Falcon84
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Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:42 pm

I feel like I'm starting to sound like Andy Rooney tonight: but why do women do that? To me, it's always bothered me-almost like woman do that so when they get divorced, they still have their original last name there.

I guess I'm old-fashioned, but that's one I can't stand.
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ScarletHarlot
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:54 pm

Legally, I have three names, but at work and in many other situations, I hyphenate.

Here's how I can best explain it:

My maiden name was Scarlet O'Hara.
My husband's name is Mr. Harlot.
My legal name is now Scarlet O'Hara Harlot.
To make it clear, I often use Scarlet O'Hara-Harlot.

My maiden name is also a first name, so if I do not hyphenate, people think I have two first names.

But bottom line, I am an O'Hara, regardless of who I marry, and I choose to acknowledge and honour that by using all three of my names. I am an only child and my dad died a year after I got married. It honours him to use my family name as well as my husband's.
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ShyFlyer
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:57 pm



Quoting Falcon84 (Thread starter):
almost like woman do that so when they get divorced, they still have their original last name there.

I've never thought of it like that. I've always seen it as sort of a status symbol. Kinda like saying "I'm hip, I'm trendy" sort of thing.

Perhaps I'm just too cynical.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:58 pm



Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 2):
Perhaps I'm just too cynical.

Both of you are.

I had my own identity and my own family name before I was married. Why should I give that up? At the same time, it was important to Mr. Harlot for me to take his name. This way, I can have both.
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N1120A
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:58 pm

I completely understand why women do this. By and large, it is women who have established themselves under a certain name and want to keep that name while adding that of their husband. Women like Misty May (now May-Treanor) are known under one name and their careers are built from that.

Quoting Falcon84 (Thread starter):
I feel like I'm starting to sound like Andy Rooney tonight

I think your eyebrows just doubled in size

[Edited 2008-07-21 17:10:27]
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kmh1956
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:00 am

It may also possibly be because many women fear that by using their husband's name ONLY that they're losing part of their own identity. Like instead of being, for example, Mary Smith, they're now "Joe Smith's wife" and nothing else. I can understand it, to a degree.
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:07 am



Quoting N1120A (Reply 4):
I think your eyebrows just doubles in size

I do have to trim them quite often, to be honest.  rotfl 
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:08 am

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 2):
Perhaps I'm just too cynical.

Both of you are.

I had my own identity and my own family name before I was married. Why should I give that up? At the same time, it was important to Mr. Harlot for me to take his name. This way, I can have both.

I agree with that.Why not?Two ladies,I know, kept there maiden names in a hyphenated form.When they got married,one said it was easier to achieve financial freedom and not go through all the ID documentation changes right away.

[Edited 2008-07-21 17:10:49]
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:16 am

I just find it kind of uppity, and that's no disrespect to Scarlot. I just am a traditionalist when it comes to that.

On another rant, there was a woman who used to work with me here She was married, but she told me she and her husband didn't share checking accounts, savings accounts. They didn't even take vacations together. I asked her if she was just preparing for when she got a divorce.  Smile
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:18 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 8):
I just find it kind of uppity, and that's no disrespect to Scarlot. I just am a traditionalist when it comes to that.

Uppity? That doesn't sound very nice, now does it? I mean, I don't think you are implying that women should be relegated to the roles they served in the 1950s?
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:18 am



Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 5):
because many women fear that by using their husband's name ONLY that they're losing part of their own identity.

Good point. If my wife felt that way, I'd be cool with her keeping her name and not taking mine. Hell, I'd even consider taking hers.
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Kent350787
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:22 am

My wife kept her name - why shouldn't she?  Smile

We didn't hyphenate our sons' names - they have my name, but their mother's surname as one of their two middle names. If we'd had girls, we were planning on them having their mother's last name.....

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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:26 am



Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 10):

Good point. If my wife felt that way, I'd be cool with her keeping her name and not taking mine. Hell, I'd even consider taking hers.

Actually, my friends did something like this. When they got married, they both changed their last names to her name - his name
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EWRCabincrew
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:30 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
At the same time, it was important to Mr. Harlot for me to take his name

What about him taking your name? It seems just as important to you as it was to him, all traditions aside.

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
This way, I can have both.

So could Mr. Harlot. He could be Mr. Harlot-O'Hara.

You could have done what we did. It was important to both of us, but we didn't want to hyphenate, so we did the next best thing. We flipped a coin.
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AirStairs
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:35 am

It is sometimes for practical purposes: my mother uses her maiden name (which she calls her "professional") name when she uses the title Dr. or acts in that capacity, and my father's family name everywhere else. But holds credit cards, business licenses under both.



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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:02 am

I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

My wife didn't even think twice about not using her maiden name, so I just don't understand either, I guess.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:07 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

So, the woman should take the man's name, no exceptions?

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):

My wife didn't even think twice about not using her maiden name, so I just don't understand either, I guess.

You two were also very young when you got together.
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lincoln
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:11 am

Quoting Falcon84 (Thread starter):
I feel like I'm starting to sound like Andy Rooney tonight: but why do women do that?

In my mom's case it was the first of several pissing matches with my dad (her now ex-husband) and, in general, the world.

Essentially, as I remember the story, she was fine with her last name (King), and had no interest in taking my dad's last name (Cliby)... the settlement was essentially to meet half way with the hyphen, and to name me Lincoln and hyphenate my last name. Seriously.

See, as part of the argument my dad is storied to have yelled "If my parents did that I would be John xxx-yyy-Lincoln-Cliby". My mom liked the sound of Lincoln, and...

So fast forward 14-ish years, and the divorce is final... my mom is back to King, and I'm the only King-Cliby on the planet.

So here I am Lincoln John King-Cliby [Lincoln = Dad's mother's maiden name, John = Dad's first name, family tradition that the first son takes father's name as middle name, King = Mother's maiden name, Cliby= Dad's surname]

Unless I'm traveling on an airline, where I'm KINGCLIBY/LINCOLN, KINGCLIBY/LINCOLNJ, or perhaps KINGCLIBY/LINCOLNJMR since airline reservation systems don't support the hyphen as a character in a name field (I understand that SABRE uses the - to indicate the beginning of a name field, not sure about other systems)

It also makes it incredibly easy to tell when I have a telemarketer on the phone... And I'm usually pissed when my last name gets abbreviated... my last name is King-Cliby, not King, not Cliby. If you must Kingcliby, but never just half, Thank you Very Much.


Funny story, though: At my last job I was friends with the Telephone Services folks (we were under the same Dean). When they finally got around to changing the caller ID for my phone from "VACANT OFFICE" it showed up as "8655 KING LINCOLN" -- I got a kick out of that, especially since the 'standard' would have been "8655 KING-CLIBY,LINC"  Smile

Lincoln

[Edited 2008-07-21 18:15:28]
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:19 am



Quoting N1120A (Reply 16):
You two were also very young when you got together.

If you want to call 26 "young". We weren't kids. But we come from very traditional families, and, in those families, the woman takes the man's last name.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:20 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 18):
But we come from very traditional families, and, in those families, the woman takes the man's last name.

Hey, I come from a "Traditional" family as well. My mother and father are still married and she took his last name, despite it being rather complex compared to hers. That said, I don't have a problem with people doing what they want with their names.
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Kent350787
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:22 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

My wife didn't even think twice about not using her maiden name, so I just don't understand either, I guess.

A cultural thing perhaps - I find it difficult to understand your lack of understanding.  Smile

My wife has 2 degrees and a postgrad qual in her own name (but 2 since we married), and is in a very senior role, so why wouldn't she want to keep her name. But the name change or otherwise was always her choice, and she is strongly against the sense of "ownership" or "subjugation" it can suggest.

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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:35 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
I had my own identity and my own family name before I was married. Why should I give that up? At the same time, it was important to Mr. Harlot for me to take his name. This way, I can have both.

Thing is, as 50's and "archaic" as it may sound to some, to many men it's important that their wife take their name and leave their maiden name behind. A former girlfriend of mine (who I'd seriously discussed marriage with at one point) was very adamant about keeping her maiden name as a show of respect to her father. I understood that, but at the same time it made me feel as if I'd always come second to her father.

Disagree if you wish - people are certainly entitled to their own opinions on this - but to many, the tradition of taking the husband's name and no longer using the maiden name is a sign of honoring the husband and his family.

Thankfully, when I finally did meet the girl I chose to spend the rest of my life with, this was a tradition she was in favor of, and she gladly took my last name. Not that it'd have been a deal-breaker for us getting married, but even before that conversation with my ex many years earlier I'd always found the insistence on a hyphenated name to be somewhat obnoxious.

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 17):
(I understand that SABRE uses the - to indicate the beginning of a name field, not sure about other systems)

The dash is just the "name key," used in both SABRE and SystemOne (or whatever SystemOne is being called these days). An agent entering your name when building your PNR would type:

-KINGCLIBY/LINCOLNJMR

And then hit enter. The dash wouldn't show in the PNR itself; it's just the way it's entered.
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:37 am



Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 21):
KINGCLIBY/LINCOLNJMR

Sounds like a big-time law firm to me.  Big grin
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:50 am



Quoting EWRCabincrew (Reply 13):
What about him taking your name? It seems just as important to you as it was to him, all traditions aside.

Good question. He is more traditional than me, and this is not an option that he would be comfortable with. He is also a different ethnicity than me, and while it amuses me to 'wear' a last name that is clearly not my ethnicity, his last name fits him very well. His last name is also extremely rare, so it's kind of cool to have such an unusual name.

I actually am closer to his family than mine, so I'm proud to have their name. At the same time, I'm also proud of my family name. It's a good Newfoundlander name.

It's worked out well for us, and I'm satisfied with my unpronounceable, unspellable hyphenated name.  Smile

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

Fortunately, Falcon, it takes all kinds.  Smile If my husband absolutely insisted that I had to drop my maiden name and take his name, or was not comfortable with my hyphenation, I would know that he is not the man for me.

Quoting EWRCabincrew (Reply 13):
You could have done what we did. It was important to both of us, but we didn't want to hyphenate, so we did the next best thing. We flipped a coin.

I think it's totally cool that together you decided on the family name for the two of you.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:04 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 2):
Perhaps I'm just too cynical.

Both of you are.

 checkmark 

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

I am Indian by ethnicity. My dad has an American (white) wife. My older brother has an American (white) wife. Both of their wives kept their maiden names.

Most people in the US can't pronounce my last name, even after I pronounce it for them multiple times. Nothing wrong with that - it doesn't bother me at all - but I'd never force my last name on my wife.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:07 am



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 17):
King-Cliby

that's just one of those names that makes me look at it and go "are you serious?"
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:09 am



Quoting Kent350787 (Reply 20):
But the name change or otherwise was always her choice, and she is strongly against the sense of "ownership" or "subjugation" it can suggest.

See, now there's what ticks me off - if you don't like the tradition, fine. But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:13 am



Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 26):
See, now there's what ticks me off - if you don't like the tradition, fine. But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?

Disagree with a modern feminist interpretation if you like, but remember traditions come from somewhere - and history is filled with the subjugation of women.

Mind you, Gayle (my wife, although we'd generally say "partner" just to confuse people) would be unlikely to use the "subjugation" line in a casual conversation on the subject.

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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:24 am



Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 26):
But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?

That may not be what it means to you or to most modern men, but that was the original reason for the wife taking the husband's name.

Now, one thing I CANNOT stand is being called Mrs. Bob Harlot. Dear Lord! Call me Mrs. Scarlet Harlot if you wish, but I am not defined solely as my husband's wife. Wedding invitations usually cheese me off for this reason - "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Harlot". Arrgh!
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:48 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 28):
Now, one thing I CANNOT stand is being called Mrs. Bob Harlot.

On that, we agree, Scarlet. My wife's name is Karen. She doesn't use my first name for anything, except to scold me.  Big grin
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:23 am

I don't know if marrying someone who insists on hyphenating their last name is the best idea. I think a total of eight of my male cousins are married, the only two who have gotten divorced have been married to women who insisted on the ol' hyphen or kept their last name. Seriously!

The way I feel about it is that unless the female is famous or highly successful, they ought to adopt the male's last name. It would actually really make me question a woman's level of commitment to me if she didn't take my last name. It almost seems that if you are not going by tradition, why even get married? Financial reasons? You might as well just shack with each other if you're not going to change your last name. Is it really that difficult to show commitment to marriage through a last name?
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AirStairs
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:24 am

If my last name were Udvar-Hazy, I'd be okay with the hyphen.
 
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:40 am



Quoting JCS17 (Reply 30):
It would actually really make me question a woman's level of commitment to me if she didn't take my last name

What of your commitment to her and take her name? Either way, you are showing commitment, getting married and showing the world you are a family.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:42 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 28):
Wedding invitations usually cheese me off for this reason - "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Harlot"

That is traditional and is in fact correct English usage.

Hyphenated names have become the rage here among public figures. Many are people who didn't use the double-barrelled name in the "old" South Africa, such as Winnie Mandela, who is now known as Winnie Madikizela-Mandela. There is also Ivy Matsepe-Casaburri (minister of communications), Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma (foreign minister), Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula (home affairs minister), Manto Tshabalala-Mtsimang (health minister) and Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka (deputy President).

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 23):
unpronounceable, unspellable hyphenated name

Beat some of those above!
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vikkyvik
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:43 am



Quoting JCS17 (Reply 30):
Is it really that difficult to show commitment to marriage through a last name?

No.

But it's not really that difficult to show commitment to a marriage despite last names, too. So...
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:48 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Thread starter):
I guess I'm old-fashioned, but that's one I can't stand.

You know what I can't stand? People who insist on taking the last names of their husbands/captors/whatever. I'm a guy and if my fiancee insisted in taking my name the wedding would be off right then and there.

Quoting N1120A (Reply 9):
Uppity? That doesn't sound very nice, now does it? I mean, I don't think you are implying that women should be relegated to the roles they served in the 1950s?

That is precisely what he is implying, a role for women reminiscent of a true Stepford wife.

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

Well, that tells more about you than you can imagine. I'll make sure to remember that quote next time we are discussing some liberal vs conservative topic such as gay weddings or something.

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 18):
But we come from very traditional families, and, in those families, the woman takes the man's last name.

I bet that's not the only thing they do in the name of tradition.

Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 26):
But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?

Because it is. How do you think those things got started in the first place'

Quoting JCS17 (Reply 30):
Is it really that difficult to show commitment to marriage through a last name?

And what commitment have YOU shown to the marriage?
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:57 am



Quoting Pyrex (Reply 35):
You know what I can't stand? People who insist on taking the last names of their husbands/captors/whatever. I'm a guy and if my fiancee insisted in taking my name the wedding would be off right then and there.

Let me point out - you're arguing against someone being closed-minded....but you're being closed-minded yourself.

Just because someone wants to take your surname doesn't mean she automatically thinks she's your property.
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Pyrex
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:58 am



Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 36):
Just because someone wants to take your surname doesn't mean she automatically thinks she's your property.

I have a philosophy in life - if when engaging in a meaningful debate you justify your point with a) tradition or b) religion then you are out of arguments.
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:06 am



Quoting Pyrex (Reply 35):
Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 26):
But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?

Because it is. How do you think those things got started in the first place'

Correction - it WAS. And not only does it no longer hold any such meaning, it hasn't for centuries.

Case in point - if you're married and your wife has taken your last name, try telling her you now 'own' and 'subjugate' her and see how far you get.
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Falcon84
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:09 am



Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 38):
Case in point - if you're married and your wife has taken your last name, try telling her you now 'own' and 'subjugate' her and see how far you get.

Exactly. Although there are still more than a few idiots out there who think that woman should walk to their left and two steps behind in this culture.

It isn't about subjugation or any of that crap. But when I hear the phrase "when two become one", in may ceremonies, I just feel that this hyphenated stuff is just some sort of power trip.

When my wife and I got married, we became one, according to the traditions of our faiths. It mean that "we" were actually one. Not two checking accounts; not two sets of vactions; not two different last names, but one. She took my last name as a sign of honor and committment to me. And I took a vow to lover her above all others, and to, in my view, treat her as an equal.

When I hear the hyphenated name, or people who don't change their names at all, to me, I just think it is, in some ways, a sign that they aren't one in marriage, but somehow, they're still separate.

Maybe that doesn't make sense to some of you, but that's how I see it. I think it's a marital power trip for many people to keep a different name.
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Kent350787
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:21 am



Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 39):
I think it's a marital power trip for many people to keep a different name.

And let's agree to disagree there - history would tell us that the changing of the name was the "marital power trip", however people may view it these days.

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MD11Engineer
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:41 am

When my girlfriend and I get married, she will keep her name as well.

So now she is Maria Sanchez Catubay, with Sanchez being her mother's maiden name and Catubay her father's (or short Maria S. Catubay) in her country's tradition.
When we get married she will change her name to Maria Catubay Meier, with Meier being her husband's name.
(All names invented)

I'm perfectly happy with it. She keeps her own identity with it.

Jan
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Pyrex
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:00 am



Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 41):
I'm perfectly happy with it. She keeps her own identity with it.

Hm, no she doesn't. She loses at least half her identity (her mother's name).
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Zkpilot
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:15 am

I don't mind if women use a hyphenated name, but what gets me is when they get the kids to take on that name also...
So the kid "Joe Michael Smith-Bloggs" grows up and decides to marry "Kate Claire Phelps-Anderson" they have a kid themselves... "Michael Ben Smith-Bloggs-Phelps-Anderson"...... nice one! Now if the kids hadn't been given the whole hyphenated names then it would of course have been "Joe Michael Bloggs" and "Kate Claire Anderson". Their kid would have been "Michael Ben Bloggs"....much simpler.
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EA CO AS
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:38 am



Quoting Pyrex (Reply 42):
Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 41):
I'm perfectly happy with it. She keeps her own identity with it.

Hm, no she doesn't. She loses at least half her identity (her mother's name).

Yeah, stir that pot!  sarcastic 

If he and his girlfriend are okay with this, why do you have to piss all over it by pointing out your perceived problems with what they're planning to do?

Does it affect you? No.

Does it affect your family or friends? No.
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cragley
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:56 am

I think whatever is fine, I just feel sorry for kids with 2 surnames.


Like John Wilson-Smith.

They get teased with names like 'two dads'


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MD-90
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:56 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 28):
Now, one thing I CANNOT stand is being called Mrs. Bob Harlot. Dear Lord! Call me Mrs. Scarlet Harlot if you wish, but I am not defined solely as my husband's wife. Wedding invitations usually cheese me off for this reason - "Mr. and Mrs. Bob Harlot". Arrgh!

That is traditional and correct English and whatever but I've never liked that either. Reading it gives the impression that the woman in the relationship is worth much less than the man.

Quoting AirStairs (Reply 31):
If my last name were Udvar-Hazy, I'd be okay with the hyphen.

Me too.

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 41):
When we get married she will change her name to Maria Catubay Meier, with Meier being her husband's name.
(All names invented)

That's what the women in my family do, and I think it makes sense. Of course, they do lose their family-relevant maiden middle names by doing so.
 
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scbriml
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:36 am



Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
At the same time, it was important to Mr. Harlot for me to take his name.

What if it was equally important for you to keep yours? It's good that you're comfortable where you ended up, but IMHO, you have as much, if not more, right to keep your name as Mr Harlot does to ask you to change.

Quoting ScarletHarlot (Reply 3):
I had my own identity and my own family name before I was married. Why should I give that up?

Absolutely no good reason. It really pisses my wife off when letters arrive addressed to "Mrs Steve Brimley".  duck 

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 8):
She was married, but she told me she and her husband didn't share checking accounts, savings accounts. They didn't even take vacations together.

Doesn't sound like much of a partnership to me. Why bother getting married?  confused 

Quoting Falcon84 (Reply 15):
I also see quite a few couples come through the airport where the wife doesn't even take the husband's name. Now, that, to me, is just out of the question.

I'm generally an "old fashioned" type of guy, but I really can't get hung up on the whole name issue. My wife took my name, but in all honesty, if she'd wanted to keep hers, it wouldn't have been a problem. In fact, even after 26 years, I still call her by her maiden name as a term of affection.

Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 21):
to many men it's important that their wife take their name and leave their maiden name behind.

Why? Why aren't those same men prepared to give up their name? As my father's only son and having only produced daughters myself (well, with a little help  wink  ), my name will die out with me (unless one of my daughters decide to keep it). Frankly, I'm not bothered.

Quoting EA CO AS (Reply 26):
But why do people have to make it into something ugly by suggesting it's tantamount to ownership and/or subjugation?

Because, historically, that's exactly what it was!

Certainly in the UK (and I believe the US), wives were basically their husband's chattel. They couldn't have a separate bank account, they couldn't complete any business or financial transaction or even travel without their husband's permission. A husband could even have his wife committed to a mental institution without any medical agreement whatsoever. To use the modern internet term, wives were PWNED.
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cgnnrw
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:14 pm

I have no problem when a woman retains her maiden name. Good for her.
I have no problem when she takes her husband's name. Good for her.
I have no problem when the husband takes his wife's name. Good for him.

Buuuuuuuut what I do have a problem with is when people with double-names make MY life difficult in addressing them. For instance:

a woman named "Schmidt-Meyer". I get very very annoyed always having to say "yes, Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer" , "may I speak to Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer?", "hello Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer", "how can I help you Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer", blah blah blah Mrs Schmidt-Meyer. In my opinion you're either Mrs. Schmidt or Mrs. Meyer.

Then of course Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer has children. Great! Now there are little "Schmidt-Meyers" running around. Now what about when little "Schmidt-Meyer" gets older and just happens to marry a "Mueller-Hoffmann". Does he/she become Mr/Mrs. Schmidt-Meyer-Mueller-Hoffmann or Mr/Mrs. Schmdt-Hoffmann or Mr/Mrs. Meyer-Mueller-Hoffmann, etc. Where does it end???

Regarding career women...it can't be that big of a problem or disadvantage to either change your name or keep the maiden name. A friend of mine who at the time she married had earned herself a very good reputation in her field. After she returned from her honeymoon she simply started using her married name. When asked if she was the same person she simply responded she recently married. The response was usually a polite "how nice, congratulations" and then they carried on with their business.

Anyway my two cents on the whole matter.
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lincoln
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RE: Women Taking Hyphenated Names When Married

Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:23 pm



Quoting Zkpilot (Reply 43):

Yeah, that is a thought thas has crossed my mind; I guess that bridge will get crossed when the time comes, but it doesn't seem like an insurmountable hurdle (Take my last name, Not take my last name, hypenate last names but drop the King (i.e. Smith-Cliby instead of King-Cliby)

Quoting Cragley (Reply 45):
They get teased with names like 'two dads'

FWIW, Of all of the things I was teased about growing up, my last name was never one of them.
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