san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:08 pm

...the only problem is- she's 17!

I've been friends with her for 2 years, and last January, she started going out with another dude I know. They broke up in August because her parents wanted them to. They both still felt like they were "in love" but they broke up anyway.

She proceeded to hook up with a couple of random guys over the next couple months, while he had no activity with the opposite sex during that time. About 2 weeks ago, she called me and told me they were "semi-back together."

I strongly advised her to not get back together with him because they argued all the time, their age difference is pretty egregious (he's 20), and since they had been together, she had never told me anything positive about their relationship.

So tonight I go on myspace and I see a bulletin he posted... announcing they're engaged! Neither party had decided to talk to me beforehand (which they've done before on much less important issues... she has told me she values my advice and opinions), and now my good female friend has basically signed her life away to this guy at age 17...

As a friend, should I voice my concerns or leave it alone? Frankly, this whole situation (combined with other various qualities and actions) makes me just want to stop having anything to do with her...

But anyway, roll out the flaming equipment and the cargo bays and various other graphics/comments, and hopefully, I'll get a few serious comments!

-san747
Scotty doesn't know...
 
kesbe
Posts: 67
Joined: Sat Nov 04, 2006 7:29 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:12 pm

3 years age gap is ok for me.
in an interstellar burst i am back to save the universe!
 
User avatar
Jetsgo
Posts: 2701
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 6:31 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:15 pm

Well, not to be rude, but she sounds like an idiot. She thinks she is in love with this "man." From what you have described, they are obviously not fit for marriage - that is even if they get through the engagement. My advice, voice your opinion to both parties. Just remember it's not in your control. If they do not listen, wish them well and leave it at that. No real reason to keep in contact, but no real reason to abandon them.

Just my  twocents 


Chris
Marine Corps Aviation, The Last To Let You Down!
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:16 pm

Quoting Kesbe (Reply 1):
3 years age gap is ok for me.

True, but she's not even 18 at the moment. It's not like she really even has legal power to make an immature decision like she did. In fact, knowing her parents (I have a good rapport with them), I find it extremely hard to believe that they gave consent to the engagement...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
copaair737
Posts: 3571
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2003 5:00 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:39 pm

Don't worry...It won't last. However, she better hopes she doesn't get knocked up...b/c its likely she'll be kicked to the curb.

It's her choice though. However, she may choose to put a burden on US taxpayers by having a child out of wedlock...making it a bad choice.

-Copa
Livin' on Reds, Vitamin C, and Cocaine
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:44 pm

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 4):
Don't worry...It won't last. However, she better hopes she doesn't get knocked up...b/c its likely she'll be kicked to the curb.

Well, they've already had sex... I know that... I guess they're just lucky she isn't pregnant.

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 4):
It's her choice though. However, she may choose to put a burden on US taxpayers by having a child out of wedlock...making it a bad choice.

I'm certainly not a "no-sex-before-marriage" guy, but I am a "no-KIDS-before-marriage" guy. But I personally can't stop her...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
copaair737
Posts: 3571
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2003 5:00 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:49 pm

Look, SAN, sex before marriage is great. its a part of culture. However, she can take the necessary steps to not get preggers. Wear a boot and don't pollute, as I like to say.
But don't worry buddy, it won't last. Whether or not she comes out w/ a burden or not remains to be unseen though.

-Copa
Livin' on Reds, Vitamin C, and Cocaine
 
GQfluffy
Posts: 3072
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:25 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:52 pm

Well, she is your friend, and it looks like she's come to you in the past for advice. I'd say, since she didn't this time, this was an emotional, spur of the moment decision, with no time for rational thinking. Regardless of what you've said, or what you want to say, her mind is made up for now. Hopefully your "advice" didn't ruin you two's relationship, and if it did, it's her immaturity that killed it. I'm 100% positive one day not too far from now she'll be calling you up or showing up on your doorstep and proving that you are right. If I were you, I'd voice my concern...but if she's got her head up her arse and has made up her mind on going through with this...about the only thing you can do is voice your concern...then let her do it. It's called the School of Hard Knocks...and she's got to take a few before seeing the light. Sorry I don't have anything more constructive...good luck.  crossfingers 
This isn't where I parked my car...
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:00 pm

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 6):
Look, SAN, sex before marriage is great. its a part of culture.



Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 6):
Wear a boot and don't pollute, as I like to say.

Don't worry, I totally agree. I hope I didn't come off otherwise. I have no problem with sex before marriage at all!
Scotty doesn't know...
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 1999
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:01 pm

reading between the lines, their "engagement" sounds like something that happened in the heat of the moment. When they cool down and start looking at what is seriousely involved, they will probablt decide to wait 5 years to see if it doesn't fizzle out.

Likewise, reading between the lines....have you got a thing for this girl?
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:06 pm

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 9):
Likewise, reading between the lines....have you got a thing for this girl?

I did for a while... and I still kinda like her, but we've both agreed to be only friends, which I have made a concerted effort to respect.
Scotty doesn't know...
 
User avatar
Aeroflot777
Posts: 3011
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:19 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:09 pm

Dude.... I feel EXACTLY like you. My friend, who JUST turned 18, got engaged a month ago. I'm in the same predicament.

Aeroflot777
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 1999
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:07 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:36 pm

Quoting San747 (Reply 10):
I did for a while... and I still kinda like her, but we've both agreed to be only friends, which I have made a concerted effort to respect.

You sure this isn't a factor in your judgement of their relationship?
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:47 pm

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 12):
You sure this isn't a factor in your judgement of their relationship?

Well, I'm not going to say it isn't. It very well could be... but I do know both of them pretty well. Every vibe I get from them indicates an unhealthy relationship, and I honestly (non-romantically) care about her enough to be concerned...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
User avatar
ManuCH
Crew
Posts: 2679
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:33 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:48 pm

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 12):
You sure this isn't a factor in your judgement of their relationship?

That's what I was thinking as well.

Quoting JetsGo (Reply 2):
From what you have described, they are obviously not fit for marriage

How serious is that "engagement" thing in the US? I have plenty of friends who get engaged, and are in the same situation (between 15-20 years old), but they eventually break up 6 months later. I've never seen an engagement as a commitment to get married, but this might be a cultural difference. When 2 people are together, after a while they just get engaged, that's how it works over here. And if it doesn't work out, it's over, period.

If you think she might want to get pregnant this early, maybe another talk to her would be OK, but if it's only a "we love each other, how sweet" thing, let them do their thing. And make sure you don't act because of jealousy.

-Manuel
Never trust a statistic you didn't fake yourself
 
HPLASOps
Posts: 1767
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 6:13 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:06 pm

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
But anyway, roll out the flaming equipment and the cargo bays and various other graphics/comments

Not necessary - this is a legitimate concern for you.

You should most definitely say your opinion about the relationship to both of them, but I would recommend doing it seperately and be fair to both. Just tell her that there's no reason to be engaged at her age and to just wait awhile before promising anything to him. She still has college in front of her, a career path to decide on, lots of things can happen to her in the next 5 years that may alter the way she views life and those close to her. I know there are a few couples who get engaged at an early age and in ends up working out well in the end, but the odds are still not good.

As a side note, about the age difference, if two people in their 30s or 40s get together and they are 3 years or more apart in age, society has no quarrells with it. But if two teenagers, 17 and 14 get together, society treats it like one of the 7 deadly sins - just a little hypocritical I think (Note: I am not trying to endorse the idea of 20 year olds and 12 years dating - please don't go there).
"Just because I know how to get off a freeway doesn't mean I know how to get back on!" - Retard Joe
 
aviatortj
Posts: 1694
Joined: Wed Jul 16, 2003 9:15 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:11 pm

Quoting Kesbe (Reply 1):
3 years age gap is ok for me.



Quoting HPLASOps (Reply 15):
As a side note, about the age difference, if two people in their 30s or 40s get together and they are 3 years or more apart in age, society has no quarrells with it. But if two teenagers, 17 and 14 get together, society treats it like one of the 7 deadly sins - just a little hypocritical I think (Note: I am not trying to endorse the idea of 20 year olds and 12 years dating - please don't go there).

The maturity difference over those years is insane. Assuming these people are going to school, what is a junior in high school going to have in common with someone who is (should be) a sophomore in college besides sex? I don't hold much hope for people crossing lines with relationships. Those lines being: High School, College, and Beyond.
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:24 pm

Actually part of the problem may be that the dude had an injury at work about a year ago, which incapacitated him for a while, and prevented him from going to work or school. He hasn't taken a class since fall 2005 semester, I believe so he hasn't had any real exposure to other women closer to his age...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
adopim88
Posts: 1988
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:33 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:33 pm

Quoting JetsGo (Reply 2):
If they do not listen, wish them well and leave it at that.

This is a good piece of advice. At least if you do that you can't say that you didn't try to tell them. But don't dwell on the fact either way. Just let them to their business. If it's not meant to be then it won't. If you keep going at them and bombarding them every day with your opinion, they may come to resent you. Then you lose them in a bad way. Just my 2 cents.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:44 pm

Quoting Adopim88 (Reply 18):
If you keep going at them and bombarding them every day with your opinion, they may come to resent you.

Yeah... I'm gonna talk to them once and then leave it. I'll let them do their thing after that...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
adopim88
Posts: 1988
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:33 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:47 pm

Quoting San747 (Reply 19):
Yeah... I'm gonna talk to them once and then leave it. I'll let them do their thing after that...

Good luck with that. I hope everything turns out well for all parties involved.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
767Lover
Posts: 3254
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 6:32 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:08 pm

They are too young. Period.

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
Frankly, this whole situation (combined with other various qualities and actions) makes me just want to stop having anything to do with her...



Quoting JetsGo (Reply 2):
No real reason to keep in contact, but no real reason to abandon them.

Whoa...is that the way to treat someone you claim is a good friend? We all make mistakes. That's part of life. She needs your support now, more than ever. Being supportive doesn't mean you have to agree with her decisions.

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 4):
However, she better hopes she doesn't get knocked up.

Heavens no. I am pretty certain that if they go through with the marriage, it won't work out. She doesn't need to be a young mother with kids in her early 20s.

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 9):

Likewise, reading between the lines....have you got a thing for this girl?



Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 12):
You sure this isn't a factor in your judgement of their relationship?

I agree, this looks more like an emotional reaction

Quoting ManuCH (Reply 14):
I've never seen an engagement as a commitment to get married, but this might be a cultural difference.

Here in the US engagement is a pretty serious step. Most of the time it is the precursor to marriage, and wedding plans are being made. On occasion couples break up during the engagement ... and when that happens it is a big deal.
 
User avatar
Coal
Posts: 2298
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:14 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:12 pm

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
signed her life away

You can always sign back in. It's called divorce  wink 

Cheers,
Coal
Nxt Flts: MI RGN-SIN | SQ SIN-RGN-SIN | CX SIN-HKG-PVG | SQ PVG-SIN
 
aerobalance
Posts: 4309
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2000 8:35 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:37 pm

They will name their love child Rainbow or Peter.
"Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy..."
 
ajd1992
Posts: 2390
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:11 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:49 am

That's way to young. I'm 14, and probably will be ignored because of my age, but the guy is engaged to a child (in the eyes of the law). Tell her to go out and find somebody else to date... I'm not saying it's bad to have a 3 year age gap, because it necessarily isn't. My parents have a 3 year difference. Then again, i wouldn't date a 17 year old (or at the other end of the range, an 11 year old).
 
CastleIsland
Posts: 3212
Joined: Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:40 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:44 am

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 24):
That's way to young. I'm 14, and probably will be ignored because of my age, but the guy is engaged to a child (in the eyes of the law). Tell her to go out and find somebody else to date... I'm not saying it's bad to have a 3 year age gap, because it necessarily isn't. My parents have a 3 year difference. Then again, i wouldn't date a 17 year old (or at the other end of the range, an 11 year old).

Well, I won't ignore you. Well put. To put what you said another way, or rather, to read into it a bit, a three-year age difference at your age (14) is very significant. At the age of the people in question (17 and 20), it is still significant, but just about to start to become less. By the time people are 27 and 30, it becomes pretty much meaningless. I'm 43 and my GF is 37, and it's not even something we've ever discussed.

So, San747, your thoughts are well grounded, and the advice to mention your concerns, frankly and genuinely, is good. Do that, and then leave it alone. The universe will unfold as it should.
"People don't do what they believe in, they just do what's most convenient, then they repent." - Dylan
 
ANITIX87
Posts: 2960
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 4:52 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:54 am

Quoting HPLASOps (Reply 15):
(Note: I am not trying to endorse the idea of 20 year olds and 12 years dating - please don't go there).

My parents are 10 years apart. My dad was 40 when they met, my mom was 30. Now they're 62 and 52, so the difference is basically meaningless. On the other hand, a friend of mine was arrested two weeks ago for having a 12-year old girl in his car, who he'd been having sex with. He's 21. It's sick and twisted. So yes, I agree, the age difference does become a negligible issue when the parties involved are older.

TIS
www.stellaryear.com: Canon EOS 50D, Canon EOS 5DMkII, Sigma 50mm 1.4, Canon 24-70 2.8L II, Canon 100mm 2.8L, Canon 100-4
 
767Lover
Posts: 3254
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 6:32 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:27 am

Quoting ANITIX87 (Reply 26):
On the other hand, a friend of mine was arrested two weeks ago for having a 12-year old girl in his car, who he'd been having sex with. He's 21. It's sick and twisted.

WHAT???? That is beyond icky. What is his problem for god's sake?
 
User avatar
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:33 am

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 4):
However, she may choose to put a burden on US taxpayers by having a child out of wedlock...making it a bad choice.

How is that a burden on US taxpayers?
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
User avatar
LTU932
Posts: 13090
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:34 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:45 am

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
she's 17!

If I was the parent, I wouldn't have approved. I would still have my doubts even if she's 18, but then again, she'd be an adult and free to make that choice.

I believe that getting married before hitting 20 years old is far too young. There may be people who are mature enough for that, but not all of them are.

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
So tonight I go on myspace and I see a bulletin he posted... announcing they're engaged! Neither party had decided to talk to me beforehand (which they've done before on much less important issues... she has told me she values my advice and opinions)

You know, if she really meant what she's said about valuing your opinion, she should have at least told you about this in person. Sometimes it's much better to mention these things in person than over Myspace to the entire world.

I share your concern about this and I hope everything will work out positively. However, if I were you, try to keep a little more distance from them, so you don't give the impression that you're obsessed with her or with the relationship in general.
 
adopim88
Posts: 1988
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:33 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:49 am

Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 28):
How is that a burden on US taxpayers?

Welfare?

Quoting Ajd1992 (Reply 24):

Yes, when you're in your teens a 3 year difference can be huge. Because of the stages of mental development are quite different even 1 or 2 years apart. Once you get out of teens and into 20s, 30s, 40s, you've matured (or at least we hope so!  Wink ) and you're partner who may be 3 or 4 years older or younger than you doesn't seem so far away in age from you.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
andessmf
Posts: 5689
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:53 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:56 am

Quoting LTU932 (Reply 29):
I believe that getting married before hitting 20 years old is far too young.

Personally, having recently gone thru it, I would not considered anyone a true 'adult' till they pass 25 years of age. Usually you get there past 30.

The last girlfriend I had prior to marriage was 21, while my then future wife was 27. I was shocked at the maturity level difference between the two.
 
copaair737
Posts: 3571
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2003 5:00 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 5:17 am

Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 28):

How is that a burden on US taxpayers?

Better question...how isn't it? Every wedlock mother I've known always jump on the government programs for food and cheese and such. Its ridiculous. It's "free" in name only. We as the taxpayers end up footing the bill. Just like national "free" health care. It's free in name only.

-Copa
Livin' on Reds, Vitamin C, and Cocaine
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 5:24 am

Quoting CastleIsland (Reply 25):
The universe will unfold as it should.

That's a great quote! I recall it from several comedies I've seen, but it definitely applies to real life as well...

Quoting LTU932 (Reply 29):
However, if I were you, try to keep a little more distance from them, so you don't give the impression that you're obsessed with her or with the relationship in general.

Yeah, I'm much better friends with the girl in the relationship, and I still only see her about once every 2 weeks or so just due to differing schedules... plus her parents still run her life (which is why I highly doubt they gave approval to the engagement), so she's been grounded for most of the last month...

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 21):
I agree, this looks more like an emotional reaction

I won't deny it, but I constantly advised her in the past to get rid of this guy from her life in general because of all the various reasons I mentioned, and then she pulls a stunt like this... It's hard for me not to get a little angry...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
andessmf
Posts: 5689
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2006 8:53 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 5:57 am

Quoting San747 (Reply 33):
It's hard for me not to get a little angry...

There is no real reason why you should get angry at her, unless you want the friendship to end.

Perhaps adulthood could be explained the same way we would explain childhood and teenagehood, for all of them it takes a while to get to the end result. For example, you would not validly compare a 13 y.o. to an 18 y.o., there is still much growing up left to do.

The same applies to adulthood, a 20 y.o. would (usually) not have the same level of maturity as a 30 y.o. But try telling the 20 y.o. that. I can tell you they will usually not accept that.

The same would apply to your friend. You can express a level of dislike about her decision, but never try to tell her what to do, as that can set both of you to a point where the friendship would end. All you can do is listen, and try to use her own words and decisions to gently guide her if you can.
 
kmh1956
Posts: 2854
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 4:08 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:54 am

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
As a friend, should I voice my concerns or leave it alone?



Quoting San747 (Reply 13):
and I honestly (non-romantically) care about her enough to be concerned...

Having been a 17-year old girl many years ago, I can safely say that right now you should say nothing. Anything you say will likely only push her in the opposite direction and make her more determined to marry this guy. 17 can be a rebellious age, and if the parents are against this relationship and made their feelings known she's going to rebel.

You don't have to agree with her decision, but it's not your place to interfere nor is it the time. Right now she needs your support and friendship...and she'll need it even more if the relationship fizzles.

Kelly
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
 
767Lover
Posts: 3254
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 6:32 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:54 am

Quoting San747 (Reply 33):
I constantly advised her in the past to get rid of this guy from her life in general because of all the various reasons I mentioned, and then she pulls a stunt like this... It's hard for me not to get a little angry...

Well, HE is the one saying they're engaged...perhaps SHE hasn't yet agreed to the proposal.

Also, she knows you won't approve, so it's not going to be easy for her to go running to you with the news.
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:54 am

Quoting AndesSMF (Reply 34):
The same would apply to your friend. You can express a level of dislike about her decision, but never try to tell her what to do, as that can set both of you to a point where the friendship would end. All you can do is listen, and try to use her own words and decisions to gently guide her if you can.



Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 35):
Right now she needs your support and friendship...and she'll need it even more if the relationship fizzles.

I agree. I've just told her whatever... I can't do anything about the situation, so we're just acting normal with each other, laughing and making jokes about my sexiness (an inside thing between her and I).

Of course, now I'm getting messages on myspace from the guy about how I need to stay away from her and let them be... I've told him OK, but I'm not going to stop being friends with her. If he has a problem with us just being friends, then it should be a redflag...

At any rate, I've told all both of them that this is not something any of us should get too worked up over... Like CastleIsland said, the universe will unfold as it should...
Scotty doesn't know...
 
san747
Posts: 4347
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:59 am

Quoting 767Lover (Reply 36):
Well, HE is the one saying they're engaged...perhaps SHE hasn't yet agreed to the proposal.

I talked to her today, and she told me she said yes... after about 5 seconds of consideration! That's why she didn't originally ask my opinion... Looks like:

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 9):
reading between the lines, their "engagement" sounds like something that happened in the heat of the moment.



Quoting GQfluffy (Reply 7):
Well, she is your friend, and it looks like she's come to you in the past for advice. I'd say, since she didn't this time, this was an emotional, spur of the moment decision, with no time for rational thinking.

...KiwiinOz and GQfluffy hit the nail on the head there!
Scotty doesn't know...
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 10:05 am

Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 4):
Don't worry...It won't last.

Why do you say that? Two friends of the family we have both got married right out of high school, and still together now well into their 50's. One of my best friends in high school, his parents married right out of high school and are still together (now in their late 30's or early 40's)
At least two couples I knew in high school (I graduated in 2005) just recently got married. Will they last? I can't say, but time will tell.

I agree that they are getting married at a young age. I just hope they think out this decision before they actually say I do.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
User avatar
aerorobnz
Posts: 7573
Joined: Sat Feb 10, 2001 3:43 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:02 pm

let them live their own lives. Even as a friend it is not your right to interfere.
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6814
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:03 pm

I agree she is a bit young for marriage.

As for the age gap, 3 years isnt alot. In fact 3 years is fine.

Can I ask if you have feelings for her or if you are just a 'very good friend'. Either way, leave it and see what happens. At the end of the day, it's her life and if it isn't a wise move she will be the one bearing the consequences

In saying that, I hope everything works out well for all involved.

SUJ
 
User avatar
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 3:40 am

Quoting Adopim88 (Reply 30):
Welfare?



Quoting Copaair737 (Reply 32):
Better question...how isn't it? Every wedlock mother I've known always jump on the government programs for food and cheese and such

But people who choose to live on welfare rather than get a job will do so even if they're married.
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
adopim88
Posts: 1988
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:33 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 3:44 am

Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 42):
But people who choose to live on welfare rather than get a job will do so even if they're married.

This is true, I have a friend who is completely white trash. She lucks out because her boyfriend has a decent job (she's pregnant with her second child with her second guy). Well she has a lot of friends who get food stamps and are on welfare. There is one couple on it that is married. It's sad. But doesn't it seem that a unwed young (teenage especially) mother would be more likely to go on welfare?
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
User avatar
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 3:57 am

Quoting Adopim88 (Reply 43):
But doesn't it seem that a unwed young (teenage especially) mother would be more likely to go on welfare?

Not really. If she has a good family with jobs, most likely the family will help take care of the kid. If she is welfare-bred on the other hand, she can be married or not, she will continue the family tradition...
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
adopim88
Posts: 1988
Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:33 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:02 am

Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 44):
Not really. If she has a good family with jobs, most likely the family will help take care of the kid. If she is welfare-bred on the other hand, she can be married or not, she will continue the family tradition...

Yes I suppose that is true. But we shouldn't jump to conclusions about people. In the words from Shrek "Don't judge people before you get to know them". Not everyone who grew up on welfare will end up on welfare themselves. But you are still right.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
User avatar
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:05 am

Quoting Adopim88 (Reply 45):
But we shouldn't jump to conclusions about people

I'm not. I was just replying to the claim that a child born out of wedlock is automatically a burden on the tax payers. Hell, my sister is born out of wedlock with a dad that ran away...she turned out just fine without my mom depending on the government. She had me (8 at the time) and the newborn, but still managed to get through it all. Now, given, Norway is a lot better to take care of its citizens, but that goes for any child, wedlock or not.
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 7:50 am

Quoting AerorobNZ (Reply 40):
let them live their own lives. Even as a friend it is not your right to interfere.

I don't think it's so much "interfereing" as it is just making sure his friends make the right decision. Nothing wrong with trying to advise as long as it's not unwanted.

Quoting ZKSUJ (Reply 41):
As for the age gap, 3 years isnt alot. In fact 3 years is fine.

Not necessarily. The maturity difference between say, most 20 year olds and most 17 years is a far greater difference than say, most 33 year olds and 30 year olds.
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
User avatar
aerorobnz
Posts: 7573
Joined: Sat Feb 10, 2001 3:43 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 10:14 am

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 47):
Nothing wrong with trying to advise as long as it's not unwanted.

And interfering when they are 'in love'?? Love is completely irrational - it makes people do stupid things, even if the 'advice is entirely well meaning it is unlikely to be taken as such by this girl, especially at 17 years of age. It's a skill to know when to let go and let things ride, and when to interfere. With love it is always better to let it pass, It'll soon be forgotten about if a fuss isn't made otherwise you drive them together.
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
ZKSUJ
Posts: 6814
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:15 pm

RE: My Friend Just Got Engaged... (Rant)

Sun Jan 07, 2007 7:36 pm

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 47):
The maturity difference between say, most 20 year olds and most 17 years is a far greater difference than say, most 33 year olds and 30 year olds

I see your point. However I'm basing it on people I know. From people I know, Females usually have similar maturity levels to guys 2-3 years older (at times) during the teenage years.

This case is and may be obviously different

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Aesma, Bongodog1964 and 21 guests

Popular Searches On Airliners.net

Top Photos of Last:   24 Hours  •  48 Hours  •  7 Days  •  30 Days  •  180 Days  •  365 Days  •  All Time

Military Aircraft Every type from fighters to helicopters from air forces around the globe

Classic Airliners Props and jets from the good old days

Flight Decks Views from inside the cockpit

Aircraft Cabins Passenger cabin shots showing seat arrangements as well as cargo aircraft interior

Cargo Aircraft Pictures of great freighter aircraft

Government Aircraft Aircraft flying government officials

Helicopters Our large helicopter section. Both military and civil versions

Blimps / Airships Everything from the Goodyear blimp to the Zeppelin

Night Photos Beautiful shots taken while the sun is below the horizon

Accidents Accident, incident and crash related photos

Air to Air Photos taken by airborne photographers of airborne aircraft

Special Paint Schemes Aircraft painted in beautiful and original liveries

Airport Overviews Airport overviews from the air or ground

Tails and Winglets Tail and Winglet closeups with beautiful airline logos