But without them how would I have known that I have rheumatoid arthritis, migraines, gum disease, enlarged prostate, small penis, ulcers, poison ivy, jaundice, measles, chicken pox, labor pains, menstrual cramps, and acute hearing loss? Of course, once I learned all this I became depressed, which triggered my allergies and hypoglycemia. So I got my prescriptions, but was having trouble reading them so I went out and had Lasik surgery at the Boothe Eyecare and Laser Center. They screwed it up, but I remembered a couple of lawyers around town: Brian Loncar, one call that's all; and Jim Adler, the Texas hammer. So I called them with my personal injury claim, settled out of court, and then bought a new house on Lake Lewisville in a new, exciting community! It has to be since that's what they said on tv! And now I'm claritin clear, have a big boost of confidence, am putting on a happy face, and am doing much better. Of course, I do have some mild side effects that include diarreah, blood loss, fatigue, leperosy, dry mouth, headaches, joint pain, burning in the genital area, constipation, a heart murmur, liver cancer, nausea, and an aversion to midgets, but those are manageable according to the new ads I just saw! Thank goodness for tv and modern medicine!
Well, I have to go now. Nike just came out with some new soccer shoes that will allow me to play with Beckam, Ronaldo, Drogba, Henry, Adu, and others according to their commercial. And thanks to my new H2
, financed through ditech.com, I'm going places. Like McDonald's. Da da da da da, I'm lovin' it.