Hey everyone... I just got this email, this is one of the funniest things I have read in awhile and thought I would share. Enjoy.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying,
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right
f*****ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked
down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had
accidentally reversed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID
was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole
calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is," he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now"
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the shit out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger Management really works...
[Edited 2007-01-20 04:51:36]