dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 12:14 am

HOW MANY STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?



At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.



At GEORGIA: it takes three, one to change the bulb, one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions, and Larry Munson to make it sound thrilling.



At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.



At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer.



At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.



At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.



At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.



At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.



At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".



At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.



At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.



At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
 
YYZAeroEng
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:39 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:48 am

How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None---Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.

How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many Nipissing students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--Sudbury looks better in the dark.

How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing,
one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked
lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer
program that controls the wall switch.

How many Trent students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation

How many Western students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew
outfit to wear for the occasion.

How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as
well as any Queen's student.

How many St. Lawrence College students does it take to change a
lightbulb? One--she calls a Gael to do it.

How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were
at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but she can't do it on Friday night.

How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he
didn't screw it in upside down this time.
Mind that Bus! What bus? *Splat!*
 
MD-90
Posts: 7835
Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2000 12:45 pm

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:26 am

Good stuff...

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deltagator
Posts: 6170
Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:56 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:29 am

Quoting DL021 (Thread starter):
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

Hilarious! For such a backwater location I've always been amused by how fancy schmancy Ole Miss thinks they are.

Go Gators!
"If you can't delight in the misery of others then you don't deserve to be a college football fan."
 
Tom in NO
Posts: 6725
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 1999 10:10 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:51 am

Getting away from the college theme for the moment.....

How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five.....one to change the bulb and four to file the environmental impact reports on it.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five again.....one to hold the bulb to the fixture, and four to turn the ladder around and around to screw it in.

Tom at MSY
"The criminal ineptitude makes you furious"-Bruce Springsteen, after seeing firsthand the damage from Hurricane Katrina
 
YYZAeroEng
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:39 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:18 am

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. Why is it so windy in Kingston?
A. Because Queen's blows.

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't colored-in yet.

Q. Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
A. Immigration.

A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.

Remember... friends don't let friends go to U of T... If you can walk and talk, you can go to Brock. If you can use a fork, you can go to York. If you are a conceited, arrogant bastard, you can go to Ryerson.
Mind that Bus! What bus? *Splat!*
 
Mir
Posts: 19092
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:55 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:51 am

And I thought this was going to be a joke about the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Shows how much I know about college football.

-Mir
7 billion, one nation, imagination...it's a beautiful day
 
TheSonntag
Posts: 4296
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:23 pm

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:35 am

How many Microsoft programmers do you need to change a lightbulb? None, Microsoft declares darkness to be the industrial standard.
 
dl021
Posts: 10836
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:04 pm

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:35 pm

Quoting Mir (Reply 6):
And I thought this was going to be a joke about the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Shows how much I know about college football.

The NYC public education program is sooooo proud of you right now!  Wink.

Quoting YYZAeroEng (Reply 5):
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A. With a restraining order.

I heard it was a crow bar.....
Is my Pan Am ticket to the moon still good?
 
texan
Posts: 4059
Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2003 2:23 am

RE: SEC Lightbulb Changing Techniques

Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:26 pm

How many OU football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
The entire team after they earned 3 credits in Bob Stoops' lightbulb changing seminar.

How many IRS agents does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it really gets screwed.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to put water in the bathtub and the other one to ride a giraffe.

How many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?
Don't know, it hasn't been done yet.

Texan

Hook 'em Horns!
"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."

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