EI787
Topic Author
Posts: 1230
Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 4:06 am

So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:38 am

There's no egg in eggplant nor
ham in hamburger; neither apple
nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented
in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But
if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why
isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, two geese. So one
moose, two meese? One index,
two indices.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat ?
Sometimes I think all the English
speakers should be committed to
an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by
ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell? Park on driveways and
drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same, while a wise
man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can overlook and oversee be
opposites, while quite a lot and
quite a few are alike? How can the
weather be hot as hell on one day
and cold as hell another?

You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form
by filling it out, and in which an
alarm clock goes off by going on.

People, not computers invented
English, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race
(which, of course, is not a race at
all).

That is why, when the stars are
out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this
essay, I end it!

http://www.verbivore.com/

[Edited 2006-02-02 19:40:42]
 
Banco
Posts: 14343
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 11:56 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:44 am

Well personally I find it a piece of piss....  Wink
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
leigh pilgrim
Posts: 380
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2000 7:35 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:43 am

''So you think English is easy''

Where did you get that idea from?, Im still struggling with it!!!, its a nightmare
 
cornish
Posts: 7651
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 8:05 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:44 am

English ?

Can't say I've ever had a problem with it.


Well maybe after a good few pints...  Wink
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
afconcorde1
Posts: 134
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2006 11:37 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 7:05 am

I would venture to say that my French is better than my English. (English is my native tounge.)
Je pense, donc je vole Concorde!
 
Pe@rson
Posts: 16003
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 7:10 am

I dont hav prob wiv it.But sum ppls eNglish sks cos of stpdity or ignrnce. Yeahbutnobutyeah.Am I bovered?Do I lk bovered?R u callin me a pikey?
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
Banco
Posts: 14343
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2001 11:56 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:09 am

Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 5):
I dont hav prob wiv it.But sum ppls eNglish sks cos of stpdity or ignrnce. Yeahbutnobutyeah.Am I bovered?Do I lk bovered?R u callin me a pikey?

Congratulations. You have now passed your GCSE English exam.  Wink
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
 
mNeo
Posts: 718
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 8:12 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:55 am

Me failed english? that's unpossilbe!
Powered by Maina
 
Pe@rson
Posts: 16003
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:59 am

Quoting MNeo (Reply 7):
Me failed english? that's unpossilbe!

You mean: Unpossiblle that's? Englsh faild me?
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
Pe@rson
Posts: 16003
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2001 6:29 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:03 am

Quoting Banco (Reply 6):
Quoting Pe@rson (Reply 5):
I dont hav prob wiv it.But sum ppls eNglish sks cos of stpdity or ignrnce. Yeahbutnobutyeah.Am I bovered?Do I lk bovered?R u callin me a pikey?

Congratulations. You have now passed your GCSE English exam.

A Level, you mean.  Wink
"Everyone writing for the Telegraph knows that the way to grab eyeballs is with Ryanair and/or sex."
 
Aleksandar
Posts: 2937
Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2000 11:43 pm

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:04 am

Ai reeeli traid to lern it. Ai trai and trai and now I very goood  Smile
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
 
gunsontheroof
Posts: 3226
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:30 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:05 am

Everyone on a.net understands it...can't be that hard....  Wink
 
jap
Posts: 2196
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:25 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:22 am

Quoting Gunsontheroof (Reply 11):
Everyone on a.net understands it...can't be that hard....

Hard to master... yet considered one of the easiest languages to learn..

hmmmm...  Silly
Scandinavian chick with a scandinavian horse- oh yeah! :D
 
searpqx
Posts: 4173
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2000 10:36 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:26 am

Quoting Jap (Reply 12):
yet considered one of the easiest languages to learn..

Because for every grammer rule, there are 1,000 exceptions, so you really can't get it wrong. . .  Wink
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
BMIFlyer
Posts: 8065
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 7:11 am

RE: So You Think English Is Easy!

Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:29 am

English is easy compared to say, Welsh  duck 



Lee
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

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