san747
Posts: 4344
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Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:20 pm

Ahh yes... My first post I dare make in non-av since this debacle:
BBC Reports Collapse Of WTC7 20 Minutes Early! (by San747 Mar 1 2007 in Non Aviation)

First things first... I want to apologize for posting that... I tend to jump to conclusions and I was emotional at the time over the death of an ex, so that combined in an unpleasant way.

Anyway, here's a new issue. I went to a party last weekend, and I was hanging out with this chick that I knew, but not very well. We talked, there was some flirtation, she volunteered to go on a car ride with me to get some food, and then she sits on my lap while we watch "Scary Movie 2."

I get her number, call her, have a pleasant conversation. She says, "text me anytime," which I think is a good idea because both of us have plans that allow a crapload of free texts. So I text her today, asking to hang out. Nothing heavy, nothing committal, nothing that SHOULD freak a woman out (right?). I get a reply, it basically says, "I'm sorry I led you on, Alex, but I just wanna be friends..."

At that point, I just closed the phone and sighed. I've heard that shit so many times! I mean, what am I supposed to think when a girl sits in my lap? Forgive me for thinking there might have been something there and that I might have had a chance...

So, because of this, for the first time in my life, I'm entertaining ideas of celibacy. Just getting rid of chicks altogether. Ever since puberty started, women have been nothing but a source of stress. I've had a handful of girlfriends (including one that just died), none lasting longer than a month. I've never been in love, and I've never had sex, so it's not like I'm losing out on anything.

All my strongest friends are guys. I always have a good time when I'm hanging out with my homeboys. Conversely, I'm on medication for depression and anxiety primarily (these are the therapist's words, BTW, not mine) because of how women (my age, at least... I love my mother) have affected my life...

So what is all this about? I guess the thread title says it all. Please try and talk me out of declaring myself celibate. Please convince me I'm being totally unreasonable. And please tell me that women are worth all the stress and hassle. And please don't tell me I'm the next FLAIRPORT. Big grin

-san747  wave 
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Toulouse
Posts: 2193
Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:30 pm

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:03 pm

San747,

In all fairness, according to your profile you're between 16 and 20, so I'd just say relax and give it time. You're stll young, and that right lady will most probably come along one of these days.
Sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety, that's hard to cope with, and I'l even more sorry to hear that you feel "women" are the cause of it, again you're too young. Anyway, I know the whole anxiety thing so you have my best thoughts.
Also sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend, that is awful. What age was she? She must have been very young.
Anyway, realise (unless your profile if way out of date) that you're still very young and ahve plenty of time ahead of you. It will in come in its own good time.
Long live Aer Lingus!
 
NWA742
Posts: 4505
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2002 11:35 am

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:10 pm

No big deal. There are bigger problems that you need to be paying attention to. Listen to this man, he'll tell you all about them:

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/8347/1118574600alecbaldwinqx8.jpg



-NWA742
Some people are like slinkies - not good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:13 pm

First, you should probably determine what you're looking for in a partner--sex, companionship, camaraderie, etc., then be open to it when it comes, while at the same time not letting rejection get you down. Sometimes when you're looking for something too hard, you won't see it if it stands there and smacks you upside the head, so get on with your life in the meantime.

You've got a long life ahead of you ... enjoy it!
International Homo of Mystery
 
san747
Posts: 4344
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:18 pm

Quoting Toulouse (Reply 1):
Sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety, that's hard to cope with, and I'l even more sorry to hear that you feel "women" are the cause of it, again you're too young. Anyway, I know the whole anxiety thing so you have my best thoughts.

Yeah, I'm not saying they're 100% of my problems, but they certainly aren't making my life any easier, and at my age, most men's self-esteem and self-image is DIRECTLY related to their success with the opposite sex. I'm trying to move past that, but it's hard.

Quoting Toulouse (Reply 1):
Also sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend, that is awful. What age was she? She must have been very young.
Anyway, realise (unless your profile if way out of date) that you're still very young and ahve plenty of time ahead of you. It will in come in its own good time.

She was 19. We went out in 2003, she was my very first girlfriend. Apparently, she was engaged and pregnant when she was killed by a drunk driver. I found out too late to go the service... It was weird. The last time I talked to her was March 2006. I was in a movie theatre and when the movie started, I said "I'll call you back later tonight." Unfortunately, my phone died, and I couldn't transfer her number to my new phone. So the last thing I ever said to her was that I would call her back... a year ago. I try honestly not to think about that anymore...

Anyway, thanks much. I understand I should wait, but it's hard. I'm an impatient person by nature...  Smile

Quoting NWA742 (Reply 2):

Wow... That brought a smile to my face!  rotfl 
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andessmf
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:42 pm

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
I was emotional at the time over the death of an ex

Sorry to hear that. That is a horrible story.

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
I'm entertaining ideas of celibacy

Don't.

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
women have been nothing but a source of stress

Key problem, obviously, in more ways than you can imagine.

IM me in case you want to dwell further on this, I do have some tips.
 
Toulouse
Posts: 2193
Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:30 pm

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:45 pm

Quoting San747 (Reply 4):
and at my age, most men's self-esteem and self-image is DIRECTLY related to their success with the opposite sex. I'm trying to move past that, but it's hard.

Yeah I remember that. But remember that's a false sense of self-esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you are, and that will then be shown off by an increase in your own self-confidence. And women like that.

Quoting San747 (Reply 4):
She was 19. We went out in 2003, she was my very first girlfriend. Apparently, she was engaged and pregnant when she was killed by a drunk driver. I found out too late to go the service... It was weird. The last time I talked to her was March 2006. I was in a movie theatre and when the movie started, I said "I'll call you back later tonight." Unfortunately, my phone died, and I couldn't transfer her number to my new phone. So the last thing I ever said to her was that I would call her back... a year ago. I try honestly not to think about that anymore...

That is so awful. It's always so hard to hear about somebody passing awat with their whole life still ahead of them... so very hard to understand. Don't think about the phone call thing too much. A coincidence, but they were my last words ever to my dad in April 2006. I was on holidays in Spain, phoned him on Sunday afternoon and he was tired (he had been ill for a few years), I said "Don't worry dad, I'll phone you later this eveing". And I did but he had already gone asleep. The following morning they discovered he was actually in a coma, by the time I got a flight from Malaga to Dublin he was dead. Sorry... I go on a bit about this each time I think of it, and it's got nothing to do with your thread.

Quoting San747 (Reply 4):
I understand I should wait, but it's hard. I'm an impatient person by nature...

Yeah, it is sort of hard. I'm also quite impatient. i'm not telling you to wait, but to be patient (or in your case make an effort to become a patient person). You may find the love of your life today, or maybe in 15 year's time, and when it happens it will be worth it. AeroWesty'sa dvice is good.
A little background on me and my tw best friends, and I don't think any of us were too into looking "cool" when young.
Me: I am happily married for 5 and a half years now. I met my wife when I was only 16. Started going out at 18 when I met her again when I moved to her country to study.
Friend A: Quite unexperienced when young. First g/f at college (at about age 20 or 21) and possibly sex for the first time...??? Just the one night really. Then NOTHING. He never really got worried about it and was patient. He fell for somebody at my wedding and married her in 2005.
Friend C: Sort of an introvert/extroverty guy if you know what I mean. Anyway, still not married, has had numerous g/f's, and since his mid 20's, was with one for about 4 years then 2 or 3 years single, and now in a pretty serious relationship. But in his early 30's now, still single.
You see, it all atkes time. Don't rush it... enjoy life, be cofnident with yourself, and friendship with a female is often the best way to achieving a longer-lasting more intimate relationship.
Long live Aer Lingus!
 
andessmf
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:50 pm

And follow Tolouse's advice, that's even better than mine.
 
san747
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:59 pm

Quoting Toulouse (Reply 6):

Yeah I remember that. But remember that's a false sense of self-esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you are, and that will then be shown off by an increase in your own self-confidence. And women like that.

True... There's a lot of stuff about myself that I'm proud of, and I do have some confidence starting to rebuild now that I'm with a therapist and whatnot...

Quoting Toulouse (Reply 6):
Yeah, it is sort of hard. I'm also quite impatient. i'm not telling you to wait, but to be patient (or in your case make an effort to become a patient person). You may find the love of your life today, or maybe in 15 year's time, and when it happens it will be worth it. AeroWesty'sa dvice is good.

Agreed. I'm going to try to be patient... I've found that I can distract myself from thinking about that sort of thing altogether by doing things I love like aviation photography (it's been over 2 weeks since I last stopped by SAN), doing stupid shit with my friends, and watching kickass movies (I pre-ordered "Casino Royale").
Scotty doesn't know...
 
kiwiinoz
Posts: 1999
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:06 pm

You do seem like you are a little down on this, and that may be related to depression/anxiety. I don't know how to counsel people with these illnesses so won't attempt to try. I can only advise you based on my knowledge of girls, (I am a sex guru), and having lived life as a man and been through most of the same ups and downs that most guys go through. This being the case, I apologise if I appear insensitive considering your illness.

Basically, I think you need to grow a pair of balls and act like the man that these girls are wanting you to be. So you haven't had luck with relationships at the age of 17. Most people haven't, and to be honest, a serious relationship at 17 is probably not a good idea anyway. So a chick got a little frisky with you while watching a movie and then went off the idea later? So what? It happens to everyone.

The whole wimpering lap-dog thing is exactly what girls want as a friend, hence that's the role you get cast in. I'm not saying that you need to dominate your relationships, but strength builds re-assurance. And it's also sexy.

I assume your celebicy thing is an attention seeking cry for the members of this forum. If you are serious, then you're taking this ALL to seriousely.
 
rammstein
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:27 pm

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
I get a reply, it basically says, "I'm sorry I led you on, Alex, but I just wanna be friends..."

I don't want to get you depressed, but... only God knows how many times this happened to me, so be prepared! Big grin

Be more confident about yourself and less "yes man" with women, they want men that can think with their own heads.

Quoting Toulouse (Reply 6):
But remember that's a false sense of self-esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you are, and that will then be shown off by an increase in your own self-confidence. And women like that.

 thumbsup 

Quoting San747 (Reply 4):
I'm an impatient person by nature...

Quite normal for a 16-20 yo, been there, done that.

In short, good luck and have fun!
He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a day. --Leonardo Da Vinci
 
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jetmech
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:43 pm

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
Please Help Me Retain My Sanity!

Think "Eva Longoria" type thoughts San747, that should help! You may need these as well;

http://www.theidealgirl.com/eva-longoria/



Regards, JetMech
JetMech split the back of his pants. He can feel the wind in his hair :shock: .
 
LY744
Posts: 5185
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2001 11:55 pm

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Thu Mar 08, 2007 2:24 am

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
Anyway, here's a new issue. I went to a party last weekend, and I was hanging out with this chick that I knew, but not very well. We talked, there was some flirtation, she volunteered to go on a car ride with me to get some food, and then she sits on my lap while we watch "Scary Movie 2."

I get her number, call her, have a pleasant conversation. She says, "text me anytime," which I think is a good idea because both of us have plans that allow a crapload of free texts. So I text her today, asking to hang out. Nothing heavy, nothing committal, nothing that SHOULD freak a woman out (right?). I get a reply, it basically says, "I'm sorry I led you on, Alex, but I just wanna be friends..."

Welcome to being a guy. The Bad news: life's a bitch. The Good news: you're automatically enrolled in a support group with over 3 Billion members.

Quoting San747 (Thread starter):
So, because of this, for the first time in my life, I'm entertaining ideas of celibacy. Just getting rid of chicks altogether.

So instead of obsessing about being with girls you'll be obsessing about NOT being with girls? Either way you end up kind of a wreck. Why not just go down the middle: live YOUR own life. If you meet someone that you want in your life, go for it. If you don't, just keep going. Don't bounce around looking for something.

I really don't see what you're gaining by becoming "celibate".

P.S. For the love of god, tell me that you aren't going to become this girl's next puppy.


LY744.
Pacifism only works if EVERYBODY practices it
 
aloges
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Thu Mar 08, 2007 2:33 am

Quoting JetMech (Reply 11):
image

God, how much photoshopping can you do to one image?!  Wow!
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
 
JakeOrion
Posts: 1090
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RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Thu Mar 08, 2007 2:33 am

Quoting JetMech (Reply 11):

There goes the keyboard due to drool...
Every problem has a simple solution; finding the simple solution is the difficult problem.
 
san747
Posts: 4344
Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 10:03 am

RE: Please Help Me Retain My Sanity! (Semi-rant)

Thu Mar 08, 2007 3:15 am

Quoting LY744 (Reply 12):
P.S. For the love of god, tell me that you aren't going to become this girl's next puppy.

Hell no! I'm not that much of a bitch...

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 9):
This being the case, I apologise if I appear insensitive considering your illness.

It's OK, sometimes one needs to hear the blunt truth. I'm open to that.

Quoting KiwiinOz (Reply 9):
The whole wimpering lap-dog thing is exactly what girls want as a friend, hence that's the role you get cast in. I'm not saying that you need to dominate your relationships, but strength builds re-assurance. And it's also sexy.

I know... I'm not trying to be a whimpering lap-dog or whatever, but it gets so old hearing the same crap over and over again from 99% of chicks I ever meet. This isn't so much...

Quoting LY744 (Reply 12):
So instead of obsessing about being with girls you'll be obsessing about NOT being with girls? Either way you end up kind of a wreck. Why not just go down the middle: live YOUR own life

...its more that I'm tired of feeling optimism and just being shot down because "they want to be friends," which every guy on the planet means you have no chance in hell ever anymore, but I don't want you to feel like a TOTAL dickhead. I stopped being pissed or depressed at that a long time ago. I just don't want all the bullshit anymore...

Quoting JetMech (Reply 11):
http://www.theidealgirl.com/eva-longoria/

Thank you! I can't believe I nearly forgot about her! She is amazing!  Smile
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