dtwclipper
Posts: 6668
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 3:17 am

Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:04 pm

Ford's new incentive: buy two Lions season tix, get a Mustang

In desperate move, Michigan sells U.P to Wisconsin to ease budget crisis

Lions stun NFL, win 12 in a row

Americans Renounce Partisan Rhetoric; "Liberal," "Conservative" are Just Words

Hillary Clinton decides not to run for President

Paris Hilton's Dog impregnated by St. Bernard

Cheney loses fortune after Halliburton collapses
Compare New York Air, the Airline that works for your Business
 
cosec59
Posts: 2618
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2005 2:59 am

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:08 pm

Basingstoke man wins the largest lotto pot ever
Rules are for the obedience of fools but for the guidance of wise men
 
andz
Posts: 7627
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 7:49 pm

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:13 pm

No car bombs in Baghdad today

Blair Resigns

Gravity is a Myth.... the Earth Sucks!
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF...
 
cedarjet
Posts: 8101
Joined: Mon May 24, 1999 1:12 am

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:14 pm

Quoting Dtwclipper (Thread starter):
Americans Renounce Partisan Rhetoric; "Liberal," "Conservative" are Just Words

Hillary Clinton decides not to run for President

Whaaa?! Either you want to end the "liberal" vs "conservative" crap or perpetuate it. Which is it going to be?

Thought so.
fly Saha Air 707s daily from Tehran's downtown Mehrabad to Mashhad, Kish Island and Ahwaz
 
dtwclipper
Posts: 6668
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 3:17 am

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:16 pm

Quoting Cedarjet (Reply 3):
Whaaa?! Either you want to end the "liberal" vs "conservative" crap or perpetuate it. Which is it going to be?

Thought so.

I gave one to both sides just to be fair!

Quoting Dtwclipper (Thread starter):
Cheney loses fortune after Halliburton collapses



Quoting Dtwclipper (Thread starter):
Hillary Clinton decides not to run for President
Compare New York Air, the Airline that works for your Business
 
whitehatter
Posts: 5180
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2004 6:52 am

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:49 pm

Tony Blair resigns, Gordon Brown elected as new Labour Party leader and Prime Minister
Lead me not into temptation, I can find my own way there...
 
9VSPO
Posts: 4187
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 9:03 pm

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:56 pm

England win the World Cup!  Big grin  duck 
 
Sabena332
Posts: 14938
Joined: Wed May 09, 2001 3:57 am

RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

Sun Jan 01, 2006 12:03 am

  • "VfL Bochum back in the 1st Bundesliga"


  • "Germany beats Brazil in the World Cup final with 5:2"


  • "Mr. Sabena332 wins 5.7 Mio EUR in the lottery"


  • "Mountain Dew Code Red is available in Germany"


  • "GKirk gets job, stops posting stupid threads on A.net"


  • Patrick
    NZ1's mother is a disgusting crack-whore and his father is a worthless alcoholic!
     
    User avatar
    nighthawk
    Posts: 4789
    Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2001 2:33 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 12:48 am

    'Scotland Gains Independence'

    followed by

    'A.net Adds The Scottish Flag'

    Also 'Nighthawk wins £50m lottery jackpot, uses half to launch own airline'
     
    nosedive
    Posts: 2176
    Joined: Sun May 23, 2004 2:18 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 12:56 am

    Sports Headlines that'd make my year:
    "Juan Pablo wins World Championship over Kimi, Fernando, and Michael in final race"

    "Scott Speed to replace Coulthard at RBR"

    "CART and IRL realize merger is vital to survival"

    "Bourdais given a shot in F1"

    "Americans realize NASCAR is pointless"

    "Red Wings take 1st Cup since lockout"

    "Denver Pioneers win 3 strait championships"

    "Uni of Colorado beats Texas in Big 12 Championship"

    "Greg Rosenthal stops making stupid CU signs"
     
    Logan22L
    Posts: 4464
    Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 12:56 am

    "MattD Weds Mexican Illegal Alien" - She told me her name was Maria, how was I supposed to know it was actually Armando?

    "Condeleeza Rice Contracts Rectal Gonorrhea from Excessive Shoe Shopping"

    "Global Warming Blamed for Destructive Weather in Right-Wing Neighborhoods"
    "The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
     
    texan
    Posts: 4061
    Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:23 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:13 am

    "Kinky Freedman Elected Governor of Texas, Calls for Investigation of State House, Senate Members"

    "Barbara Ann Radnofsky Elected to Senate by 54-46 Margin"

    "Texan Signed to 3-year Deal to Replace Soriano at 2nd Base"

    "Congress Votes Oklahoma 'An Utter Wasteland'"

    "University of Nebraska Football Program Dismantled after 0-11 Season"

    "Book Deal Nets Texan $35 million for Four Books"

    Texan
    "I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
     
    leigh pilgrim
    Posts: 380
    Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2000 7:35 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:14 am

    Pink Floyd world tour go ahead
     
    KFLLCFII
    Posts: 3179
    Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:08 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:17 am

    Quoting Leigh pilgrim (Reply 14):
    Pink Floyd world tour go ahead

     thumbsup 
    "About the only way to look at it, just a pity you are not POTUS KFLLCFII, seems as if we would all be better off."
     
    Falcon84
    Posts: 13775
    Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:52 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:18 am

    Quoting LTBEWR (Reply 8):
    "Civil War Erupts in Iraq - 1000's Dead - American Forces Retreating to Kuwait"

    With all respect, why the hell would ANYONE want this to be something we read in '06? It's the nightmare scenario, and I certainly don't want it.

    I'd like to see these:

    "Cheney, Rove resign in disgrace over Plamegate"

    "Bush to face Congressional hearings on wiretaps."

    "Democrats sweep GOP out after 16 years of dominating state politics."

    "Indians Win the A.L.!"

    "Browns reach .500!"

    "Cavaliers early favorite to win crown in '07"
    Work Right, Fly Hard
     
    Euclid
    Posts: 324
    Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2005 3:42 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:23 am

    "Euclid hailed as undisputed master and ruler of the world."
     
    2H4
    Posts: 7960
    Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:11 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:31 am









    2H4


    Intentionally Left Blank
     
    dl021
    Posts: 10836
    Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:33 am

    "Peace on Earth: All Nations Agree to Become Democratic and Free"

    "Fusion Power Now Reality: Scientists Donate Technology to World"

    "Aliens Land in New York and Swaps Advanced Tech for Our Nuclear Waste"

    "Moller Flying Cars Now Available and Affordable"

    "Virgin Galactic Uses Alien Tech for Space Cruises"

    "United Nations Adopts US Constitution as Guide"



    Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 16):
    "Browns reach .500!"

    Boy...you're asking alot! Can you think of anything more realistic?  Wink
    Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
     
    Falcon84
    Posts: 13775
    Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:52 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:42 am

    Quoting DL021 (Reply 19):
    Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 16):
    "Browns reach .500!"

    Boy...you're asking alot! Can you think of anything more realistic?

    You want crazy, I would have said "Browns win division!". I have my limits, Ian.  Big grin
    Work Right, Fly Hard
     
    texdravid
    Posts: 1397
    Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 3:21 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:52 am

    My wishes:

    1). The 2001 Tax cuts become permanent.
    2). The estate taxes are cut, dismantled, or put further into the
    future.
    3). Comprehensive Tort reform.
    4). Making the Patriot Act permanent.
    5). Further dimunition of the mainstream media and their prestige.
    6). MSNBC firing Keith Olbermann. MSNBC folding. Either one.
    7). Cutting Capital gains taxes.
    8). Democrats gearing up to nominate Hillary Clinton for 2008.
    9). Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer appearing on TV yelling every day.
    10). Republicans shedding their theological base, becoming pro-choice
    or at least less verbal on abortion, allowing them to really become a
    powerful party.
    11). Joel Osteen's church going bankrupt.
    12). AI going bankrupt, allowing Jet, Kingfisher et al to become the face of Indian aviation.
    13). Cowboys winning Super Bowl, Mavericks winning NBA finals, and
    Texas Rangers not finishing last.
    14). UT beating USC in the Rose Bowl.
    Tort reform now. Throw lawyers in jail later.
     
    Logan22L
    Posts: 4464
    Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:00 am

    Quoting DL021 (Reply 19):
    "Fusion Power Now Reality: Scientists Donate Technology to World"

    How about:

    "People Who Actually Do Some Good for the World get Paid Fairly; Other Greedy Capitalists Now on MattD's Food Stamp Program"
    "The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
     
    Gary2880
    Posts: 1856
    Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:52 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:12 am

    ''George Galloway wins impeachment battle to become new prime minister of Britain''

    and something like ''all reality TV shows cancelled due to their being total crap..''
    Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
     
    srbmod
    Posts: 15446
    Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2001 1:32 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:49 am

    Atlanta Thrashers make the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

    A.net Member Wins Megabucks Jackpot @ Las Vegas Casino.

    Paris Hilton decides to become a recluse.

    Donald Trump's hair files for divorce, citing emotional stress.

    Mark Cuban decides to shut the hell up.

    The Maloofs move the Kings to Las Vegas.

    President Bush Impeached.

    Dick Cheney exposed to be an alien.
     
    User avatar
    nighthawk
    Posts: 4789
    Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2001 2:33 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:51 am

    how about "concorde to return to the skies with more efficient engines" ?
     
    IHadAPheo
    Posts: 5499
    Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2001 3:26 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:54 am

    "IHAP wins case of bump removal cream"
    Pray hard but pray with care For the tears that you are crying now Are just your answered prayers
     
    srbmod
    Posts: 15446
    Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2001 1:32 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 3:10 am

    Quoting Ihadapheo (Reply 24):
    "IHAP wins case of bump removal cream"

    Vodka and Tang may prevent heartattacks........

    Jimmy Hoffa's Body Found in West Seneca Swamp....
     
    IHadAPheo
    Posts: 5499
    Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2001 3:26 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 3:25 am

    Quoting Srbmod (Reply 25):
    Vodka and Tang may prevent heartattacks........

    Nope, I had my MI while on a somewhat steady diet of Vodka and Tang...



    Oh yes the topic...

    "Super mega sized text and naughty words banned by the email leadership"

    IHAP
    Pray hard but pray with care For the tears that you are crying now Are just your answered prayers
     
    Logan22L
    Posts: 4464
    Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:15 am

    Quoting DL021 (Reply 28):
    Hey....are you all of a sudden no longer a socialist when the opportunity for capitalist gains arises for your fellow scientist/eggheads/smartpeople?

    What part of

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 20):
    get Paid Fairly

    or

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 20):
    Food Stamp Program

    gives you any indication that I am anything but a Socialist?
    "The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
     
    EZEIZA
    Posts: 4421
    Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:09 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:21 am

    -Italy wins their 4th World Cup!

    -River Plate wins the Libertadores

    -Maradona finally stops talking for good and moves back to Cuba

    and of course... Bush RESIGNS

    Happy new year to all!
    Carp aunque ganes o pierdas ...
     
    dl021
    Posts: 10836
    Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:43 am

    :D

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 29):
    What part of

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 20):
    get Paid Fairly

    or

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 20):
    Food Stamp Program

    gives you any indication that I am anything but a Socialist?

    Paid fairly is interesting. What is fair? Can you demonstrate where in nature fairness is clearly demonstrated?

    I actually agree that when some scientist, or more accurately group of scientists discovers the process for fusion reaction that they should be rewarded...along with whomever funded the research.

    But that's capitalism....risk/reward....

    as far as Matt Ds foodstamps I'd say that would probably be a short term affair....
    Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
     
    altairF28
    Posts: 94
    Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2005 1:41 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:54 am

    "Democrats re-take both houses of Congress, render Bush irrelevant"
    "Terry Francona wins AL Manager of the Year after second World Series title"
    "Bucs win second Super Bowl in four years"
    "Amazing Race beats Survivor in weekly ratings, becomes CBS' flagship reality show"
    "Virgin Atlantic and Alaska to inaugurate service to Tampa"
    A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons
     
    Logan22L
    Posts: 4464
    Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 4:56 am

    Quoting DL021 (Reply 29):
    Paid fairly is interesting. What is fair? Can you demonstrate where in nature fairness is clearly demonstrated?

    First of all, just because fairness is not natural does not mean that we should not strive for it where possible. Secondly, let's measure "fair" relative to what a member of the Board of Directors of an Insurance company makes, or what some landlord who buys up a slew of rental properties makes. Multiply that by 100 and give iot to people who actually accomplish something fpr this orld. So here's another headline I'd like to see:

    "Property Ownership Limited to Primary/Secondary Residences or Businesses."
    "The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
     
    PSA53
    Posts: 2928
    Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2003 1:54 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:16 am

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 10):
    "MattD Weds Mexican Illegal Alien" - She told me her name was Maria, how was I supposed to know it was actually Armando?

    That's funny!

    A couple of mine not likely to happen:

    "Israel and Palestine reach agreement to form one
    nation which will finally,after decades, end all violence."

    "Donald Trump,Fired!"

    "In a united statement, nations agreed to stop the arms
    race and devote full time in ending starvation"

    "Media announces that there are actually left wing extremists."

    "Ozzy Osbourne,Laura Bush,are having an affair"

    "PSA and AirCal,to restart."

    "PSA53 wins 50 million Super Lotto!"
    Tuesday's Off! Do not disturb.
     
    User avatar
    jetjack74
    Posts: 6585
    Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 6:35 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:46 am

    Here are mine:

    "Howard Dean exposed: Dean's pal is a mock gal"

    "John Kerry steals his wife's fortune, buys himself a personality"

    "Highjinks on the high seas, part deux. NWA execs arrested for prostitution party boat on Lake Minnetonka"

    "Minister Farrakahn hires Mike Tyson as his new psychic"

    "Micheal Jackson admits he's weird"


    And


    "Seahawks win the Super Bowl."
    Made from jets!
     
    planespotting
    Posts: 3026
    Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2004 4:54 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:50 am

    here are some realistic and fun ones

    Chicago Tribune:
    Peotone Airport project scrapped, O'Hare expansion overwhelmingly approved

    Sox, Bears, Bulls and Cubs all win World Championships in their respective sports in one years time

    New York Times:
    US pulls out of Iraq, Bush approval rating less than 10% cited as factor

    Judge Alito is denied Supreme Court seat by joint GOP/Dem effort

    Dallas Morning News:
    Wright Amendment Repealed


    and the last one...for me Big grin

    SWA announces former Flight Operations Interns need not meet minimum hiring qualifications for F/O positions
    Do you like movies about gladiators?
     
    2H4
    Posts: 7960
    Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:11 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am




    Quoting Planespotting (Reply 34):
    and the last one...for me

    SWA announces former Flight Operations Interns need not meet minimum hiring qualifications for F/O positions



    I officially endorse this one.




    2H4


    Intentionally Left Blank
     
    User avatar
    Aeroflot777
    Posts: 2995
    Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:19 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:20 am

    -America finally pulls all its troops out of Iraq.
    -Aeroflot completes construction of Sheremetyevo 3 and joins SkyTeam.

    Aeroflot777
     
    lesmainwaring
    Posts: 522
    Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:47 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 8:44 am

    Universal Healthcare Approved In Bi-Partisan Show of Unity; All Citizens Given Affordable Access to Medical, Dental

    Minimum Wage Increased to $9.25/hour; American Dream Closer to Reality for Working Poor

    Rare Plant Find in Amazon Leads to Cure for Cancer, AIDS and Alzheimer's

    Group of Philantropists Secure Free College Education for Nation's Youth; 10 Year Deal Allows Higher Education for All

    Recognition of Gay Unions Approved; Pat Robertson Commits Suicide in Response

    Eastern Airlines Resurrected; Hockey Stick to Fly Again

    Washington Redskins, Super Bowl Champions

    Being Overweight is the New Black; Hollywood Stars Raid All-You-Can-Eat Buffets

    A.Netter March Meeting in Las Vegas Ends in Massive Power Failure, Looting of Casinos and Missing Boeing 747

    Exposure to Aurora Borealis Leads to Impotence (sorry, ANCFlyer)
    I want something under my wheels thats plenty long and mighty dry --- Vern Demarest
     
    PSA53
    Posts: 2928
    Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2003 1:54 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:13 am

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Minimum Wage Increased to $9.25/hour

    Yikes! Say goodbye to small business or our employees
    where we work on our own.
    Cost of living just went through the roof.

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Universal Healthcare Approved In Bi-Partisan Show of Unity; All Citizens Given Affordable Access to Medical, Dental

    You bet.The American people deserve this policy.

     checkmark 

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Eastern Airlines Resurrected

     checkmark 
    Tuesday's Off! Do not disturb.
     
    Matt D
    Posts: 8907
    Joined: Fri Nov 19, 1999 6:00 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:24 am

    "Minimum wage abolished"

    "Lifetime imprisonment without possibility of parole for anyone who hires illegal aliens"

    "Drinking age lowered to age 18"

    "Metrolink and BNSF to return to Pasadena"

    "Citizenship of children born to illegal aliens revoked"

    "Prostitution, marijuana legalized"

    "Cities and counties can no longer keep revenue from traffic enforcement violations"

    "IRS Abolished! All citizens to pay flat tax"

    "All Public Assistance Programs to be shut down"

    "Californias Death Row Cleaned Out! 700 Executions in just 30 days!"

    "All racism-including Affirmative Action is now a Class A Felony!"

    "The loser in any lawsuit must pay all court costs-including the winners!"

    "91 Freeway intentionally severed and permanently closed in Santa Ana Canyon! Hundreds of thousands of residents forced to move [back] out of state!"

    "California prsioners stripped of outdoor recreation, TV, radio, books, Internet, and all visitation rights-including conjugal visits!"

    "Unions declared a terrorist and criminal organization! All Union leaders given 30 days notice to disband or risk lifetime imprisonment!"

    "President Bush finally comes clean about Iraq War! Gas prices on street plummet $1.68 overnight!"

    "All Trucks and SUV's must pay $10,000 annual excessive [resource] use tax to renew registration!"

    "Children no longer count as second person in car for HOV lane use!"
     
    srbmod
    Posts: 15446
    Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2001 1:32 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:26 am

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):

    A.Netter March Meeting in Las Vegas Ends in Massive Power Failure, Looting of Casinos and Missing Boeing 747

    Using the Weinberg 2000XL Time Machine, I have a photo from the meet:
     
    jafa39
    Posts: 4320
    Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:14 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:35 am

    Johan says: "All dating Ads will be removed from A.net forever..I mean it this time!".

    Mods say: "Ok, we suck, our standards vary and there are two sets of rules, one for you and one for us".

    Sabena332 goes 6 months without mentioning drugs.

    Logan22L in passionate affair with Hilary (and Bill) Clinton.

    ScarletHarlot spotted wearing Blue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jafa39 flies somewhere other than AKL-WLG

    Qantasforever is outed as a monarchist and says.."I think Charles is the only credible leader for Australia".

    President Bush says.."I am a Muppet".
    We, the undersigned, do hereby consent.....
     
    Boeing744
    Posts: 1735
    Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 1:27 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:40 am

    "Canada stops having federal elections every six months..."
     
    Gilligan
    Posts: 1993
    Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 12:15 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 9:57 am

    Quoting Logan22L (Reply 10):
    "Condeleeza Rice Contracts Rectal Gonorrhea from Excessive Shoe Shopping"

    That's just downright mean. Why would you wish that on anyone?

    Let's take it a step farther,

    Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 14):
    "Indians Win the A.L.!"

    Realistically: "Indians beaten in World Series yet again."

    Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 14):
    "Browns reach .500!"

    Realistically, "Browns then lose last 8 in a row."

    Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 14):
    "Cavaliers early favorite to win crown in '07"

    Realistically, "Cavaliers end up in same position again, Ted Stepien where are you now?"

    and headline in 2006:

    Quoting AltairF28 (Reply 30):
    "Democrats re-take both houses of Congress, render Bush irrelevant"

    2007:
    Democrats realize they can't do anything any better than Republicans, same long term problems remain.

    2006:

    Quoting Aeroflot777 (Reply 36):
    America finally pulls all its troops out of Iraq.

    2007:
    Iraqi forces quell last of insurgents, country at peace.

    2006:

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Universal Healthcare Approved In Bi-Partisan Show of Unity; All Citizens Given Affordable Access to Medical, Dental

    2007:
    Lines for basic healthcare incredibly long. Surgery takes months. People with enough money leaving country to get healthcare at private clinics springing up in Mexico. No new advances made in medicine in the past year in U.S., government red tape to blame. Taxes to be raised for 5th time to cover unforseen costs.

    2006:

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Minimum Wage Increased to $9.25/hour; American Dream Closer to Reality for Working Poor

    2007:
    McDonalds raises costs for all meals by 4 dollars.

    2006:

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Rare Plant Find in Amazon Leads to Cure for Cancer, AIDS and Alzheimer's

    2007:
    Class action suit filed by lawyers claiming that rare plant found in Amazon causes heart attacks and strokes in Cancer, Aids, and Alzheimers patients.

    2006:

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Group of Philantropists Secure Free College Education for Nation's Youth; 10 Year Deal Allows Higher Education for All

    2007:
    Minority rights groups sue Philantropists saying distribution of free college education is racist and unfairly budgeted to whites.

    For me in 2006:

    Spring TX man wins hundreds of millions in lottery. Buys own airliner and goes on permanent vacation.

    Iraqi forces take control, capture Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and put him on trial. U.S. forces on draw down. Saddam Hussien takes cowards way out and commits suicide.

    Osma Bin Laden makes trip to Afghanistan, caught by U.S. forces.

    2006 Hurricane season passes uneventfully.

    finally:
    Airlines return to profitability!!!
    Warm winds blowing, heating blue skies, and a road that goes forever, I'm going to Texas!
     
    lesmainwaring
    Posts: 522
    Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:47 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 10:16 am

    Quoting Gilligan (Reply 43):
    Spring TX man wins hundreds of millions in lottery.

    April 2006: Celebrates with $4 McDonald burger; chokes; doctors too busy finding cure for Condi Rice renal gonohrrea and fighting Amazon plant law suits to help; despite pleas from friends to pull the plug, Gilligan recovers

    May 2006: A bitter, ok, more bitter, Gilligan enacts revenge against doctors by verbally abusing them with tired, partisan rhetoric; accidental flaying of arms hits doctor, sending doctor into coma and later death; Gilligan incarcerated

    June 2010:

    Quoting Gilligan (Reply 43):
    2007:
    Minority rights groups sue Philantropists saying distribution of free college education is racist and unfairly budgeted to whites.


    After four years in prison and numerous bouts of being sodomized, Texas' first African-American governor, a product of the free education system, refuses a stay of execution; Gilligan put to death by watching endless loops of Michael Moore's "Farenheit 9/11"

    ...
    all's well that ends well
    ...

    big queer kisses to you, gilligan, and a happy new year!

    [Edited 2006-01-01 02:21:33]
    I want something under my wheels thats plenty long and mighty dry --- Vern Demarest
     
    Gilligan
    Posts: 1993
    Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 12:15 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 10:26 am

    Pretty good, only change:

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 44):
    Gilligan incarcerated

    Liberal judge springs Gilligan, Supreme Court validates nullification of verdict citing previously unseen intent in Constitution.

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 44):
    big queer kisses to you, gilligan, and a happy new year!

    Big straight kiss right back at ya and happy new year to you.
    Warm winds blowing, heating blue skies, and a road that goes forever, I'm going to Texas!
     
    fraspotter
    Posts: 1974
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2004 8:12 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 10:28 am

    "UA, AA, and NW all order the A380"
    "Osama Bin Laden and Al-Zarqawi captured, sent to Norway for sex change"
    "FRAspotter wins the Megaball lottery"
    "Indianapolis Colts win NFL Superbowl XL over Chicago Bears"
    "Texas A&M Aggies Football win first national championship since 1939!"
    "Taking off is optional. It’s landing that’s mandatory."
     
    Zone1
    Posts: 894
    Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:47 am

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 11:40 am

    "Delta Air Lines exits bankruptcy in record time--Orders 100 787s"
    /// U N I T E D
     
    ANCFlyer
    Posts: 21391
    Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:51 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:09 pm

    Quoting LesMainwaring (Reply 37):
    Exposure to Aurora Borealis Leads to Impotence (sorry, ANCFlyer)

     rotfl 
    Very good . . . two things tho - I already fire blanks, and the magnetic shift in the poles might drag the Aurora Borealis over to Siberia in the next 50 years . . . that was in the paper the other day . . . bummer too, cause those lights are cool . . .  biggrin 

    OK here's a go at a few:

    A-Net restricted to age 18 and over.

    Alaska Airlines starts Honolulu service.

    New America Independence Party forms - ousts Repubs and Dems from Congress - plans 2008 Presidential Candidate.

    Green Bay Packers back on top 13-0!

    Continental Airlines absorbs Untied, now worlds largest as well as best US flagged air carrier!

    CART and IRL disolved as useless entertainment.

    Danika Patrick goes to Joe Gibbs Racing - New Tony Stewart team mate!

    NASCAR now year round sport!

    (Those last three just for you Nosedive  wink  )

    Patriot Act made permanent.

    IRS Disolved. Flat Tax imposed!

    Pat Robertson moves to Venezuela, Becomes Missionary.

    SCOTUS overturns Eminent Domain ruling.

    DL vaporizes, US expands to cover ATL void.

    Cleveland Browns hires Falcon84 as new Head Coach!  wink 

    Illegal Immigration Task Force has 99% Success Rate!

    Osama Bin Laden fought in 7-11 in Suburban DC.

    United Nations moves to Paris (or London, or Tokyo, or Berlin, or Prague or any gawddman where else). Later dissolves as ineffective.

    Donald Dumsfeld admits Abu Ghraib orders - jailed in humiliation.

    And for us in Alaska:

    ANWR Drilling Approved. First rig goes up in 2010.

    Ben Stevens impeached for illegal consulting fees and nondisclosure.

    Alaska Independence Party elected to Governor's Mansion.

    New Anchorage Bypass Highway to be completed by 2009!

    Bridges to nowhere still go nowhere.

    Alaska Railroad Connection to Canada in service by 2009
    FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
     
    2H4
    Posts: 7960
    Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:11 pm

    RE: Headlines You'd Like To Read In 2006

    Sun Jan 01, 2006 1:27 pm




    Quoting Dtwclipper (Thread starter):
    In desperate move, Michigan sells U.P to Wisconsin to ease budget crisis



    The Yoopers I know would sooner declare their independence as a sovereign country, fly a flag of flannel, and tell all of us hosers to piss off, than be bought and sold.




    2H4


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