TedTAce
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TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 12:31 pm

Same disclaimer as before; If you don’t care: don’t participate.
Another note: These are the events as I perceived them to occur. It doesn’t mean this is absolute fact, it’s just what I would say if asked for my recollection.

A VERY Shallow “Victory”?


So she was here and at one point this morning (my Son’s birthday) she starts to say something , then retracts. I spend a few minutes trying to politely badger it out of her to no avail. Ok Fine whatever.

So about an hour later she decides to talk.

She wants to follow bozo boy (and his wife) up to Tennessee and would I re-consider the custody agreement. Now she fore-warns that this is not set in stone, there is a long way to go on this, but if it comes to fruition I can have the kids and $400/month while they are in school, She only gets them for the Summer.

After hemming and hawing on details like basically it will be her obligation to transport them, and  redflag  like that, I have tentatively agreed.

Now obviously this is a personal victory, in all my arrogance (if this pans out) I’m going to be the one primarily responsible for raising the children the way I see fit and I have ABSOLUTELY NO problems with THAT aspect of the challenge should it come to pass. I know I can raise these kids and turn them into productive mostly well adjusted adults.

BUT: I really don’t want them to grow up with their mom ‘only on the summers’. They are so young and the thought of them only seeing their mother for a little more than two months out of the year is bothersome.

I know that letting her go and figuring out she’s making a huge mistake is the right thing to do, but at the cost of the kid’s experience with their mom??

After I agreed, while she was hemming and hawing about whether or not it’s going to happen. So to make a point (that we should stick with what we had previously agreed sharing custody with her staying here) I even told her she’s ‘choosing between her kids and her sex life’. Of course she said she didn't think of it like that. I said your not thinking of it like that, but that's what it boils down to.

Note we did not and will not discuss this option with the kids until it does come to pass. the Last thing we need is the kids freaking out that such an arrangment might happen.

The thing that amazed me about two hours after I had made the remark about the choice; she serving lunch and was making a point of how good a father I am in front of the kids, and how I would be great at taking care of them, and it was sincere!!!

I don't know what to hope for. One way I win and the kids will do good; the other the kids win for experience with their mom, but then she has more influence on them.

Next life: I'm going to get the twins disabled as soon as I get out of middle school.
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Dougloid
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 12:38 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
I don't know what to hope for. One way I win and the kids will do good; the other the kids win for experience with their mom, but then she has more influence on them.

Ted, there's no such thing as winners or victory here. All it is is a trick of the light-some lose a little more than others, but all lose.

Kids are pretty tough-they can handle a lot as long as they know what the reasons they're hurting are. Mom is always going to be Mom no matter what she does because she carried them and gave birth while you did not. The bond runs deep.

The best thing that you could do for the kids and parenthetically your self respect is just see an attorney, forget about 'working something out' and get this fucking mess over with, house or no house, money or no money. Put it out of its misery.
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
Cadet57
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 12:39 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
Next life: I'm going to get the twins disabled as soon as I get out of middle school.

LOL. Good to see you are keeping your humour about you thru this time Ted. I've never been thru a divorce, but it seems that no matter how much you hate your ex and her "bozo boy" you should always keep that away from your kids and only let them see a kind and loving dad. Which it seems to me like you are doing. Good for you.
Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
 
SFOMEX
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 12:45 pm

As hard as it might be for your kids, they would be better off with you. A good mother would never give her kids up for following a married idiot.

Good luck man.
The only thing worst than the GOP is the Democratic Party, think about it!
 
F9Animal
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 1:10 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
BUT: I really don’t want them to grow up with their mom ‘only on the summers’. They are so young and the thought of them only seeing their mother for a little more than two months out of the year is bothersome.

Oh man, this sucks. But, I too was a child of the Summer mom. While I grew up with anger over the whole thing, I did not have much of a understanding of why things were the way they were. I wish they would have taken the time to coach me through the process.

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
I know that letting her go and figuring out she’s making a huge mistake is the right thing to do, but at the cost of the kid’s experience with their mom??

Yes, let her figure it out for herself. The kids have a way of eating away at the old ticker.

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
Next life: I'm going to get the twins disabled as soon as I get out of middle school.

Me too!

I am being kind of cautious about what I say, because of this being such a strong subject.

If I could turn back time, I would have wanted my parents to be closer to me, even when the distance was so far. My parents refused to talk, and it clearly angers me to this day. They had no idea what they did to me, as I had no idea they were doing that to me as a kid. I look back on it today, and I wish it could have been different.

I rebelled when I turned 12, and did not speak to my father until I was 26. Even to this day, I only speak to him maybe 2 times a year. I think I had a relapse of anger, because I got a call from him a few weeks ago, and I can't find the reason to call him back.

I guess I am trying to say is, make sure you and your ex get an understanding that you two will always need to be close, even if you are not together. Seriously, my mother and father hated eachother over a brutal divorce, and it jacked me up.

Whew!!! Look at me, I share my life story!!! LOL! Hope it helps just a little.
I Am A Different Animal!!
 
notdownnlocked
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:03 pm

I have not posted to your threads before but I have read all of them in the situation that you are in but I have to say that you sound to be very intelligent and last but not least you are doing the correct thing in my opinion. I too have been down this road that you are travelling and sounds to me your are making the correct decisions. Do what is right by your children and even they will never ever, ever fault you for that. Their opinion should be the most important. At the least you will be able to sleep comfortably at night knowing you did the right thing. Your victory will come later in knowing that your ex wife will see the same thing after her infatuation with her new boy toy wears off and she finds herself standing on the sidewalk alone. Good luck to you and yours in the future.
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 9:50 pm

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 1):
Ted, there's no such thing as winners or victory here.

That's why in the title I put victory in quotes. Big grin

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 1):
but all lose.

 checkmark 

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 2):
only let them see a kind and loving dad. Which it seems to me like you are doing. Good for you.

Thank you

Quoting SFOMEX (Reply 3):
As hard as it might be for your kids, they would be better off with you. A good mother would never give her kids up for following a married idiot.

Thank you and I think you are right. While I understand her passion for not wanting to be with someone she doesn't feel she loves, the fact she wants to allow the kids to be dammaged by getting out is bothersome.

Quoting F9Animal (Reply 4):
I wish they would have taken the time to coach me through the process.

That is tough to do, but I will work very hard to keep reminding the kids they are loved.

Quoting F9Animal (Reply 4):
The kids have a way of eating away at the old ticker.

They both took fatally large bites of mine when they were born  Wink

Quoting F9Animal (Reply 4):
I rebelled when I turned 12, and did not speak to my father until I was 26.

Now this is something that bothers me. I guess the other clues about brutal divorce and no communication are hints as to why things are so tough with you and your dad now. If you could emblish more I'd greatly appreciate it. While I know I am going to be a bit of a son of a bitch about them doing well in school; the last thing I want is have my kids hate me.

Quoting Notdownnlocked (Reply 5):
Good luck to you and yours in the future.

Thank you sir  Wink
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Dougloid
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 10:56 pm

Quoting F9Animal (Reply 4):
If I could turn back time, I would have wanted my parents to be closer to me, even when the distance was so far. My parents refused to talk, and it clearly angers me to this day. They had no idea what they did to me, as I had no idea they were doing that to me as a kid. I look back on it today, and I wish it could have been different.

I rebelled when I turned 12, and did not speak to my father until I was 26. Even to this day, I only speak to him maybe 2 times a year. I think I had a relapse of anger, because I got a call from him a few weeks ago, and I can't find the reason to call him back.

I guess I am trying to say is, make sure you and your ex get an understanding that you two will always need to be close, even if you are not together. Seriously, my mother and father hated eachother over a brutal divorce, and it jacked me up.

That's an interesting perspective and it would probably be what my son and daughter would have said to me. The fact of the matter is that every time Dad had a visit, the kids got a beating from Mom. It doesn't take much for Dad to figure out everyone's better off if he's permanently out of the picture, which was kind of the objective anyway.

I realized if I was ever going to have any kind of relationship with my kids (they're 34) it would have to start with me going the distance. As it turned out, I found that they're rather nice people and I and Mom get along pretty well these days too because we have a common interest in a lot of things, not the least of which is our grandchildren.

The hurt lasts forever. Like I say, nobody wins.

Do yourself a favor and be the person who mediates the gap between your parents. Call your father up and ask him how he's doing.
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
ltbewr
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Mon Oct 02, 2006 11:52 pm

At least you seemed to have made some progress in your situation. Yes, you had to make a compromise but that may be best deal you can do now to minimise damage to the children. Also here you do get a place to vent and express your intense and understandably distressing feelings and that may be good for you, to keep what little sanity you have left after all this craziness.
I would still continue to recommend to seek professional advice/counsuling, including from religious or charitable organizations, facilities at a local college that may be free or based on your income.
Their may be single father/divorced dad groups out there in your community or on the internet, that may be able to help with advice and listening to you.
 
UH60FtRucker
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 03, 2006 12:36 am

Ted... you kinda scare me. Not scared like when a bullet zips through my chin bubble and I have a nice little hole to wave to the Iraqis through... but scared in the fact that I am married myself.

I'm 23, I was married for only a few weeks prior to deploying, and I am fairly sure that when I come home in Feb... my wife is going to start talking about having a baby.

And I'm cool with that and I love my wife and I don't foresee any issues. But of course, neither did you when you married, no doubt. And on the same lines, I don't ever see getting divorced... but neither did you.

lol - well at least in my case I know it's my WIFE who is the better person. So I suppose all I really need to do is walk the line! But yeah, thanks for the chills.

-UH60
Your men have to follow your orders. They don't have to go to your funeral.
 
atrude777
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 03, 2006 12:48 am

Ted-

I really am sorry to see you going through this. When my parents first announced the divorce possiblity, immediatly i thought of you and your situation.

I truly do hope you and the wife can make the best out of it all.

As much as it might hurt and i think your realizing it, your children will be the most affected, and make as many sacrafices as you can to ensure the best deal for your kids, which as you saw is what my own parents did. And we are still laughing, talking and having a great time as a 'divorced" family. I mean we had friends and family come down to help my dad move into his new house. Find me another divorced family that could claim they were able to do that and not fight, argue and laugh and have a great time! I was so shocked!

Anyway my best to you and especially the kids, keep the good fight going!

Alex
Good things come to those who wait, better things come to those who go AFTER it!
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:15 am

Quoting UH60FtRucker (Reply 9):
but scared in the fact that I am married myself.

Well, every one (and every marriage) is different. As long as there is a LOT of passionate mutual admiration, and a commitment to see a counselor first; I don't think you'll have a problem. Remember while this is 'ugly', this is still a relatively un-contested divorce at this point, there are worse stories being told then mine.. I'm just very detailed.

Quoting UH60FtRucker (Reply 9):
But yeah, thanks for the chills.

Sorry, sure you don't want to stay on for another tour???  rotfl 

Quoting Atrude777 (Reply 10):
Anyway my best to you and especially the kids, keep the good fight going!

Thanks, I appreciate it!!
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nkops
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:25 am

Ted-

You seem like a good father, just remember that know matter what the mom does, you are there for the kids. I went 4 years with no mother before my dad re-married (my mom up and left w/ no warning and no contact for 4 years.). It takes a real man to be there for his kids at the worse times, and you seem to be doing OK.
:evil:
 
kmh1956
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:59 am

Sadly, in such cases, there is no real victory on either side. Mom seems delusional if she's off following ex-boyfriend and his wife.....the kids will only have a part-time mother, if that. Resentment towards Mom will grow; that's natural. As long as you keep your cool and don't say anything negative about her (it's hard, but if I can do it, anyone can!) then your relationship with the kids can only get stronger. You've got your work cut out for you. Good luck.
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:59 am

With Kids Involved.They end up the losing side.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
vaporlock
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don�t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 6:45 am

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
I don't know what to hope for.



Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
Next life: I'm going to get the twins disabled as soon as I get out of middle school.

Teddy, it is so good to know that at least you still have hope!!! And your sense of humor.

It is not an easy time ever when you go through divoice...believe me I know. But if you can continue to keep yourself on track you'll get through it just fine. Also, you should be very proud of yourself, you obviously are putting the kids first and that shows just how much you are in touch with them. After all, they are young and really don't understand everything...

Keep up the good work!!!

Phyllis  bouncy 
 
Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:24 am

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
If you don’t care: don’t participate.

I'll participate  wink 

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
I can have the kids and $400/month while they are in school, She only gets them for the Summer.

Take that offer and start from the beginning. This period was difficult for kids and you, so it will take time to adjust, but you can make it.  crossfingers 

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
BUT: I really don’t want them to grow up with their mom ‘only on the summers’. They are so young and the thought of them only seeing their mother for a little more than two months out of the year is bothersome.

Generally, you are right but if she is so unfit and puts her sexual life first, then your kids are better off without her. It is ugly thing to say, but she can mess their lives and minds more being around them than being far from them. You should consider that, too.

Quoting TedTAce (Thread starter):
One way I win and the kids will do good; the other the kids win for experience with their mom, but then she has more influence on them.

Hey, nobody wins and the biggest loser is your ex wife, but since it is her decision she doesn't deserve much sympathy. You're not winning at all, but it takes lots of courage to do what is right and since you have that courage, you deserve my respect.

The reason why I'm saying is very personal. I grew up without my father. My parents were 21 when I was born and my father simply fled with lots of help of his family and with some bribery, even managed to escape all legal responsibilities. I use my mother's family name and my middle name is not my fathers' name as it should be, but my mother's name.

From my experience, I won't sell you BS and will tell you honestly: it won't be easy for your kids, not now, not even when they grow up. You see, I explained my situation, but didn't want to say one most important thing: my father is quite a rich gallery owner today, but he is also the last person on Earth I would ask for help. First, why should I do it now after 33 years, second, my aunt would rather die than accept his help.

Now, my advice to you is try to make a home for your kids and yourself. Find a new house if necessary and be prepared to protect them from this day until your last breath because they'll need it. Believe me, there will be quite many "righteous" who would gladly point a finger at them and in that situation, they will need you.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
 
Air380
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:50 am

I've been reading your threads and I REALLY think that you guys need to be apart as soon as possible. This seems like prolonged agony, you see whatever she does, she tells you this, changes her mind the next second, tells you that, etc. Why does she tell you about her sex life? I can only imagine how that makes you feel, since you loved her once and have children with her. Can you not have her move out, tell her, I don't care what you do, just uphold your end of the bargain for being there for our kids.
 
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TheRedBaron
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:43 am

Ted first of all I think you are doing good....

If yuo let me give you some advice, dont let your kids hate their mon, and dont hate her yourself THEY WILL NOTICE, also because sooner than later she will be back, or will drop her present "adventure" and will try to reenter the picture in some way, so if you dont grow bitter and your sons, all for the better.
Try to keep open channels all the time and set reasonable boundaries and rules and ENFORCE THEM....

Hope you through this fast . clean and with no fight/bitterness/anger.

Best Regards TRB
The best seat in a Plane is the Jumpseat.
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:54 pm

Quoting Theredbaron (Reply 18):
dont let your kids hate their mon

True.Its better if te kids are happy with both parents even if the Parents arn't together.It'll reduce the Pain.
regds
MEL
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
vikkyvik
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 05, 2006 12:55 am

Quoting Nkops (Reply 12):
It takes a real man to be there for his kids at the worse times, and you seem to be doing OK.

You are goddamn right about that. My mom died when I was 9 and my brother was 13. My dad remarried a little over a year later. But my mom had been in the hospital for awhile before she died, and my dad had to deal with that and also take care of his two kids. Both of which he did remarkably well, and I'm still pretty amazed at his resilience.

Anyway, Ted, some things happen about which you have no choice. Make the best of them, for yourself and especially for your kids.

And although this is long term advice, keep an eye on them as they grow. They're at a pretty malleable stage of their lives, emotionally, and much of their actions and reactions later in life will be affected by the events that are occurring now. Someone mentioned counseling; it might not be a bad idea for the kids at some point, if they want. It gives them someone objective to whom they can talk openly.

Good luck...

~Vik
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:11 pm

Thanks again to all my supporters. You all are making this easier for me, and I greatly appreciate it. I recognize that this whole situation is a loss for the kids no matter what, but I'm doing everything I can to mininmize the pain they have to experience.

Two little 'updates'

1st and most importantly: I taught my son to ride his bike without training wheels at all today!!!!!!

2nd She has decided to stick with our original joint custody agreement and will not be relocating!!! While I personally have mixed emotions, I know this is a victory for the kids and is strategically wonderful.
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Cadet57
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:22 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 21):
I taught my son to ride his bike without training wheels at all today!!!!!!

Good for him Ted. But now look at it this way. It will soon mean a car for him, and grey hair for you. Enjoy!  wave   Wink
Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 12:59 am

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 22):

Already have graying hair  Sad
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JGPH1A
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:10 am

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 23):
Already have graying hair

No, no - they're platinum highlights  Smile
Young and beautiful and thin and gorgeous AND BANNED ! Cya at airspaceonline.com, losers
 
carmenlu15
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:50 am

Good to see things seem to be working out, Ted... Indeed, the kids are the ones who stand to lose the most in these situations, but they will appreciate anything you can do (as small as it may be) to make it easier for them. It will be pretty tough for them at the beginning, but I'm sure that with your guidance they'll become well-adjusted adults.  Smile

- Carmen
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
Dougloid
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 5:39 am

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 23):
TedTAce From United States, joined Mar 2005, 6436 posts, RR: 24
Reply 23, posted Thu Oct 5 2006 17:59:07 UTC+2 and read 34 times:


Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 22):


Already have graying hair

For that you will pay, Ted.

May the Evil Demon of Male Pattern Baldness smite you with his blazing farts from hell.


 devil   devil   devil   devil 
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
beefstew25
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 5:46 am

Ted,

I would never leave the kids unsupervised around your wife.
MLB: Where you are always number one for takeoff.....
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:01 am

Quoting Beefstew25 (Reply 28):
I would never leave the kids unsupervised around your wife.

With as much disdain I have towards her, believe it or not, no. While she is twisted, selfish, and evil; the only harm I think she can do to the kids would be mental, and they will fault her for that. Trust me when I tell you though, the second I think physical harm is being done to them the jig will be up, just as I expect her to do the same to me. Neither of us want anything BAD to happen to the kids, so I'm not to worried. What the bitch does on her own time when the kids are not home is her problem. Maybe she'll get run over by a truck, HIV from a promiscuous lover, or live a long healthy life. As long as the kids are not being hurt by the process; I don't fucking care.
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ltbewr
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:20 am

One thing I would be concerned with it your ex's psychological and mental health. I have see several cases where guys have married women who have serious psychological and mental health problems including manic-depressive, bi-polar, schzophrenia and some mixes of them. They can put you or your children at danger or bad and such issues can be a disease that needs treatment and understanding. I agree that sometimes the treatments don't work or have side affects.
Yes, you may have to be divorced from her and hopefully you get primary custody of your children to keep your sanity. Hopefully she will eventually realize her problems or you or her friends will get her the help she needs. I would also be concerned of her using illegal drugs or legal drugs illegally.
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 6:41 am

Quoting LTBEWR (Reply 30):
schzophrenia

This runs in her family, and needless to say is a VERY sore point. Her behaviour is very reminiscent of what her mom (a diagnosed schizophrenic) did with her dad in running away, coming back, running away, coming back.. whatever. Her mom is a true sweetheart, and even with her mom off her meds I implicitly trust her mom with the kids as there is no history of violence whatsoever. I know I can trust the kids with her for now, but like I said before, the second there is a hint of violence I'm going to baker act her ass and get her on court ordered meds. If those don't work I'll force the custody issue. Now obviously if she pulls something extremely drastic it will be too late, but her behaviours at this point in time don't warrant court intervention. The last thing I think I need to do is cry wolf. If I'm going to go force primary custody, your darn right I'm going to have her lock stock and barrel before I file the court papers.
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Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:16 am

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 21):
1st and most importantly: I taught my son to ride his bike without training wheels at all today!!!!!!

Great! I hope it was a painless lesson, because I was all over the place with knees in not very good shape. Now, start saving for his first car.

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 21):
2nd She has decided to stick with our original joint custody agreement and will not be relocating!!! While I personally have mixed emotions, I know this is a victory for the kids and is strategically wonderful.

I'm sorry, but what was the original agreement?

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 30):
This runs in her family, and needless to say is a VERY sore point.

It's bad. It's really bad, but you'll cope with that. I'm sure you will.
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TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:38 pm

Quoting Aleksandar (Reply 31):
Now, start saving for his first car.

Hold your tongue!!!

Quoting Aleksandar (Reply 31):
I'm sorry, but what was the original agreement?

Rotating holidays. I get them from noon on Sunday through Wednesday @ 6:00 PM. That's probably going to be ammended somehow, but we haven't put it in stone just yet.

Quoting Aleksandar (Reply 31):
It's bad. It's really bad, but you'll cope with that. I'm sure you will.

Well, I think I may have miss phrased that. It's a sore point for her. What with genetic pre-disposition and all. If you meant I'll deal with her lack of sanity (if it ever substantively materializes), your darn right I will; as long as the kids are not in danger... Once again, the second I think she's a demonstratable threat it's game over.
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Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 3:36 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 32):
Hold your tongue!!!

I wanted, I really did, but it was stronger than me and I had to write it  wink 

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 32):
If you meant I'll deal with her lack of sanity (if it ever substantively materializes), your darn right I will; as long as the kids are not in danger...

Yes, I meant that. You know, it is important for kids and yourself to create a nice environment. If it can be done with help of kid's mother, that's great, but in case it can't be done that way, then it won't be easy, but it has to be done and don't forget yourself in that process.

To be frank, what I really didn't like is how your ex wife quickly changes her mind, so although you want her to be involved in lives of your kids (which is great), be prepared if she changes her mind again. The good thing in whole situation is that it is obvious that your kids have a strong figure in you they can count on and that is great, so try to stay strong. I'm sure it's tough, but you'll make it.
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TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:53 pm

Quoting Aleksandar (Reply 33):
be prepared if she changes her mind again

IF there is one thing that is consistant about her, this is it. I have learned from long ago that decision making was not a strong suit of hers. I don't know what better evidence I need then the whole divorce in the first place to proove that. Unfortunately it's not enough for a judge to believe that she's unfit. Don't get me wrong, I actually NEVER want that day to come; but I'm ready for it if necessary.
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beefstew25
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Fri Oct 06, 2006 10:57 pm

I say get a private eye to capture footage of the infidelity. Hang that over her, and she will get in line.
MLB: Where you are always number one for takeoff.....
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Sat Oct 07, 2006 12:33 am

Quoting Beefstew25 (Reply 35):
I say get a private eye to capture footage of the infidelity.

I already have an e-mail of hers (to him) talking about not getting laid in two weeks dated two weeks after her brthday which she spent with him. Do you really think I need more?
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TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 10, 2006 8:55 pm

So this morning I had to take her to work get the kids up early, yadda yadda yadda....

While driving in we talked about what is becomming much more fact then fiction of me getting custody of the kids and her paying me $400/month. She's going to run back home to Miami to get a job, go back to school, and help take care of her mom who should have died over a year ago (and thankfully hasn't). Yes I'm one of those weird son-in-laws who loves his mother in law.

The thing that was funny was that she HAD to whine to me about yesterday which was a day off for her. She was supposed to spend the day with her married boyfriend hiking (and probably a back woods booty call too) to gawd knows where. Now granted they apparently DID go hiking eventually but this was after her took her to change his oil, register the trailer he's going to use to move him and his wife to Tennessee, and a couple of other errands (which SHE HATES to do).

She called it 'the worst day ever with him' as while doing the errands his wife kept calling him (snicker). She also came to the realization that she is relegated to being his 'beck and call girl' at best.

I'm really glad she's smelling the coffee burning.. her parents need the help, and if she finishes her education she will be pretty well equipped to help raise the kids when she comes back. Who knows what will happen then.
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beefstew25
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:48 pm

Lord, this is an akward situation. I seriously praise your self control. I think she needs to move out of the house.
MLB: Where you are always number one for takeoff.....
 
Dougloid
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:18 pm

Ya know Ted, you're playing out your strategy on a public forum-what makes you think she's not playing the same game with you?

I always advise the people i work with "you have the right to remain silent-I suggest you exercise it...."
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
RichardPrice
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:30 pm

Out of interest, does her boyfriends wife know about her? Thats the one thing Ive missed while reading your threads!

You are an excellent writer, and I hope it works out for you.
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 11, 2006 1:08 am

Quoting Beefstew25 (Reply 38):
I think she needs to move out of the house.

As we are still on rotation (and will be until the house is sold) she lives with her sister on days I am supposed to have the kids.

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
Ya know Ted, you're playing out your strategy on a public forum

Not exactly. I'm more discussing events that already happened. She knows I'll go with whatever whenever so long as there is now lawyer and either I get custody and child support or we share custody.

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
what makes you think she's not playing the same game with you?

She doesn't have an internet habbit, and she is not a good strategist. If her vasilations I have portrayed here don't support that; I don't know what will.

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
I always advise the people i work with "you have the right to remain silent-I suggest you exercise it...."

Excellent advice!!!

Quoting RichardPrice (Reply 40):
Out of interest, does her boyfriends wife know about her?

NO!!! That's what made some of the earlier exchanges more interesting and allowed me to stay as the power player if you will. While she desperately wishes to be with him she more so doesn't want to have the wife discover the affair before he can get out on his own. Something she now knows is unlikely to happen.

Quoting RichardPrice (Reply 40):
You are an excellent writer, and I hope it works out for you.

Thank you very much.
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Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Wed Oct 11, 2006 2:05 am

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 37):
While driving in we talked about what is becomming much more fact then fiction of me getting custody of the kids and her paying me $400/month.

Like I've told you before, it seems like the best solution. It is obvious that, in this situation, you are the responible one and I have no doubt that you will be able to give your kids a good environment which is something they need the most these days.
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beefstew25
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 1:41 am

You need to pocket a couple months of the $400 and get yourself out to Vegas for a happy ending.
MLB: Where you are always number one for takeoff.....
 
TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:58 am

Quoting Beefstew25 (Reply 43):
You need to pocket a couple months of the $400 and get yourself out to Vegas for a happy ending.

LOL THAT is the best insult I have ever had to bear the brunt of  thumbsup 

Yeah. I am planning on spending the next two to three years in the new place settling down and building up what precious little is left over after the divorce. Once I get over what is typically my job every 2.5 years period, I'll start to think about taking time off, maybe take a Disney Cruise or something like that.

Yeah, the happy ending will be me and the kids having a food fight and getting thrown off the lido deck, but after years of chasing (and mostly catching) the cat (before I got married) I need a vacation from that too.

Besides, porn is better, it never cares that you watch something else, doesn't care if you come to quick, and never needs you to 'snuggle' afterwards.
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Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 11:38 am

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 44):
Yeah. I am planning on spending the next two to three years in the new place settling down and building up what precious little is left over after the divorce. Once I get over what is typically my job every 2.5 years period, I'll start to think about taking time off, maybe take a Disney Cruise or something like that.

That's great, but why don't you make a small trip with your kids once everything is settled? I mean nothing fancy, maybe a week long trip just to change the environment and have some rest. This was too stressful for you and you all need some time off before that Disney Cruise.
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TedTAce
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 8:15 pm

Quoting Aleksandar (Reply 45):
That's great, but why don't you make a small trip with your kids once everything is settled? I mean nothing fancy, maybe a week long trip just to change the environment and have some rest. This was too stressful for you and you all need some time off before that Disney Cruise.

I'd love to, but the reality of the way my life works prohibits it.
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Aleksandar
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:51 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 46):
I'd love to, but the reality of the way my life works prohibits it.

It's a pity, but what about long weekend? I mean, everyone can get a fever or stomachache.  Wink
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Dougloid
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:59 pm

Quoting TedTAce (Reply 41):
Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
Ya know Ted, you're playing out your strategy on a public forum

Not exactly. I'm more discussing events that already happened. She knows I'll go with whatever whenever so long as there is now lawyer and either I get custody and child support or we share custody.

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
what makes you think she's not playing the same game with you?

She doesn't have an internet habbit, and she is not a good strategist. If her vasilations I have portrayed here don't support that; I don't know what will.

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 39):
I always advise the people i work with "you have the right to remain silent-I suggest you exercise it...."

Excellent advice!!!

Ted, I don't know whether you folks are trying to do this yourselves. Be that as it may, I can tell you that in my line of work every self help, homebrew divorce agreement and stipulatio from "Complete Case" that I've ever seen could be contested by a trained pony.
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
deltadc9
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RE: TedTAce Divorce Thread Part II (Don’t Read)

Thu Oct 12, 2006 11:11 pm

The reason my handle is DeltaDC9 is that when I was a kid, from 5 on, I flew on a Delta DC9 by myself between Chicago and Evansville Indiana between parents.

The worst part was not that they were not together anymore. The worst part was the secrets and the manipulation. I was told what I could and could not tell the other parent, and told to remind Dad that he owed mom money, etc...That was just too much pressure, they put me in the middle. It made me miserable.

It would have been OK, not great, but OK, if all I had to do was hop the plane and spend time with them. If you can find a way to leave the kids out of your "divorce relationship" with the ex, I truly believe the kids will be fine.

If she cannot deal with this without putting the kids thru that, fight like hell for sole custody. You wont regret it, and they will benefit greatly. Torturing a kid like that is the act of an unfit parent, divorce has a way of making a perfectly good parent suddenly very unfit because it turns into this narcissistic drama when it should be totally about what is best for the kids.
Dont take life too seriously because you will never get out of it alive - Bugs Bunny

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