Preferably a good neighbor is:
A. Shall not be:
- Ameircan (Unless its a Yank who is open minded that not everyone gives a rats ass about Baseball)
- Police Officer or a person who works for and has the arresting powers of any federal, state or local authority.
- A Fan of American Football and Baseball who thinks I like it too.
- A person of the Mormon/Jehovas Witness religion who tries to convert me.
- A person that resided in the southern Polish lands that hates the Capital.
- A proud citizen of the state of Wisconsin.
B. Enjoys good beer and hard liquor and can come over and grill and tell festive stories.
C. Does not park in front of my house/apt unless he has a gathering and has no space.
D. Will not let their pet wander into my property....although I dont mind when a cat hunts in the dark.
E. Will not mow part of my god damn lawn if there is no fence in front yard.
F. Shall not, and I repeat shall not call the police on...let me stress that again shall not call the Police for any stupid reason Americans like to call the police for.
G. Shall love my Dog and not feed him chocolates through the fence. Although gratuities in the form of sausage are welcome.
H. Shall not bitch if I decide to shoot hoops at 10:05pm once in a while. Or if I accidentally start shooting penalties between our houses.
I. Must not cut the lawn before 9-10am. Especially on the weekday (One of my neighbors likes to do this on Sunday)
J. Shall not send their daughter/son to my door and expect me to buy cookies, books, candies etc. because I am the neighbor.
K. Shall watch the exterior of my dwelling when Im on vacation to see if everything is right.
L. Shall not cook/burn/boil etc. curry anywhere on their/his property unless its not-detectable by smell. I cannot if someone paid me live by Indian people that would do this. If they dont, then nothing to worry.
M. Shall not drive a car that is riced.
N. Shall not listen to country music to an extent where its audible on my premises.
O. Plus if the neighbor brings a pack of Carlsberg and wants to devise a plan on how to piss off a commonly hated neighbor. I dont care who my neighbor is even 1 more house down unless that neighbor shares common interests listed below.
P. Will let me test drive their new autos and vice-versa, unless those autos come from the land of Anime. That is of no interest to me.
Q. Shall not ask to use my lawn mower, snowblower, trimmer, leafblower etc. unless under direct supervision. (exception to Polish neighbors who can do this with no supervision by giving collateral)
R. Shall invite me for paid pay per view events such as special soccer league matches.
S. Will not let their dog bark outside for a prolonged period of time.
T. Will not surveillence my premises without direct permission.
U. Shall like the following activities or any combination thereof:
-Alcoholic refreshments that are imported.
-Sharing stories of idiocy about idiotic police departments of suburban America.
V. Shall warn me when the cops are on the local street corner watching for such speculative infractions like speeding and rolling stops before I drive off.
W. Preferably does not have a spouse that yells all the time as it pisses me off.
X. Will tell me when there is a 2 for 1 driveway repavement special from our Catholic Blood Brothers of the Hispanic form.
Y. Does not drive any of the aformentioned cars:
-Any model of Kia.
-Any model of idiot SUV
such as a RAV4, CRV, Aztek, Santa Fe etc. Shameful that I would have such a stupid neighbor.
Z. Shall not OWN or OPERATE any cellular device that runs on the NEXTEL network.
The Golden Rule:
- Shall never ever ever ever ever and let me repeat that again EVER
invite me to stupid gatherings where the majority of topics include Coors Light, Miller Lite, Eggnog, Dave Matthews Band, Caroling, Easter Egg Bunny hunting, or any gathering that shall have >50% concentration of Americans. I dont care to go to these stupid "holiday" parties that die out at 10pm and lack hard liquor, dance music or European food. If it is a traditional occasion I expect no sweet potato pie, american breads, alcohols, honey cured hams and anything else that is disgusting beyond measure and farthest away from what I like to be present.
[Edited 2007-08-17 10:08:08]