halls120
Posts: 8724
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:24 am

The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:48 pm

Recently I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography
 
ANCFlyer
Posts: 21391
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:51 pm

RE: The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:53 pm

 rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
IAH777
Posts: 2810
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:55 pm

RE: The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:10 pm

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 

You should've shoved your nose in her crotch for effect.
 
oly720man
Posts: 5745
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 7:13 am

RE: The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:15 pm

Excellent. Funniest thing I've read in ages...
wheat and dairy can screw up your brain
 
VHVXB
Posts: 5309
Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2006 7:54 pm

RE: The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:21 pm

Quoting Halls120 (Thread starter):

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
 
desertjets
Posts: 7571
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2000 3:12 pm

RE: The Purina Diet

Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:55 pm

Wait for it, wait for it...... Here's your sign, to an entire check-out line @ Wal-Mart.
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:37 am

RE: The Purina Diet

Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:03 am

 rotfl   rotfl  That was great!!
International Homo of Mystery
 
VC10BOAC
Posts: 387
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2004 2:11 am

RE: The Purina Diet

Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:31 am

It happened to you too? Well what are the chances. I got an email from a co-worker earlier today and the exact same thing happened to him too at Walmart!
 
halls120
Posts: 8724
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:24 am

RE: The Purina Diet

Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:40 am

Quoting VC10BOAC (Reply 7):
It happened to you too? Well what are the chances. I got an email from a co-worker earlier today and the exact same thing happened to him too at Walmart!

That's the beauty of the internet. I was able to circulate what happened to me around the world in an instant!  Wink

At least I didn't change the story I received and tried to pass it off as my own.  biggrin 
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography

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