gkirk
Posts: 23345
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

Some Decent Jokes For You...

Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:29 pm

Fair enough, some Americans who do not/may not have a sense of humour may not get any of these, but I suspect everyone else will  Wink

--------------
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A: A Piiig
--------------

Q: What is the difference between outlaws and inlaws

A. outlaws are wanted!

------------

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

-----------
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
dc9northwest
Posts: 2142
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 5:33 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:37 pm

Decent Jokes:

Scotland will beat Georgia in football Saturday.
 
gkirk
Posts: 23345
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:38 pm

Quoting Dc9northwest (Reply 1):
Scotland will beat Georgia in football Saturday.

2-0 I think we should win  Smile
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
dc9northwest
Posts: 2142
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 5:33 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:01 am

Quoting Gkirk (Reply 2):
2-0 I think we should win

Is this a joke-thread then? You named it "some decent jokes", so I'll take this as a joke, like I should. Big grin
 
stlgph
Posts: 8929
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:19 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:39 am

Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Iraq?

There's a Target on every corner.
if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport
 
Cadet57
Posts: 7174
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2005 2:02 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:45 am

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

 rotfl 

Quoting STLGph (Reply 4):
Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Iraq?

There's a Target on every corner.

 duck  nice...
Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:51 am

Quoting STLGph (Reply 4):
Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Iraq?

There's a Target on every corner.

Q: How do you play a game of Iraqi Checkers?
A: B-52, F-16, A-10.


Q: How do you end a game of Iraqi Bingo?
A: Call out a "B-52".
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
stlgph
Posts: 8929
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:19 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:54 am

Quoting FlyDeltaJets87 (Reply 6):

hmmm....

what do you call a boat full of gay guys?

the navy
if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport
 
ORFflyer
Posts: 3142
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:42 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 7:56 pm

If you have 50 lesbians in a room with 50 government workers, what do you have?























100 people that don't do dick.
 
PanHAM
Posts: 8531
Joined: Fri May 06, 2005 6:44 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:03 pm

Quoting Gkirk (Reply 2):

2-0 I think we should win

What? Bertie Voigts is back as coach?
powered by Eierlikör
 
Thom@s
Posts: 11674
Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 2:03 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:08 pm

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Ok, that was poor... but a transcript of Lee Mack's opening act during a stand up show is quite good;

"Ok, we'll start with a joke.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BECAUSE HIS HOUSE IS BEEING BOMBED BY THE RUSSIANS, LEAVE HIM ALONE, HE'S ONLY A CHICKEN!!
Do you know what it's like to be walking down the road with everything you own in a plastic bag while your house is being bombed?
No you don't, leave that chicken alone!!
*Pauses*
Wait, not chicken, Chechen...
*slaps head*
Can I start again?"

Thom@s
"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
 
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:11 pm

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

 rotfl 
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
User avatar
TheRedBaron
Posts: 3081
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:17 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:12 am

Joke read in Neil´s Peart wonderful book.


A guitarrist enters the room and finds the drummer happy and dancing and saying "yeah Ive done it WOW"

Whats up man ? you are soo happy!

Drummer: I have just finished this puzzle I DID IT ! I DID IT and it only took me 6 months!!

Guitar guy: I seems very easy to me, but it took you 6 months?

Drummer: Yeah I am a genius, look at the box the puzzle came on.....it says clearly

3 to 6 years!
The best seat in a Plane is the Jumpseat.
 
PPVRA
Posts: 7867
Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:48 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:53 am

"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
 
ORFflyer
Posts: 3142
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:42 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:54 pm

Why do they call them a "wife"?


























All the other four-letter words were taken.  Wink
 
disruptivehair
Posts: 565
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:28 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:57 pm

Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
Fair enough, some Americans who do not/may not have a sense of humour may not get any of these, but I suspect everyone else will

Pardon me, but are comments like this REALLY necessary?
 
747438
Posts: 658
Joined: Thu Jan 25, 2007 5:45 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:01 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 15):
Quoting Gkirk (Thread starter):
Fair enough, some Americans who do not/may not have a sense of humour may not get any of these, but I suspect everyone else will

Pardon me, but are comments like this REALLY necessary?

It seems you have just proved the point Gkirk was making
 
disruptivehair
Posts: 565
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:28 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:03 pm

Quoting 747438 (Reply 16):
It seems you have just proved the point Gkirk was making

Clearly it's not only we Americans who are not supposed to be able to understand irony.
 
AeroWesty
Posts: 19551
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:37 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:20 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 17):
we Americans

"Disruptivehair From United Kingdom"  confused 
International Homo of Mystery
 
disruptivehair
Posts: 565
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:28 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:21 pm

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 18):
"Disruptivehair From United Kingdom"

I live in the UK but I'm American.
 
ORFflyer
Posts: 3142
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:42 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:36 pm

Quoting 747438 (Reply 16):
It seems you have just proved the point Gkirk was making

Unfortunately, she doeas this with nearly all of her posts.

Quoting Disruptivepersonality (Reply 19):
but I'm American

And we wish you hadn't admitted that.
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:48 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 17):
Clearly it's not only we Americans who are not supposed to be able to understand irony.

-
true, but no reason to get angry about some comments of that kind by Gkirk. He loves to irritate people and apparently has succeeded !  Big grin
-
 
disruptivehair
Posts: 565
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:28 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:51 pm

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 21):
true, but no reason to get angry about some comments of that kind by Gkirk. He loves to irritate people and apparently has succeeded !

I wasn't angry, I was making a joke which nobody got. Pardon the hell out of me.
 
Thom@s
Posts: 11674
Joined: Thu Oct 19, 2000 2:03 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:00 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 22):
I wasn't angry, I was making a joke which nobody got. Pardon the hell out of me.

Try using one of these next time then... --->  Wink

We can't see your facial expression when you're typing.  duck 

Thom@s
"If guns don't kill people, people kill people - does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?"
 
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:09 pm

An elderly couple, Sam and Esther live in Texas . Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Esther looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Esther looks up and says,
'Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'

Furious, Sam yells,
'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY AND Irtysh-Avia (Kazakhstan)">IT'S HANGING DOWN, Esther?'

'Nope,' she replies.

'AND Irtysh-Avia (Kazakhstan)">IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE AND Irtysh-Avia (Kazakhstan)">IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!'

To which Esther replies... 'Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Shoulda bought a hat
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:30 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 22):
making a joke which nobody got.

ooooops ! a joke ? I am so sorry, but I did not get it either  Big grin
-
 
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:31 pm

To Prove that we have become too dependent on our computers.


Are you male or female? To find the answer, look down...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.

.



Not here, dummy Big grin
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
carmenlu15
Posts: 4517
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:24 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:54 am

Fidel Castro dies (finally!) and goes to Heaven. However, St. Peter at the door wouldn't let him in. "I'm sorry, Mr. Castro, but there has been a mistake. You belong in Hell, not here."

So off goes Castro to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil himself. "Fidel, old buddy! Welcome to the place! Come on in, and make yourself at home!" Just as Castro starts to settle in, he notices he's left his baggage in Heaven. The Prince of Darkness, not wanting to bother his honorable guest, sends two of his assistants to fetch the bags.

The two little devils arrive at the Pearly Gates just to find them closed, and St. Peter is nowhere in sight.
"Damnation! What do we do now?"
"Well, I say we climb up that wall to get in, grab the bags, and climb back out again."

So the devils climb the wall to enter Heaven. Just as they jump to the other side, they are spotted by a group of angels. "Holy choirs in Heaven!" exclaims one. "That old man Castro has been in Hell for less than 10 minutes, and we're already receiving exiles!"
Don't expect to see me around that much (if at all) -- the contact link should still work, though.
 
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:02 am

Quoting Carmenlu15 (Reply 27):
That old man Castro has been in Hell for less than 10 minutes, and we're already receiving exiles!"

 rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl  rotfl 
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
Jamie757
Posts: 838
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:33 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:10 am

A Muslim was killed in a car accident. He arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says "I'm St. Peter. Welcome to Heaven". The Muslim says "Nice to meet you Peter but I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Muhammad."

St. Peter says "Sure no problem. Climb up that ladder behind you and you will meet Muhammad"

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top and there is Moses. Moses says "Hi I'm Moses. Welcome to Heaven".

The Muslim is very excited - "Moses, its such an honor to meet you. But like I told St. Peter, I'm a Muslim and I really want to meet Muhammad".

Moses says "No problem. Climb up the ladder behind you and you will meet Muhammad.

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, he can't see anything but bright light. He sees this figure before him and asks "Who are you?"

The figure responds - "I am God. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Heaven". God walks over and shakes his hand.

The Muslim is stunned - he can hardly speak. He says to God "Sir, it is such an honor to meet you - I can't believe it - this place is great. But I'm a Muslim and, no disrespect intended, but I really want to meet Muhammad."

God says "Ohh.. You're here to see Muhammad. I see. No problem. Have a seat. Get comfortable. Can I get you some coffee or something to eat?"

The Muslim says "I would love a cup of coffee"

God yells into the kitchen.. "Hey Muhammad. 2 coffees!!!"

 duck   flamed 

Rgds.
"I feel like a turkey who's just caught Bernard Matthews grinning at him!"
 
AsstChiefMark
Posts: 10465
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:14 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:14 am

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits, too!"
Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Damned MSP...Red tail...Red tail
 
KaiGywer
Crew
Posts: 11182
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:59 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:15 am

Quoting Jamie757 (Reply 29):
God yells into the kitchen.. "Hey Muhammad. 2 coffees!!!"

And a kebab! Big grin
“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, an
 
Daleaholic
Posts: 2653
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:38 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:25 am

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 15):
Pardon me, but are comments like this REALLY necessary?



Quoting Jamie757 (Reply 29):
God yells into the kitchen.. "Hey Muhammad. 2 coffees!!!"



Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 31):
And a kebab!

 rotfl  Wait until the PC Brigade come along for that one  Silly
Religion is an illusion of childhood... Outgrown under proper education.
 
ZBBYLW
Posts: 1612
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:17 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 7:21 am

Quoting KaiGywer (Reply 31):
And a kebab! Big grin

HAHA good one.

Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Keep the shinny side up!
 
SQno1
Posts: 678
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:41 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 7:33 am

A man has been arrested for throwing petrol over crowds of muslims.
The police asked him what he thought he was doing?
He said, "About 15 to the gallon"
________________________________________________________

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian President, had just finished giving a
speech at the UN, and walked out into the lobby where he met President
Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked Ahmadinejad said, "You know, I
have just one question about what I have recently seen in America .

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

"Well", the Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek'
and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish,
Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are no Arabs.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any
Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek."

President Bush just laughed, leaned toward the Iranian President, and
whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future... "
____________________________________________________

Alex  Wink
 
WestJetForLife
Posts: 704
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:37 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 7:36 am

Here's one a buddy of mine told me while on an exercise:

Mac the pilot died and went to Hell. When he arrived there, the Devil was there waiting for him. Behind the devil: three doors.

"Wait here," the Devil says. Mac got curious and opened one of the doors. Behind door number one: a two-man flight crew doing repetitive checklists over and over, while an FAA inspector chides them for doing something incorrectly.

Mac slams that door and opens door number two: he sees a pilot fighting the controls of his jet aircraft while every alarm on the flight deck is going off.

Mac slams the second door and proceeds over to the third door. There, sat two pilots being served by flight attendants wearing scantily clad uniforms, while both pilots attempt to seduce them. As soon as Mac sees the Devil return, he slams the door shut.

"So," the Devil asks Mac. "What'll it be? Door one or two?"

"But, I want the third door!" Mac protested.

"Sorry," the Devil said. "That's flight attendant's Hell."
I need a drink.
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:55 am

A criminal and an engineer both die at the same time. However, there's a mix up and criminal ends up in heaven while the engineer ends up in hell. Initially, the engineer is depressed but decides he'll make the most out of the situation. So he starts designing and building things, the first of which being air conditioning followed by indoor plumbing. Soon hell isn't all that bad of a place to be.

Well, God finds out one day and decides to investigate. He finds out about the mix up and calls a meeting with Satan. God tries to talk to Satan about switching the criminal and the engineer back so each can be where they rightfully belong. However, Satan says no. God then states "If you don't give me the engineer, I'm going to sue you!" Satan then replies "And just where do you plan to find a lawyer?"
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
ThePalauan
Posts: 158
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:56 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:57 am

DISCLAIMER: This first one is kinda heavy on foul language so umm... Yeah. Hahaha.

One morning, a very impatient man gets to the bank only to see a really long queue for the tellers and is just about to snap. By the time he makes it to the bank agent, he's in rage. "Hey bitch. Quit lollygagging and deposit that fucking check, will ya?" The agent replies, "Sir, please do not use that kind of language in my presence." The man is still impatient and without paying attention to what the agent said, he replies with, "Aww Jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you, you dumbshit? How long does it fucking take to fucking get this check fucking deposited?!" She replies, "Sir, I'm going to have to summon the manager if you talk to me like that again." He cusses at her again and she gets the bank manager and soon enough, the man explains himself. "Alls I'm trying to do is get this check for $1 million dollars deposited!" To which the bank manager replies, "And this fucking bitch won't help you?!"

(Yeah... It's laden with so much filthy language for a reason. Sorry about that. This is how the joke was told to me.)


One day, Little Johnny is coming home from school and runs in the house excitedly looking for his dad. He rushes upstairs to his dad's room only to find that he's standing in front of the mirror naked and looking at his penis. Johnny asks, "Dad, what's that you're looking at?" His dad replies, "Well, Johnny. That is my penis. In fact, it's the PERFECT penis!" Johnny is slightly puzzled but walks out of the room without much of a thought. The next day, he walks to school with Little Suzy and he motions her to follow him to the bushes where he drops his pants. "What's that, Little Johnny?" she asks. "That," said Little Johnny, "is my penis! In fact, if it were 3 inches shorter it'd be the PERFECT penis!"


Like 'em? Laugh it up, let me know, and I'll try to remember some other ones I had.
You can take the boy out of the island, but not the island out of the boy!
 
LY744
Posts: 5185
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2001 11:55 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:01 am

An engineer, physicist and a statistician go deer hunting. They spot a deer, the engineer fires and misses a little to the left. The physicist fires next and hits a little to the right of the animal. The statistican yells: "we got him!"


LY744.
Pacifism only works if EVERYBODY practices it
 
FlyDeltaJets87
Posts: 4479
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:51 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:25 am

President Bush and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran decide to have peace talks and work out a Nuclear Missile Program treaty. So President Bush arrives in Tehran and as he sits down, he notices three buttons on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's chair, but thinks nothing of them. Well, a few minutes into the meeting, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad pushes the first button, and a foot comes out from the bottom of the table and kicks Bush in the shin. Bush moans in pain while Ahmadinejad is rolling on the floor. Talks them resume for a few minutes and then Ahmadinejad pushes the second button. A fist comes out of the table and hits Bush in the face. Bush is covering his face in pain while Ahmadinejad is rolling on the floor with laughter. Talks resume yet again, and finally Ahmadinejad pushes the third button. This time a fist comes out from the table and hits Bush in balls. Bush falls to the floor in pain while Ahmadinejad is again rolling on the floor in laughter. Bush finally says "Alright, I've had enough of this. Come to Washington in two weeks and we'll resume negotiations then.

Two weeks go by and President Ahmadinejad arrives in D.C. As he sits down at the negotiating table, he notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the aches and pains. A few minutes into the talks, Bush pushes the first button. Ahmadinejad cringes in preparation for the pain to come but nothing happens, but Bush is rolling on the floor in laughter. Talks resume and a few minutes later, Bush pushes the second button. Ahmadinejad again cringes in preparation for the for the pain to come, but again, nothing happens. However, Bush is rolling on the floor in the laughter. Same thing happens a few minutes later when Bush pushes the third button. Ahmadinejad cringes, but nothing happens as Bush falls on the the floor laughing.

Ahmadinejad finally stands up and says "Alright, I've had enough of this. I'm going back to Tehran".

Bush then replies "What Tehran?"
"Let's Roll"- Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, Sept. 11, 2001
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:01 pm

Quoting SQNo1 (Reply 34):
"Well", the Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek'
and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish,
Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are no Arabs.

The joke, in various forms, is a bit dated. Beside the point that Ahmedinejad for sure does
NOT care about Arabs in any way. Why should he or his son be concerned about Arabs ?
-
 
speedbird747BA
Posts: 1312
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:47 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:10 pm

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 40):
The joke, in various forms, is a bit dated. Beside the point that Ahmedinejad for sure does
NOT care about Arabs in any way. Why should he or his son be concerned about Arabs ?



Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 40):
The joke, in various forms, is a bit dated. Beside the point that Ahmedinejad for sure does
NOT care about Arabs in any way. Why should he or his son be concerned about Arabs ?

MAF, it was a joke. Do you mind please? Dont get your panties in a bundle because you wanna act all smart saying the Iranians arent Arabs when EVERYBODY on here already knows that!!!!!

sheeesh


Cheers,
Kyle
How long do I have to climb, up on the side of this mountain of mine?
 
gkirk
Posts: 23345
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2000 3:29 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:15 pm

Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 19):
I live in the UK but I'm American.



Quoting Disruptivehair (Reply 22):
I wasn't angry, I was making a joke which nobody got. Pardon the hell out of me.

Don't worry, I got it  Wink
I used to attempt those at well but for some reason it always ended up with me getting banned  Yeah sure
When you hear the noise of the Tartan Army Boys, we'll be coming down the road!
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:29 pm

Quoting Speedbird747BA (Reply 41):
The joke, in various forms, is a bit dated. Beside the point that Ahmedinejad for sure does
NOT care about Arabs in any way. Why should he or his son be concerned about Arabs ?

MAF, it was a joke. Do you mind please? Dont get your panties in a bundle because you wanna act all smart saying the Iranians arent Arabs when EVERYBODY on here already knows that!!!!!

it of course was a joke ! and I clearly referred to it as such, but the point of a joke depends on how you put it. If too much rubbish is included it is no longer humourous but exceedingly dull. It has NOTHING to do, absolutely nothing, with "wann smart ....." etc . So, please abstain from playing the soooo wise person above it all !! thanks
-
 
speedbird747BA
Posts: 1312
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:47 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:33 pm

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 43):
it of course was a joke ! and I clearly referred to it as such, but the point of a joke depends on how you put it. If too much rubbish is included it is no longer humourous but exceedingly dull. It has NOTHING to do, absolutely nothing, with "wann smart ....." etc . So, please abstain from playing the soooo wise person above it all !! thanks

Bitch, please.


Dont think a crap response like that will get past me. The joke was fine, and you just ruined it. Let people figure it out on their own.
How long do I have to climb, up on the side of this mountain of mine?
 
AsstChiefMark
Posts: 10465
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:14 pm

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:44 pm

Man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a huge hole in my ass."

The doctor says, "Drop your pants, bend over and let's have a look." "Damn!!!" says the doctor. "What could have made a fucking hole as big as that?"

Patient replies, "I've been fucked by an elephant."

The doctor says, "An elephant's penis is long and thin. This hole is enormous."

Patient replies, "He fisted me first."
Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Red tail...Damned MSP...Red tail...Red tail
 
ME AVN FAN
Posts: 12970
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 12:05 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:20 pm

Man goes to a doctor. The doctor after examination points to the body and says "water ...., he !? "
replies the patient: "No, that is not possible, I do NOT drink water, only red wine"
-
why do the people of Hama keep the lights turned on during the day ?
- they want to save sun energy
-
 
RichPhitzwell
Posts: 1285
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2006 5:19 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sun Mar 25, 2007 11:15 am

Quoting ME AVN FAN (Reply 46):
Man goes to a doctor. The doctor after examination points to the body and says "water ...., he !? "
replies the patient: "No, that is not possible, I do NOT drink water, only red wine"
-
why do the people of Hama keep the lights turned on during the day ?
- they want to save sun energy
-

Big version: Width: 48 Height: 30 File size: 11kb


I really really dont get either joke. water....,he?
Nonav.com kinda like Whiners except the lights are on and the pimps been paid
 
ShakeZulaNJ
Posts: 128
Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 2:37 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sun Mar 25, 2007 11:29 am

This is an old joe, but still funny as hell I think...


So I was on this flight, and there was an obivously gay flight attendant in our cabin. And he was doing his thing, and the plane was getting ready to land. He came on the PA and said "Ok!! The pilot needs to land the plane so let's put our seats in the up right postion and get ready to land!" Everyone did this, except for the lady sitting in front of me. The FA came over to her and said "Excuse me miss, maybe you didn't hear me over the big loud engine, but you really need to put your seat up other wise we can't land the plane." Again, the lady refused to do this and this time the FA got really angry and tole her she had to put the seat up. The lady replied "In my country, I am a princess and you WILL address me as princess!" The FA gave her a look over, scoffed and said, "Oh yeah? Well honey, in MY country, I'm called a queen, so I out rank you! Now put the fucking seat up bitch!!!"
It's not bird strike, it's engine suck...
 
walter747
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:49 am

RE: Some Decent Jokes For You...

Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:09 pm

Hussel, Hussel, Husel, Grind, Grind, Grind

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: qfflyer and 12 guests