It is with utmost shock that I report these official findings.
The International Thread Derailment Council ("ITDC"), in cooperation with the W3 Consortium have launched a secret investigation into the identity of Internet user UH60FtRucker.
This official investigation was launched during an emergency session of the
ITDC after a significant Internet threat presented itself to the council
via A.net and other classified web sites.
This threat via the Internet, compiled with ITDC intelligence that this user had acquired and was allegedly using graphics editing software to manipulate images to appear possibly humorous caused the ITDC to act with immediate and swift resolution.
Based upon the findings by the ITDC, there is reason to believe that user UH60FtRucker is not who he says he is. According to specific and conclusive evidence, UH60FtRucker is a border-line retarded man in his late 50s who resides in a less than affluent location of West Virginia. His mother, who lives in the same 1 bedroom trailer as his two nephews and UH60FtRucker himself, finds it difficult to pass in-and-out of the trailer without the use of crisco and a crowbar.
According to reports by Mama ("Cheyanne"), UH60FtRucker has an adopted brother by the name of Billy (or lil' Willie according to family)
that is in fact stationed in Iraq as a helicopter pilot. He sends photos home regularly.
Most of the evidence herein was voluntarily divulged by the immediate family of UH60FtRucker in exchange for a wholesale pallet containing 627 boxes of Twinkies.
The following material has been declassified by the ITDC for the purpose
of verifying the findings to the public:
Photo of the real UH60FtRucker:
Mama apparently managed a deal to acquire a "new trailer" from the Army.
"Lil' willie damn near wore this chopper into the ground during that there army training, and since it's time for brotha Jed (UH60FtRucker) to get himself a place of his own, we thought we'd put it in the front yard."
But brotha bubba says he can make it fly with nothin more than a few planks of plywood and some duct tape.
Here's a a photo of that "fancy flyin' machine Lil' Willie operates".
"them choppers look like a bug!" mama says...
Photo of "Mama" and Uncle Bruce. "Mama say he's a tranny" according to UH60FtRucker's Cousin, Cletus.
"Our container of Criso"
"This here lil' Willie upon 8th grade graduation" Say Mama
"We's jus' so proud!" says Mama