AR385
Topic Author
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Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 8:25 pm

Hi to all of you who have expressed their support on the original thread, I finally went and talked to the father. This is what happened:

As I was talking, expressing my condolences, he turned red and started yelling at the top of his lungs: IT WAS YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOT RIDE THE HORSE THAT WEEK !!! He then grabbed a razor blade sharp knife. I immediately knew what was going to happen, so I proceeded to do as any coward in my position would do, RUN. But he was between me and the entrance to his study.

He took two strides towards me so I raised my right hand to cover myself and he slashed it twice. One cut goes from the tip of my ring finger to the beginning of my forearm severing two arteries and a vein. One of those two arteries is the most important one in the arm. The other cut goes from my index finger, from the tip, halfway through the hand.This one severed my tendon, the index finger tendon. I felt no pain. Adrenaline I guess.

At that point I just wanted to kill the bastard, I was angry, furious even.

He must have realized so, because three seconds later he cut and slash my abdomen, a 20 inch gash on my right side halfway between my nipples and my belly button. This one went all the way to my liver. Then another 15 inch one penetrating my left chest and slashing its way in. Thank God* it did not touched my heart. Came toward one inch of it, though. I was by now not dripping blood, It was gushing out from my chest, my abdomen and my hand in among other ways, a constant stream, like a water hose. Apart from the other parts of my hand that were bleeding incredibly fast. Then he left.

So there I was, alone, in his study, bleeding badly. And, of couse, like in the movies, I sort of passed out. Twenty mins. later ( I'm told) the wife called the police. Talk about luck...or maybe God* did not want me there yet. The patrol cars (four) arrived in three minutes (Mexico is not as backward as some people in the US think) They entered the house and came to the study. Two ambulances with EMT's were dispatched too and arrived in five mins.

To say I was "lying in a pool of blood", would not even be cliche, but also not true. I was lying in a lake of blood. White colored, a very slow pulse and almost no blood pressure. The EMT's instead of stabilizing me decided it was better to just rush me to the ER. I was in and out of consciousness. In the ER they told me that in ten more minutes I would have been dead. I lost 2.3 liters of blood at a very fast rate, which is actually more important than the actual amount, they told me. So, now it was a trip to the OR (at least in the ambulance I felt important, with the sirens and all) Ten hours in OR. Liver repaired (now no alcohol for one year  Sad ), Chest wounds repaired, and hand repaired, kinda, I have it in a cast though for four more weeks and nobody really knows if my index finger will work again, although the tendon was reattached. Fortunately, I am a leftie!

My family took the first available flight (They were in Mexico City) and arrived just about when they were wheeling me up to my room. I really don't even want to imagine their anguish. I feel really guilty about that.

It's been one week and one day and I cannot read violent stuff, not even comics, I can't watch most TV shows (news programs are out of any consideration), I have to sleep with a light on, I hear yelling and I get sick, I am bursting into tears at least twice a day without any reason, and to top it all off, my fiancee left me.

She said that in these conditions I "would not make a good husband." Hello!! I was almost killed. But, when does the pain of losing her goes away? I miss her so very much...I can't imagine myself with another woman. We had been together for four years, I feel lost and if I had known she was going to leave me, I now wish I had died that afternoon.

Thanks for reading, at this point I do not know why but it helps me a lot to write or recount this incident.

I've had a terrible year, true, but that means that next year is going to be great. To recognize the good and to enjoy it, you need to know the bad.

Thanks to all!!

* Any religious references in this text are only intended to add significance to some points I wrote, I am not trying to surreptitiously to impose my religion.
 
bill142
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 8:39 pm

Thats horrible. I certainly hope charges have been laid. There is simply no excuse for this barbaric attack, even if he is clearly greiving the loss of his daughter.
And if your fiancee isn't going to support you through this then clearly she is not worth it.

Glad to know your alright.
 
Molykote
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 8:40 pm

Clearly this is quite an ordeal and nothing that anyone says can amend anything that has happened to you. Clearly your intentions in the first post as well as this follow up were noble. I do wish you a speedy recovery.

As for this......

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
and to top it all off, my fiancee left me.



Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
She said that in these conditions I "would not make a good husband." Hello!! I was almost killed.

My words may not make you feel better (and I don't wish to upset you further) but according to your account of her actions she's a selfish bitch. The tired phrase of "better off without her" is undoubtedly true based upon her actions.

Try to appreciate what other unfortunate situations you may have found yourself in had you stuck with her - If it wasn't this event it would have been something else that revealed her selfish attitude.
Speedtape - The aspirin of aviation!
 
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alaskaqantas
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 8:55 pm

I am deaply sorry.

Words can't express themselfs here. eyepopping 

What happened wasn't your fault and the father was wrong in thinking it was. I hope you get better. Are you still able to travel?
~Cheers-
~~Kyle H.
to some people the sky is the limit, to aviation enthusiasts, its home!
 
ajd1992
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:05 pm

AR385,

That's horrible. I read your account in the other thread, a while back. It wasn't your fault, it was a unfortunate accident. Having the courage to do what you did, and talking to him was the right thing to do. From your account, the attack was unprovoked and vicious and hope he's jailed. Don't worry, that bastard will get what's coming.

As for your fiancee, that's just selfish and uncalled for. You need her to support you. I suppose it's good that she did what she did, as you could of been married and then found out. Obviously, she has put herself infront of you. Get well soon, and try not to retaliate. That makes you just as bad, although i admit it is hard not to sometimes.  Angry
 
Alessandro
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:08 pm

Glad you survived, I think you should stay away from horses and horse people, hope
you recover fast.
From New Yorqatar to Califarbia...
 
Klaus
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:22 pm

Oh my. Sad

I've got no idea what happened originally, but I wish you all the best to recover from both your physical wounds and the mental shock and grief as well as possible. I hope your family will support you and care for you - feeling safe and appreciated is extremely important right now.

The loss of your fiancee is another bad experience, but as others have said, she only revealed that you'll be in fact better off without her - even if it hurts a lot right now.

Get well, and all the best!  bigthumbsup 
 
Alessandro
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:13 pm

Klaus, a pupil of his died in horse accident during a competition.
From New Yorqatar to Califarbia...
 
Klaus
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:21 pm

Ah, right; I think I remember the post. Sorry to hear that.

I guess the father was completely overwhelmed with grief; People often do stupid things in such a state, even if that could never excuse such an attack.
 
rammstein
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:22 pm

What happened to you is simply horrible. I wish you a fast recovery and best wishes for the future...!

And about your ex-fiancee... Other people already told you, but I repeat: she wasn't worth your attention and your love. There are plenty of women around, don't think for a second she was the best. She wasn't.
He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a day. --Leonardo Da Vinci
 
CO7e7
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:29 pm

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

I wish you speedy recovery.

Good Luck

-Zaki
 
pawsleykat
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:38 pm

That sounds really scary. I know everyone has already said that they wish you a fast recovery, but I, like everyone else, really mean it. I could not imagine the pain and terror that you have/ are going through.

JG
First Class passengers are my favourites. They can't get any further forward without an ATPL.
 
VHVXB
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:40 pm

Thats dreadful whats happend to you. I wish all the best in your recovery and hope things start to look better for you from here onwards. GOOD LUCK  bigthumbsup 
 
piercey
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:54 pm

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
(now no alcohol for one year )

That's it, sue the b@st@rd for all he's worth. Speaking of which, I take it there are 1-2 charges on the SOB?

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
my fiancee left me.

She said that in these conditions I "would not make a good husband." Hello!! I was almost killed. But, when does the pain of losing her goes away? I miss her so very much...I can't imagine myself with another woman. We had been together for four years, I feel lost and if I had known she was going to leave me, I now wish I had died that afternoon.



Quoting Molykote (Reply 2):

My words may not make you feel better (and I don't wish to upset you further) but according to your account of her actions she's a selfish bitch. The tired phrase of "better off without her" is undoubtedly true based upon her actions.

was gonna say the same thing. @ least this didn't happen a year latter after you tied the knot.

Just remember, things can only go up from hear (hopefully)
Well I believe it all is coming to an end. Oh well, I guess we are gonna pretend.
 
NAV20
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:04 pm

I owe you an abject apology, AR385 - I was one of those who advised you to give it time, try to see that bastard's point of view..........

Deeply sorry to hear what happened. I can only hope that the police are on the case, he's already in jail awaiting trial, and you at least have the satisfaction of seeing him get ten years or so for grievous bodily harm.

Apologies again. And all best wishes, hope recovery is fast and complete.
"Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards.." - Leonardo da Vinci
 
SlamClick
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:16 pm

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
so I proceeded to do as any coward in my position would do, RUN

I believe those of us who have actually faced deadly weapons will agree, running is not being a coward, it is very sensible. It is unfortunate that you could not have gotten away quicker.

A nephew of mine was once stabbed in the liver. While it did give him some trouble for the first months it did heal and he has no effects at all from the wound. I wish you a full recovery.

As to the original tragedy - while you could have changed the outcome of that day, what you did was perfectly reasonable and no one could claim to foresee her death. It was not your fault. It really is just that simple.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
to top it all off, my fiancee left me

It may not be much consolation now but she did you a huge favor by unmasking herself. So much for 'in sickness and in health!' She ran out on you when you could have used her support. You are fortunate to have discovered her lack of character before you married her. You seem a very decent person and she was a fool.

Good luck.

[Edited 2006-08-13 16:40:24]
Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
 
JAGflyer
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:18 pm

Thats awful. Attempted murder or assault charges for sure.
Support the beer and soda can industry, your recycle old airplanes!
 
Continental
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:50 am

Quoting JAGflyer (Reply 16):
Attempted murder or assault charges for sure.

Continually slashing someone deep with a razor would definitely be attempted murder. The best thing here is that he's going to jail regardless.

Everyone just has to realize that the horse riding incident was not your fault whatsoever. Not even 1% your fault, you even tried to prevent her from riding. Everyone else is also right about your fiancee, she's not worth it at all. It may seem hard to have this happen, but you have to realize there's someone else out there that will support you and that is way better than her.
 
ScarletHarlot
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:46 am

Oh my God! How awful! The man must still be crazed with sorrow - obviously something is very wrong in his head and how terrible that you had to be the one to suffer for it. Thank God you survived and I hope you will heal quickly.

As for your fiancee...as everybody above said, you are so much better off without her. What kind of selfish bitch would leave you in your time of physical and mental anguish? She's not worth a thought by you.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
BowflexBrennan
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:03 am

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but like the others said, you are better off without you. If she left you because of that, she obviously doesn't love you. If she really loved you she would have done whatever she could to help you recover. Just be happy it happened before you were married, because it would have been a much bigger headache if you would of had to go through a divorce, not to mention the amount of money you would have lost in a divorce.

Hope your feeling better, Andrew
 
aero145
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:05 am

My condolenses!

Hope you'll recover!

May I see the previous thread? I can't find it anywhere...

 wave 

-Aero145

PS:

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 18):
As for your fiancee...as everybody above said, you are so much better off without her. What kind of selfish bitch would leave you in your time of physical and mental anguish? She's not worth a thought by you.

 checkmark  checkmark  checkmark  checkmark 
 
SlamClick
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:24 am

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 18):
The man must still be crazed with sorrow - obviously something is very wrong in his head

I agree. No excuse for what he did of course, but it leads me to wonder about this whole event.

Of course I don't know any of the people involved but the severity of his response makes me wonder if maybe he didn't push his daughter too hard in this area. Perhaps she pushed herself too hard knowing what he expected of her? Do you think maybe HE feels responsible for her death but because of pride or something cannot face that directly? Maybe you were a more convenient target for his anguish?
Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
 
canuckpaxguy
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:41 am

Oh my god!
That's HORRIBLE.

I'm glad you made it out alive.

G
 
SA7700
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:43 am

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
It's been one week and one day and I cannot read violent stuff, not even comics, I can't watch most TV shows (news programs are out of any consideration), I have to sleep with a light on, I hear yelling and I get sick, I am bursting into tears at least twice a day without any reason,

I think it is essential that you go for trauma counseling. Since my last post on your original thread, our family's world was "turned over" for the worse. Two weeks ago, I unsuspectingly walked into my 25 year old sister’s bedroom – only to find her with a single bullet wound to her head. She took her own life.

Since the incident, I have been in denial, thinking I was fine and moving along the grieving process. Today, I finally admitted to myself that I was an emotional wreck and “ticking time bomb”. I will be seeking out professional trauma counseling as soon as possible.

You are in my thoughts and prayers AR385


Regards

SA7700
When you are doing stuff that nobody has done before, there is no manual – Kevin McCloud (Grand Designs)
 
SA7700
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:55 am

Quoting Aero145 (Reply 20):
May I see the previous thread? I can't find it anywhere...

Senseless Death, Is It My Fault?


SA7700
When you are doing stuff that nobody has done before, there is no manual – Kevin McCloud (Grand Designs)
 
saxdiva
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:38 am

I can't really add much of substance to this thread, except my condolences.

As for the fiancee... it will take a while to realize your good fortune, so you'll have to trust us when we say "good riddance." If that's her idea of loyalty, best to have her out of the way so you can find someone who has a clue.

Take care and recover fast,
Leanne
 
NoUFO
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 5:23 am

Oh man, how awful.  Sad
Words fail me, and I can only wish that you get well, soon.

Quoting SA7700 (Reply 23):
I think it is essential that you go for trauma counseling.

I think that's good advice.
I support the right to arm bears
 
AR385
Topic Author
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:50 am

Quoting NAV20 (Reply 14):
owe you an abject apology, AR385 - I was one of those who advised you to give it time, try to see that bastard's point of view..........



Quoting NAV20 (Reply 14):
Deeply sorry to hear what happened. I can only hope that the police are on the case, he's already in jail awaiting trial

PLEASE, you do not, I repeat, do not have to apologize for your good and well intentioned advice. Who would ever would have thought this poor person was so imbalanced. Nobody. The situation is so unique that it seems like a joke the Universe decided to send me. Don't ever apologize, I'd rather keep you giving me advice when I come here.

Last week, if it were up to me, I would have certainly sent the guy to the guillotine. But now I feel different.

After all, some good things have happened thanks to his actions: I got closer to my friends and to my family. People I had not seen in years have come over (I made the news, TV and Print) I am a lot more self aware of how easy and quickly a life can be extinguished. I saw the dedication and care EMT's do their job with. I saw brutal, raw grief. My fiancee left, which yes, it was a good thing, although I still miss her and I still hurt. But the most important thing I got, the most important thing of all, at 33, is that I have realized there are things that happen that simply do. You can't control them. They will happen. It's a peaceful, relaxing and liberating way to see life anew.

Of course I'm not gonna go out on a thunderstorm and wait for lighting to strke me. But as I said, things will just happen and when they do, sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

I will eventually forgive the guy. I am a Roman Catholic and forgiveness is a pillar of my faith, but, I'm not there yet. After all, who's lost more here? He lost his daughter senselessly, he's lost his sanity, apparently, I know his marriage is over, he's doing a lot of Cocaine and alcohol, his businesses are in a neat downward spiral, he's lost his freedom, he's lost his standing in the community, while me, I only got three cuts, a big scare, got rid of a wench, and no beer for a year. So really, who got the bad side of the bargain?

For those who have said or asked, I do not need to press charges. Our laws have to prosecute these offenses by default.
 
AR385
Topic Author
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:13 am

I forgot to mention. For peace of mind, I have decided not to get involved in any legal proceeding. My family's attorneys have been given a power of attorney written by me and it's them who'll go through the whole judicial process. I don't wish him any ill. After all, her daughter was my student. Let justice decide his fate.
 
halls120
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:19 am

Quoting Saxdiva (Reply 25):
As for the fiancee... it will take a while to realize your good fortune, so you'll have to trust us when we say "good riddance." If that's her idea of loyalty, best to have her out of the way so you can find someone who has a clue.

Couldn't agree more.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and I hope the SOB is prosecuted fully.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography
 
carmenlu15
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:28 am

Whoa whoa whoa... When it rains, it pours, doesn't it?

I'm truly sorry for what has happened to you, but at the same time I'm glad to see you're doing better. I must say, I admire you for making the best out of your situation -- frankly, I doubt I could ever handle it.

As for your fiancee, well... I know it's hard, but at least you found out her true colors now and not during marriage.

Hang on there my friend...

Saludos,
Carmen
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
Boeing4ever
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:00 pm

Boy, it's been rough for you...an understatement I know...but hang in there. Things have to get better from here. After all, you survived, so you still have some living to do. You'll find a new girl, and I'm sure this will eventually be behind you.

I have to say, you're an amazing sport though, judging by your replies 27 and 28. I'm glad you're stayin' strong through this. Best wishes to you!

 airplane B4e-Forever New Frontiers airplane 
 
NAV20
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:07 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 27):
Don't ever apologize, I'd rather keep you giving me advice when I come here.

Fair enough, AR385, thanks - but I'll always feel a bit guilty, I should have asked you more about what sort of guy he was, never crossed my mind that he might turn out to be a homicidal nutcase.

One more bit of advice, though, from bitter personal experience, now that we know what he's like. About:-

Quoting AR385 (Reply 28):
For peace of mind, I have decided not to get involved in any legal proceeding.

I know it's hard, but I think you MUST brace yourself, stay involved, 'stand your corner,' for your own protection. The implications of what you said about seeing him alone in his 'study' are that he's not short of money, and probably influential.

My guess is that he's already claiming that you attacked him, that he was acting in self-defence, that he wouldn't normally hurt a fly but you scared him and he lost his head.....

You staying 'un-involved' is perfect from his point of view. Not only is he likely to get out from under any charges, and stay free to do the same sort of thing to someone else one day; he might find a way to get YOU facing charges instead. Make no mistake, he'll be telling a pack of lies to the police, the court, and everyone else; you've got to make sure that your own evidence is fully on record, and back it up in court if necessary.
"Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards.." - Leonardo da Vinci
 
Klaus
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:17 pm

Quoting NAV20 (Reply 32):
I know it's hard, but I think you MUST brace yourself, stay involved, 'stand your corner,' for your own protection.

It's certainly a good idea to stay aware of what is going on even if it may be painful; But that does not necessarily require him to be active or even aggressive - just to be cautious. Better be prepared for the worst, but still hope for the best...!
 
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TheRedBaron
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:28 pm

I hope you recover ASAP, and find a person who deserves your love...

Keep going to counselling, the healing will be long (this comming from a shrink)...

best regards

The Red Baron
The best seat in a Plane is the Jumpseat.
 
fumanchewd
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 14, 2006 4:16 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 27):
The situation is so unique that it seems like a joke the Universe decided to send me

I have been in similiar situations with guns, police, drugs, ad nauseum and I understatnd that "surreal" feeling.

Quoting AR385 (Reply 27):
He lost his daughter senselessly, he's lost his sanity, apparently, I know his marriage is over, he's doing a lot of Cocaine and alcohol, his businesses are in a neat downward spiral, he's lost his freedom, he's lost his standing in the community, while me, I only got three cuts, a big scare, got rid of a wench, and no beer for a year. So really, who got the bad side of the bargain?

I agree with your assessment completely. Just relax and things always work themselves out. There have been times in my life where I have had guns that were pointed at me cocked, where I was ready to kill myself, or was just ready to give up and somehow things always worked out for the better. That is why I was once a hardcore atheist and now believe that there is something to guide us. I don't want to turn this into a theistic arguement with atheists, but I know that you are a Catholic and I am sure that your faith will help you.
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey...
 
AR385
Topic Author
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RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:32 am

Quoting Molykote (Reply 2):
My words may not make you feel better (and I don't wish to upset you further) but according to your account of her actions she's a selfish bitch. The tired phrase of "better off without her" is undoubtedly true based upon her actions.

True. And I am taking your advice to thank evrybody else. But Although I´ve had my share of fun , only another girl, Pilar, and this one, Eva Maria have rocked my world. I guess sometimes a rose comes with thorns, but the wrapping is so great you don´t see them, and after a while, they prick you. I miss her, no matter I know she did an act of disloyalty, love and many more things I would have not even had thought of. Thankyou everyone for your kind words

Quoting Alaskaqantas (Reply 3):
Are you still able to travel?



Are you planning on the two of us eloping somewhere? Yes I can travel, my right hand is rather immobile but I am a leftie.

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 4):
That's horrible. I read your account in the other thread, a while back. It wasn't your fault, it was a unfortunate accident. Having the courage to do what you did, and talking to him was the right thing to do. From your account, the attack was unprovoked and vicious and hope he's jailed. Don't worry, that bastard will get what's coming.

As for your fiancee, that's just selfish and uncalled for. You need her to support you. I suppose it's good that she did what she did, as you could of been married and then found out. Obviously, she has put herself infront of you. Get well soon, and try not to retaliate. That makes you just as bad, although i admit it is hard not to sometimes.

Your first paragraph adresses my main dilemma. The guy had lost his daughter after all, and was in unimaginable pain. I can symphatize. Still, even though he did not kill me he turned me into Captain Hook-sober-That´s why I´ve decided to let other people handle the whole affair.
As for my fiancee, you are absolutetly right. What would have happened if I ever loose my job, or get cancer? Would she had pulled the same trick? I guess it´s better that I won´t ever find out. It really hurts having her gone, though

Quoting Alessandro (Reply 5):
Glad you survived, I think you should stay away from horses and horse people

Believe me, there are nutcases everywhere, they just appear. A horse is a very noble beast, but, as I´ve said befoe, it´s alive, it ísn´t a motorcycle.

Quoting Pawsleykat (Reply 11):
I could not imagine the pain and terror that you have/ are going through.



Thankyou for your concern. I am in great physical pain and for certain reasons I am banned from vicodin. I am trying a potent dose of Advil and to make myself believe the pain is just not there. It works, for a bit. but mentally, yes it´s been rough. A noise, darkness, a man bigger than me, TV I can´t watch, books I cannot read and I just cry sometimes for no reason, and that is embarrasing.

Friends, I will answer more of your warm and kind posts tomorrow. I am getting tired. Captain Hook needs to rest. Thanks to all of you, it´s great advice I have received.
 
bezoar
Posts: 746
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2001 4:47 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:11 am

Quoting AR385 (Reply 27):
I will eventually forgive the guy.

That's the spirit! Forgiving someone doesn't change them. They are still accountable for what they have done. Forgiving someone changes us by relieving our burden of anger. I suspect this fellow was simply acting out what many of us would have at least threatened to do given such a huge loss. I suspect that in time he would have been able to respond to such a visit in a much less violent way. He was blinded by his pain, and could not see yours.

I missed your original thread, but your question - is it your fault - can be addressed in the same way. Whether any legitimate responsibility can be assigned to you, it's rather easy to wonder if you should or could have done something different. Forgiving yourself can relieve the burden of guilt.

I'll pray for you and the grieving father to both heal quickly.
"There are none so blind as those who will not see."
 
EasternSon
Posts: 637
Joined: Fri Jun 02, 2006 10:07 pm

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:46 am

Man, I have to extend my best wishes to you. You've been through a lot in a short amount of time and that can be very taxing, both mentally and physically.

I read your post a couple of times and kept going back to the line where you call yourself a coward. My friend, you are NOT a coward. Getting yourself out of the situation is the only thing to do when someone pulls a weapon on you.

Secondly, the courage you had to go to the man and express your condolences in person..... That takes more courage than most would have. I commend you for acting like a man.

With regard to your feelings and physical reactions to violence, it may be what is called "post traumatic stress disorder." It can be crippling and debilitating if not treated. I suggest finding a support group run by a professional. You can even find them online these days. If not, go find a counselor. You'll be better for it, trust me.

God speed and a quick recovery.
"The only people for me are the mad ones...." Jack Kerouac
 
ctbarnes
Posts: 3269
Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2000 2:20 pm

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:59 am

There's little I can add to the above but to offer my prayers for you and both your families.

Charles, SJ
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
 
bezoar
Posts: 746
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2001 4:47 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:32 am

Quoting Bezoar (Reply 37):
I missed your original thread

I went back and read the original thread. Wow. What a story to see unfold! You've certainly not revealed anything that suggests you should feel guilty.

You are a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing your story.
"There are none so blind as those who will not see."
 
davestanKSAN
Posts: 1532
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:32 pm

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:00 am

Holy crap, that is terrible! It's almost unimaginable. Through your posts, I can tell what a caring, honest, and compassionate person you are. To be able to try and forgive the attacker and to try and see it through his perception is nothing short of amazing. It sounds like you've gone through hell and back but to see you're staying strong is really commendable.

All the best! I'm hoping and praying for your speedy recovery, as well as the mental strength to get through this tough time. God bless you and your family.

Dave
Yesterday we've sinned, today we move towards God. Touch the sky....love and respect...Safe Star!
 
AR385
Topic Author
Posts: 6734
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2003 8:25 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Sun Aug 20, 2006 8:05 pm

Quoting EasternSon (Thread starter):
With regard to your feelings and physical reactions to violence, it may be what is called "post traumatic stress disorder." It can be crippling and debilitating if not treated. I suggest finding a support group run by a professional. You can even find them online these days.

EasternSon, your whole post deserves and answer, I sincerely appreciate them your words and your sugestions.

Quoting Bezoar (Reply 40):
You are a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thankyou very much for taking the time to read my first post.
And thanks again for your comment on my writing, considering I am not a native speaker, it means a lot.

Quoting DavestanKSAN (Reply 41):
It sounds like you've gone through hell and back but to see you're staying strong is really commendable.

You are probably right, but you know "the show must go on" I need help, yes, but for that, one needs to help oneself first. I cannot just lie wallowing in my bed all day long. It's hard, but life is neutral. A person is gone but life goes on.

Quoting Ctbarnes (Reply 39):
There's little I can add to the above but to offer my prayers for you and both your families.

And that's all I need, knowing there is people out there who will offer their support and help. Thanks.

Quoting EasternSon (Reply 38):
read your post a couple of times and kept going back to the line where you call yourself a coward. My friend, you are NOT a coward. Getting yourself out of the situation is the only thing to do when someone pulls a weapon on you.

You really took a load off my back. Thankyou for your empathy, although all the posts I have received show that.

[Edited 2006-08-20 13:16:52]

[Edited 2006-08-20 13:19:03]
 
luisde8cd
Posts: 2444
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2004 12:02 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 21, 2006 3:07 pm

Martín I cannot believe what I've read in the past 45 minutes. I'm deeply shocked. Please come to the a.net meeting this tuesday 22nd, I would love to have an opportunity to speak with you in person and give you my best wishes and support.

Saludos desde San Pedro,
Luis
 
N405MX
Posts: 1156
Joined: Sat May 01, 2004 1:46 pm

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 21, 2006 3:30 pm

Quoting Luisde8cd (Reply 43):
Martín I cannot believe what I've read in the past 45 minutes. I'm deeply shocked. Please come to the a.net meeting this tuesday 22nd,

Agree with Luis, we need to talk, i´ll try to be at your place to have a talk.

Men, this hasn´t been your year, first your head, then your friend, now this; I think there´s no place for the "Why?".....

I have no words for this, only, remember, God don´t close a door without opening a window, hope you recover.

Saludos Martin.
Life is what happens when you have other plans.....
 
aaden
Posts: 774
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:49 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 21, 2006 3:41 pm

well I'm glad you survived and I hope you recover fast
 
AR385
Topic Author
Posts: 6734
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2003 8:25 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Mon Aug 21, 2006 4:48 pm

Quoting Luisde8cd (Reply 43):
Please come to the a.net meeting this tuesday 22nd

I'll be there, please tell me time.

Quoting N405MX (Reply 44):
Men, this hasn´t been your year, first your head,

N405MX, Yes maybe this has not been my year, but then again to really appreciate the real good times or years, and to learn to value them, you have to go through bad stuff. I'm not saying anybody needs to be knived, but who can really know his is not his best year? I'm not trying being condescending, but everytime the sun rises a new day starts. If I don't keep or at least try to keep that attitude, what would be left? A viscious circle of self-compassion, fear, depression, shunning my friends and family. A dark cloak would envelop my entire life.

It is good to take what happened, reflect on it, let it flow, really understand how close I came to die, what it all meant. Then, you put it in a little box inside your head, lock it and throw away the key. Make sure though you keep the lessons learned. There is always a lesson.

Regards, Luis an Logan

[Edited 2006-08-21 09:51:08]

[Edited 2006-08-21 09:52:51]
 
wrighbrothers
Posts: 1807
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2005 8:15 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:32 am

Well, I can't say how much that shocks me, the injuries sound horrific !, make me complaining about my injuries after rugby matches seem pathetic !

I truly hope you get better soon.

Kind regards
Alistair
Always stand up for what is right, even if it means standing alone..
 
AR385
Topic Author
Posts: 6734
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2003 8:25 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:19 pm

Quoting Wrighbrothers (Reply 47):
I truly hope you get better soon.

thankyou very much Alistair,
 
wrighbrothers
Posts: 1807
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2005 8:15 am

RE: Senseless Death, Is It My Fault? 2 Violence

Tue Aug 22, 2006 10:38 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 48):
thankyou very much Alistair,

You're more than welcome, the important thing is to deal with it mentaly, usualy the physical stuff will heal, and anyway, that's the doctors job.

Alistair
Always stand up for what is right, even if it means standing alone..

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