carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
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Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:46 pm

* WARNING -- I'm in some sort of a literary mood tonight, so this is going to be long... *

I had always been rather skeptical when it came to lasting friendships -- until 5 years ago, when I met the guy that is now my best friend. Over the time, we developed a very close friendship, to the point of talking with each other about everything going on in our lives. Well, almost...

The other day he mentioned in an e-mail that he needed to talk with me personally, but gave no more details. Just enough to get my curiosity piqued...  Confused Well, last Thursday I was counting the minutes till the end of my work shift (just 10 to go!) when he called. "Hey, I'm near your workplace right now, say we have a coffee together?"

Sweet... I hadn't seen him since last April; quite a change from the times when we worked together and saw each other daily. So I was really looking forward to a chat.

The 10 minutes went by faster than I thought, and soon I was on my way. I got to the meeting place and there he was, looking good as usual. Big grin We ordered two caramel lattes, sat down and started talking about a little bit of everything. He happened to mention he was feeling quite lonely, because his brother was on a long trip and he had no one to be bothering him. My suggestion, "get a girlfriend, then you'll have someone to be bothering you!" He smiled -- and said nothing at all...

Later during the conversation, he said he had something to tell me, but I had to guess first. After a couple of unsuccessful guesses, he said "Nah, it's something else, but I'll tell you later." Great, now he got me curious. I so hate when he does that...  grumpy 

We kept on chatting, while my mind was working at extra speed trying to figure out what was he trying to tell me. Then he got a call on his cellphone; one of the new guys at his job, asking whether he had to bring anything to start work next day. I overheard part of the conversation... not my intention, I swear  angel ... "No, you don't have to bring anything... no, not even a pen, we'll give you one there... no, you won't need your notes either... yes, I'm sure, don't bring anything... what's more, don't bring any clothing either!"

I had to laugh at that last comment. "Getting rather horny, aren't we?"

He looked into my eyes and replied, "Well, you know how I like to joke around, and that's not being horny; it's a whole different thing".

Ding! And there was light, as I finally realized what he was trying to tell me, a split-second before he actually told me...

"Carmen, I'm gay."

Now, I don't know whether he was expecting me to react in shock or something; but my first reaction was to smile and say "Cool"... then came that awkward silence.

"Well, I don't know what else to say..."
"I don't know, just say something!"

So I did the logical thing... give him my support, telling him that no matter what, he could always count on me... after all, isn't that what friends are for?

It ended up being confession time -- for both of us. He said his cousin (a good friend of mine, and the only other person he's ever come out to) didn't want him to tell me, because she suspected I had a crush on him... "but she's only kidding, right?" Oh sh*t, time for me to 'fess up...  embarrassed  cousin's right, at least at one point in time (not anymore).

From what I've read here, coming out is usually a difficult experience, and I don't know if my friend was expecting it to be that way... But all in all, the whole conversation was great fun for both of us... I hadn't laughed that much in ages!

Well, now the hard part comes (telling the parents). I only hope they can be as understanding with him... Anyway, just wanted to share...

Regards,
Carmen

P.S. If you're still reading, all I can say is I'm impressed with your patience.  Silly
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
bill142
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:02 pm

that wasn't as long as I was expecting. It kind of ended fairly abruptly when it came to your feelings for your friend.
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:08 pm

Perhaps I'm more flaming than I see myself. To those who've asked me, it's possible they were just unsure, and wanted to know, but as I just expect everyone to know, I never feel compelled to say anything.

Congrats for handling it so well with your friend. I'm sure those who're expecting the worst are greatly relieved when the opposite occurs.  Smile
International Homo of Mystery
 
ANCFlyer
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:16 pm

I'm a straight male, but have many friends that are gay or lesbian . . . it's simply something that never really bothered me. And I've found that a few of those friends had a pretty difficult time - given my persona - when they first met me telling me about their preference in partners.

Bummer too, cause Kim was damn fine looking and I was ceratinly playing for that . . . . well, not that Kim, the Vermont Kim - but I digress . . .

Because there are so damned many closed minded people and ridiculous stigmas in this country, and ridiculous rules (don't ask, don't tell for starters) there are certain problems associated with 'coming out' so I'm told.

IMO, it's not the your friends fault, Carmen, that his issue was difficult to talk about . . . rather, it's society's fault. . . .

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
So I did the logical thing... give him my support, telling him that no matter what, he could always count on me... after all, isn't that what friends are for?

Spot on.
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
LOT767-300ER
Posts: 8526
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:48 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):
And I've found that a few of those friends had a pretty difficult time - given my persona - when they first met me telling me about their preference in partners.

I heard Mail Call on the History Channel will need a new host soon...

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl 
 
fumanchewd
Posts: 2878
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:49 pm

Well the important thing is.....that everyone involved likes penis. It's only when lesbians dislike or are verbally abusive to the penis that this caveman gets nervous.

Christ, have you seen those Feeldoes? I guess I'm gettin jealous. Wink
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey...
 
ANCFlyer
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:51 pm

Quoting LOT767-300ER (Reply 4):
I heard Mail Call on the History Channel will need a new host soon...

Hey, Don't hijack the thread . . .

That said: Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey, USMC (R) is stud, a class act, a hero . . . . many Gis, worldwide - could only aspire to be as good . . .
 silly 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
ADXMatt
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:07 pm

Comming out (at least to family) can be a very difficult time.

The earlier you do it the better off you are. Living 2 lives is alot of work and not worth it.

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 2):
Perhaps I'm more flaming than I see myself. To those who've asked me, it's possible they were just unsure, and wanted to know, but as I just expect everyone to know, I never feel compelled to say anything.

 checkmark 
 
B747_A340
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 5:09 pm

I would tell your friend to be careful. Guatemala is not particularly the nicest place for anyone who is slightly different. From my experiences back when I used to live there... it will get hard for him eventually. I suggest you try to be as helpful and understanding as you can be and help him with anything.. but I'd be careful. It wasn't too long ago a drag got killed in the Z.1 just for being a drag. If he ends up having a hard time after coming out there are some groups I know of in Guatemala City that he could call to find some guidance or something.

Anyhow.. I am glad you are being supportive of your friend Big grin.
God, please save me from your followers!
 
ADXMatt
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:40 pm

Quoting B747_A340 (Reply 8):
I would tell your friend to be careful. Guatemala is not particularly the nicest place for anyone who is slightly different.

I still stand by my comments but I am basing it on my experiences here in the USA.

At the same time I have to agree somewhat with b747-a340 as the climate in other countries do vary and what is safe here may not be prudent in others.

Hopefully some courageous people will change that
 
MYT332
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:54 pm

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
If you're still reading, all I can say is I'm impressed with your patience.

Do I win a prize?

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
hadn't laughed that much in ages!

I love that part! "Oh you're gay?"  rotfl 

Sorry just joking, I understand what you're saying Carmen and I've been in your shoes before. It's like, urgh, what to say to them?
One Life, Live it.
 
cornish
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:20 pm

When I came out to my friends there was general surprise from many of them but complete support.

Having fretted and built myself up for the big announcement, afterwards I looked back and thought "was that it ?" Many of my friends had known me for most of my near 30 years (at the time I told them) and had seen me date women and act like any other heterosexual male.

It seemed like a big deal telling them that my life had transformed completely, but so many of them just view me as the same person that I was before - the only difference being dating a guy rather than a girl.

I know for some the response can be dramatic, but I think increasingly people are coming to accept the realities of life.

Earlier this year through conversation, my sexual orientation came out at my work. (To me its got nothing to do with my work and I don't talk about it at work - but if a direct question is asked I won't lie). The person who found out was accompanying me on a business trip overseas. He was utterly stunned and admitted that he was very homophobic. But he said that dispite the fact he should be horrified and disgusted, I was a mate and somehow it didn't seem to matter. He was big enough to admit that had I walked into the office on my first day and announced i was gay he'd have had nothing to do with me and that would have been wrong.

Subsequently over the two weeks we were away on site, we talked more and more and he and another colleague came to realise that actually a huge number of gay men appear no different to them. I can drink beer to excess with them, can talk about sport all day long and am more of a petrolhead than any of them.

The funny thing was that at the end of the two weeks when I returned to the UK (they are staying on for a year), their reaction was that they'd never met anyone quite like me before. My answer was that of course they had - they just hadn't realised it.

Hopefully that's two people who look at gay people somewhat differently now. and hopefully that will become more common in the future. So much of the fear of gay people is that we are so different, but the reality is that we aren't. Sure there are some gay people who lead a very different lifestyle, but then there are many hetero people who lead very different lifestyles to the norm. Hopefully more and more people will understand that in future.

It is tough to come out, however for many it turned out to be far easier than they expected. But increasingly I hope it won't need a dramatic announcement from us in future (although being gay we'd need a bit of drama  Wink ) rather just a calm acknowlegement of the facts.

The important thing to remember is that true friends will be true friends no matter what. If they have trouble dealing with it, it says something about that friendship not being as strong as people thought.
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
ltbewr
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:24 pm

If you think your friends situation is bad, It was just 2 years ago when the then New Jersey Governor McGreevy announced he was Gay. After the initial shock of announcing that he was gay, and the coming out of a number of stories he resigned in a matter of days (there was also some timing issues to prevent a possible contested race for Governor where a Republican could win, also, NJ has no Lt. Governor).
Still, I think is is better that if someone is gay/lesbian, that they be honest and open about it rather than hide it. When you hide it, it causes great stress and makes life miserable for you. Yes, some around that person may reject and distance themselves from them, but perhaps those that are most rejecting of your being gay/lesbian are the kind of person one shouldn't be around anyway.
 
ThePRGuy
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:37 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):
I'm a straight male, but have many friends that are gay or lesbian . . . it's simply something that never really bothered me.

Gay or lesbian individuals don't bother me either
I am in friendship groups with many gay or lesbian individuals. Its nice to have a variety sometimes  Smile
Really doesn't bother me.
Thanks
PR
Heathrow has been described as the only building site to have its own airport.
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:39 pm

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 10):
It's like, urgh, what to say to them?

There's really only one correct response, and that is, "How fabulous!"

Fabulous is a word every gay person knows the multi-layered meaning to, and as a hetero, using it allows you to display savoir-faire, something your gay friend will appreciate, regardless whether you have any or not.

So remember: "I'm gay" <--> "How fabulous!"
International Homo of Mystery
 
MYT332
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:42 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 11):
although being gay we'd need a bit of drama

Oh of course you do, queeny.  Wink

You're right though, it isn't too much of a big deal. The main reason I never know what to say is becuase of that reason, I really couldn't care where you stick it just don't go into detail telling me about it! Which is fair enough I hope, it's not a big deal so don't expect me to make it out to be one!

I'm probably a little rough around the edges on this subject though so apologies to all.  angel 
One Life, Live it.
 
macc
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:47 pm

i always loved the absurdity of societies "values".

years ago, when the mayor of Berlin told media "i am gay and thats fine", I had visited my parents (which are from a quite conservative mind setting). My brothers parents in law (farmers) gave a visit as well and the four enrolled in a discussion about this mayor and how incredible awful the world became. It was then when I asked them what - for their world view - was better: a christ democratic mayor who was totally corrupt and ruined Berlins financial setting, or a socialist gay.

Have I mentioned that I am the black sheep of the family?
I exchanged political frustration with sexual boredom. better spoil a girl than the world
 
BMIFlyer
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:05 pm

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):

Kudos to the guy for admitting it finally  thumbsup 

On a side note, alot of colleagues at work, particularly in Manchester, are gay. I don't have any problem with it at all.



Lee
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
 
AeroWesty
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:08 pm

Quoting BMIFlyer (Reply 17):
alot of colleagues at work, particularly in Manchester, are gay

Is that where GKirk stopped by to chat you up at work?  mischievous 
International Homo of Mystery
 
frequentflyer
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:10 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 11):
It is tough to come out, however for many it turned out to be far easier than they expected

Not to mention a far easier life afterwards.

Live Free
Take off and live
 
BMIFlyer
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:13 pm

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 18):
Is that where GKirk stopped by to chat you up at work?

He didnt chat, in fact the only thing he said was "Hello". You've seen the video  Wink



Lee
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
 
halls120
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:18 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):

Because there are so damned many closed minded people and ridiculous stigmas in this country, and ridiculous rules (don't ask, don't tell for starters) there are certain problems associated with 'coming out' so I'm told.

IMO, it's not the your friends fault, Carmen, that his issue was difficult to talk about . . . rather, it's society's fault. . . .

My lesbian cousin refused for years to come out to the family, even though we all pretty much knew before she did. After the "unveiling" we all simply asked why she waited so long. It wasn't like anyone was going to disown her, but as you say, our society has so many close-minded people in it, its to be expected. Sad.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain, a Biography
 
m180up
Posts: 348
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:30 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):
I'm a straight male, but have many friends that are gay or lesbian . . . it's simply something that never really bothered me. And I've found that a few of those friends had a pretty difficult time - given my persona - when they first met me telling me about their preference in partners.



Quoting ThePRGuy (Reply 13):
Gay or lesbian individuals don't bother me either
I am in friendship groups with many gay or lesbian individuals. Its nice to have a variety sometimes
Really doesn't bother me.
Thanks

I have many friends that are gays or lesbians also, it was shocking my best friend some days ago told me he was bisexual, but thinking about it, we have always had great times together, he has been really respectful as most of my gay friends are, I mean, after all, I think it's all based in respect, just as any other relation, you respect your friends irregardless of their sexual preference, you support them, and you do whatever is in your hands for them.
At work there are many gays and most are my friends, but there is this guy who is always saying things out of the line. He knows I'm straight and I respect him and I expect the same from him, but well, there's a bit of everything in this world.

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
he could always count on me... after all, isn't that what friends are for?

Kudos Carmen for supporting your friend  Wink!
 bigthumbsup 
Werner from SAL
 
cornish
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:35 pm

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 15):
I really couldn't care where you stick it just don't go into detail telling me about it!

Well of course people often forget that plenty of hetero men stick it there with a woman too of course....  

But no, the point is fair. I never went on telling everybody graphic detail of my love life when i was dating girls, I don't now.

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 15):
The main reason I never know what to say is becuase of that reason,

Actually the first friend I told, reacted in the best way possible for me. We were both going away for a long weekend to Prague for a good laugh and to celebrate his divorce coming through !!

During the whole weekend away he continually insulted me and called me names (we've always done that to each other as close mates). By calling me a big poof and a girls blouse and all sorts of other things and making jokes (not offensive ones, but just gentle fun teasing) he treated me exactly the same as he normally would. In other words, situation normal. Had he been really on edge, tried to be really careful what he said and dodged round the subject it would have had me feeling far worse.

But by treating me just the same as he always did, I could relax, call him names and joke as much back at him. Best thing that could possibly have happened to me.

I realise that wouldn't work for everybody and every situation, but for me it was the perfect way to show acceptance.

Of course now I point out the undoubted attractions of my gay lifestyle and living with my partner to my hetero mates. I don't get hassle about wanting to go out drinking beer with my mates (because he comes too), there's no whinging when i want to watch sport on TV. No girlie shops for us - we both want to go to blokes shops and buy big electrical things and gadgets. At Christmas we buy things that are often useful for both of us. No "time of the month". Its like living with your best mate. Brilliant 

Aside from the sex side of things, they can see the undoubted appeal  

[Edited 2006-08-15 14:41:29]
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
flyingbabydoc
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:50 pm

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):
It ended up being confession time -- for both of us. He said his cousin (a good friend of mine, and the only other person he's ever come out to) didn't want him to tell me, because she suspected I had a crush on him... "but she's only kidding, right?" Oh sh*t, time for me to 'fess up...

Thanks for sharing, Carmenlu.

Something similar happened to my sister just a few weeks ago. Our family and a friend's family have been close since the two of them were born, and they basically grew up together. There was always a sort of "cheering" that these two (my sister and our friend) would end up together, people always thought she had a major crush on him. However, as you already imagine, he opted for the "fabulous" (thanks, Aerowesty) life. He spent sometime with us in Germany last year and his coming out was almost trivial - we knew it from the get go, and supported him all the way in his life choice (he went crazy in Berlin, as you can imagine). However, only many months later did he have the courage to come up to my sister (his closest friend) and tell her upfront. She said that she "choked" for a while but then she was happy and relieved that he trusted her with that. And the friendship is stronger than ever.

Better yet, everyone stopped bothering her for not getting together with him  Wink

Alex
Marriage is the art of turning a lover into a relative
 
MYT332
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:55 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 23):
he continually insulted me and called me names (we've always done that to each other as close mates). By calling me a big poof and a girls blouse and all sorts of other things and making jokes (not offensive ones, but just gentle fun teasing) he treated me exactly the same as he normally would.

Haha, I do that to Trekster all the time, don't I? The thing I've also noticed is that being around a gay friend makes you realise how many times you say something is gay, as in; "that song is gay". Of course I feel bad about saying it and then point out that I just meant the song is gay as in it is bad but then I realise that I was implying gay means bad! I normally just shut up then and sit at the bottom of the 6ft hole I just dug. I think that is the real reason some people don't like being around gay people, just because they may embarrass themselves!

Quoting Cornish (Reply 23):
Well of course people often forget that plenty of hetero men stick it there with a woman too of course

Damn right and I don't want to hear about that either! Seriously, it's funny but at the same time it's not nice listening about how wet and tight your mates girlfriend was! I don't want to imagine you like that pillock!

Anyway so yes.
One Life, Live it.
 
jaysit
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:58 pm

Most gay men - myself included - first came out to our female friends or relatives. In my case, it was my sister, the girl I'd dated for 2 years in college, and a close female work colleague. It was all very easy.

Coming out to my parents had a few bumps at first, but within a few months they came to terms with it, and now their idea of a vacation is to drag me and my partner with them (we've been on 3 vacations with them - 2 on cruise ships because that's the best way to travel with parents -- they're having a good time, but you don't have to watch them 24-7).

I don't believe I've known anyone who rejected me as a friend for being gay.

Of course, I don't live in Waco, TX or Lynchburg, VA, and so I guess I'm lucky.
Atheism is Myth Understood.
 
cornish
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:04 pm

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 25):
Haha, I do that to Trekster all the time, don't I? The thing I've also noticed is that being around a gay friend makes you realise how many times you say something is gay, as in; "that song is gay". Of course I feel bad about saying it and then point out that I just meant the song is gay as in it is bad but then I realise that I was implying gay means bad! I normally just shut up then and sit at the bottom of the 6ft hole I just dug. I think that is the real reason some people don't like being around gay people, just because they may embarrass themselves!

Well because saying something is "totally gay" is teen language. We older folks tend to simply say something is S**T  Wink

Frankly when people have said that around me it doesn't bother me. Actually I can get away with far better insults than I ever could when I was hetero. One of the guys I mentioned above who was away on this work trip with me was trying to chat up some girl at the bar we were in. In a decidedly evil mood I point out she was a troll (well she really was) and that I could pull a better looking girl than that. His street cred disappeared in one foul swoop  Wink

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 25):
Damn right and I don't want to hear about that either! Seriously, it's funny but at the same time it's not nice listening about how wet and tight your mates girlfriend was! I don't want to imagine you like that pillock!

Exactly so. Completely agree. Just remember that the people who talk the most about the sex they are having, are invariably the ones who are getting the least  Wink
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
MYT332
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:10 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 27):
Well because saying something is "totally gay" is teen language

Alas, I'm not a teen you golden oldie!  Wink

Quoting Cornish (Reply 27):
One of the guys I mentioned above who was away on this work trip with me was trying to chat up some girl at the bar we were in. In a decidedly evil mood I point out she was a troll (well she really was) and that I could pull a better looking girl than that

I see you met Banco's wife at her second job.
One Life, Live it.
 
cornish
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:24 pm

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 28):
Alas, I'm not a teen you golden oldie!

no but you are totally gay  Wink
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
MYT332
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:26 pm

Quoting Cornish (Reply 29):
no but you are totally gay

You iz tryin t be down wiv da hip young crowd bro but u dunno wot ur doin bro, no wot i mean yo? U iz batty aii.
One Life, Live it.
 
cornish
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:35 pm

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 30):
You iz tryin t be down wiv da hip young crowd bro but u dunno wot ur doin bro, no wot i mean yo? U iz batty aii.

Is this some sort of code language ??  confused 

Could someone lend me an Enigma decoding machine or translate please  Wink
Just when I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel, it was some B*****d with a torch bringing me more work
 
TWFirst
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2000 5:30 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:34 am

Quoting Jaysit (Reply 26):
In my case, it was my sister, the girl I'd dated for 2 years in college, and a close female work colleague.

You dated and worked with your sister while in college? I thought that was taboo in Indian culture....
An unexamined life isn't worth living.
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:33 am

Thanks for all your comments, guys!

Quoting B747_A340 (Reply 8):
I would tell your friend to be careful. Guatemala is not particularly the nicest place for anyone who is slightly different.

Indeed... Actually I'm a bit concerned about that, knowing the intolerance still prevailing in our society.

Quoting Myt332 (Reply 10):
Sorry just joking, I understand what you're saying Carmen and I've been in your shoes before.

No problem, I found most of it funny as well. Especially the part when I told him to get a girlfriend...  embarrassed 

Quoting M180up (Reply 22):
At work there are many gays

Dude, you work in airline reservations, shouldn't surprise you at all!  Wink Actually, I met my friend when we worked in reservations (and he still works there).

Quoting Flyingbabydoc (Reply 24):
Better yet, everyone stopped bothering her for not getting together with him

Ha, used to happen to me all the time... But it's somewhat frustrating to see that all good guys are gay  Silly
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
ScarletHarlot
Posts: 4251
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2003 12:15 pm

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:05 am

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Reply 33):
all good guys are gay

Not all of them, girlie...hang in there, there are good straight men out there too!  Smile
But that was when I ruled the world
 
RobertNL070
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:27 am

Kudos to your friend Carmen, and to yourself for being such a good listener.

In 1998 I was in Guatemala. Admittedly some eight years ago and attitudes may have changed since then, but in the week or so I was there, in places like Antigua, Panajachel and Flores, it did not strike me as being a very gay orientated country. However, I might have been sorely mistaken.

To me being gay was mercifully not an issue, despite then living in the true blue Home Counties in the south-east of England during the tenure of Thatcher and her administration's much maligned Clause 28.

Carmen, you now have a certain status in life. You are a gay man's best girlfriend. Among many other things, you get to go to gay bars and clubs and to feast your eyes on all that masculine eye candy. Enjoy.

Regards, Robert  bouncy 
Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.
 
saxdiva
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 3:49 am

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Reply 33):
Ha, used to happen to me all the time... But it's somewhat frustrating to see that all good guys are gay

You just reminded me of the time a friend who I really had the hots for told me he was gay. I just stared at him for a minute in disbelief, then exclaimed, "Dammit! This does NOT fit into the plans I had for you!"

After laughing hysterically for what seemed like forever, we ended up being good friends until he moved to the east coast and I lost track of him. I should look him up and see what he's been up to.
 
senorcarnival
Posts: 1732
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 4:05 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 4:37 am

Quoting Halls120 (Reply 21):
My lesbian cousin refused for years to come out to the family, even though we all pretty much knew before she did. After the "unveiling" we all simply asked why she waited so long. It wasn't like anyone was going to disown her, but as you say, our society has so many close-minded people in it, its to be expected. Sad.

The same thing happened to my brother, we weren't going to disown him or anything. We knew for years (my mom says basically since he started going to kindergarten she knew,) but we weren't going to corner him and say "Are you gay? Yes or no?" We just let him come out whenever he was ready. When he did, it was pretty seamless because when he invited his "friend" Rob for dinner one night, we could tell that Rob was more than just a friend. So he never really sat us down and said, "I'm gay" we were all basically waiting for him to be honest with himself.
Oh no, she's getting impatient! Take a stab at it!
 
vaporlock
Posts: 3528
Joined: Sat May 19, 2001 9:22 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:39 am

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Thread starter):

Ding! And there was light, as I finally realized what he was trying to tell me, a split-second before he actually told me...

"Carmen, I'm gay."

Carmen, you handled it great!!! And your right...friends are friends who cares if someone is gay or not. It shouldn't make a difference! I have lots of gay friends and I don't look at them any differently than anyone else....we are all Gods children!!!

Phyllis  bouncy 
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:43 am

Quoting RobertNL070 (Reply 35):
In 1998 I was in Guatemala. Admittedly some eight years ago and attitudes may have changed since then, but in the week or so I was there, in places like Antigua, Panajachel and Flores, it did not strike me as being a very gay orientated country. However, I might have been sorely mistaken.

As a country we still have a somewhat conservative attitude. Now that I think about it, a couple of months ago there was outrage over a gay porn video that was supposedly filmed in some monuments in Antigua. Which begs the question, was the outrage because of our cultural heritage (the monuments), or because it was a gay video? Who knows...

Nowadays you'll find a more liberal attitude in Antigua, and perhaps in Panajachel; but definitely not in Flores.

Quoting RobertNL070 (Reply 35):
Carmen, you now have a certain status in life. You are a gay man's best girlfriend. Among many other things, you get to go to gay bars and clubs and to feast your eyes on all that masculine eye candy. Enjoy.

Ooh, that sounds interesting...  scratchchin 

Quoting Vaporlock (Reply 38):
we are all Gods children!!!

Amen to that...  thumbsup 
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
Doona
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:17 am

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):
I'm a straight male

Stop the presses!  duck 

Carmen, as a 'gay male', I have to say that you handled it very well. Your reaction is pretty much what I hope everybody's reaction should be. It isn't easy to tell people about being gay. And it's even harder when one's telling a very good friend. As for the awkward silence, well, it actually helps IMO. Makes you feel that the other person was actually listening, and is contemplating what you just told him or her. Good for you, Carmen!

Hell, half an hour ago I told my mother that I was gay. She said she was happy for me, happy that I had figured out what I want in life. And she said that the first thing that popped into her mind when I told her was: "Phew, now I won't have to babysit". And now she wants to call all of her gay hippie friends from the 70's and tell them the big news... Hats off to good old mom...  Smile

Cheers
Mats
Sure, we're concerned for our lives. Just not as concerned as saving 9 bucks on a roundtrip to Ft. Myers.
 
searpqx
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 9:35 am

Late to the thread, but I'll add my congrats to your friend for facing what can still be one of the biggest hurdles in a gay man/woman's life and to you for being the exact person he thought you'd be.

Many on here have commented on how it just doesn't seem to be a big deal to them, and to you I say congrats. I'm glad it wasn't, either for you or for those around you that came out to you. And in today's society, its not nearly the issue it was. On the other hand, there are still plenty of kids that are disowned when the parents find out, as well as friendships lost.

My own experience ran the gamut. My mom finally had to corner me and ask me flat out, as I was convinced that if I told her I'd 'dissapoint' her. She told me the only dissapointment she had was that I'd waited that long to be honest with myself and her. Armed with that reinforcement, I told my dad, who even though my folks are divorced, I was very close to. Unfortunately he didn't share my mom's view and after calling me an abomination in the eyes of god, we basically didn't speak for ten years, and even now only have a casual relationship.
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
ANCFlyer
Posts: 21391
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RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:08 am

Quoting Doona (Reply 40):
Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 3):
I'm a straight male

Stop the presses!  duck 

Ok, so that was likely a blinding flash of the obvious . . . but just in case some new folks popped in here . . . . wink 

Quoting Doona (Reply 40):
"Phew, now I won't have to babysit".

Well, there IS that!  thumbsup 
FOR THOSE THAT FOUGHT FOR IT, FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW OR UNDERSTAND
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:37 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:03 pm

Quoting Doona (Reply 40):
"Phew, now I won't have to babysit". And now she wants to call all of her gay hippie friends from the 70's and tell them the big news.

That's hilarious! Big grin WTG

Quoting Searpqx (Reply 41):
My mom finally had to corner me and ask me flat out, as I was convinced that if I told her I'd 'dissapoint' her.

I nearly had to do that with one of my best friends in high school. My god, he was a tootin' screamer. When he finally told me, during our first year at Cal, I said, "welcome to the club, but we've all known forever." He got enormously offended and said, "I'm not gay until I tell you I'm gay!!"

After I calmed the poor dear down, he said he'd told his parents that weekend too, but had told them six months prior about me being gay just to see how they'd react! The little hussy. He said his mom's first question after he came out to them himself was, "Are you gay because Brad decided to be gay?"
International Homo of Mystery
 
searpqx
Posts: 4173
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2000 10:36 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:26 pm

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 43):
"Are you gay because Brad decided to be gay?"

 rotfl  My mom said that my affair with my boss was the final straw (hey, I was 20!) - I guess 'sleeping over' at the boss's house just isn't normal behavior  embarrassed 
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity"
 
spacemanspiff
Posts: 79
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:23 pm

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:17 pm

I am open for love. we'll see......
i am a weirdo from outer space
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:37 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:22 pm

Quoting Searpqx (Reply 44):
I guess 'sleeping over' at the boss's house just isn't normal behavior

It certainly is normal ... when you're a tramp!  duck 
International Homo of Mystery
 
m180up
Posts: 348
Joined: Tue May 09, 2006 12:42 pm

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 4:47 pm

Quoting TWFirst (Reply 32):
You dated and worked with your sister while in college? I thought that was taboo in Indian culture....

I think he was making a list, his sister (1), the girl he dated (2) and the girl he worked with (3)

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Reply 33):
Dude, you work in airline reservations, shouldn't surprise you at all! Actually, I met my friend when we worked in reservations (and he still works there).

Yeah, there's a link on that, guess being straight is hard there...  rotfl 

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Reply 33):
But it's somewhat frustrating to see that all good guys are gay

There's plenty of good guys that are straight  Wink (ehem...) (Me!) ....  Wink!!
Werner from SAL
 
TWFirst
Posts: 5752
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2000 5:30 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:02 pm

Quoting M180up (Reply 47):
I think he was making a list, his sister (1), the girl he dated (2) and the girl he worked with (3)

DURRRHHHHH..... gee, really?  Yeah sure
An unexamined life isn't worth living.
 
DrDeke
Posts: 805
Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 7:13 am

RE: Ah, The Woes Of Coming Out...

Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:12 pm

Quoting ANCFlyer (Reply 42):
Ok, so that was likely a blinding flash of the obvious . . . but just in case some new folks popped in here . . . .

Really??? I thought you were a lesbian woman trapped in a man's body! (Just kidding)

 bouncy 

-DrDeke
If you don't want it known, don't say it on a phone.

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