Posts: 1636
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 1:23 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 2:54 pm

as told to my daughters new boyfriend in may prior to walking out the front door of our house on prom night.........i leaned over shook his hand and held on to it and leaned over and said(wife is my witness)...."what ever you do to her tonight and im gonna do to you tomorrow night"pretty much took the fun out of after prom actvities as i knew this kid was in it for the goods and nothing more... Smile
bus driver.......move that bus:)
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2001 12:57 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 5:37 pm

Quoting Uadc8contrail (Reply 26):
as told to my daughters new boyfriend in may prior to walking out the front door of our house on prom night.........i leaned over shook his hand and held on to it and leaned over and said(wife is my witness)...."what ever you do to her tonight and im gonna do to you tomorrow night"pretty much took the fun out of after prom actvities as i knew this kid was in it for the goods and nothing more...

Assuming your daughter would tell you what they did...and I doubt thats the case most of the time with every daughter  Silly
 
NoUFO
Posts: 7397
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2001 7:40 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:56 pm

Quoting Superfly (Reply 24):
Every girls parents I've met fell in love with me everytime. I am not sure if that's good or bad.

Hear hear ... when a good friend married, her parents left little doubt they wanted her daughter to marry me. They were spinning around me like a humming-top and barely noticed their new son-in-law.
That was actually quite embarrassing.

Then there is a client who never misses a change to tell me what her daughter is doing these days, i.e. that "she's in Munich now and she is happy whenever somebody comes to visit her ... you do have her number, don't you ... no? Oh my .. wait a minute ..."
Cute.  Silly
I support the right to arm bears
 
gkirk
Posts: 23347
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:01 pm

Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

Signed,
ANCflyer, Banco, Cornish, Skidmarks, KROC & Pe@rson
 duck 
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
Banco
Posts: 14343
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 11:56 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:12 pm

Quoting Gkirk (Reply 29):
Quoting BR076 (Thread starter):
I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

Signed,
ANCflyer, Banco, Cornish, Skidmarks, KROC & Pe@rson

Better to be a has-been than a never-will-be, Kirkie. You have our sympathies.
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
gkirk
Posts: 23347
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:20 pm

Quoting Banco (Reply 30):
Better to be a has-been than a never-will-be, Kirkie. You have our sympathies.

Get back in your  old  folks home,  old  boy!  Wink
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
cornish
Posts: 7651
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 8:05 pm

RE: Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter

Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:48 pm

I woud have thought Rule 11 would be:

Under no circumstances be Gkirk.

Surely no further explanation necessary  Wink

although unless the girl was blind, deaf and had no sense of smell, there'd probably be no danger of her dating him Big grin
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: casinterest, desertjets, salttee, Yahoo [Bot] and 14 guests