cannibalz3
Posts: 382
Joined: Mon May 21, 2001 2:10 pm

The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:41 am

The Statshot from The Onion this week
Record Flight Delays

This summer has been one of the worst in recent years for flight delays, particularly for passengers stuck on the runway. Here are some of the factors behind the delays:

Pilot not exactly in hurry to get to Buffalo

Flight dispatcher working on psychology dissertation, titled "Human Reactions In Confined, Deteriorating Conditions"

Gremlin on wing prematurely destroying engines prior to takeoff instead of waiting until plane hits 30,000 feet

Airlines figure passengers will question safety if planes just take off willy-nilly
Record Flight Delays

Cockpit tip jar empty

Good-natured pilots agreeing to wait for any and all passengers running a little late to airport

Pilots vs. luggage handlers softball game went into extra innings

Security needs more time to squint at you



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FL1TPA
Posts: 225
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 7:29 am

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:06 pm

Atlanta extends "Free Taxi Around Airport Days" for 2 more weeks.

Pilots need more time to complete "So You Want To Take-Off" pamphlet.

Flight Attendants use extra time to give safety briefing to each individual passenger... twice.

Philadelphia is sunny and 75 degrees.

FL1TPA
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffin' glue."
 
helvknight
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:35 pm

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:32 pm

B6 pilot declares "It's not a Boeing so I'm not going"

Johnny unplugs the landing lights "Just kidding!"

JFK afternoon ground controller in a bad mood.

Crew delayed in crew bus due to flash flood. In PHX. (this one actually happened to me at JFK)
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member - Groucho Marx
 
Lono
Posts: 1136
Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2004 5:47 pm

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:44 pm

outsourced ground crew looking for a coil of flight line and a cleaner bottle of prop wash...
Wally Bird Ruled the Skys!
 
clipperno1
Posts: 641
Joined: Tue Jun 01, 1999 12:47 am

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 5:51 pm

Pilots coming in late from job interview at a reputable airline.

Pilots coming in late from union meeting.
"I really don't know one plane from the other. To me they are just marginal costs with wings."� Alfred Kahn, 1977
 
iaddca
Posts: 199
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:36 am

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:14 pm

pilot using cockpit displays to read posts on airliners.net

pilot ignoring ground controller authorization to push from the gate, while getting into heated debate on message boards about whether MLB could support at least a daily E-190 to JFK

first officer checking out the bikini girls in latest SXM landing photo

impressed by uploaded photos of kai tak, pilot backs up traffic by trying a "checkerboard" approach into DFW
 
helvknight
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:35 pm

RE: The Onion: Record Flight Delays

Thu Aug 23, 2007 10:33 pm

Captain and FO ignore controller authorisation to push while heatedly discussing A vs B.

Engine management displays stuck on Non-Av.

F/A having trouble impressing on pax that the free seating policy doesn't include "that seat at the front on the left with the joystick next to it - isn't that part of the IFE?"
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member - Groucho Marx

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