"In other news today, to bolster his argument of unification from the recent Democratic sweep at the polls, President George W Bush in a rare, personal moment, revealed with a photo-op, his battle with incontinence and recent infection from dysentery. In remarks made moments later, the President acknowledged "the last 6 years of my Presidency have been marked by my rather stoic and normally private character. What we all need is, to relax a little and show a little more of our inner self".
Presidential Aids cringed at the gaffe, which was aimed at the American people, but took President Putin by a lofty but breezy surprise.
Pack your bags, we're going on a sympathy trip!