T773ER
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Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:55 am

Recently I've been rewatching many Seinfeld episodes, and thought it would be interesting to see some of your favorite quotes.

Here are a few to get started.

"It's like an onion, the more layers you peel, the more it stinks." - George

"Aids walk, it's a cake walk". - Kramer

Kramer: I'll have a brewsky , Charlie.
Bartender: The Name's Mitch.
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
diamond
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:58 am

Elaine: " .. It's so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons .. "
Blank.
 
T773ER
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:04 am



Quoting Diamond (Reply 1):
Elaine: " .. It's so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons .. "

That reminds me of another great quote.

George: I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
zanl188
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:27 am

"No soup for you!!"

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

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If you have an opinion on a topic, you should in detail express why you have the opinion and what made you come to that conclusion.

Your post should be relevant to the topic discussed.
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CupraIbiza
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:33 am

"These pretzels are making me thirsty" is my favourite line.

I think my favourite "discussion" is the one about shrinkage.....

"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"No..."
"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
Everyday is a gift…… but why does it have to be a pair of socks?
 
KingAir200
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:34 am

"But I don't wanna be a pirate!"
 
T773ER
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:43 am



Quoting KingAir200 (Reply 5):
"But I don't wanna be a pirate!"

Don't forget

"But I don't wanna be a cowboy!"
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:56 am

Kramer: Yo yo ma.

****

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

****

Jerry: Cinnamon. It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime someone says, "Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?" the answer invariably comes back, "cinnamon." Cinnamon. Again and again.

****

George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances.
Jerry: You have made some good exits.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
dvk
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:56 am

"I've been outted and I wasn't even in!"
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
 
TUNisia
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:26 am

"Mr. Marbles............ is that you?"
Someday the sun will shine down on me in some faraway place - Mahalia Jackson
 
Cadet57
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:38 am



Quoting TUNisia (Reply 9):
"Mr. Marbles............ is that you?"

That has to be my all time favorite episode.

"You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"
Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:40 am

Jackie Chiles: This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.

****

Kramer: Giddy-up!

****

George: I'm 33 years old; I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal... medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.

****

George: Someday, before I die, mark my words... I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George: Well, I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
T773ER
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:44 am

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 10):
You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"

"I thought he was kramers friend, yeah well he called last night at 3am and we got to talking."

The Roaster is the name of the episode, and it too is one of my favorites.

Oh and its sacamano.

[Edited 2008-07-29 19:47:06]
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
WESTERN737800
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:48 am

George: "I was in the pool, I was in the pool"
I cant remember his name (the comedien that Jerry hates) "Its gold Jerry gold"
Jerry: "Say it isnt so Kramer"
Kramer: "I'm out there Jerry and I'm lovin every minute of it"
George Steinbrener (during the trial): "Just one problem with Costanza, he's a communist thick like a big juicy steak"
Bring back Western Airlines!
 
T773ER
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:51 am



Quoting WESTERN737800 (Reply 13):
I cant remember his name (the comedien that Jerry hates) "Its gold Jerry gold"

Kenny bania is his name.

The jar's not oval, the mug's not oval, they should call it roundtine.
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
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jetjack74
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:53 am

"Alriiiiiight! You go ahead. You keep it secret. But when you control the mail, you control, information!!!!"
Made from jets!
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:19 am

(always with clenched teeth) Newman!
I lift things up and put them down.
 
Pyrex
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:45 am

"It's all pipes!"

Although my favorite one is the "Barber of Seville" satire - absolutely brilliant.
Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
 
dragon-wings
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:20 am

George: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?
Don't give up don't ever give up - Jim Valvano
 
SpinalTap
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:24 am

“My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”

"That is damn good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwards you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell, scotch."
"Say you've got a big job interview. Throw back a couple of shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time! And because it's odourless, why it'll be our little secret!"
- Kramer
"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
 
AzoresLover
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:36 am

Newman: I'm just a little disappointed...

Jerry: You're not a little anything, Newman.
Those who want to do something will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse.
 
rwsea
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:55 am

"Hellloooooooooo" - Jerry's Stomach

"No Soup for You" - Soup Nazi

"If the bra don't fit, you must acquit" - Jackie Chiles

"That's gold, Jerry. GOLD!!!" - Kenny Banya

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 10):
"You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"

LOL ... "It's a rat hat, and a poorly made one even by rat hat standards".
 
SlamClick
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:29 am

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby"
- Elaine

"The sea was angry that day, my friend, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli."
- George

"Yo Yo Ma!"
- Kramer

"Bhutros Bhutros Ghali"
- Jerry

"Mulva?"
- Jerry (then)

"DoLORes!"
- Jerry (out the window as she's leaving)

"And you want to be my latex salesman"
- Jerry

"Pez?"
- Jerry
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stasisLAX
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 7:18 am

The episode known as "The Contest" in which Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer have a bet to see who can go the longest without "pleasuring" themselves - my favorite quote is "master of my domain"  rotfl 
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety!" B.Franklin
 
SpinalTap
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:42 am

"Nobody tells Frank Costanza what to do!"

"Are you saying you want a piece of me?" - Frank Costanza

"Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated British basement. I take what you're about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed". J Peterman (One of Elaine's bosses when he confronts her after discovering she had eaten his piece of King Edward VIII's wedding cake)

"Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong" - Jerry (From the pony remark episode).
"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
 
SpinalTap
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:32 am

Festivus, too many good quotes to list:
"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
 
jonathan-l
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:44 pm

Newman: "I am a United States Postal worker"

Elaine: So what you're saying is that 95% of the population is undatable?
Jerry: Undatable!!!

Newman: "Oh the humanity!!"

Mr Costanza: "Hoochi mamma"

Mr Costanza: "Serenity now"
 
AirportSeven
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:57 pm

George: "A man with out hand is not a man, Jerry. I've got so much hand, I'm coming out of the glove."
 
planespotting
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:35 pm

Jerry: The song Downtown? You mean the Petula Clark song?

George: Yeah.

Jerry: You sure he didn't just mention it because you happened to be going downtown?

George: I think he was trying to tell me something, like it had some sort of a meaning.

Jerry: Okay, so how does it go?

George: 'When you're alone, and life is making you lonely, you can always go...'

Jerry: '... downtown.'

George: 'Maybe you know some little places to go, where they never close...'

Jerry: '...downtown.'

George: Wait a second. 'Little places to go, where they never close.' What's a little place that never closes?

Jerry: Seven-eleven?

George: 'Just listen to the music of the traffic, in the city. Linger on the sidewalk, where the neon lights are pretty.' Where the neon lights are pretty. The Broadway area?

Jerry: No, that's midtown.

George: 'The lights are much brighter there. You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares, just go...'

Jerry: '...downtown.'

George: 'Things'll be great, when you're...'

Jerry: '...downtown.'

George: I got nothing, Jerry. Nothing.

Jerry: Well, 'don't hang around and let your troubles surround you. There are movie shows...'

George: You think I should come clean? What d'you think, you think I should confess?

Jerry: How can you lose?
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
PHLBOS
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:41 pm

I'm surprised no one has picked this line yet:

(Mostly from Jerry)"Not that there's anything WRONG with it!"
"TransEastern! You'll feel like you've never left the ground because we treat you like dirt!" SNL Parady ad circa 1981
 
Pope
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:51 pm



Quoting StasisLAX (Reply 23):
The episode known as "The Contest" in which Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer have a bet to see who can go the longest without "pleasuring" themselves - my favorite quote is "master of my domain"

My favorite line from that episode is when Kramer leaves Jerry's apartment and comes back two minutes later, slams the money on the kitchen counter and yells "I'm OUT!"

====

The other line that cracks me up from another episode is when Jerry said the word "barometer" and Kramer interrupts him and says "I believe it's pronounced thermometer."

Don't know why but I've always liked the scene.
Hypocrisy. It's the new black for liberals.
 
tripleboom
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:45 pm

Not a line, but a scene:

The Kenny Rogers Roasters episode in which Jerry and Kramer switch apartments and then steadily switch personalities. Instant classic! I especially enjoy Kramer sitting in the cafe speaking to Elaine or George (I forget which) and is gesturing with his coffee cup just as Jerry would! Such a small thing that I never really picked up on before watching Kramer do it.
 
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jetjack74
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:45 pm

Kramer: "I faked it"

Jerry: "You what?"

Kramer: "Yeah, I faked it"

Jerry: "How?"

Kramer: "Well, if it's enough already, and I want to get some sleep"
Made from jets!
 
QXatFAT
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:06 pm

Newman: "Oh the humanity!"

Two Theifs: "You talking to me? You talking to me? No I think he is talking to me! You talking to me? No he was talking to me. You talking to me or to him. You were talking to one of us. You talking to me?"
Don't Tread On Me!
 
T773ER
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:17 am

Jerry- "Hey, uh, before you go, did you talk to Newman about getting that mail outta there?

Kramer- Yeah, oh Yeah, he's not gonna do it.
"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
 
dragon-wings
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:02 am

Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day!!!

Elaine: [making a toast] Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell.

Kramer: Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all. [looking at Newman] People cannot be trusted.
Newman: Don't look at me.
Kramer: Oh, I'm looking right at you, Big Daddy.

[Edited 2008-07-30 20:16:17]
Don't give up don't ever give up - Jim Valvano
 
TheGov
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:05 am

When Kramer tells Jerry of his plans---

Jerry - "Yeah, this is gonna work out"

And when a confused Kramer returns and reveals the botched outcome---

Jerry - "Yeah, that's about right"
Always a pallbearer, never a corpse.
 
jonathan-l
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:21 am

Jerry: "Are you sure she wasn't a multiple sneezer?"
George: "No, she sneezed again later on and it was a single sneeze"
Jerry: "Maybe, she was having an off night"
 
NickDamage
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:03 pm

George after getting a massage from a guy.
"I think it moved"
 
TSS
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:35 pm

George, after seeing Elaine dance for the first time: "It was like a full-body dry heave".
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
FL787
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:51 pm

Newman and Jerry:

"What are you proposing?"

"Whatever it takes, as long as it takes, wherever it takes me, as long as it takes you away from me!"

Kramer

"How do you do?"

"I do well"
 
F9Widebody
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:31 pm

Jerry: "I hate people!.....They're the worst!"

So many times I find myself exclaiming this....
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EISHN
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:41 pm

I'm out!





As said by Kramer in "the Contest".

I'm surprised no one else picked that one.
St. Flannan/ Fhlanain- She took off to find the footlights, And I took off for the sky
 
WESTERN737800
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:57 pm

Kramer when they're steaking out the investment guy. He's sitting there at the bar, while smoking (a cigarette or cigar I cant remember) "Here's to feelin good." Then he starts coughing, falls off the barstool, ect.
Bring back Western Airlines!
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:15 pm



Quoting WESTERN737800 (Reply 43):
Kramer when they're steaking out the investment guy.

That's my favorite episode! I've seen it I don't know how many times but I still laugh!
I lift things up and put them down.
 
edelag
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:43 am

Kramer: It's a write-off for them.

Jerry: How is it a write-off?

Kramer: They just write it off.

Jerry: Write it off what?

Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.

Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.

Kramer: Do you?

Jerry: No, I don't!

Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

-----------------

It's not just the destination, it's the journey.
 
SpinalTap
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:25 pm

Kramer: Yes, I’m interested in the apartment

Agent: Yes come in, come in. I’m Christine Neyhart.

Kramer: Oh delicious to meet you

Agent: Did the broker send you over?

Kramer: Yes most likely, I’m A.G Pennypacker, I’m a wealthy industrialist, philanthropist and bicyclist and yes I’m looking for a place where I can settle down with my peculiar habits and the women that I frequent with.
[Sniff sniff] mmm Mombassa

Agent: The asking price is a million and a half dollars

Kramer: I spend that much on aftershave, yes I buy and sell a man like myself everyday.
Now I assume that there is a waterfall grotto.

Agent: No.

Kramer: Ah, how about a bathroom?

Agent: It has four.

Kramer: Yes, and where would the absolute nearest one be?

Agent: Just down the hall.

"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
 
planespotting
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:41 pm



Quoting WESTERN737800 (Reply 43):
He's sitting there at the bar, while smoking (a cigarette or cigar I cant remember) "Here's to feelin good."

The quote's even better than that ... i

"Here's to feelin' good all the time." (and he takes a drink from a beer with lots of head with the cigarette in his mouth, burns himself and falls off the stool."
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
n234nw
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:39 am

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"
Enough said.
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:51 am

I just saw this episode the other day. Its the one where Kramer takes on an intern and Jerry's girlfriend du jour hates the fact that he makes fun of her belly noises.

Kramer is talking with his intern's Dean:

Dean Jones: Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman?
Kramer: It may seem glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica.
Dean Jones: As far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is nothing more than a solitary man with a messy apartment that may or may not contain a chicken!
Kramer: And with Darrin's help, we'll get that chicken!
Dean Jones: I'm sorry; there's just no way we can allow Darrin to stay with you.
Kramer: Well, this decision seems capricious and arbitrary.
Dean Jones: Your fly's open.

[Edited 2008-08-03 21:53:36]
I lift things up and put them down.

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