747438
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A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:50 am

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your declining failure to handle your economy and to nominate competent candidates for President and thus to govern yourselves, We hereby give notice of the revocation of your Independence, effective immediately.(if necessary,look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)



Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will now resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Utah, which she does not fancy).



Your new Prime Minister, the same one who is our Prime Minister, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.



To aid in the return of your country to the status of a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:



-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will now spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (if necessary,look up 'vocabulary' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

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2. There is no such thing as U.S. English. English is the language we speak. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will be celebrated as a holiday in order to acknowledge the end of your unsuccessful 250 year experiment in independence.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready yet to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or spending hours with a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse..

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side of the road with immediate effect. Using roundabouts while you learn to drive on the left may help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. At the same time, all your forms of measurement will go metric with immediate effect. We had to do it 20 years ago and we discovered that it works better than the old imperial system anyway. However because your monetary system is already metric (you got that bit right) you will be permitted to maintain the dollar as your form of currency. We may however decide to brighten up those dull old green and black notes were some exciting new spring colours.

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8. Speaking of money however you will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been mistakenly calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as (based on their rather small population) they are the greatest sporting nation on earth and this can only be due to something they put in their beer. They are also still a part of the British Commonwealth - see what it has done for them.

American beer-type drinks will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that they can be sold without risk of further confusion until you get used to drinking proper beer.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing that game that you call American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you (mistakenly) call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)..

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to hold an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13. You must tell us who killed JR. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed with vinegar not with tomato sauce (which you mistakenly call catsup) .

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16. Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. Daily with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits ( which you mistakenly refer to as cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!
 
Alias1024
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:26 am

Dear Great Britain,

You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
 
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bwest
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:00 am



Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 1):
Dear Great Britain,

You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.

See point 4... (and 5)  Smile


Ah, if only the Brits would have kept their empire intact...  Wink
I love my Airport Job! :)
 
HowSwedeitis
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:03 am



Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 1):
dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.

 rotfl 

Please add George Micheal and Boy George to that list as well, alias. On behalf of the United States, I suggest perhaps swapping, oh say, Florida. They can have it.

-HSII
Heja Sverige!!
 
Alias1024
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:07 am



Quoting HowSwedeitis (Reply 3):
Please add George Micheal and Boy George to that list as well

Done.

As a good will gesture toward the British people, we in the United States agree to apologize for Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Even we don't like them.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
 
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OA260
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:58 am



Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

LOL.....  rotfl   rotfl 
 
levent
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:02 am

And the Dutch should get back New York and rename it once again into New Amsterdam...
 
rsg85
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:29 am

Im not having a go Lizzy buttt...... there needs to be some changes at home first

Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (if necessary,look up 'vocabulary' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Ohh and commonly used words in England like "innit" can be found in there? and will the USA have to use greetings commonly heard in England with poor grammer such as "are you right" the queens english is dead in England too, sorry Lizzy  confused 

Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists

Ahhh and revert to the current english conflict resolution methods of knifing each other? thanks for the tip Lizzy  bigthumbsup 

Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
Australian beer is also acceptable, as (based on their rather small population) they are the greatest sporting nation on earth and this can only be due to something they put in their beer

She got something right  Wink
 
SpeedBirdA380
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:46 am

Amusing post "747438" but I think you have opened up a can of worms with this one!

I am just waiting for the American response.

As my old school teacher taught me "Those in glass houses should not throw stones!"
 
baroque
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:18 am



Quoting Bwest (Reply 2):
Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 1):
Dear Great Britain,

You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.

See point 4... (and 5) Smile


Ah, if only the Brits would have kept their empire intact...

You might get some way up the river on your tour if you arrive on a spring tide, but after that you would become (another) permanent exhibit.
At Woolwich the charted depth is about 6.5 metres. Add about 7.0 metres to get the depth of water at MHWS and 5.9 metres at MHWN.

There was a young ****** from Kew.
......glue
......grin
.......in
They'll pay to get out of it too!
 
ltbewr
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:18 pm

Yes, maybe in a return to the UK would end the horrible situaton of our Presidential Elections that take years and consume $1 Billions mostly in bribes. It could also mean if a leader is shown to be incompent(like GWB  duck  , they can be dismissed quickly and replaced in a matter of months, not have to either go thourgh a messy and cumbersome impeachment or have to wait for the next election.
 
lowrider
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:22 pm



Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
except Utah, which she does not fancy

To be henceforth known as The United State of America?

Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side of the road with immediate effect.

This should go a long way towards reducing and overpopulation issues.

Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.

That is your own fault. If you asked most Americans, they would have warned you not to watch.

The above mentioned tendency to resort to guns and violence to settle differences might make this a little difficult to enforce. You might want to start with a little smaller territory. Say, some islands in the South Atlantic?
Proud OOTSK member
 
Kiwirob
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:32 pm



Quoting Lowrider (Reply 11):
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.

I wouldn't want to upset the applecart but Andie MacDowell was playing an American in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
 
davehammer
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:32 pm

I've seen this sent round the internet in many ways shapes or forms for the last year or so. It even has a group on Facebook with a fair few members on both sides of the Atlantic. And before anyone panics too much, it is a joke!
 
Phoenix9
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:56 pm



Quoting Davehammer (Reply 13):
And before anyone panics too much, it is a joke!

Oh thank you oh wise one...where would we feeble minded A.nutters be without your guidance and deelp insights.
Life only makes sense when you look at it backwards.
 
allstarflyer
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:58 pm

I thought speaking irresponsibily was Prince Phillip's job.  duck 
Living the American Dream
 
Dougloid
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:05 pm

B-b-but yer Royal Highness, what ever will you do about the continuing intrusions and impositions from the Colossus of the Great White North?

Why, they've been inflicting offenses like Leslie Feist, Avril Lavigne and Celine Dion on yr faithful petitioners for years. Don't that count as sonic pollution?
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
lowrider
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:11 pm



Quoting Dougloid (Reply 16):
the Colossus of the Great White North?

Doesn't that make you a Canuckaphobe?
Proud OOTSK member
 
davehammer
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:29 pm



Quoting Phoenix9 (Reply 14):
Oh thank you oh wise one...where would we feeble minded A.nutters be without your guidance and deelp insights.

Alright, calm down. I've seen very many responses to this elsewhere where a load of people have taken it very seriously and it's ended in a slanging match. I wasn't giving out 'deep guidance and insights' in order to condescend.
 
Dougloid
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:56 pm



Quoting Lowrider (Reply 17):
Quoting Dougloid (Reply 16):
the Colossus of the Great White North?

Doesn't that make you a Canuckaphobe?

If I was I'd be up against my maternal grandparents who were Gallaghers from Nova Scotia, eh?

On the other hand perhaps that was all part of a dev'lish Hoser plot to send their demon spawn to propagate amongst the naive and unsuspecting daughters and sons of rude backwoodsmen in places like New Jersey-succubi and incubi, in a word, to stoke an unquenchable addiction to maple syrup and Tim Horton's doughnuts and go to all those Celie Dion shows in Las Vegas...well, we're on to her, boyee, and we sent her packing.


 devil   devil   devil   stirthepot   stirthepot   stirthepot 
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:26 pm



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 8):
I am just waiting for the American response.



 Big grin
I lift things up and put them down.
 
DLPMMM
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:23 pm

Dear Queen Elizibeth II,

Come on now....say it.....Who's yer Daddy?

That's right!

Now let's tart you up and get you out on the corner where you belong!

Signed,

The USA
 
KL773ER
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:49 pm



Quoting Levent (Reply 6):
And the Dutch should get back New York and rename it once again into New Amsterdam...

I whole heartedly agree along with the fact that Dutch should be reinstated as the official language of the land.

Signed,
KL773ER
 
Dougloid
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:35 pm



Quoting KL773ER (Reply 22):
Quoting Levent (Reply 6):
And the Dutch should get back New York and rename it once again into New Amsterdam...

I whole heartedly agree along with the fact that Dutch should be reinstated as the official language of the land.

Signed,
KL773ER

they can effing have it for all I care. It's a good place to dump their nuclear waste.


 grumpy   grumpy   grumpy 
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
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bwest
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:20 pm



Quoting KL773ER (Reply 22):
I whole heartedly agree along with the fact that Dutch should be reinstated as the official language of the land.

Agreed, but I insist on "southern" dutch, the one spoken in Flanders. Dutch from The Netherlands is just too sharp and painfull on the ears.
I love my Airport Job! :)
 
Cadet985
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:35 am



Quoting Davehammer (Reply 13):
I've seen this sent round the internet in many ways shapes or forms for the last year or so. It even has a group on Facebook with a fair few members on both sides of the Atlantic. And before anyone panics too much, it is a joke!

Ask and ye shall receive...

In the light of your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments (most notably the French) and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a commonwealth of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal codes. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London and far more cultural. We believe the main reason why Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II does not fancy Utah is because it will turn her already sagging and dry skin into a rather hard leathery shell. Besides people over the age of 80 just do not know what they are talking about 75% of the time - the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip is a prime example of this and his son Prince Charles is fast following his example. If you want a national figure head appoint someone much younger and far more attractive.

To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are to be introduced with immediate effect:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "alumium" for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminum" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry.

However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Chester Minor.

The letter “U" will be removed from words such as “armour" and “neighbour". Skipping the letter “U" is not considered laziness on our part since the correct pronunciation of those words would be “ar-moo-er" and “nay-boo-er"

You will also end your love affair with the letter “S" (and by the way, it is pronounced zee, not zed. The pronunciation “zee" actually comes from late 17th-century English dialect) and the suffix -ise will be replaced with the suffix -ize.

You also seem to pronounce words horribly wrong, even in your own language. Let’s take Edinburgh for example. You will realize that it is pronounced “Ed-in-burg", not “Ed-in-burra". Where does the –rra come from? If you wish to refer to it still as Edinburgh, we suggest you remove the last two letters and replace them with –rra.

Cockney rhyming slang will no longer be used, as it is an inefficient way to communicate with another. Say what you mean, there is no need to find another word that rhymes with the word you are trying to say.

2. Since you will switch to the American standard of spelling Microsoft will be notified on your behalf to discontinue the British language pack for the family of Office products.

3. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. (Here’s a hint: If you hear the word “eh" while speaking to someone, this is a clear indication that they are Canadian. Example: Nice weather we’re having, eh?)

You will also have to learn Southern accents. Cops will no longer broadcast subtitles.

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, your music industry is great. We’ll leave that intact. (The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Iron Maiden and Muse just to name a few). And please stop going on about Shakespeare, the guys been dead for nearly 400 years.

5. It is inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies, especially if that monarch has no role other than ceremonially. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. Rule Britannia will be the tune with which you will sing your next national anthem to. We will get to work on the lyrics immediately.

6. “Football" as you call it will be a permissible pastime, although you will be required to call it soccer. Police officers will be placed at strategic points around the field and riot gear will always be nearby. If you do cause an incident, we will tear your beloved “Football" away from you faster than you can say “Bangers and Mash". The NFL will be started in the UK as well as college Football (The American one) teams. We welcome any two of your rugby players to play an American Football player anytime. We will also be happy to show your rugby players how to wear proper protective gear, so they don’t lose brain cells every time they play.

7. You will not be allowed to own guns. This is because you fail to see how harmless wooden shields and spears are compared to a weapon capable of firing a projectile at upwards of 1,300 feet per second (Refer to the Anglo-Zulu War). You only pretend to be pompous intellects because you don’t have the testicular fortitude to own a gun, and thus only rely on drive by insults.

8. The 5th of November will no longer be celebrated. The 4th of July will replace this celebration and become a nationally recognized holiday, thus reminding you of when 13 of your most productive colonies decided not to recognize you as their ruler.

9. We have German cars, and think they are ugly and uncomfortable. British cars will be banned, as they are too small (height wise) for any person to fit into. We will airlift several hundred thousand Pontiacs, Buicks, and Cadillacs. American cars were crap, we agree, in the 70’s until the late 90’s. Since then, American cars are quite well built, very comfortable, and get good gas mileage.

All roundabouts will be replaced with intersections. You will begin to drive on the right side of the road, seeing as the majority of cars that are driven in the world are. You will convert to the American standard (gallons instead of liters). Litre will be spelled Liter.

10. Anything fried in animal fat will be banned. (This includes your precious “chips") Belgium was at one time a part of France, so calling them French fries does not seem too far off. To end confusion, thinly sliced pieces of potato (called crisps in the UK) will be referred to as chips, not crisps. Chips will be called French fries, or more commonly, fries.

11. A picture of a Native American will appear inside the state of Massachusetts on all British Tea. He will affectionately be known as “Bosty".

12. American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste. We do enjoy Killian’s Irish Red though (Good job Ireland, for your recipe at least). That company will be incorporated with Samuel Adams.

13. You will no longer be allowed to call it petrol, for it is called gasoline. You will adopt the American pricing standard for it (roughly around 35p/liter).

14. The American legal system grows and changes because we don’t live under the impression that our legal system is infallible. We wholeheartedly believe that the British could take a lesson from the way that the Americans respect but don’t worship their legal system. We have a channel called C-SPAN that broadcasts live from our chambers of law (the House and Senate) and occasionally broadcasts British Parliament. We tune to that channel solely to chuckle at how infantile and unorganized your lawmakers are.

We find it especially amusing that our government observes parliamentary procedure whilst (by the way that word is ours now) yours seemingly does not.

15. We will tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for the abomination known as “Teletubbies". Anne Wood will be promptly ordered to pay a fee of $2,500 for any person who suffered psychological abuse due to watching the afore mentioned show.

16. Taxes will be imposed on British citizens for all damages incurred by the British during the Revolutionary War and War of 1812.

Thank you for your cooperation.
 
vikkyvik
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:38 am



Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 1):
You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.

I'd say they should first apologize for ripping off a post from 3 years ago  devil 

http://www.airliners.net/aviation-fo...ums/non_aviation/read.main/932212/

(and no, I didn't go searching for that....didn't have to - it was in the "Similar Topics" thing)
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
Dougloid
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:33 am



Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
Thank you for your cooperation.

Driver: Constable, how do I get to Stratford-on-Avon?

Constable: Welcome to Britain County, Texas, ma'am. It's just up the road a piece. It is a mite windy so buckle up and drive safe, y'heah? Y'all come back and see us soon.


 stirthepot   stirthepot   stirthepot 
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
SpeedBirdA380
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:37 am



Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture.

Ok point taken. In return please stop Hollywood's abomination of history and historical facts. A few examples are Braveheart and U-571.

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
It is inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies, especially if that monarch has no role other than ceremonially.

Agree with you here. Although I dont mind the actual tune of our national anthem the lyrics are quite frankly outdated and an embarrasment.

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
We welcome any two of your rugby players to play an American Football player anytime.

Likewise we welcome any two of your American Football players to play a game of Rugby anytime.

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
You only pretend to be pompous intellects because you don%u2019t have the testicular fortitude to own a gun, and thus only rely on drive by insults.

This one will have to be debated as we believe that owning a lethal weapon is no particular reflection on the size of ones testicles. And as much fun as shooting a gun is I have to admit I am glad to live in a country where such lethal weapons are not freely available to the general public. We hear and see about the dire consequences of the USA's gun laws almost every month over here on the news .

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
The 5th of November will no longer be celebrated. The 4th of July will replace this celebration and become a nationally recognized holiday, thus reminding you of when 13 of your most productive colonies decided not to recognize you as their ruler.

Pah! No big deal. 5th November or the 4th July. As long as we get to make some big explosions and pretty patterns in the sky were happy.

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
British cars will be banned, as they are too small (height wise) for any person to fit into.

Ok but let us keep our Aston Martins at least.

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
A picture of a Native American will appear inside the state of Massachusetts on all British Tea. He will affectionately be known as %u201CBosty

Ok then...

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste.

 rotfl 

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
You will no longer be allowed to call it petrol, for it is called gasoline. You will adopt the American pricing standard for it (roughly around 35p/liter).

One thing we certainly agree on.  checkmark 

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
We tune to that channel solely to chuckle at how infantile and unorganized your lawmakers are.

Cant disagree with you on that one. But with the current administration that resides in the Whitehouse you are not one to lecture us about incompetent lawmakers.

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture.

Kind Regard's

Dear Old England.
 
SpeedBirdA380
Posts: 335
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:51 am

P.s

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):
We tune to that channel solely to chuckle at how infantile and unorganized your lawmakers are.

We also tune in to laugh and chuckle at the fanfair of the thing you call the "Race for the Whitehouse" where big smiles, cheesy music and flag waving seem to be more important than any actual policies or intelligent debate.

(And seriously my sincere apologie's to Vikkyvik for accidently quoting your name on the above post.) I went back and re-edited your name out of the post but when trying to re-post it to the forum it comes up with that damm "No tags allowed message" so I cant take it out

Sorry!
 
threefourthree
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:19 am

We don't want no queen anymore. Get off our money, courts and our Governor General
Signed,
The Country with Kangaroos jumping down the street, REPUBLIC OF AUSTRALIA!

P.S.: America, when you cast an American eg James Coburn as an Australian such as in The Great Escape, you fail.
 
SpeedBirdA380
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 8:31 am



Quoting ThreeFourThree (Reply 30):
We don't want no queen anymore. Get off our money, courts and our Governor General
Signed,
The Country with Kangaroos jumping down the street, REPUBLIC OF AUSTRALIA!

If you dont want her anymore then do something about it!

Its no use keep moaning about having the British flag in the corner of your Australian flag and having the Queen as your Head of State.

We are not forcing the Queen upon you(well not any more) so either do something about it or stop moaning.
 
DLPMMM
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 12:54 pm



Quoting ThreeFourThree (Reply 30):
P.S.: America, when you cast an American eg James Coburn as an Australian such as in The Great Escape, you fail.

Australia,

We wouldn't know. No one here watched that piece of crap movie. We just made it for export because we know those foreign rubes will watch any movie made in the USA. Coburn as an Australian is plain silly, much like casting Sylvester Stallone as a soccer player, or for that matter, any movie role with dialog.

Signed,

USA
 
Dougloid
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:01 pm



Quoting DLPMMM (Reply 32):
Quoting ThreeFourThree (Reply 30):
P.S.: America, when you cast an American eg James Coburn as an Australian such as in The Great Escape, you fail.

Australia,

We wouldn't know. No one here watched that piece of crap movie. We just made it for export because we know those foreign rubes will watch any movie made in the USA. Coburn as an Australian is plain silly, much like casting Sylvester Stallone as a soccer player, or for that matter, any movie role with dialog.

Signed,

USA

Do you know how to say "Forty five" ThreeFourThree? Because that's how many years it's been since that movie was released.

Fer chrissakes, get something more up to date, willya? Everyone connected with that movie probably died of old age years ago.


 grumpy 
If you believe in coincidence, you haven't looked close enough-Joe Leaphorn
 
Rj111
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:11 pm



Quoting DLPMMM (Reply 21):
Come on now....say it.....Who's yer Daddy?

Your granddad  Wink
 
luv2cattlecall
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:35 pm



Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):

The letter “U" will be removed from words such as “armour" and “neighbour". Skipping the letter “U" is not considered laziness on our part since the correct pronunciation of those words would be “ar-moo-er" and “nay-boo-er"

I would go as far as to say we're more efficient as a society for removing unnecessary lettering - thus preventing incidences of carpal tunnel, which leaves us as a nation better able to fund things such as development of aircraft that stay intact.

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):

You also seem to pronounce words horribly wrong, even in your own language. Let’s take Edinburgh for example. You will realize that it is pronounced “Ed-in-burg", not “Ed-in-burra". Where does the –rra come from? If you wish to refer to it still as Edinburgh, we suggest you remove the last two letters and replace them with –rra.

While we're at it, please pronounce schedule properly...sked-yul, not shed-jewl....

You manage to pronounce school properly, as in skool, instead of shoe-ul, so we're forced to believe that the whole schedule mispronunciation is just your attempt at faux-pretentiousness

In exchange, we'll airlift a few thousand orthodontists your way  duck 
.
 
WrenchBender
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:44 pm



Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 25):

Finally someone with the wit and talent to respond effectively.  bigthumbsup   duck 
It only took 25 replies

WrenchBender
Silly Pilot, Tricks are for kids.......
 
baroque
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:49 pm



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 28):
Braveheart

This is the time to note that Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson was born in Peekskill NY.

Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 31):
We are not forcing the Queen upon you(well not any more) so either do something about it or stop moaning.

Cannot argue there SpeedBird, but you see as soon as the constitution comes up for discussion, a goodly part of us now identify the dreaded state - Federal system as more of a problem than having an absent monarch. In any event she been more or less replaced by an appointed GG. AFAIK, said GG did not even get a sniffle from the equine flu last year, and the new one was quite a filly in her time. And Howard more or less showed how you could do without a Queen at the Lympics.
 
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Moose135
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:38 pm



Quoting 747438 (Thread starter):
We hereby give notice of the revocation of your Independence, effective immediately

As if it were "granted" by the monarch. As I remember it, we opened a big can of whoopass on him at Yorktown...
KC-135 - Passing gas and taking names!
 
skidmarks
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 4:39 pm

Damn Colonials playing up again? Send a gunboat! Or are they all in the Middle East subjugating the natives?

Oh wait, we don't HAVE any gunboats. Dammit, we'll have to send a couple of matelots with a rubber dinghy to show you errant peasants the error of your ways! Big grin

And Stratford as a capital? Are you nuts? Sheesh, you'll be wanting to make Stonehenge the centre of religion next! And anyway, the only good thing about 'Merica is the cheap petroleum - and that's not that cheap any more.

And you Aussie convicts can leave our Queen alone. You don't like it, go move to Antartica - and then try sticking another prawn on the barbie!!  duck 

Just because there are more Colonials than real people now doesn't give you the right to rebel and be nasty. Just sit there and be condescended to and do try and behave - and no shooting!!!  stirthepot 

Andy  old 
Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
 
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DocLightning
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:51 pm



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 28):

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste.

rotfl

No, SpeedBird, I've traveled far and wide and raised many a pint with my British mates. Fact is that as much as you guys crow on and on about your beer, our microbrewries do a far better job.

You're like the Aussies. Drink camel urine and think it's beer. Yick.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
vikkyvik
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:20 pm



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 29):
(And seriously my sincere apologie's to Vikkyvik for accidently quoting your name on the above post.) I went back and re-edited your name out of the post but when trying to re-post it to the forum it comes up with that damm "No tags allowed message" so I cant take it out

Sorry!

Eh, no worries. Just another thing to add to the long list of stuff the UK needs to apologize for.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
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DocLightning
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:47 pm



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 28):

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 26):
American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste.

rotfl

No, SpeedBird, I've traveled far and wide and raised many a pint with my British mates. Fact is that as much as you guys crow on and on about your beer, our microbrewries do a far better job.

You're like the Aussies. Drink camel urine and think it's beer. Yick.

The other thing is that America has demonstrated its absolute superiority over the U.K. This is not in dispute or a matter of opinion. See, we Americans have these faucets where there's a single spout but you can adjust the temperature of the water that comes out by turning knobs or adjusting a lever at the base of the faucet. You Limeys are still stuck with the hot and cold tap so that you can either freeze your hands and spend ten minutes trying to rinse the soap off or sustain third-degree water burns to your hands while at least quickly rinsing the soap.

Until Britain gets the mixing faucet, we will not submit to a lesser power.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
skidmarks
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:49 pm



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 40):
You're like the Aussies. Drink camel urine and think it's beer. Yick.

Sorry, son, but America couldn't make a drinkable beer if they tried. I daresay you like camel urine. Personally I wouldn't touch the stuff (Fosters Camel Piss - Makes Yer Barbie Go With a Bang!) Big grin

And I doubt you drank the right sort of beer if you think all British beer is bad. A nice pint of Shit & Scream Spitfire, Bishops Finger, Hobgoblin or 6X whoops American Gnats Water hands down!!

And Vikkyvik, we don't need to apologise to no upstart colonials. We let you win 'cos we KNEW what you would turn out like!! And hell, we sure didn't want THAT on our collective conscience Big grin Very astute that King Watsisface!!! Forward planning and all that. duck 

Have a nice day y'all

Andy  old 
Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
 
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DocLightning
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:04 pm



Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 43):
Sorry, son, but America couldn't make a drinkable beer if they tried. I daresay you like camel urine. Personally I wouldn't touch the stuff (Fosters Camel Piss - Makes Yer Barbie Go With a Bang!) Big grin

Come to SF and we'll have a Fat Tire. And then an Anchor Steam. And then a bottle of Prohibition Ale.

THAT'S beer. Don't ever mistake this "Budweiser" crap for beer. That's fizzy crap with alcohol in it.

Although I have to hand it to the Laosians. Laobeer is, to this day, the best beer I've ever had.
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
Alias1024
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:40 pm



Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 43):
Sorry, son, but America couldn't make a drinkable beer if they tried. I daresay you like camel urine. Personally I wouldn't touch the stuff (Fosters Camel Piss - Makes Yer Barbie Go With a Bang!) 

You should visit Portland, Oregon. They have over 30 breweries producing world class beer. The city pretty much floats on a sea of Ales, IPAs, Porters, and Stouts.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
 
baroque
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:54 am



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 42):
Until Britain gets the mixing faucet, we will not submit to a lesser power.

Those shower controls you favour should be outlawed by the UN because the ON/OFF is mixed up with temp so you never have a clue what is going to descend from on high. Probably half the worlds water supplies are wasted standing outside the shower waiting to find the outcome of a twist.
 
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DocLightning
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Wed Oct 15, 2008 7:14 am



Quoting Baroque (Reply 46):
Those shower controls you favour should be outlawed by the UN because the ON/OFF is mixed up with temp so you never have a clue what is going to descend from on high. Probably half the worlds water supplies are wasted standing outside the shower waiting to find the outcome of a twist.

I have twin knobs on mine, homeslice. And you're Ozzie. You already submitted. You back off! Go eat a kangaroo or witchetty grub or something!  Wink
-Doc Lightning-

"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
-Carl Sagan
 
skidmarks
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Wed Oct 15, 2008 7:37 am



Quoting DocLightning (Reply 47):
I have twin knobs on mine, homeslice. And you're Ozzie. You already submitted. You back off! Go eat a kangaroo or witchetty grub or something!

Ooooooh, the colonials are arguing!!! Quick, sneak the SAS in to cripple their infrastructure while we take over using the Royal Family! I think Charlie boy would make a good King of Australia while old Ironsides Annie would rule with absolute authority in the County of USA.

And maybe Edward for Monarch of Canada. Big grin

Hmmmm, definately food for thought. Soon solve the banking crisis when Gordon Brown gets his hands on Wall Street!

And as for faucets - they are taps, dammit! Forceit is what you do when the door is stuck!

Andy  old   stirthepot 
Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional
 
baroque
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RE: A Message To America From Queen Elizabeth II

Wed Oct 15, 2008 9:18 am



Quoting Skidmarks (Reply 48):
Ooooooh, the colonials are arguing!!! Quick, sneak the SAS in to cripple their infrastructure while we take over using the Royal Family! I think Charlie boy would make a good King of Australia while old Ironsides Annie would rule with absolute authority in the County of USA.

There is such opposition to Charlie boy, the thought of him as KoA is getting quite attractive! And of course the best thing is Q C is really on the nose. Only trouble is that other KCs have not been a 100% success, but we will manage with less than perfection - I guess. And yes, the USSA would benefit from a a spot of organization by IAnnie.

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