wobbles
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:40 am

Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:42 am

I am just wondering if I goofed up here. Just started hanging out with this girl, and there has been some romance for sure, almost immediately, but that 's another story. I have not had a good life when it comes to being treated with respect by others, particulary women. I believe in (not just someone you date, but anyone) doing something if you say you are going to do it and if you will be at a place or call at a specified time, then you do it. If you cannot be there or you are running late, you at least call the person within a reasonable amount of time from the original time so they are not left hanging. I only met the person last week. She said she was going to call me at 9p last night, to possibly hang out later. Well, she did not call until 1145p. I tried 2 times after 9p, but did not get a hold of her. She tripped out on me when I told her that I cannot put up with people who don't call when they say they are going to at a specific time or at least around that specific time or those that run late and do not even try to call to let the person know, especially since almost everyone has cell phones or voicemail on a land line. She accused me of sabatoging relationships since I get very parinoid when people stand me up. I trip up (not as bad though) when same sex friends do that (are not prompt or careless on appointments). Did I react in a way that was not understandable or justified? I proably won't see this girl again. I am more hurt about the way that it happened as opposed to most likely losing the girl, since she may not even have been girlfriend material anyway.
 
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ClassicLover
Posts: 3936
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 12:27 pm

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 1:56 am

Lack of promptness with friends / people you're seeing shows a lack of respect. I'm a punctual person and nothing pisses me off more than having to wait for people. Anything over 15 minutes without a call is inexcusable. Worse is that I used to have friends who thought that 7pm meant 8pm or 8:30pm. Notoriously late! It's also not that funny when the lateness is blamed on, "We got randy and had sex, sorry!" ... *rolls eyes*

It's one of my pet peeves. That said, I now have friends who respect me, rather than ones that don't.

Trent.
I do quite enjoy a spot of flying - more so when it's not in Economy!
 
LHMark
Posts: 7048
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2000 2:18 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 2:02 am

I agree with ClassicLover. It's like a big "F*ck you" to the person who's waiting on them.

Some of the people I hang out with have this problem. It's one of the criteria I use to distinguish between my drinking buddies and my friends.
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
amhilde
Posts: 628
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2003 5:01 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:00 am

Hang on, she said she was calling to "possibly" hang out? Does that include "possibly" making a phone call? Maybe she changed her mind and didnt want to hang out last night, maybe someone else called or she was cooking something, hell maybe she was tired. It sounds to me like it wasnt a done deal about her calling and hanging out. Also, you JUST started seeing her, at least one transgression of the calling rule is allowed, though by the second time you can write the person off. Then you started to look all desperate by calling her- that was a bad idea, along with yelling about the promptness thing.

Now I too demand and give respect in terms of the phone call/meeting time thing, so I can understand where you are coming from here. However, if you ever expect to get anywhere with a girl, you need to be a bit less "available" and keep your cool. There is nothing worse than a guy who gets all cling too fast. Slow and steady wins the race  Smile
Hang on tightly, Let go lightly
 
sunshine79
Posts: 1559
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2006 8:02 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:04 am

I agree with ClassicLover and LHMark.Time keeping is one of my biggest gripes. If she cared for you or was interested, she would have at least gotten in touch to say she won't be able to talk until later. To be honest, I think you would be best out of it and find someone else who would care for you.
Formerly alcregular, Why drive when you can fly?
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2001 12:57 pm

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:06 am

Quoting Amhilde (Reply 3):
Hang on, she said she was calling to "possibly" hang out? Does that include "possibly" making a phone call? Maybe she changed her mind and didnt want to hang out last night, maybe someone else called or she was cooking something, hell maybe she was tired. It sounds to me like it wasnt a done deal about her calling and hanging out. Also, you JUST started seeing her, at least one transgression of the calling rule is allowed, though by the second time you can write the person off. Then you started to look all desperate by calling her- that was a bad idea, along with yelling about the promptness thing.

I think it was reasonable....who cares if he just met or whatever. Promptness is courteous. Just like SHOWING UP TO WORK ON TIME. My BS flag flies on the cooking or doing something else for 2hrs45mins. I know women better than that. Same goes with guy friends, I dont like waiting for them either..what the hell is wrong with people these days.

In addition, I am the same Wobbles is...I cant take people who are late AND do not call and say something is up.
 
amhilde
Posts: 628
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2003 5:01 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:11 am

And how many of you guys have pussed out and told a girl you dont care to see anymore those words to her face? I love it when a guy cant personally pick up the phone and be a man about saying those words.
Hang on tightly, Let go lightly
 
wobbles
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:40 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:19 am

Amhilde, thanx for the response, she definitely said she was going to call at 9p. When I was being up front by teling her that I don't handle people not being reasonably prompt, that was meant as a warning to her. I told her if she did that again, then I would walk. Maybe she is trying to beat me to it.
 
wobbles
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:40 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:28 am

A lot of women seem to think that a guy is being possesive and jealous by asking for that. Who agrees with them about that? I think in a relationship (or even a job) if you say that a lack of promptness or consideration (to at least acknowledge if shit is happening and plans may change) is unacceptable, that way you can take care of it right away, so later on, when he/she goofs up by not calling or showing up (very occasionally, though) you don't assume he/she is up to no good.
 
brokenrecord
Posts: 747
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:45 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:39 am

Quoting ClassicLover (Reply 1):
Lack of promptness with friends / people you're seeing shows a lack of respect. I'm a punctual person and nothing pisses me off more than having to wait for people. Anything over 15 minutes without a call is inexcusable. Worse is that I used to have friends who thought that 7pm meant 8pm or 8:30pm. Notoriously late! It's also not that funny when the lateness is blamed on, "We got randy and had sex, sorry!" ... *rolls eyes*

It's one of my pet peeves. That said, I now have friends who respect me, rather than ones that don't.

Well said. I only really have 1 friend right now who does not follow through. Because of that, I never count on him.
 
aerobalance
Posts: 4308
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2000 8:35 am

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:47 am

Quoting LOT767-300ER (Reply 5):
I think it was reasonable....who cares if he just met or whatever. Promptness is courteous.

Word. Let us know if she does become more reliable
"Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy..."
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2001 12:57 pm

RE: Is Promptness That Important In Relationships?

Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:16 am

Quoting Aerobalance (Reply 10):
Word. Let us know if she does become more reliable

Damn, I thought I made your RU list with that one  Silly

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