tbar220
Posts: 6706
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Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:36 am

Hi all,

I screwed up in my relationship (not cheating or anything like that) and my girlfriend is pretty upset with me. She's not ready to forgive me yet and is having a really hard time dealing with it. I apologized to her without making any excuses, but she's not ready to talk to me yet. Any advice? I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.
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luv2fly
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:40 am

Give her space, I know it is hard though keep your distance and wait for her to contact you, and do not talk about this problem with any mutual friends.
You can cut the irony with a knife
 
9VSPO
Posts: 4187
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:42 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
a really hard time dealing with it.

Dealing with what?

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
Any advice?



Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
she's not ready to talk to me yet

There's your answer!  Wink
 
cosec59
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:22 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.

Right thing to do...In the meantime get out there and try to find a reserve
Rules are for the obedience of fools but for the guidance of wise men
 
Superfly
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:30 am

Did you talk to your sister about this?
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searpqx
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:42 am

Quoting Luv2fly (Reply 1):
Give her space, I know it is hard though keep your distance and wait for her to contact you, and do not talk about this problem with any mutual friends.

 checkmark 
And, under no circumstances, tell her you posted on an internet chat board for advice!  Wink
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
MidnightMike
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:50 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Thread starter):
Hi all,

I screwed up in my relationship (not cheating or anything like that) and my girlfriend is pretty upset with me. She's not ready to forgive me yet and is having a really hard time dealing with it. I apologized to her without making any excuses, but she's not ready to talk to me yet. Any advice? I told her to call me whenever she's comfortable, no matter how many days it takes.

Giver her time & keep your distance, what you may want to do, is wait a week & mail her a letter. Offer your apology, if you were wrong, make it nice & simple, but, in the letter, do not beg for her to take you back.

Basically lay it out there & tell her that you want to be with her, but, if she does not want you back, you are cool with that as well.

Don't try to call her, just go with the letter, the only thing that I can suggest, is that if she has a favorite movie, get it for her and write a little note, something like, "I thought you may like to have this."

Don't make the mistake & beg her to take you back, that would be a mistake, you will lose her respect....
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tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:15 am

Thanks guys for the help. I'm a bit of a mess right now, we've only been dating for a year and a half but I would be totally empty without her. And I feel really bad because I hurt her badly and I didn't even realize what I was doing. I'm not going to contact her because that's just pushing it and if she calls me I'll tell her we'll talk about it later once she's figured everything out and thought about what she wants to do. I just hope this ends well.
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ArmitageShanks
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:15 am

What did you do to her?
 
tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:17 am

Its too complicated to go into detail here, but I will say that it wasn't anything like cheating on her or similar. I didn't even realize I did it at the time and now I'm pissed off at myself for doing it, and pissed off because it hurt her so much.
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N1120A
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:20 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 9):
I didn't even realize I did it at the time and now I'm pissed off at myself for doing it, and pissed off because it hurt her so much.

Actually, that might be something to talk to her about after she does call you (and she will). Don't make an excuse for it, just explain how you didn't realize what your were doing (reiterate that it isn't an excuse) and make sure she knows that something like that will never, ever happen again.
Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
 
ArmitageShanks
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:22 am

Nah, its not too difficult to say here...

Here, something like this:

"I called her fat and fucked up the apology."

or

"I lied to her about something. I tried to apologize and here I am."

Etc...
 
tbar220
Posts: 6706
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:25 am

See, I understand what it was that I did now. The scary thing to me was, that its something my mom did to me my entire life growing up and I hated it. Told myself I would never do something like that. But without even conciously understanding what was going on when it happened, I just did it and that was a big oops.

Quoting N1120A (Reply 10):
just explain how you didn't realize what your were doing (reiterate that it isn't an excuse)

I did exactly that, I just hope she understands. If she does decide to take me back, it will be a slow healing process.
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tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:25 am

Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 11):
Nah, its not too difficult to say here...

I would, but I'm too ashamed of it honestly. I'd rather not say what it was, so please don't ask me to.
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Superfly
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:28 am

Ok, so you didn't cheat on her, we want to know what you did.

-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?
-Did you tell her to loose weight?

Those are the only things I can think of that would piss off a girlfriend/wife.
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ArmitageShanks
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:31 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 13):
I would, but I'm too ashamed of it honestly. I'd rather not say what it was, so please don't ask me to.

I then petition that nobody should respond with advice if you aren't going to own up.

How are we supposed to know what to tell you if we don't know what you did? Dealing with calling her fat is different than her catching you smelling her mom's panties.
 
tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:33 am

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?

We're quiet

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?

She'd laugh at me

Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you tell her to loose weight?

We'd both laugh at it, considering she's five feet tall and 100 lbs.
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Aeroflot777
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:37 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 7):
we've only been dating for a year and a half

That's not "only", actually that's quite a lot. But that's a good thing. If you have been together for so long that means you really do have a great relationship. I believe if you lasted together that long, she will forgive you. It just might take some time depending on what you did. But be patient. I don't think such a strong couple can part so easily...

Aeroflot777
 
Superfly
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:37 am

Tbar220:
Well I guess it's a mystery to us all on how you 'screwed up'.  Wink

Look at the bright side. If she can't forgive you for this, then maybe she isn't the one for you and is a bit irrational. That means you are SINGLE AGAIN and can go after hotter chicks that are more understanding and fun!  bigthumbsup 

Don't be a pussy!
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satx
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:44 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 12):
The scary thing to me was, that its something my mom did to me my entire life growing up and I hated it.



Quoting Superfly (Reply 14):
-Did you scream out another woman's name while having sex?
-Did she catch you wearing her panties?

Hmm.  Wink
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tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:48 am

Armitage,

Look, I'm not going to "own up" on what I did because A) its too complicated and B) I just don't want to. Now you don't have to give me advice, but you don't have to be a jerk and "petition" everybody else not to.

This is too complicated, it so much an emotional and trust thing that I can't explain it here and I'm not feeling inclined to at the moment. Its not a "calling her fat" thing or "saying something mean". That is trivial and can be overcome. As simply as I can put it, it was a betrayal of trust. I fear that because this is what happened, that if we do stay together our relationship will be tainted. This is what I need help with, how to avoid this.
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ArmitageShanks
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:53 am

I never understood why people say its too complicated. ITS NOT.

Just say it. It takes 20 words. You don't have to go into detail, just say I did/said X and she did/said X. Bam! Done.

Anyway, if you're going to talk about your silly relationship problems on a PUBLIC forum you can't complain that I want to know how you fucked up.
 
Superfly
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:58 am

SATX:
Thanks for pointing that out, I missed that sentence. Embarrassment

So I guess you pinched her cheeks in public?
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MidnightMike
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:10 pm

Quoting ArmitageShanks (Reply 15):
then petition that nobody should respond with advice if you aren't going to own up.

How are we supposed to know what to tell you if we don't know what you did? Dealing with calling her fat is different than her catching you smelling her mom's panties.

We don't need the specifics to pass out advice over a breakup, he did something wrong, no matter what it was, the things to do are all the same....
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kiwiinoz
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:20 pm

The reality is, coming on this board and asking for advice without giving anyone the slightest inkling of what the problem is, what it is you have meant to have done etc is a pretty futile exercise, and you know it is. That being the case, this seems more like some sort of sad ploy to gain attention and sympathy, rather than a real attempt to gain any solutions.

And if you're that insecure with yourself, then I'm with her, she should dump you and move on.
 
LOT767-300ER
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:25 pm

I dont get it why you cant just say it? Not only is it simple to tell its hard to figure out what to do if we dont know what you did.
 
tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:36 pm

I've figured it out thanks with help from MidnightMike and other friends. Since apparently you can't offer advice without me telling you what the problem is, I'll stop posting in this thread.
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HAWK21M
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 3:22 pm

Wrong place for Advice seekng but anyway....
Give your partner time & space.Try after a few days,use some romantic moves like flowers,small gifts.
You have not specified the exact problem so not sure.But my guess is you hit your partner in anger.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
tbar220
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:41 pm

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 27):
But my guess is you hit your partner in anger.

Thanks for the advice. I also would never lay a finger on her in anger. If I did, she would break up with me on the spot. I'm sorry I can't explain what happened, but I appreciate the advice.
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gocaps16
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:24 pm

Good luck, Tbar. I hope you and your babycakes can find a way to get back together. If not, there are many better women out there. If you are too embarrassed on what you did and don't want to talk about it to us, your loss. It's your issue, not ours so it's all up to you, Bubba. Some of the guys on this forum provides some very good advice. Women can be so unpredictable and can be hard to understand. Once again, I wish you the very best.

Kevin

[Edited 2006-01-25 09:28:05]
 
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NWOrientDC10
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:01 pm

It sucks being in the "doghouse" (I've been there myself  Sad )

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 27):
Give your partner time & space.Try after a few days,use some romantic moves like flowers,small gifts.

Good advice! My personal favorite is a "care package" consisting of Peppridge Farms "Milano cookies", a jar of macadamia nuts, a package of Trident or Dentye chewing gum, a greeting card, and other niceties she may like.

When you do see her again, make her laugh. That always helps  Smile

Good luck  bigthumbsup 

Russell
Things aren't always as they seem
 
cxsjr
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:22 pm

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 9):
I didn't even realize I did it at the time

6,080 posts and you didn't even realise you'd been having an affair with a.net?!?  wink 

Good luck with sorting it all out; I believe in destiny and whatever happens, happens for a reason. You'll be better off in the long run, no matter which way it goes.
The world is a book, those who do not travel read only one page ....
 
ZKSUJ
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:27 pm

Agree with others here. All you can do is give her space and not push her right now.

I hope the situation ends well and has a happy outcome for the both of you
 
jush
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Wed Jan 25, 2006 6:28 pm

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 26):
I've figured it out thanks with help from MidnightMike and other friends. Since apparently you can't offer advice without me telling you what the problem is, I'll stop posting in this thread.

You really can't complain that people wanna know what happened cause you made them curious in the first place.

Regds
jush
There is one problem with airbus. Though their products are engineering marvels they lack passion, completely.
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:59 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 12):
The scary thing to me was, that its something my mom did to me my entire life growing up and I hated it. Told myself I would never do something like that. But without even conciously understanding what was going on when it happened, I just did it and that was a big oops

Since it wasn't physical injury.
Im confused.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
Lindy
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Thu Jan 26, 2006 1:08 am

Quoting Tbar220 (Reply 28):
I also would never lay a finger on her in anger. If I did, she would break up with me on the spot.

Then just wait until you get married. After the wedding you can slap her daily Big grin
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CO7e7
Posts: 2686
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:36 am

Quoting Cosec59 (Reply 3):
In the meantime get out there and try to find a reserve

I tried that once.... it didn't work out too well!  crowded 

As everyone said: Time, Space and a Sincere Apology (at the right time) should get you back on track.
 
Matt72033
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:45 am

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 24):
That being the case, this seems more like some sort of sad ploy to gain attention and sympathy, rather than a real attempt to gain any solutions

 checkmark 
 
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NWOrientDC10
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RE: Yes.... I Need Relationship Advice

Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:53 am

Quoting CO7e7 (Reply 36):
As everyone said: Time, Space and a Sincere Apology (at the right time) should get you back on track.

In your situation, some groveling and "suckng up" may be in order  sorry  if/when she speaks to you.

Good luck  bigthumbsup 

Russell
Things aren't always as they seem

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