ajd1992
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Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:19 am

Hi,
If you've read my intro or profile, you'll see that i'm 14. I've recently started telling people that i'm bisexual - certanly not phase i'm going through. I've told 3 people (well, now a whole load more - almost 40000 people! Big grin) Anyway, The people i've told have been ok with it, they sort of already knew anyway, just me telling them confirmed it. But my dad seems to think that until the age of 18/19, nobody knows for sure if their gay/bi/lesbian. I've known for 6 months that i'm bi - just never had the balls to tell somebody. I finally told my cousin, a person I could trust. However i'm dreading telling my dad or having him find out from my msn chats (which he seems to like reading over my shoulder then denies it) then admiting it. I really dread telling my grandparents too, their totally religious. Help on telling my dad please!
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:22 am

Honest question. At 14 what's the need to tell your dad? Are you planning on bringing boyfriends home?
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:27 am

No, it's just at some point he'll wonder why i look at men as well as women Big grin Atleast the people who i've told (cousin+2 trustworthy female friends, i don't trust the male ones as far as i can throw them Big grin)
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:29 am

I see. Well, he's your father, and he'll figure it out.

I'm 48 and not come out to anyone, ever, but everyone with a fast clue knows which way I swing. It would just never occur to me to have to tell someone.
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CanadianNorth
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:30 am

I'd say just leave it for now, and when the time is right just tell him and call it done. Nobody (not even you) knows when that time will come; but when it does, you'll know.


CanadianNorth
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maury
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:32 am

Hmmm...do they have PFLAG in the UK? Seems to be "sort of:" http://www.parentsofgays.co.uk/

Also try http://www.pflag.org The whole "telling your parents" thing is their schtick.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:41 am

Quoting Maury (Reply 5):
Hmmm...do they have PFLAG in the UK? Seems to be "sort of:" http://www.parentsofgays.co.uk/

Also try http://www.pflag.org The whole "telling your parents" thing is their schtick.

I've never heard of them, but i'm sure something like that does.

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 3):

I'm 48 and not come out to anyone, ever, but everyone with a fast clue knows which way I swing. It would just never occur to me to have to tell someone.

I felt the need to tell somebody because alot of my peers at school were starting to guess anyway. One small problem was my cousin pestering me on who i liked who are male! Big grin The first person i told, i felt like my heart was going to fail or something. One thing i hate is when i tell people that i'm about to tell them something personal and confidential, then they pester....  Angry  Yeah sure
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:45 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 6):
One small problem was my cousin pestering me on who i liked who are male! 

So, you be honest, if they ask. I've just never gotten this whole coming out thing where people have to go around telling everyone that they're gay or bi or like sheep.
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:50 am

It's not like i'm telling everyone who will listen, far from it. I'm not a confident person anyway, admitting that your bi isn't really my cup of tea so to speak! I suppose when i'm more confident and people ask i'll just tell them anyway. I was honest on who i liked, so that's not a problem. The next hurdle is school, nobody else in my entire school (800 kids) are bi or gay... oh joy.
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:55 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 8):
nobody else in my entire school (800 kids) are bi or gay

 faint  Oh ye of little faith!
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:01 am

:D Puts me in a slight minority, don't you think? I was bullied alot for 2 years, and this is a perfect reason for them to start again.... well, i really don't like being majorly different like that. Damn it!
 
Jkw777
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:04 am

As much as I don't know about what you're going through, I've learned one thing that really does apply in this situation... Parents are always always right!! They're the people that have known you the longest, so I always listen to whatever they have to say about something I'm doing or whatever.

Good luck man, whatever happens!  Smile

Cheers,
Justin Big grin
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AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:05 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 10):
Puts me in a slight minority, don't you think

Until the day you die, you will be in the minority.

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 10):
I was bullied alot for 2 years, and this is a perfect reason for them to start again..

You allow people to bully. If what they say or do doesn't move you in the slightest, they'll soon lose interest and move on to someone else. It's not like you're going to the loo between classes to freshen up your makeup or anything, is it?
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:11 am

Well, i wasn't reacting, just they seemed to like it. Atleast i escape the stupid "gay" insult Big grin
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:14 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 13):
Atleast i escape the stupid "gay" insult

Aha, but ya are Blanche, ya are in that chair.

At 14, they don't know the difference.
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:21 am

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 14):
At 14, they don't know the difference.

Atleast i only have two years of compulsary schooling left. I almost slipped up a few months ago in school, in front of everyone. Jeez, that took some skill to make them believe that i was straight.
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:25 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 15):
Jeez, that took some skill to make them believe that i was straight.

!!!!!!
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:33 am

Well, they bought it for a few weeks, just long enough for them to forget the slip-up. Some of them joke about it, and i laugh it off. Glad i can laugh about it though. If i argue and claim that i'm not, that's denying it. Anyway, i'm off to bed, it's 12:30AM.
 
RAPCON
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:07 am

Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on. Just live your life like every other bloke/blokette, and don't worry about Dad.

If he loves you, he'll still love you. Just don't try to change his life, or his opinion (if he disapproves). Your father is entitled to his own belief, just like yourself. Respect him and his house, and you'll see that he will respect you.
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AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:17 am

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on.

This weekend when I went and got my haircut, a different stylist did the cut. To make conversation, she asked if my wife was out shopping while I was there, and when I said I wasn't married, she kept asking questions about was I ever married, did I have kids or family in the area, etc. What was her point? Chit-chat, I'm sure. Trying to find something in common to talk about while she cut my hair.

Tell me, would it have been self-centered of me to just put my hands on my hips, take offense, and tell her I'm gay from the very first question? I figured if she didn't get a clue in the first few questions we'd have very little to talk about, so when she asked about family, I mentioned my sister lives in Florida, and we talked about Florida for the rest of the appointment.
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mt99
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:21 am

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on.

I could not disagree more.

The truth of the matter is that everyone, gay or straight, need some sort of validation. Some are lounder than othere. Straight people get this validation automatically, while gays and lesbians have to ask (sometimes even fight) for it.

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
f he loves you, he'll still love you. Just don't try to change his life, or his opinion (if he disapproves). Your father is entitled to his own belief, just like yourself. Respect him and his house, and you'll see that he will respect you.

I could not agree more.
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HAWK21M
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:21 am

Think about it at 18 & you'll know.
Now its too early.
regds
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AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:24 am

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 21):
Think about it at 18 & you'll know

I was already firmly set in my feelings at age 5.  Wink
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GDC2006
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:31 am

Just be cool with who you are and live your own life, if other people don't approve thats their problem not yours. At 14 I didn't feel the need to tell everyone I was heterosexual so why do you feel a need to tell them you are bisexual?

As for your dad, well you may never get his approval but I am certain you will always have his love and indeed his understanding.

This may not come out right but the thing that winds me up about minority groups is when they try and throw themselves down my throat, having marches and campaigns and stuff - you don't have to force me to show you my approval for you living your life how it feels right as much as I wouldn't force you to accept me living as a happily married heterosexual. Probably made no sense but there is a point in there somewhere!

So be happy with youself and have a nice life!

GC  Smile
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HAWK21M
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:37 am

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 22):
I was already firmly set in my feelings at age 5.

Many things one confidently feels at 5 may not be similiar at 18  Smile
Just my opinion though.
regds
MEL
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:43 am

Quoting GDC2006 (Reply 23):
Just be cool with who you are and live your own life, if other people don't approve thats their problem not yours. At 14 I didn't feel the need to tell everyone I was heterosexual so why do you feel a need to tell them you are bisexual?

Being heterosexual is societies "expected" if you like. I'm not telling everyone, just i wanted an opinion. I do respect his opinion, although alot of the time, it's not the same as mine.

Quoting RAPCON (Reply 18):
Gay/Bi are so self-centered that they think that they have to go out and tell everyone, and expect everyone to cheer them on. Just live your life like every other bloke/blokette, and don't worry about Dad.

I disagree. We're the same as everyone else, and not all of them go out with a 25x25 sign strapped to their head announcing it. I certainly wouldn't go around announcing it; i think a few of my friends would take that the wrong way (not in a religious way, just thinking of me as the odd one out).
 
GDC2006
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:48 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 25):
Being heterosexual is societies "expected" if you like. I'm not telling everyone, just i wanted an opinion.

Well however it works out for you I hope you have a happy and comfortable life.

I think I could have been bi-sexual but had to bury the feelings way down inside - I just couldn't have stood being turned down by men as well as women! Boom tish!

GC  Silly
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808TWA
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 12:55 am

Hi Andrew,

Sorry to hear of your predicament, it's not easy going through school at the best of times. If you have a big nose, a strangely placed mole, different accent, large feet....whatever it is, you will be picked on, thats unfortunately a fact of school life. Since approximately 1 in 10 people are considered gay, the sheer number of pupils in your school would mean that statistcally, there would be around 80 folk to chose from!

Just keep your chin held high and try not to let anyone get you down. Choose wisely who you decide to reveal your innermost private feelings to as even the most trustworthy friend can turn out to be a backstabber or gossip spreader in the school setting.

On the subject of your Dad, like others have said, there is no real reason to tell him at this point but....if you both happen to be talking about a subject such as girlfriends, then it may be an opportune moment to bring it up. I guess you could also direct your Dad to this thread!

Anyways, you take care and good luck.

-Alan
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:02 am

Quoting 808TWA (Reply 27):
Just keep your chin held high and try not to let anyone get you down. Choose wisely who you decide to reveal your innermost private feelings to as even the most trustworthy friend can turn out to be a backstabber or gossip spreader in the school setting.

On the subject of your Dad, like others have said, there is no real reason to tell him at this point but....if you both happen to be talking about a subject such as girlfriends, then it may be an opportune moment to bring it up. I guess you could also direct your Dad to this thread!

I've chosen very wisely, and i trust them immensely. However, some think it's a funny thing to tell people, so i won't be telling certain people. My dad isn't the kind of person to bring up relationships/girlfriends, and i wouldn't direct him to this thread Big grin He the sort of person you couldn't talk to about this sort of thing.

Quoting GDC2006 (Reply 26):

I think I could have been bi-sexual but had to bury the feelings way down inside - I just couldn't have stood being turned down by men as well as women! Boom tish!

Maybe being turned down by both is a bad thing - but you get twice the amount to choose from  Silly.  Wink I hope people don't hate me for it, that's my only worry.
 
GDC2006
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:05 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 28):
I hope people don't hate me for it, that's my only worry.

I'm sure they won't mate. Be happy!

GC
Trust a woman? How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?
 
ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:13 am

Well, easier said than done. I'm happy, alot of people have guessed anyway, so thats a bit of a starting point!
 
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falstaff
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:23 am

A couple of thoughts on this from a fairly open minded redneck from Mid-America. One of my best friends from high school is a flaming queer. He came out after grad school, but I always sort of new. He told me that he knew that he was gay from about 12. I guess that would be right. I started liking girls at around 11 or 12. I really don't understand the entire point of coming out at such a young age. Kids in high school are a pain in the butt about that kind of thing. I teach auto shop in a high school and deal with young people every day. Kids wonder why they get picked on. If you don't fit in you will get picked on and that is the way it is. I have had several gay or lesbian students and they always seemed to go out of their way to prove they were gay. People always gave them trouble. Last year I had a girl who was a butch lesbian. She was rather low key and never really talked about it. She even brought her girlfriend to prom. Nobody gave her trouble. I think nobody cared that much becuase she did talk about being gay constantly the way the other kids did. If you want to make less trouble for yourself stay in the closet until you get out of high school.

I knew several kids in high school that were bi because it was "cool". But as soon as it came to having sex with a member of the same sex they suddenly turned strait. My gay friend, Mike, always says: "There is no such thing as bi, either you screw men or you don't. If you have sex with a man you are gay." I agree with him 100%

Try fooling around with a girl, you'll love it! Men are gross! Sometimes I wonder why women even like us men.

Hell, your only fourteen. You are bound to get turned down. I was turned down my women all the time. It wasn't until I was 29 that I met "the one". Kids lie about sex all the time. I did, so did all my firends. Keep on trying you will eventually get someone to go out with you. Wait to your a bit older and get some beer. When I was in high school I always found that beer and girls are a great combination. My students still report similar results.

[Edited 2006-08-14 18:28:00]
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ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:36 am

I felt the need to tell someone, because people were guessing (correctly, might i add), and basically i thought "screw it". I'm not bi because it's cool, but because it's who i am. I don't find sex with the same sex gross. I started to like boys a bit later, maybe around 13. I don't know why kids seem to be a pain in the ass about it, but that's their perogative. If your queer or whatever, that doesn't make me think any less of you. I'm not going out of my way to prove anything, just being honest and truthful about it. This isn't meant to sound bad, nor rude, but if i want to tell people, i will. Who's Jack Bully to stop me? That seems to be the norm in society, if your straight as a 12' ruler, go you. If your anything else, then we're going to bully you. This planet is screwed up....
 
808TWA
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:37 am

Quoting Falstaff (Reply 31):
When I was in high school I always found that beer and girls are a great combination

The absolutely ugliest one, can appear stunningly gorgeous after a few pints.  Smile



Andrew, Hormones at 14 can play havoc with the mind. Cracks in the ceiling can seem arousing at that age. Falstaff makes a good point.

You are young and stressing yourself out. No need to do a massive revealing of your inner thoughts and feelings. Enjoy your life just now cause when you get older, you will realise that these were the best years of your life!

-Alan
Love is in the air, so practice safe flying
 
YYZflyer
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:42 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 28):
My dad isn't the kind of person to bring up relationships/girlfriends

Niether is mine. I Think I know why too..... Anyway.

Don't let people think they are getting to you because they'll just keep doing it. Try to ignore it. There are alot more people out there that are gay than you think. Just like on here.

You don't need to tell your dad that you are bi at this age. Wait til you're a bit older and when you think you're ready. And he's ready to find out.
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AeroWesty
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:47 am

Quoting Falstaff (Reply 31):
My gay friend, Mike, always says: "There is no such thing as bi, either you screw men or you don't. If you have sex with a man you are gay." I agree with him 100%

I don't agree with this at all. Some bisexuals are merely erotically stimulated by one sex or the other, or romatically stimulated by one sex or the other, or may be both erotically and romatically stimulated by both sexes. There are many, many different combinations that may be labelled as bisexual.
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diamond
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:55 am

Quoting 808TWA (Reply 33):
... Cracks in the ceiling can seem arousing at that age ...

Alan, you crack me up sometimes.  Smile


Ajd1992, most guys your age would lie and deny their feelings until they were blue in the face. I commend you for knowing how you feel and not creating a smokescreen like so many people do.

You're way ahead of the curve for your age. Give your father a little time to catch up.
Blank.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:01 am

Quoting YYZflyer (Reply 34):

Don't let people think they are getting to you because they'll just keep doing it. Try to ignore it. There are alot more people out there that are gay than you think. Just like on here.

Believe me, they don't. I know there is alot of gays on here, I've lurked for nigh on 3 years. I don't listen anyway.

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 35):
I don't agree with this at all. Some bisexuals are merely erotically stimulated by one sex or the other, or romantically stimulated by one sex or the other, or may be both erotically and romantically stimulated by both sexes. There are many, many different combinations that may be labelled as bisexual.

I didn't believe that there is no bisexual-ism. There was a year 11 at my school, had a girlfriend, and a boyfriend. Both knew about each other, and neither cared. To be honest, i don't care how people label me.

Quoting Diamond (Reply 36):
Ajd1992, most guys your age would lie and deny their feelings until they were blue in the face. I commend you for knowing how you feel and not creating a smokescreen like so many people do.

You're way ahead of the curve for your age. Give your father a little time to catch up.

I have to create a screen for the people i haven't told, or don't want to know. I've had to lie, and sometimes i feel like blurting it out. My dad doesn't suspect anything, so he doesn't have to "catch up" as it were. Thanks for the commendation, it means alot. Maybe i should slow down a tad. I'm not sure what "you're way ahead of the curve for your age" actually means.

[Edited 2006-08-14 19:14:48]
 
diamond
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:20 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 37):
I'm not sure what "you're way ahead of the curve for your age" actually means.

It means two things:

1. Most guys your age don't really know how they feel, for sure.
2. Most guys your age would not admit anything other than straight attractions.

You seem to know how you feel, and you've shown a willingness to admit it. That's what I meant.
Blank.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Problem With Dad's Opinion

Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:25 am

Ah ok. I though you meant admitting to people to quickly. Sorry for the confusion.

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