fspilot747
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Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:06 pm

Recently, I've noticed a lot of my peers at my university are either getting engaged or married. One of my friends from high school who must be now 21 just got married some months back. 3 friends of mine just got married from here. And we're talking about people in the 20-23 age bracket. Even the future JDs and MDs are getting married before their graduate education (or at least engaged).

Personally, I find this a bit too young (but what do I know?).

Is the marriage age steadily lowering? Or am I simply experiencing isolated incidents of blithe indifference to the reality of marriage? (excuse the tone).

I think marriage is great. Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways. Unless mom and pop agree to support the both of ya's. Which is kind of degrading. For everyone... IMO.
 
AirframeAS
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:10 pm

No, I have had friends married right out of high school at 18. Back in colonial times, it used to be 16 to be married, but that has changed since the civil war, I think....to what it is now: 18 years old.
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ShyFlyer
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:28 pm

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Personally, I find this a bit too young (but what do I know?).

So do I, so you are not alone. I have always thought that getting married before age 30 isn't a good idea. I mean, the twenties (I feel) should be about separating from the parents, establishing your own identity, getting an education (college or the school of hard knocks, or both), and just generally finding out what you want to do with your life. Then you can find that special someone that fits into all that.

That said, each person is different. I know some people in their early to mid thirties that still act like children. We don't all mature at the same rate.

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 1):
Back in colonial times

To be fair, life was a lot different back then. A 16 year old in those times was a hell of a lot more mature than one today. Generally speaking of course.
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NeilYYZ
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:32 pm

I personally wouldn't do it, but I'm destined to be a lifelong bachelor, so who knows.

I have only one example, my friend has been going out with a girl for going on 6 years now, he's 22, and currently in med school. We were out at the bar a week ago and I asked him when he was going to pop the question, he said that there was no doubt that he would, but only after he finished school and got a job. I think he's taking the right approach.
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LTU932
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:36 pm

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Personally, I find this a bit too young (but what do I know?).

I agree, although my personal limit is 26. Once I'm 26 or older, then I'll be in a position to consider whether to pop the question or not.

Instead of settling down so early, try to see the world or at least to do a few nice and perhaps extraordinary things. I've seen cousins who are about my age and get pregnant early. Getting married and/or getting pregnant early is not really the way to go. Like I said, do something or see the world before settling down.
 
tz757300
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:36 pm

Well, in my class at my high school, there are already people engaged with each other and weddings are being planned. Too young? I think so. Shit, I can't keep reigns on a girlfriend for more than a month.
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HPLASOps
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:49 pm

I've got a mixture of friends who fall into the "already married" and "will probably not get married at all" categories. 5 cousins who are married (4 already have had children), and 1 who is on her 2nd marriage. They are all about 5 years older than me on average. Of course, my brother is two years older than me, and I don't see marriage happening for either one of us for the next few years.
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CF188A
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:53 pm

when i was at th joint services open house in Maryland this past May, my aunt asked the Chinook pilot how old he was ... he said 20 and was already a father etc.... and had already served in Iraq apparently so, young indeed. This story always comes to mind when this topic arises.
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APFPilot1985
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:18 pm

I'm 21 and I am engaged, planning on getting married at around 22. I don't think we are too young (obviously) if it seems right why fight it or prolong it.
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BA
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:31 pm

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Or am I simply experiencing isolated incidents of blithe indifference to the reality of marriage? (excuse the tone).

No, I don't think you are experiencing isolated incidents. I've been experiencing the same thing.

Infact, a good friend of mine who is 23 years old (2 years older than me) just got engaged last week. I know several people from my high school who have already gotten married as well.

Maybe there is a growing trend to get married at a younger age again or maybe just a growing minority? I don't know. It would be something interesting to research.

I'm 21-years old and lately the issue of marriage has been brought up a lot by my family members (my mom in particular) and even some relatives. They're not asking me to get married right now or if I want to get married now, but they're just wondering if I have anyone particular in mind that would be a potential candidate to get married to.

Infact, even my friends brought it up today which I thought was a bit strange.

I think my mom feels that I could get married right after college, which is in less than two years, though I think that is too soon for me.

It's not something I have really thought of, but for me, I think I have to be at least 24 or 25 before I even really consider marriage, and even that is young when I think about it. I just don't know, I guess when the time comes, it comes...

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways.

Emotionally, I think it is there for many (but not all) 21-year olds. But financially, I definitely agree with you.

Infact, I think people who get married at these young ages should not have children until they are a bit older and have become more mature and have a more steady income to be able to sustain themselves and their children comfortably.
"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need." - Khalil Gibran
 
UH60FtRucker
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:48 pm

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways. Unless mom and pop agree to support the both of ya's. Which is kind of degrading. For everyone... IMO.

I'm 23... and I'm married. And I don't regret one bit of it.

I own my own house, I own two vehicles, my wife and I have a combined income that is higher than that of some people who've been married for 20yrs, we have a retirement investment plan, we talk to each other multiple times a week, and our emotional support of each other is VERY strong... even with 8,000 miles between us.

And I love married life. I don't miss my wild days, in the slightest. I went to college, partied hard, "sewed my oats" and made it through without every catching something. And married life is the best thing to happen to me. It gives me purpose. It gives me stability. And it gives me a HUGE REASON TO SURVIVE.

I don't think it necessarily has to do with age... but everything to do with maturity. I agree that there are a lot of guys my age who are simply far too selfish and childish to get married... but there are plenty of 30/40 years old who are the same. It has everything to do with maturity.

Married life is great and I love my wife.



-UH60
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skyman
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 6:51 pm

Wow I´m surprised. It seems to be a lot different in the US than here in Germany. I only know one person who got married under 23 and he was also 25. Most start around 27 - 30. Even if they have been together for 5 years or so. We just wait and see how life works, live together have fun and so. So it is a little bit different here.
If they are to young? I don´t know, I guess I´ll agree with UH60 if they are mature enough fine.
 
LSPA
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:48 pm

For me marriage is also a beautiful thing, and I'm definetly planning on getting married...once.
But for my situation it is irresponsible to take such a vow. I love my girlfriend above all but would never marry her now.
Being in the army for another 6 months and then going to travel for half a year and then starting university for 4 years and then getting a job...that's a long time without real, steady income. And I would never get married without that stability.
But if someone like UH60 has all of that at his young age, I think it's absolutly ok. I have a lieutanant that is 24 and has 2 kids already...
~reach for the sky!
 
Gemuser
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:42 pm

The average marriage age, like a lot of things varies depending on the social/economic conditions of the times. From 1915 to 1945 there was a significent increase in the average marriage age, guess why? After 30 years of either war or economic dislocation it was up considerabley (don't remember the numbers). After 1945 things improved dramatically, you had the baby boom (pent up demand), but also a long period 1945-1974 of steady, quite fast economic growth, so the average age went down, in Oz it got closer to, maybe just under 20 y.o.

But other things also happened during this period including a vast increase in the number of young people doing extended education, which tended to bring the average up, also the development of efficient, safe contraceptives reduce the need to get married, then social attitudes changed and there was less social pressure to marry.

IMHO, lately there does seem to be an increase in younger marriages. My students most of whom are between 18 and 23 seem to be getting married younger, in fact in a group of about 65 I have 3 males and both females(IT is not a female occupation in this country) are getting married over the summer holidays and both females have enquired about how to change their names before they return in February. A possiable reason is that the employment market has been growing steadly for the last 15 or so years giving rise to the lowest unemployment rate sine pre 1974

To sum up, its cyclic depending on the conditions of the times.

Gemuser
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ltbewr
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:02 pm

Some factors from my observations that may make it seem that people are marrying younger in the USA today:
Fears of being alone. Far too many people have seen older siblings, relatives, neighbors and friends who delayed marriage and didn't find a mate. They fear being like them, unhappy and unsatisfied in their lives without a companion.
Divorce in the family. Many are seeking love and commitment that they don't get from their parents due to their divorce.
Ease and more acceptability of divorce today. May of those who marry young may be divorced by their early 30's as they realize how they are not growing or don't want to deal with tough times that occur in marriage. Still, divorce is easy today in the USA and is more accepted as a decision in life than years ago.
Active military and war. The War in Afghanistan and Iraq means a lot of people want to be married while at war.
Less acceptance of children outside of marriage or without a husband.
Best chance in life to find a mate during High School, College or just after college.
Difficulties at adult, post-college workplaces to find a mate, due to sexual harassment laws.
Growing numbers of men accepting their sexual responsibility for creating children.
Declining acceptance of Abortion.
Religious people finding someone within their faith group, often at an early age.
Declining acceptance of the 'swinging single' in society. In part that may be due to the rise of AIDS, other bad STD's. Thus less desire to play the field.
Decline over time of alcohol use, bars, clubs as factors in meeting potential mates. They were never good anyway to meet a mate, along with far less acceptance of alcohol, drug use and increasing fears of sexual and other violence from bar and club experiences.
 
mspguy
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:21 pm

I got married this year, I'm 29, the wife was 34.

But yes people do seem to be getting married younger and younger.
If it ain't broke, DON'T touch it!!!!
 
JBirdAV8r
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:12 am

Ahh, FSP. How have you been?

Anyway, I completely agree with the sentiments. I think it's hit me kind of hard because I've been to a few weddings of people my age (21-23)...most of them fall a little low on the maturity meter. I wonder how many of them will either be divorced or in unhappy marriages 10 years from now.

As for me, my girlfriend and I have been dating somewhere on the order of two years. Is it headed for marriage? Yes, it appears pretty definite at this point. However, we both want to get firmly on our feet. She's getting ready to go to pharmacy school and I'm trying to get established in a somewhat-stable flying job. Once we get those tasks accomplished we'll be good to go.

Quoting UH60FtRucker (Reply 10):
I don't think it necessarily has to do with age... but everything to do with maturity. I agree that there are a lot of guys my age who are simply far too selfish and childish to get married... but there are plenty of 30/40 years old who are the same. It has everything to do with maturity.

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desertjets
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:21 am

Instead of the mean age moving lower I think we are beginning to see a more bi-modal distribution happening. A big cluster of people marrying in their early 20s, and another waiting till 30 or after. Being a mid 20-something myself, about half of my friends are married/engaged and the other half are single or just dating. Generally speaking my friends are all fairly well educated, many of them have or are earning advanced degrees.
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IFEMaster
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:04 am

I got married at 25 and I know I was ready when I was ready. Any sooner, and I probably wouldn't have been ready. Having said that my wife's older sister got married when she was 18 and 14 years later they're still going strong.

And, really, when you know you got it right, being married is just fantastic.
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AirframeAS
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 2:12 am

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 2):
To be fair, life was a lot different back then. A 16 year old in those times was a hell of a lot more mature than one today. Generally speaking of course.

So true!
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Gemuser
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:49 am

Quoting Gemuser (Reply 13):
After 1945 things improved dramatically, you had the baby boom (pent up demand), but also a long period 1945-1974 of steady, quite fast economic growth, so the average age went down, in Oz it got closer to, maybe just under 20 y.o.

A bit odd to quote myself, but I found some hard numbers for Oz which might be of intrest.

"In 1940 the median age at first marriage was 26.5 for bridegrooms and 23.7 for brides. By 1974 this had fallen to 23.3 for bridegrooms and 20.9 for brides".

"The decline in age at first marriage was finally arrested in 1974. The median age of first marriage of bridegrooms and brides started to increase and has continued to increase steadily to 27.3 for bridegrooms and 25.3 for brides in 1995. "

"Median age of males at first marriage years 27.3 27.6 27.8 27.9 28.2 28.5 28.7 29.0 29.2 29.4 n.y.a.
Median age of females at first marriage years 25.3 25.7 25.9 26.2 26.4 26.7 26.9 27.1 27.3 27.5 n.y.a"
Note: the first number is the average age in 1995, the nya refers to 2005.

The data for 1995-2005 is from: http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@....616D1CA2571B000102D64?opendocument
Earlier data is from: http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@....616D1CA2571B000102D64?opendocument

Gemuser
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:47 am

Mr. Harlot and I were 23 when we got married. We started going out when he was 19, me 18. Too young? Hell yes. I look back at it now amazed. But it has worked out, very well. I would not have wanted to come through these past 11 (16) years with anybody other than Mr. Harlot at my side. We grew up together. We could have grown apart, but we grew together, and I'm so glad.
But that was when I ruled the world
 
L-188
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:50 am

No, in fact it probably is going the other way.

That is why there are so many states that still have the age to legally marry at 16.

Seems insanely early, but back then it wasn't.
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Yirina77
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:56 am

My grandma was married, when she was 38 yo...I wish to get married about my 35, so yes, this generation is going married sooner  Silly
 
Sabena332
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:07 am

Getting married is actually pretty out here, at least among all people I know. And I am thinking the same way, no matter how long I will be together with a girl, I won't marry her. I guess it is kind of salving when you know that you can always tell her: "Get the hell out of here!" without having to fear financial consequences later at the divorce.  Wink

Patrick
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madairdrie
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:39 am

Quoting IFEMaster (Reply 18):
And, really, when you know you got it right, being married is just fantastic

This is the perfect point, there is no ideal age to get married, if you have met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with why wait around, whatever age you are. If you havent met this person then it is rather difficult to get married unless you do something stupid.
Kenneth
 
san747
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:27 am

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Personally, I find this a bit too young (but what do I know?).

Quite a bit. Your intuition is correct.

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
I think marriage is great. Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways.

They can't. It's that simple!

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
am I simply experiencing isolated incidents of blithe indifference to the reality of marriage? (excuse the tone).

No, I know several people my age (18, and a couple people younger) who also apparently have no concept of marriage except what they've seen in the movies...

Quoting MSPGUY (Reply 15):
I got married this year, I'm 29, the wife was 34.

That is the perfect age, you both are set in careers, you've lived a life during your 20s, and now you are ready to settle down (I assume). Congratulations!

Quoting JBirdAV8r (Reply 16):
As for me, my girlfriend and I have been dating somewhere on the order of two years. Is it headed for marriage? Yes, it appears pretty definite at this point. However, we both want to get firmly on our feet. She's getting ready to go to pharmacy school and I'm trying to get established in a somewhat-stable flying job. Once we get those tasks accomplished we'll be good to go.

Best way to go...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
APFPilot1985
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 12:28 pm

Quoting San747 (Reply 26):
Quite a bit. Your intuition is correct.



Quoting San747 (Reply 26):
They can't. It's that simple!



Quoting San747 (Reply 26):
Best way to go...

In your opinion, you cannot judge all situations and make blanket statements like that, it just isnt fair.
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asuflyer05
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:23 pm

I've noticed the same thing. So many of my friends are getting married and they range in age from 20-25. A few of my friends that have been married a few years are already beginning to start families.

I'm still "sewing my oats" as UH60 said. My life is a bit unstable to consider getting married however I can see myself getting hitched in the next few years. As for having kids, I think that is many years away.

Matt
 
san747
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:16 pm

Quoting APFPilot1985 (Reply 27):
In your opinion, you cannot judge all situations and make blanket statements like that, it just isnt fair.

OK, you got me on that one, I shouldn't make generalizations like that, but I know from the experience of several of my friends getting engaged/married in high school that except for very rare exceptions, most people are not even close to mature enough to handle the realities of marriage when they're not even 20...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
Gemuser
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:07 pm

Quoting San747 (Reply 26):
That is the perfect age, you both are set in careers, you've lived a life during your 20s, and now you are ready to settle down (I assume). Congratulations!

As APFPilot1985 says "You can not generalise like that!"

In some ways it is a good age for some people. In other ways it is too old, for some people.

Quite frankly 34 for the female is pretty late IF you are planning a family. Mrs Gemuser(1) was 35 when our son was born, I was 32, frankly, for us that was too old, that why there is only one and Mrs Gemuser(1) became ex Mrs Gemuser(1). It might work for others.

In complete contrast my brother who will be turning 50 shortly has been in a relationship with his wife since 8th grade! They were 30 years married last August and have 4 kids and 2 grand kids! It worked for them.

You can't generalise!!!!

Gemuser
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san747
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Fri Dec 08, 2006 8:38 am

Quoting Gemuser (Reply 30):
As APFPilot1985 says "You can not generalise like that!"

I know, I know. I shouldn't have generalized, but I just feel strongly that VERY few people in or just out of high school or even college or emotionally mature enough for marriage. I know I'M not...

Marriage is a very important part of one's life, and you need to be ready to handle it, not just jump into it...

Why do you think the US has a 50% divorce rate? Because many people get married before they are truly ready...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
lehpron
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Sat Dec 09, 2006 5:27 am

Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter):
Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

I know two couples that got engaged before they came to my college. The to-be-brides lived out of state until they couldn't wait to get married.

This, IMO is a failure of the idea of abstinence. Tell kids to not fool around until marriage, then they are bombarded with the peer pressures of being a teen/young adult. These kids then think its love and get married just to have sex. God forbid they have children and get divorced before college is over, provided they go.

Who am I to judge? They could have grown up together or they could have been from a small town. Or they could have both dated a lot during their teens to finally find each other. Or their parents pressured them into it, claiming the first person they dated was the one they married, etc.

I've know friends who have dated much longer than 3 years but they don't get married. But then were all older than these incoming college freshmen (18-19yrs). Does age matter, no. I think people should wait before getting married, just in case. In case of what? No, just in plain case. The world is not gonna end if you don't get married right now.
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ZBBYLW
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Sat Dec 09, 2006 7:49 am

Quoting UH60FtRucker (Reply 10):

Hey UH60... I agree with 100% of what you said it is all about maturity. Also because of this and many other posts of yours i am adding you to my RU list. Goodluck with everything!

As far as I am concerned, it is how mature you are. Some people KNOW if they are mature enough, to not only enter a marage, but also to sustain it. Some people watch love movies and THINK they are capable of handling it, untill the time comes to where you and your partner are 100% sure of everything you should hold back.
Keep the shinny side up!
 
NWDC10
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Sat Dec 09, 2006 10:41 am

My Great Grandma who was born before the Wright Brothers flight was married at age 16. Not kidding. Robert NWDC10
 
acidradio
Crew
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Sat Dec 09, 2006 7:19 pm

Well, statistically, marriage age is moving up. We live longer, women are (sort of) able to bear children up to an older age, the complexities of life (like a career) are moving a goal or priority like marriage down the list. I don't intend to get married until I have started to build an investment and real estate empire. After all, the kiddies need a place to live, right?
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DETA737
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RE: Are Kids Getting Married Younger These Days?

Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:30 am

I have noticed that many of the Americans have been stating how people get married in their early 20s. I grew up in Connecticut and as far as I know very few people from my graduating class are married (we're all 25/26). I would say that in that respect much of the northeast U.S. mirrors Europe. Just out of curiosity is this common in different parts of the country?
I read once in a magazine article that in the south especially people got married on average younger. The downside to this was that those areas tended to have higher divorce rates. My guess would be that many of those getting married very young would perhaps not be ready for marriage (whether that means financially, mentally or emotionally).

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