SouthwestMDW
Topic Author
Posts: 296
Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2003 9:39 am

Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:48 am

This was sent in an e-mail to me, thought I would pass it on. Pretty funny.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 1 in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them... Santa would need 360,000 of them.

This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
 
Go3Team
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:50 am

Great job, you spoiled Christmas for me.  Smile
Yay Pudding!
 
Jalto27R
Posts: 841
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:55 am

Hahahaha I saw that before, but it still makes me laugh like crazy.

Mike
 
Schoenorama
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:56 am

I believe I read this article in Flight International or some other UK flight magazine a couple of years ago.

Nice to see it here again though.
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
 
dtwclipper
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:57 am

Wow, that's a lot of Worldperk Miles, as I assume Santa is a member of Skyteam and we multiply that by the number of deer pulling his sled and SuperPlatinumElite Status!
Compare New York Air, the Airline that works for your Business
 
AsstChiefMark
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 7:18 am

Santa died in 1999. He got way behind on deliveries that year. He got into too much of a hurry and got sloppy. He exceeded the maximum recommended speed for the sleigh. Here's proof of his demise.

Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Damned MSP...Red tail...Red tail
 
airlinelover
Posts: 5287
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:30 am

Santa uses the time machine that Scotty is always trying to find..

Chris
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
 
yegmaster
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:40 am

What are we saying here? Santa doesn't exsist? crying 
 
saxdiva
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:01 pm

Quoting Yegmaster (Reply 7):
What are we saying here? Santa doesn't exsist?

Thwack!

 
Pyrex
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Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:24 am

RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:54 pm

Quoting AsstChiefMark (Reply 5):
He exceeded the maximum recommended speed for the sleigh.

Was that MMO or VMO?
Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
 
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nighthawk
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 6:56 pm

is santas sleigh ETOPS 120 or ETOPS 330 ?
 
cornish
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 7:16 pm

Santa's ordered an Airbus A350 - nah nah nah

 duck 
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:09 pm

Santa's Watching & hes annoyed.No gift for you this Christmas  biggrin 
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
oly720man
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Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 7:13 am

RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:10 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 11):
Santa's ordered an Airbus A350 - nah nah nah

A380F surely?
wheat and dairy can screw up your brain
 
aireuropeuk733
Posts: 944
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:33 pm

RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:14 pm

What? You mean Santa doesn't exist?

 Sad  Sad  Sad

AE733
It's nice to fly with friends
 
ME AVN FAN
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:46 pm

Quoting SouthwestMDW (Thread starter):
the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million

as Santa Claus in many countries like Switzerland is "enroute" on Santa-Claus-Day on 6th December and then leaves the Christmas-job to the "Christ-Child" (Chrisch-Chindli in Switzerland), the "workload" you mention gets reduced further !
 
BigOrange
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RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Fri Dec 23, 2005 6:56 am

You forgot about Jehovah's so how many kids does that reduce the total by.

Answers by 12 noon EST 23 December  Wink
 
BigOrange
Posts: 2291
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 2:20 am

RE: Can Santa Really Visit Every House?

Fri Dec 23, 2005 6:57 am

You forgot about Jehovah's so how many kids does that reduce the total by.

Who's going to work out all these calculations to take that into account?

Answers by 12 noon EST 23 December  Wink

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