CNN has revealed that Dick Cheney will become President temporarily (or so CNN thinks ...!) while Bush goes in for a Colonoscopy.
But don't worry folks, Cheney has it all planned ... Bush may think he's going to be under for two and a half hours ... but sometimes things can go wrong in hospitals (and for the Republicans here, both of you ... this is strictly tongue in cheek)!
"Right, Condi, get the hit list ..."
First thing: Stewart. We'll teach that guy to mock me every evening; he thinks I sound like a cross duck ... wait'll he spends a few hours with Bush! We can fix him. Call in the Marines.
Next: Iran ... Why is it still on my map?
Chief of Staff: Because Iran is still there?
DC: I don't care, get rid of it!
CoS: The map; sure, we can have a new one in this afternoon. I'll call National Geogra ...
DC: Stuff the National Geographic; get rid of Iran and then you can change the map. Let's see now, we can rename it ... The Not Quite So Islamic Republic of Halliburtania. Yes, that's it ...
DC : OK
, next thing ... get me a list of countries we haven't upset in the past few years. Come on ... only two hours; we've got two hours to screw things up so much that Bush will want to go under again the moment he wakes up!
Washington first. Right; these little SOBs, you know 98% voted for Kerry last time around. What can we do to them?
CoS: Er, sir, Mr. Vice, Mr President, Sir. We don't act like that; we have a duty to these people ...
DC: Oh sod off; don't be so wet. Give me your security pass and get out. Get Bolton, Wolfowitz and Rummy on the phone ... We'll show this town who's boss. Right; who has the football.
Condi: But Dick, surely you're not going to bomb Washington? At least give me half an hour!
DC: Of course not, Condi! This one's for, let's see, countries beginning with ...
Condi: Too late, Dick, he's awake again!
DC: Shhh...ugar. Ask him if he wants to go hunting this weekend?