carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

Yet Another Joke Thread!

Tue Apr 11, 2006 6:33 pm

Just got this by e-mail... hope humor travels well in translation. Enjoy! Big grin

-----

The airplane is up in the air, and the captain comes in the PA:

- Good morning, this is your captain speaking. We have now reached cruise altitude, and are overflying the city of -- WATCH IT! OOOOHHHH MY GOD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The passengers hear a loud scream, followed by a hellish noise:

- NNNOOOOOO, AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

And then an eternal silence...

Moments later, the captain comes again on the PA, laughing:

- I beg you pardon, my dear passengers. What happened earlier is that I just dropped my food tray and coffee on myself. You won't imagine how my trousers look from the front...

Quite upset, a passenger yells:

- You motherf*cking bastard! Son of a b*tch! Why don't you come personally and check how MY trousers look from the back!!!
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
futuresdpdcop
Posts: 1226
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:26 am

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:55 am

Looks like this thread is a joke  duck 
 
AsstChiefMark
Posts: 10465
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:14 pm

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:03 am

Three Labrador retrievers --one brown, one yellow and one black-- were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"

The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything the sofa, the drapes, the cat, and the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."

The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you at the vet's office?" "I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, and fire hydrants...whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?" The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Damned MSP...Red tail...Red tail
 
kaddyuk
Posts: 3697
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2001 1:04 am

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:03 am

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
You motherf*cking bastard! Son of a b*tch! Why don't you come personally and check how MY trousers look from the back!!!

I like how you sensor Mo-Fo and Bi@tch... but not bastard... Why?
Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" never had Gonorrhea
 
stlgph
Posts: 9054
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:19 pm

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:04 am

So this old man and this old lady are residents of a nursing home. They meet and become friends. A few days later they are making mad passionate love about two or three times a day.

She spends the night in his bed, he spends the night in her bed taking turns every night...laying on each other's body with the other's genitalia cupped in their hands.

One night the lady comes down to the man's room to go to sleep with him. She opens the door and finds him in bed with another woman just laying there all strapped and tied to the bed for the man's pleasure.

The woman is angry and angrily asks "What does this woman have that I do not have?"

The man says..."Parkinson's"
if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport
 
AsstChiefMark
Posts: 10465
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:14 pm

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:06 am

Quoting STLGph (Reply 4):
The man says..."Parkinson's"

EXCELLENT !!!!!
Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Damned MSP...Red tail...Red tail
 
stlgph
Posts: 9054
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:19 pm

RE: Yet Another Joke Thread!

Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:12 am

One night a young woman's phone rings and she answers. On the other line is her dad who goes into a long lengthy conversation that he and his wife (her mom) have come to the conclusion that it is best for them to divorce.

The daughter, a newlywed of her own, asks all kinds of questions because she had not realized that there had been problems in the recent past of her parents 35 year marriage.

The dad hangs up with the daughter and calls his other daughter to deliver the news to her. His phone call is later interrupted when his son calls because his youngest daughter had called him with the news.

Finally, after a chaotic twenty minutes of being on the phone, he is able to hang up the phone and enjoy a nice glass of wine that his wife just brought to him.

"What is going on, dear?," she asks.

"The kids are coming home for the holidays," he said.
if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport

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