LHMark
Posts: 7048
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2000 2:18 am

The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 7:57 am

Found this on the PVP webcomic forum. Thank you, JCM, for your codification.


The Twelve Rules of Flaming

1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot."

2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."

3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.

4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."

6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying.

7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo."

8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ."

9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic.

11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.

12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables."

Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
Logan22L
Posts: 4464
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 5:59 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:02 am

On A.net, you should have entitled this "The Other Twelve Rules of Flaming."  Wink
"The deeper you go, the higher you fly. The higher you fly, the deeper you go."
 
LHMark
Posts: 7048
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2000 2:18 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:03 am

Can we refer to our...more fabulous...members as flamewarriors?
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
diamond
Posts: 3000
Joined: Sun Apr 11, 2004 8:01 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:13 am

Quoting LHMARK (Thread starter):
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.

You are hereby notified that you have violated rule #13, by misspelling the rule itself.  Smile  Smile
























grammer grammar
Blank.
 
User avatar
AirPacific747
Posts: 9317
Joined: Mon May 19, 2008 9:52 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:16 am

Quoting LHMARK (Thread starter):
Honorable Mention:
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling.

lol yeah I recognize this one Big grin

that is so pathetic when people start doing that because they dont have anything better to attack/defend themselves with
 
searpqx
Posts: 4173
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2000 10:36 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:44 am

Quoting LHMARK (Reply 2):
Can we refer to our...more fabulous...members as flamewarriors?

Clearly, by using the terms flame and fabulous in your post, you're a homophobic dirtbag, and I should sue you. But since I took the SAT (TWICE!), and you've provided no source to your suggestion, you don't really exist, so I will simply ignore you, as a fait accompli!
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
LHMark
Posts: 7048
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2000 2:18 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:46 am

I want documentation that you took the SATs.
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
TPAnx
Posts: 1007
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:53 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:33 pm

Some other rules in an earlier post...Internet Pains..from the NY Times
TPAnx
I read the news today..oh boy
 
kiwiandrew

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:46 pm

Quoting LHMARK (Reply 6):
I want documentation that you took the SATs.

I would like to point out that according to Searpqx , who is a really smart guy , you don't exist . By flagrantly continuing to post and therefore trying to deny your own nonexistence you are showing enormous disrespect to him - clearly this is insulting and unfriendly behaviour . If you are going to persist in asserting that you do in fact exist I demand you substantiate this by posting a link , from a reputable source*. At this point I was going to add that your mother does strange things with vegetables , however ,you dont actually exist , ergo , you do not have a mother , ipso facto.



*I will , of course , be the sole judge of what does/does not constitute a reputable source
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:57 pm

Phht! LHMark, si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses! You censoring dirtbag need to be taken to court for maliciously conspiring to take over Libturdslayer's world... and gee, go get your head checked!

 Wink
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
LHMark
Posts: 7048
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2000 2:18 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:00 am

Oh yeah? Well Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

And you'll be hearing from my lawyer!
"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
 
kiwiandrew

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:06 am

Quoting LHMARK (Reply 10):
Well Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

now we see the truth , you only started this thread so that you would have an excuse to post that and show us that as a nonexistent person you are able to right fluent gibberish in a dead language .
 
aloges
Posts: 14842
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:38 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:06 am

Quoting LHMARK (Reply 10):
And you'll be hearing from my lawyer!

Is his English as bad as your Latin? You can't even spel corectly! Besides, my lawyer drives a cooler car than yours, so he's better.

On a completely different matter: Anyone wonder what brand of mobile ILS must be using? My guess is Nokia, as in "I drive No Kia!"
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
kiwiandrew

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:08 am

Quoting LHMARK (Reply 10):
And you'll be hearing from my lawyer!

Lionel Hutz by any chance ??
 
eaglekeeper101
Posts: 269
Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:14 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 5:13 am

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 13):
Quoting LHMARK (Reply 10):
And you'll be hearing from my lawyer!

Lionel Hutz by any chance ??

He probably doesn't exist either, the silly twit. But I'm sure you made him up anyway  devil 
"The earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens." - Bahá'u'lláh
 
searpqx
Posts: 4173
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2000 10:36 am

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:14 am

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 8):
I would like to point out that according to Searpqx , who is a really smart guy , you don't exist



Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 11):
ou are able to right fluent gibberish in a dead language

While you're ardent acclaim of me is both de rigor and de jour, and totally apropos, you're spelling is horible, and I suspect this is do to you're claimed origins in New Zeland, although you are pataently from Belgum, witch on its face is absurd. So their!
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
jafa39
Posts: 4320
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:14 pm

RE: The Twelve Rules Of Flaming

Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:38 am

Quoting LHMARK (Thread starter):
Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation.



Quoting LHMARK (Thread starter):
Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.



Quoting LHMARK (Thread starter):
13. When all else fails, call into question someones grammer or spelling

So, a.net lives by the roolz  Wink

Quoting Kiwiandrew (Reply 11):
now we see the truth , you only started this thread so that you would have an excuse to post that and show us that as a nonexistent person you are able to right fluent gibberish in a dead language

Well spotted.

I hate flamers...they annoy me (sic)  Smile
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