While pundits and wannabees wrestle over the exit strategy in Iraq, I want to focus on something that actually affects the lives of billions of people every day. That is; promoting a clean exit strategy from body to bowl. A 'Trail of No Tears', if you will.
Now when I have to interrupt everything to drop a deuce, I go in with the hopes that it will be as clean, easy and liberating as possible - like one wipe in each direction. Sometimes I succeed, other times I do not. So I am looking for ways to improve (as we all should). Fiber helps, it sure does. But there really needs to be a lubricant to smooth the transition. Since I'm not the type to grease up broom handles, liquor bottles or body parts and insert them into my man hole, these are clearly not the strategies I will pursue. Maybe that stuff they use in 'Wow' potato chips? I ate a bag of those and felt like I was sitting on an upside down Old Faithful... I'm surely not looking for a repeat performance to that degree, though.
Don't get me wrong - every now and then I do enjoy the gastronomic explosion triggered by five pounds of buffalo wings, a twelver of Bud heavy and Ex-lax brownies, but I want to be in control.
A well-lubricated, firm and fully connected bowel. In and out in under 2 minutes. How difficult can it be?