After following suit with Subsidiary American Eagle when they announced a $1.00 charge for a can of soda, American Airlines announced Thursday that they will be scrapping seats in favor of "Comfort pAAds (tm)."
Said CEO Gerard Arpey, "It's amazing how much these seats cost to install and maintain. The $0.0043 it costs to maintain each seat per day digs a real hole in our profits, or lack of. We go through a lot of Febreze, and that stuff isn't cheap!" Added Arpey, "Plus, it's not like the flying public cares. If they could save a buck, they'd hang on to the tail."
This has followed a series of cost cutting measures by several U.S. airlines. Since 2002, nearly all U.S. airlines have ceased food service. Some flights from the East Coast to the West Coast often surpass 6 hours. Ticket-agents have been replaced with computers, and cute, pretty flight attendants with crabby grandmothers.
When asked of future plans, Arpey suggested the possibility of getting rid of passengers altogether. "It would save a lot of weight."
United, Northwest, and Delta are expected to follow shortly.