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Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 5:52 am

Hi guys, I know a few people would like to get the cargo bay pics out, but I just have to get something off my chest and (in a kinda way) talk about it. On April 16th, my grandmother died due to having a bad turn in the night, from what I´ve been told by my family. I was quite upset about it but had just started to get over it. I knew my grandfather was taking it quite bad. On Sunday, my mother rang to say that my uncle had left his tablets out for him to take until the following Tuesday, but he took them all in his confused state of mind. Nobody thought he was this bad and assumed he would be fine taking them by himself. This lead him to being taken to hospital on Monday which resulted in him having heart failure and dying yesterday morning.
My mother is in a bad state. I´m flying home on Sunday to be with her and for the funeral. I somehow took the news about my grandfather quite well and haven´t been as upset as I thought I would. I suppose it´s because I was half expecting this to happen after my grandmother died. I had a feeling he wouldn´t last long after she died. One of the worst things is that one of my uncle´s has been in his house and took various things which don´t belong to him, which is pissing me off big style as one of the items was a watch my mother bought my one of my grandparents. Anyway guys, has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you deal with it?

Thanks for reading and replies in advance, just in case I don´t get a chance to read them over the next couple of days.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 6:18 am

Both my grandmothers died years ago. My maternal grandma died from cancer when I was just shy of 14 and my paternal grandma died when I was 15. Those two deaths made me realise how differently you can feel towards relatives. The maternal grandmother had been the typical granny, so I was quite taken aback when she died. The circumstances were rather tragic (not "nasty" though) as well. My paternal grandmother however was, as is my father, fairly old so I only ever really knew her as an old frail lady who wasn't really active anymore.

One thing you should do, if you had a good relationship with your grandparents, is selecting good memories. There's no use in dwelling on some stupid little quarrel you had ten years ago, wishing things had gone a different way. Love is stronger than death, and good memories are the foundation for love.

Oh, and after the hearty bit, I'll of course offer you my condolences.  Smile

[Edited 2007-05-18 23:19:48]
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 7:21 am

Im real sorry!  Sad

Unfortunetly I lost my grandmother on Februrary 24th of this year, she lived downstairs in our house (we take care of our grandparents). My grandpa lost his wife of 67 years, they met during WWII my grandpa was a groundtroop (he was in the Battle of the Buldge) and my grandma was a riveter.. Anyways, fortunetly my grandpa is still here with us. But I'm still trying to recover since my grandma's death. So I'm sincerely sorry, I know how it feels.  Sad

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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 7:28 am


I'm currently in a pretty bad situation - last week both of my grandfathers got diagnosed with cancer within three days of each other. One was sort of expected, he has Alzheimer's and has been fading. We just didn't know he had cancer. But my other grandfather has been very healthy and I'm quite close to him. I have strong memories of him and I going into his wood shop and building little wooden cars, boats, planes, etc.

It's strange because they're both expected to live for about a month each. We're struggling to find time to see them both one last time, and to say goodbye.

Yes, it's hard, but during times like these I just try to keep my thoughts elsewhere. It works for me most of the time, but it's impossible to never think about it.

So sorry to hear about your loss.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 7:38 am

I'm very sorry to hear about your news.
My first grandmother died in January of 2002 from some sort of stomach cancer. It was a definite blow to me, she and I were very close. We were on a trip to China with my parents and one fine morning I woke up in the hotel and saw a death certificate in fax form shoved under the hotel room door. When I read that it stated my grandmother's name I was devastated. For days I did not know what to do. This was a grandmother who could help me in any way, and I could talk to her when I had no one else. To this day I keep her in my memories daily. Amazing person. All she could tell me when I was little was how much she had dreamed that she would live until my wedding, then she would be able to die in peace. Unfortunately her dream never came true, and it makes me cry every time I think about it. Not great experiences at all.  Sad

Last year my second grandmother was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer and underwent surgery and chemotherapy. After what seemed to be a great recover, a week ago symptoms and blood tests have begun to indicate the revival of the cells. We flew her out to us for further examination and procedures. I hope with all my heart that she pulls through this and lives for many more happy years. I know she is strong enough and has all the power to do it.

So Sharron, once again I'm sorry to hear of your news! Pull through and everything will be alright!

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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 8:17 am

sunshine 79,

Sorry to hear your news , but sadly the death of loved ones is something we all have to contend with at sometime or other. I always think that people have not died really, while there is still some one around who remembers them, so do not let petty family squables interfer with remembering all the good times you enjoyed with your grandparents
as I know your mother will like it.

I say that because when my parents died my children recalling their memory of them was a great comfort to me. Keep your chin up and always remember them

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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 8:29 am

My grandpa is old, but he's absolutely nuts. All he does is talk shit. Last time I went up to help him, he challenged me and my twin brother to a fight.
Now, he's crippled, all gimped up, and we're like 6-3, 200 lbs. We laughed at him.
Thing is, he has two different personas. The public one and the private one.
Honestly, if he kicked the bucket, I wouldn't shed many tears. He's crazy and demanding and what not.

Sorry to hear about your loss though.

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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sat May 19, 2007 9:14 am

Just press forward. Move on. It's a part of life. Everyone has to go through deaths, try not to let it get to you.

It truly is sad how when one grandparent dies the other slowly gives way. When my grandpa died of congestive heart failure in December 2005, my grandmother was in fairly good health. We took her back home to live with us in Virginia from San Francisco. When last summer came around, we decided to take her back to San Francisco as we didn't want to expose her to the horrible VA humidity. She had said she was homesick for San Francisco so we took her back. The only person living over there was my uncle, and he was rarely at home. My grandmother became increasingly lonely, and her health began to decline. I remember when I saw her in October, she was still in fair health, but getting extremely thin. She had stated she wanted to come back to Virginia, where the family was, the family dogs were (practically her best friends).

But we waited too long, and eventually we were afraid because of her health to take her on a plane back home. She practically starved to death. When she died on January 31, I wasn't surprised. I took it much better than when my grandfather passed. You just need to remember to move on, but I know it's sometimes difficult. Just writing this story, tears come to my eyes, and I'm not a soft person. It's a terrible thing to go through, good luck.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sun May 20, 2007 2:19 pm

Quoting Sunshine79 (Thread starter):
I was quite upset about it but had just started to get over it. I knew my grandfather was taking it quite bad. On Sunday, my mother rang to say that my uncle had left his tablets out for him to take until the following Tuesday, but he took them all in his confused state of mind.

I honestly wonder how confused he was.

I watched my grandmother die in 2002, It took 4.5 years for my grandfather to follow suit. those where the worst times for him.
lonliness, and confusion reighned his life in those years. He finally died of heart failure. He was so healthy and vibrant while Grandmother was alive. When she was gone, he gave up. Such love they had and fond memories. In the end wuthout one, the lonliness and despair was too much.

I feat the same will happen with my other set of Grandparents that are still alive,
I think they wouldn't last one month apart, after over 60 years of marriage.
Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sun May 20, 2007 2:59 pm

I would have liked to know my grandparents, but never really could due to my maternal g-p's died before my Mom even married, and my paternal g-p's lived p-grandmother visited us twice, as I can tell from photos, once when I was infant, and once when I was maybe 5 or so...but even that visit I have no memory of...

And now, I'm totally alone, as no spouse or kids and both parents are gone, as are all my aunts and uncles, and have no cousins, just 2nd cousins who are rarely in touch, so consider yourselves lucky if you still have some relatives!
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Sun May 20, 2007 4:29 pm

I am very sorry to hear about your lost, and thoughts are with your mum and the rest of the family.

I have been unfortunate/fortunate (Depends how you look at it) that I was not very close to my grandparents. So it did not affect as much as it would for others. However when my grandfather passed away a few years back, I still felt a bit of sadness.

But its the 'natural process' that Grandparents and and your parents will go before you do. Keep going and TRY not to dwell to much on it.
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RE: Losing Grandparents

Tue May 22, 2007 5:34 pm

unfortunately for me, i have never met any of my grandparents from either side of my family. My grandparents from my dad's side passed away when he was only about 7 years old (from what my mom told me) and to this day my dad hasn't utterd a word about it to anyone and im still too scared to ask him what happend to them. somehow i dont think he'll ever get over it.

My grandparents from my mom's side passed away, from what she told me, a year before i was born. Ive seen pictures of them and thats pretty much all i know about my grandparents. when it comes to family, i have never had the best upbringing as the only people i actually gave any attention to or cared about was my immediate family (i.e. my parents, my brother and my 2 sisters). I never really knew any of my uncles, aunts and cousins and what not purely because they never showed any sort of interest in us. My dad was sort of disowned by his family for reasons i cant go into and just never got to know any relatives from my moms side because we moved to the U.K. when i was very young.

So for me, the concept of extended family in it self is wierd. I see all my friends when they go home surrounded by so much love and this is one thing I'll never be able to understand.

sorry, this wasnt mean't to be a ran't....i just wanted to convey my condolences to Sunshine79.

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RE: Losing Grandparents

Tue May 22, 2007 6:57 pm


Sorry for your losses recently. You know where I am if you ever wanna talk.

Bev xx
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