7LBAC111
Topic Author
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Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 8:59 pm

To the citizens of the United States of America

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. February 16th will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables.



Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "football". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

20. An Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation
Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
 
mhodgson
Posts: 4673
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:02 pm

Uh oh - repost. and last time this escalated into an American politics flamewar. Somehow.
No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
 
7LBAC111
Topic Author
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:04 pm

Quoting Mhodgson (Reply 1):
Uh oh - repost. and last time this escalated into an American politics flamewar. Somehow.

I guessed it might be a repost. EIther way, lets leave it for a bit - just for the craic! Big grin
Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
 
mhodgson
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:13 pm

No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
 
BN747
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:14 pm

Being desperate and under duress (Bush)... we'll comply under THREE Conditions that are termed 'deal killers'.

1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves!

..and..

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

Quit yer' complainin' , whattaya talkin' about? Heath Ledger's gonna win an Oscar for Brokeback Mountain! Wait... is he aussie or brit.. aww hell it really doesn't matter now does it?


BN747
"Home of the Brave, made by the Slaves..Land of the Free, if you look like me.." T. Jefferson
 
mhodgson
Posts: 4673
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 8:47 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:16 pm

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

Don't think you'd get much argument from most of us about that. Though by the sounds of it he is looking at quitting soon anyway.
No trees were harmed by this message. However, several million electrons were terribly inconvenienced
 
cornish
Posts: 7651
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 8:05 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:24 pm

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
Being desperate and under duress (Bush)... we'll comply under THREE Conditions that are termed 'deal killers'.

1) You guys dump Blair immediately

Fine by me

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

Fine by me (althoguh technically he can't as he isn't actually king yet Wink )

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves

Hmmmm this could be the dealbreaker me'thinks Big grin
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
Gary2880
Posts: 1856
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:29 pm

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 

my favourite's are 17, 13, 11, 9, and 1.

Welcome back Ladys and Gents Big grin

and say hello to this blast from the past, also your new flag!



from now on you may refer to me as sir garyalot the great.

 rotfl 
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
 
IAH777
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:06 pm

This flag flew at the Battle of Gonzales - the first battle of the War For Texas Independence. I believe it just might fly again....



We'll use our secret weapon. One that's possibly outlawed by the Geneva Convention and certainly outlawed by the Magna Carta. Bring forth...



....the Dentist's Chair!

 duck 
 
Gary2880
Posts: 1856
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:10 pm

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):

why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
 
7LBAC111
Topic Author
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:11 pm

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 9):
Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):


why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag

 rotfl 

7L
Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
 
IAH777
Posts: 2810
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:12 pm

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 9):

why use a picture of a condom with a fly on it as a flag

Obviously, we're insinuating that we'd like to keep our soiled condom out of your filthy paws.  taekwondo 

[Edited 2006-03-02 14:15:43]
 
stuckinMAF
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:13 pm

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):
This flag flew at the Battle of Gonzales - the first battle of the War For Texas Independence. I believe it just might fly again....

And BTW, on this day (March 2) in 1836, Texas declared her independence from Mexico! Happy Texas Independence Day, everyone!

7LBAC111, thanks for posting, quite amusing! I hope everyone keeps a sense of humor and we just have fun with it!
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity" -Sigmund Freud
 
ANCFlyer
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:14 pm

Hilarious . . .

#7, Long as I still get double time pay, I don't give a shit what you call it.

#11, we're putting roundabouts in Anchorage anyway - it's frackin' hilarious to watch these people navigate them having never seen one before!

#10 is BS, I'm keeping my truck . . .

#15 . . . hallelujah! Real Beer.

#17 Green Bay quit playing it last year - no worries.

#18 Baseball sucks anyway, no loss.

Sir Garyalot - nice flag!

 rotfl 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
usnseallt82
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:15 pm

Another Bush flamer. Haven't heard this before.



Humorous though.  Big grin

Edit: spelling

[Edited 2006-03-02 14:25:02]
Crye me a river
 
ozvirginuk
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:06 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:19 pm

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
1) You guys dump Blair immediately!

Great idea. No-one will disagree.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
2) Ears HAS to abdicate (Charles).

Agreed. Prince Harry for King. He's much better looking and clearly has a father who doesn't have big ears!!!! (oooh controversial!)

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves!

Of course we'd keep tea time to ourselves. We don't want to share it anyway....

Oz
 
Gary2880
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:21 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 13):
#11, we're putting roundabouts in Anchorage anyway - it's frackin' hilarious to watch these people navigate them having never seen one before!

have you seen the simpsons episode where they go to london and homer encoutners a roundabout while in a mini cooper  laughing 
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
 
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nighthawk
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:23 pm

you missed off point 21:

21) Your flag will be removed from airliners.net. Instead you will be forced to bear the union jack for the next 4 years. Anyone who complains about having to do so will be banned. Consider this punishment for not supporting the Scottish campain.
 
airtran737
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:24 pm

Well, it's been awhile since we beat the shit out of the British, maybe we can call up the French and have them join in. We'll pound you 1776 style!


"No taxation without representation!"
Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
 
greasespot
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:28 pm

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 14):
Another Bush flamer. Haven't heard this before.

People complain bout low quality posts...Plese tell me why the above rquoted post is an example of a high quality one?

Why say anything. People are having fun with thei becasue it is a JOKE...That is all


Hey now the USA and Canada can for the western arm or the EU now....

GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
ANCFlyer
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:28 pm

Quoting Gary2880 (Reply 16):
have you seen the simpsons episode where they go to london and homer encoutners a roundabout while in a mini cooper

Don't really watch the Simpsons . . . but, with what little knowledge I have, I can only imagine it was like the first time I got stuck going around the Arch de Triumph in Paris in a Volkswagen Beetle (1981) . . . now that was interesting. Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???  rotfl 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
ME AVN FAN
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:33 pm

Texas independent again -- nice. And Alaska plus Northern California ? Russian again of course ! Farbankov and Ankorov as major cities of Alaska. And what about San Franziskitch ! Kansas and Oklahoma united with Texas . And Continental Airlines and American Airlines merged as Texas Republic Airlines = TRA
 
flyingbabydoc
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:33 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 20):
Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???

Ever tried driving in Rome, ANCFlyer?

Makes Paris look like driving-school.  crazy 

Alex
Marriage is the art of turning a lover into a relative
 
ANCFlyer
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:44 pm

Quoting Flyingbabydoc (Reply 22):
Ever tried driving in Rome, ANCFlyer?

Ha - so I've heard. I did drive down to a little place called Positano to visit a friend, never in Rome.

I believe you're quite right, driving on the Italian countryside was more sport than anything else . . . .

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 21):
Farbankov and Ankorov as major cities of Alaska.

 Wow!

Independence! Excellent . . . you schmucks want oil - how 'bout $150US per bbl?  laughing  After we take our share.
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
IAH777
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:45 pm

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 21):
Kansas and Oklahoma united with Texas

The only reason Texas hasn't fallen-off into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks so hard.  biggrin 
 
flyingbabydoc
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:46 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 23):
Ha - so I've heard. I did drive down to a little place called Positano to visit a friend, never in Rome.

This is our favourite vacations spot, Positano. But still, you must have driven the A3 then from Naples.. enough to clog your coronaries and make your blood pressure hit the roof.

Oil @150 USD a barrel? No thanks. Electric cars or bycicles for us.

Cheers

Alex
Marriage is the art of turning a lover into a relative
 
greasespot
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:47 pm

Oh and do not forget ANC as a newly formed Russian cop you are now going to have to extrot money from tourists.....take bribes and generally be corrupt.

On the upside you will also now be expected to walk arround with an AK-47 and your patrol car will be an APC......

GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
IAH777
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:50 pm

@Greasy: Does that mean Texas will be given back to Mexico? I'll be issued a 1977 Dodge pick-up to carry myself and eleven co-workers?
 
flyingbabydoc
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:54 pm

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 26):
On the upside you will also now be expected to walk arround with an AK-47 and your patrol car will be an APC......

Hey, ANCFlyer, if you need some nice russian fur hats I can get you some here in eastern Europe...  Smile

Seriously, at least you would be seeing a lot more of russian airplanes. That would be cool!

Cheers

Alex
Marriage is the art of turning a lover into a relative
 
miamiair
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:56 pm

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 26):
Oh and do not forget ANC as a newly formed Russian cop you are now going to have to extrot money from tourists.....take bribes and generally be corrupt.

And swill vodka from a flask every five minutes, give up the glock in favor of one of those Makarovs, and start driving a Lada.
Molon Labe - Proud member of SMASH
 
greasespot
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:56 pm

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 27):
@Greasy: Does that mean Texas will be given back to Mexico? I'll be issued a 1977 Dodge pick-up to carry myself and eleven co-workers?

rofl....I almost spit my coffee on the my computer.........


youmay want to move to New Russia

and since there is no more mexican border you will have nothing to do..  wink 

GS

[Edited 2006-03-02 14:58:04]
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
halls120
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:58 pm

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

 rotfl  I wish you could, you know, ah, do something about this, uh, problem we have.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Agree 100%!

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "football". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Sorry, but watching people running around for 90 minutes chasing a ball is boring. I'll stick with the NFL, thank you.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography
 
IAH777
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 10:59 pm

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 30):
and since there is no more mexican border you will have nothing to do

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
 
oli80
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:18 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:01 pm

Quoting Flyingbabydoc (Reply 22):
Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 20):
Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???

Ever tried driving in Rome, ANCFlyer?

Makes Paris look like driving-school.

Ever tried driving in Doha? Worst drivers I've EVER seen!! They appear not to have traffic laws.  Wink
 
Gary2880
Posts: 1856
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:52 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:02 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 20):
Why is it the French don't pay attention to properly signaled lane changes and a desire to get the helloutta there???

oh dear god yes. i saw once the top gear team driving around the Arch, its a death trap! like a destruction derby for civilians. i imagine it was like the simpsons Big grin they went round and around in circles until it was dark.
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
 
slider
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 12:58 am

Quoting IAH777 (Reply 8):
This flag flew at the Battle of Gonzales - the first battle of the War For Texas Independence. I believe it just might fly again....



Quoting StuckinMAF (Reply 12):
And BTW, on this day (March 2) in 1836, Texas declared her independence from Mexico! Happy Texas Independence Day, everyone!

Huah!

Hell, the volunteer militia out in Odessa could topple the UK. Come and Take it you limey bastids!!  Smile

LOL!
 
desertjets
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Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2000 3:12 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:05 am

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

What about the British cars that we should be driving once we become a part of the empire??? Oh wait, there isn't a British automobile industry anymore.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

We don't put Mayo on our fries... we have this stuff called Ketchup now.
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
 
7LBAC111
Topic Author
Posts: 2427
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:08 am

Quoting DesertJets (Reply 36):
What about the British cars that we should be driving once we become a part of the empire??? Oh wait, there isn't a British automobile industry anymore.

It says German cars you halfwit. Big grin
Debate is what you put on de hook when you want to catch de fish.
 
cornish
Posts: 7651
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:09 am

Quoting DesertJets (Reply 36):
What about the British cars that we should be driving once we become a part of the empire??? Oh wait, there isn't a British automobile industry anymore.

Of course there is.

We build Nissans, Toyotas, Hondas, Peugeots, BMWs......  Wink
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
Dougloid
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:14 am

This is worth the price of admission on a.net...

On the other hand, if anyone's to blame for American Independence it woulda been Farmer George. I mean, when people have problems that need ot be addressed and you just refuse to bother with it, what do you think happens?

Personally, I'm not entirely sure that the American Revolution actually happened.
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
greasespot
Posts: 2955
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:48 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 1:50 am

Quoting DesertJets (Reply 36):
Oh wait, there isn't a British automobile industry anymore.

You say that as if it is a bad thing....

GS
Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
 
usnseallt82
Posts: 4727
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 4:49 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 2:55 am

Quoting Greasespot (Reply 19):
Why say anything. People are having fun with thei becasue it is a JOKE...That is all

Aren't you the bright one today?  crazy 






(hint: mine was a joke as well)
Crye me a river
 
Twistedwhisper
Posts: 689
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2003 11:52 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 3:32 am

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "football".

Not "soccer"?

Quoting Usnseallt82 (Reply 14):
Another Bush flamer. Haven't heard this before.

Bush flamer? I'd say it was flaming just about everything about the US, but Bush...

Quoting DesertJets (Reply 36):
We don't put Mayo on our fries... we have this stuff called Ketchup now.

Yes, and you drench everything in it. It's a spice, not a God damn sauce.

Oh!
21. Ketchup will from now on be replaced by HP brown sauce.
Read between the lines.
 
ME AVN FAN
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RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 4:15 am

Quoting TWISTEDWHISPER (Reply 42):
Not "soccer"?

THIS expression will be (ought to be actually) banned by law

Quoting TWISTEDWHISPER (Reply 42):
be replaced by HP brown sauce.

that is a nice idea as "HP" really is good
 
deltagator
Posts: 6170
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:56 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:00 am

Thank you all for making me laugh today. This thread was great although I disagree with the starter. We're doing just fine thank you. If I wasn't American I would only hope I was British.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

All I can say is Go F*** yourself! We'll fight you for it.

Quoting BN747 (Reply 4):
3) You guys keep 'Tea Time' to yourselves!

Don't judge me but I like tea time.
"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
 
gunsontheroof
Posts: 3226
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:30 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:12 am

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA

**** him.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair

Ditto.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.'

Deal, but you have to agree to incorporate the use of "izzle" into the British vocabulary. It'll give both of us something to work on.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

This is irrelevant...everyone here will just refer to it as PIT.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

God forbid that a language should evolve into different dialects over the course of several centuries.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

I think the Sex Pistols are overrated, can we use a Clash song instead?

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

Chips or not, they're delicious, and I don't know anyone who dresses them in mayonnaise...I thought that was a Dutch thing.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

As long as this involves me drinking copious amounts of Newcastle, I'm game.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football

Some of us here in the states are already in agreement with you here.

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies

If you're going to talk about a bunch of nancies, going after the Americanization of football (soccer) probably would have been much more effective. Do they have "football mums" with minivans in the UK?

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball.

What if we added tea/lunch breaks?

Quoting 7LBAC111 (Thread starter):
20. An Inland Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.



I'm surprised that you didn't take the opportunity to lambast our inability to comprehend irony.

Edited for Americanisms.

[Edited 2006-03-02 21:13:23]
 
Gary2880
Posts: 1856
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:52 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 6:15 am

Quoting Gunsontheroof (Reply 45):
Do they have "football mums" with minivans in the UK?

ill see your soccar mom and raise you a footballers wife.

chavtrumps everybody! tell your friends.
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson
 
slider
Posts: 6805
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:42 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 6:52 am

Quoting TWISTEDWHISPER (Reply 42):
21. Ketchup will from now on be replaced by HP brown sauce.

OK, I'll bite...what the hell is HP brown sauce?
 
Derico
Posts: 4206
Joined: Mon Dec 20, 1999 9:14 am

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 7:16 am

I think the world would rather see an independent United States than one run by England.... My word, what would McDonalds food taste then if it was the brits running the joint?
My internet was not shut down, the internet has shut me down
 
Gary2880
Posts: 1856
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:52 pm

RE: Important Announcement For All US Citizens

Fri Mar 03, 2006 7:33 am

Quoting Derico (Reply 49):
what would McDonalds food taste then if it was the brits running the joint?

nice?

nah i jest. good food. over black poodin  vomit 

Quoting Slider (Reply 48):
I'll bite...what the hell is HP brown sauce?

what your life will now revolve around when you tuck into your full english and haggis on the side.

should also probably start to get a taste for lea and perrins as that will be on everything as well

and whatever number we are on now i am banning this mountain dew stuff that everyone keeps banging on about and i have no idea what the hell it is. whatever it is, 7up is better.
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel :- Samuel Johnson

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