CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:07 pm

Hey everyone! (Sorry this may be long  Sad ).

Background: Im of indian descent, born and brought up in the USA, but decided to head back to the motherland for medical school. While i was here, during my second year, i met this amazing girl, who also like me was of Indian descent, born and brought up in the States, and went to the same school as me, just a year academically behind. For reference, im 24 now and she's 21. We had an awsome relationship for about a year, 6 months into which we became serious and started discussing our future together and what not. At around the 1 year mark or so, things definetly changed for the worse. She went back home on vacation, her parents started the "introductions to guys"; all the indian members on here will know this, and she got ideas in her head. At around this time, she decided to live with me because her roomate was treating her like shit. She became distant, sort of uninterested, didnt really talk to me the same way as she used to, and we started to fight, A LOT..and mostly about stupid, petty stuff. It was tough for me, i was trying to salvage this relationship because she meant a lot to me, and i guess i didnt realize that she didnt feel the same way about me anymore.

This past February, we decided to take a break for a while and then eventually got back together, thinking that it would just be a relationship based on us liking each other, spending time with each other, and having fun, without being too serious or anything. Unfortunetly, it didnt work out that way and we started fighting again...2 months ago, things got a bit better, but a few weeks ago when we were both back home for vacation, the final bell tolled on our relationship...with her ending it the most cruel way possible; a chat session on Facebook!  Sad...no phone call, no in person meeting, nothing. It was only after we got back that i got to speak to her that she finally said that she wasnt comfortable anymore, that she couldnt be in a relationship "just because of what someone has done for me", etc, etc..and finally she said she had to move on. At this time, her parents were still monkeying around with the whole situation behind the scenes, even though she doesnt want to really admit it. But she said "she still wants to be friends"...i mean come on, how can i be friends with someone who is putting me through pain and hurting me!!

My question is..how do i get over her? She was such a big part of my life..she was a large part of my support system out here and its tough when you live in a different country on the other side of the world, etc. I come home now and she's not there and i live in a pretty big appt all alone...I find it hard to concentrate somewhat in school now cause im dealing with this situation on top of other stuff.
 
User avatar
OA260
Posts: 21026
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 8:50 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:13 pm

Sometimes things just dont work out and you have to accept it. It will be hard at first but time is a healer. Dont rush into another relationship either as that would make things worse. Take time out to gather your thoughts and adapt.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
"just because of what someone has done for me"

Well that is a valid point. A relationship based on one party feeling guilty for something and staying as a result is a recipe for disaster. The right person will come along for you and you are still very young. Maybe take some time out and travel by yourself or with your mates even if its just a two week chill out trip.
 
L410Turbolet
Posts: 5433
Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 9:12 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:14 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
My question is..how do i get over her?

Avoid contact with her as much as possible, especially in the beginning when it hurts the most.
Time is the best cure.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:17 pm



Quoting OA260 (Reply 1):

Well that is a valid point. A relationship based on one party feeling guilty for something and staying as a result is a recipe for disaster. The right person will come along for you and you are still very young. Maybe take some time out and travel by yourself or with your mates even if its just a two week chill out trip.

I didnt want her to feel guilty, maybe she did, but that wasnt the point. Thing is we've done so much for each other, but i guess either A. She didnt really feel like it mattered enough or B. It did matter, but she had just lost interest me and it didnt matter anymore. I dunno, i felt like she was making me the bad guy when it was her dumping me.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:20 pm



Quoting L410Turbolet (Reply 2):

Avoid contact with her as much as possible, especially in the beginning when it hurts the most.
Time is the best cure.

Its been a couple of weeks already since ive seen her and i already feel better, but its still hurting quite a bit, especially coming home to an empty house.
 
Force13
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:15 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:21 pm

Having just ended a three year relationship this past March I can empathize with you. That being said "getting over it" is different for everybody. If you have a strong network of friends and family that will help you in more ways that you'll know. The one thing I do is tell myself "Today is a new day" every morning when I wake up. It's simple, hopeful and a good way to start the day in a positive way.

Some people may disagree with me on this one but don't bottle it up until you explode. It will do you no good and will certainly not make it any easier, especially if you end up hurting others in the process. (Yeah, I learned that the hard way)

Since your a student in medical school perhaps your university has (and I hate this word but I cannot find a better one) therapists who are specifically trained to assist students and any issues that affect them during the course of their studies? Both colleges I went to had this available to all students and faculty.

Does it hurt? Yes. Will it linger? Yes. Do you have to go it alone? NO.

Hope this helps.
Do not taunt. Do not shake. Do not pander. Add coffee. Subject should be slightly human within an hour.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:28 pm



Quoting Force13 (Reply 5):
Having just ended a three year relationship this past March I can empathize with you. That being said "getting over it" is different for everybody. If you have a strong network of friends and family that will help you in more ways that you'll know. The one thing I do is tell myself "Today is a new day" every morning when I wake up. It's simple, hopeful and a good way to start the day in a positive way.

Some people may disagree with me on this one but don't bottle it up until you explode. It will do you no good and will certainly not make it any easier, especially if you end up hurting others in the process. (Yeah, I learned that the hard way)

Since your a student in medical school perhaps your university has (and I hate this word but I cannot find a better one) therapists who are specifically trained to assist students and any issues that affect them during the course of their studies? Both colleges I went to had this available to all students and faculty.

Does it hurt? Yes. Will it linger? Yes. Do you have to go it alone? NO.

If you know anything about Indian culture, then you will understand that ive kept all of this a secret from my extended family here. My parents know somewhat, but not the whole truth..but they do know its over. My college doesnt have any counseling facilities whatsoever, no institution that ive seen here to date, has a student counselling service or anything of that sort. Yeah i do have friends to get me through this and they are helping, but many of them havent been in serious relationships. Its especially tough for me because im an emotional person and i need extra support, whether it be from a significant other or friends or family, etc. Living overseas doubly makes that tough.
 
User avatar
Dreadnought
Posts: 9832
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 6:31 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:36 pm

Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
My question is..how do i get over her?

Everyone's been there, man. Don't even try to salvage it. Just head on forward, find a new girl (doesn't have to the girl of your dreams - just someone to have a bit of fun with if nothing else), and get on with your life. I know that sounds hard, but that's just the way it is.

A wise man once said that a woman's body is proof that God exists, and a woman's mind is proof that He has a nasty sense of humor.

[Edited 2009-08-25 14:38:02]
Forget dogs and cats - Spay and neuter your liberals.
 
User avatar
OA260
Posts: 21026
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 8:50 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:45 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 3):
I didnt want her to feel guilty, maybe she did, but that wasnt the point.

No I can understand that but she probably did. I have broken off relationships before and I have felt guilty because sometimes you really do like the other person but just not in that way.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 3):
I dunno, i felt like she was making me the bad guy when it was her dumping me.

Sometimes if someone can make someone out to be the bad guy then it takes some of the guilt of them.

Those are just possible reasons and may not be your situation. Im sure she is not a bad person , breaking up and telling someone they want to split is very hard. Although I dont agree it should be done on Facebook. It should be done over the phone in a caring manner or face to face over a coffee etc..
 
Phoenix9
Posts: 2042
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 8:25 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:59 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):

I usually don't comment on relationship threads but I have been through a similar situation and all I am going to say is this: No matter what anyone says or does, it won't make those feelings go away in an instant. The only thing that is going to work is time....just give it some time and you'll be back to normal. Right now the memories are too fresh and the only thing that probably is going through your head is WHY?

The best thing you can do is try to focus on your school as much as possible and stay busy with friends. If you need some time alone....so be it, take some time off. Cry if you want to...it will help you get some of the feelings out of your system. Most of us have been through this kind of stuff and everyone has their own way of dealing with it...and soon you will find your own way too.
Life only makes sense when you look at it backwards.
 
YVRLTN
Posts: 2262
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:49 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:19 am

Look on the bright side. Imagine if you had fight after fight, followed by patch up after patch up, trying to force round pegs into square holes for say another 2 years, by which time you were in even deeper and probably really damaged your relationship with your family by being with this girl so couldnt go back to them.

Theres no point wondering why, some girls (and guys) just do this stuff. Spend some time doing things you enjoy, like watching planes, sport, nights out with friends, a short vacation or whatever, do stuff that makes you happy.

I went straight from a 3 year relationship to my current wife within a week. I have no regrets, but I do sometimes wish I hadnt knee jerked and had some me time and fun with the lads (or more the gals........  Wink )
Follow me on twitter for YVR movements @vernonYVR
 
Maverick623
Posts: 4636
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:13 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:25 am



Quoting L410Turbolet (Reply 2):
Avoid contact with her as much as possible

I must emphasize this. Nothing good is going to come out of being around her. It's going to be awkward, maybe even miserable, especially if she's with another guy.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 3):
Thing is we've done so much for each other, but i guess either A. She didnt really feel like it mattered enough or B. It did matter, but she had just lost interest me and it didnt matter anymore.

It's not what you'll do for a person, not even whether they appreciate it. It's whether they enjoy what you do for them.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 3):
i felt like she was making me the bad guy when it was her dumping me.

No one is the bad guy here. Unfortunately, part of our self-esteem defense mechanism is to make sure that we're not blamed for anything. Sometimes, unintentionally, this causes something to read like an accusation.

Quoting Force13 (Reply 5):
friends and family

Are probably better people to talk to than a bunch of strangers on the internet  Silly
"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:01 am



Quoting YVRLTN (Reply 10):
Look on the bright side. Imagine if you had fight after fight, followed by patch up after patch up, trying to force round pegs into square holes for say another 2 years, by which time you were in even deeper and probably really damaged your relationship with your family by being with this girl so couldnt go back to them.

Theres no point wondering why, some girls (and guys) just do this stuff. Spend some time doing things you enjoy, like watching planes, sport, nights out with friends, a short vacation or whatever, do stuff that makes you happy.

I went straight from a 3 year relationship to my current wife within a week. I have no regrets, but I do sometimes wish I hadnt knee jerked and had some me time and fun with the lads (or more the gals........

You know thats what my friend said, that actually in a way this is better because what if 2 years later the same thing had just continued and i had got in deeper (i was already in the deep end of the pool, so to speak) and it would have hurt more. Wow, straight from a 3 year relationship to a new wife, thats impressive! to say the least.

Quoting Phoenix9 (Reply 9):

I usually don't comment on relationship threads but I have been through a similar situation and all I am going to say is this: No matter what anyone says or does, it won't make those feelings go away in an instant. The only thing that is going to work is time....just give it some time and you'll be back to normal. Right now the memories are too fresh and the only thing that probably is going through your head is WHY?

Ive been asking "Why?" for a long time now, even kinda before the breakup. Ive just been blaming myself, "what did i do or didnt do to make her feel like that"?. Maybe i made a mistake dating a younger girl, i dunno...i feel like that now.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 11):
It's not what you'll do for a person, not even whether they appreciate it. It's whether they enjoy what you do for them.

She did...up untill a while ago. When that was exactly, i still cant figure out and i prolly shouldnt bother with it.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 11):

Are probably better people to talk to than a bunch of strangers on the internet Silly

hehehe..hey anything helps  Smile. Plus most of the people i know here are way into their own crap to give a bother really other than a few words here and there.
 
User avatar
HAWK21M
Posts: 29867
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 10:05 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 6:09 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
i was trying to salvage this relationship because she meant a lot to me, and i guess i didnt realize that she didnt feel the same way about me anymore.

Look at it this way...you gave it your best,But if it was not enough,why blame yourself......No point forcing someone to like you.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
she still wants to be friends"...i mean come on, how can i be friends with someone who is putting me through pain and hurting me!!

No point being in touch.It will bring back memories.

Get Busy....Not in any relationship,but with Buddies.Hang out with Friends,time is the best cure.

Small tip......Better to have someone that loves you more than you love that person.....

regds
MEL.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
User avatar
par13del
Posts: 6678
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:14 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 6:54 pm

There are advantages and disadvantages to your situation along with some lessons to be learned, one is that a relationaship requires commitment on both sides, it appears as if you were the committed party, based on the number of breaks ups etc.
Being from Indian decent you have one advantage that us "westerners" don't have, the easy ability to have an arranged marriage - possible cause of initial conflict on her side - I would suggest you get your family cracking on that one right away. The time and effort that you spend preparing then being married will ensure that idle thoughts of what once was will fade immediately when placed up against your new obligations.
 
pwm2txlhopper
Posts: 1142
Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:40 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:25 pm

The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else.

Almost all relationships established in one's early 20's come to an end. People are still changing and dating multiple people to find out what they like. As much as I'm sure it hurts, it should still have been expected. If you were already talking about your future, than perhaps this is the best thing that could have happened to you? Otherwise there's a good chance you'd been married by the time she was 23, and divorced few years later. Then you'd have realized your mistake.

[Edited 2009-08-26 12:30:04]
 
vikkyvik
Posts: 11799
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:58 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:46 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 3):
I dunno, i felt like she was making me the bad guy when it was her dumping me.

She dumped you over Facebook. After that, any judgment she makes about you really isn't worth your time or consideration.

Quoting L410Turbolet (Reply 2):
Time is the best cure.

And the only cure.

Quoting YVRLTN (Reply 10):
Look on the bright side. Imagine if you had fight after fight, followed by patch up after patch up, trying to force round pegs into square holes for say another 2 years, by which time you were in even deeper and probably really damaged your relationship with your family by being with this girl so couldnt go back to them.

Absolutely.

Quoting L410Turbolet (Reply 2):
Avoid contact with her as much as possible, especially in the beginning when it hurts the most.

Absolutely. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 11):

It's not what you'll do for a person, not even whether they appreciate it. It's whether they enjoy what you do for them.

That was very well phrased - I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 12):
Maybe i made a mistake dating a younger girl, i dunno...i feel like that now.

Age is only one factor. My girlfriend is 2 years younger than me, but in some ways she's more mature than I am.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 12):
She did...up untill a while ago. When that was exactly, i still cant figure out and i prolly shouldnt bother with it.

You definitely shouldn't bother with it. See my comment about her dumping you over Facebook above.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 6):
If you know anything about Indian culture, then you will understand that ive kept all of this a secret from my extended family here.

As a fellow Indian, born and raised in the US, I do understand what you're talking about. However, it may be worth a shot, especially if you can talk to cousins or others who are in your generation.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:53 pm



Quoting Par13del (Reply 14):
There are advantages and disadvantages to your situation along with some lessons to be learned, one is that a relationaship requires commitment on both sides, it appears as if you were the committed party, based on the number of breaks ups etc.
Being from Indian decent you have one advantage that us "westerners" don't have, the easy ability to have an arranged marriage - possible cause of initial conflict on her side - I would suggest you get your family cracking on that one right away. The time and effort that you spend preparing then being married will ensure that idle thoughts of what once was will fade immediately when placed up against your new obligations.

These days its more like "arranged dating" , which leads to "arranged marriage". We were both committed until the 1 year point, then she became non-committed then finally i decided to throw in the towel and unhitch myself from the commitment wagon. Her parents were MUCH MORE serious about the arranged marriage bit then my were/are, even though she says they werent...i could see it in all the responses she kept giving me because it all was going around in circles.

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 16):
As a fellow Indian, born and raised in the US, I do understand what you're talking about. However, it may be worth a shot, especially if you can talk to cousins or others who are in your generation.

Yeah i'll prolly talk to my cousin one of these days when im free...i havent seen the guy in a long time.

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 16):
Age is only one factor. My girlfriend is 2 years younger than me, but in some ways she's more mature than I am.

True, but this whole expierence has taught me that most girls in their young 20's do not know what they are looking for and are very finicky..  Sad. It was all fun and games for 6 months, but then when things got serious, she got cold feet...and i realized that too late.
 
TheCol
Posts: 1857
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:30 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 6:57 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
im 24



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
and started discussing our future together

Dude, no...

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 13):
Not in any relationship,but with Buddies.Hang out with Friends

 checkmark 

Have a good time, get rich, and live life without a ball and chain. When your 30, then you should start thinking about starting a family.
No matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan.
 
Superfly
Posts: 37735
Joined: Thu May 11, 2000 8:01 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 7:24 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
My question is..how do i get over her? She was such a big part of my life..she was a large part of my support system out here and its tough when you live in a different country on the other side of the world, etc. I come home now and she's not there and i live in a pretty big appt all alone...I find it hard to concentrate somewhat in school now cause im dealing with this situation on top of other stuff.

Dude, your next girlfriend will be younger and hotter than the last.  Cool
You'll be over this in 48 hours.
Bring back the Concorde
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 1:32 pm



Quoting TheCol (Reply 18):


Have a good time, get rich, and live life without a ball and chain. When your 30, then you should start thinking about starting a family.

This i'll agree with  Smile. But the parents are gonna come down hard on me and make me get married when i start my residency lol.

Quoting Superfly (Reply 19):

Dude, your next girlfriend will be younger and hotter than the last. Cool
You'll be over this in 48 hours.

Its been a couple of weeks already and every day that i dont see her, i feel better  Smile.
 
User avatar
HAWK21M
Posts: 29867
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 10:05 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:07 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 20):
This i'll agree with . But the parents are gonna come down hard on me and make me get married when i start my residency lol.

Don't get married till 29.
Ideally never  Smile

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 20):
Its been a couple of weeks already and every day that i dont see her, i feel better .

Time is the best cure.

regds
MEL.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
TheCol
Posts: 1857
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:30 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:29 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 20):
But the parents are gonna come down hard on me and make me get married when i start my residency lol.

Just explain how difficult it is to juggle a 24/7 job with a marriage, and the financial burdens as well.
No matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan.
 
User avatar
Revelation
Posts: 13827
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2005 9:37 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:03 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Thread starter):
But she said "she still wants to be friends"...i mean come on, how can i be friends with someone who is putting me through pain and hurting me!!

Resentment is a poison you give to yourself. You can decide to hang on to that resentment, but it won't matter one bit to her if you do or don't, it'll only matter to you. So let go of it, remember the good times that were, and be civil towards her should your paths cross again. I do agree that you should not go out of your way to see her though. Why do that? It's hard to drive the car when you stare at the rear view mirror, so look forward, not back.

Quoting Force13 (Reply 5):
Some people may disagree with me on this one but don't bottle it up until you explode. It will do you no good and will certainly not make it any easier, especially if you end up hurting others in the process. (Yeah, I learned that the hard way)

This is another good reason to let go of resentment, the poison you hang on can spread to others. No one wants to be around a bitter person, or one who hides their bitterness till it explodes all over the place.
Inspiration, move me brightly!
 
757MDE
Posts: 1451
Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:45 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:29 pm

Resentment is a bad thing, that´s right.
But it´s not that easy to have things done to one that hurt and just go on without feeling some.
Quisiera volveraamartevolveraquerertevolveratenertecerrrrcaademígirl! Mis ojos lloran porrr ti...
 
User avatar
Revelation
Posts: 13827
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2005 9:37 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:48 pm



Quoting 757MDE (Reply 24):
Resentment is a bad thing, that´s right.
But it´s not that easy to have things done to one that hurt and just go on without feeling some.

I didn't say it would be easy, but it's what must be done.

It took me a while to see how my ex could feel some of the things she felt and do some of the things she did.

That didn't mean I had to say they were right, I just had to see how she could feel they were right.

Once I understood these things better, it was easier for me to release my resentment.
Inspiration, move me brightly!
 
757MDE
Posts: 1451
Joined: Sat Sep 11, 2004 11:45 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:09 pm

Yeah... time is the ultimate healer all in all.
Been there, done that too.
Quisiera volveraamartevolveraquerertevolveratenertecerrrrcaademígirl! Mis ojos lloran porrr ti...
 
swiftski
Posts: 1837
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 6:19 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sat Aug 29, 2009 12:02 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 4):
Its been a couple of weeks already since ive seen her and i already feel better, but its still hurting quite a bit, especially coming home to an empty house.

Time Time Time Time Time.

Really.

I know full well that it sounds like the most UNhelpful advice just just say "wait" but it really is the only, and therefore best cure. Time doesn't mean a day or a week or a month. You'll just know at what point you are ready. I promise.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sat Aug 29, 2009 6:39 pm



Quoting Swiftski (Reply 27):
Time Time Time Time Time.

Really.

I know full well that it sounds like the most UNhelpful advice just just say "wait" but it really is the only, and therefore best cure. Time doesn't mean a day or a week or a month. You'll just know at what point you are ready. I promise.

yeah i know what u mean...arggh women can be so cruel sometimes...  Sad. Its still going to be a long time before i get over her because she was such a big part of my life.
 
User avatar
HAWK21M
Posts: 29867
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 10:05 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:27 am

Quit thinking of the past...It will get you depressed....Move on.
regds
MEL.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
brons2
Posts: 2462
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2001 1:02 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:13 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 28):
yeah i know what u mean...arggh women can be so cruel sometimes... Sad. Its still going to be a long time before i get over her because she was such a big part of my life.

you should hook up with one of her friends, that always helps, and it makes her mad to boot!  Big grin
Firings, if well done, are good for employee morale.
 
AirframeAS
Posts: 9811
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:56 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 9:13 am

Just buy her a snowglobe and move on.  rotfl 
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
MadameConcorde
Posts: 9201
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:08 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 9:37 am

This is just an idea.... Have you thought about going to a shelter and find yourself a cute young (or older) 4 legged friend? It could be a cat or a dog, whichever you like best. You would do a good deed rescuing an animal. The rescued puppy or pet will give you all the love in the world, she/he will make the best life companion and will never betray you.  cheerful   couple 
There was a better way to fly it was called Concorde
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 9:45 am



Quoting MadameConcorde (Reply 32):
This is just an idea.... Have you thought about going to a shelter and find yourself a cute young (or older) 4 legged friend? It could be a cat or a dog, whichever you like best. You would do a good deed rescuing an animal. The rescued puppy or pet will give you all the love in the world, she/he will make the best life companion and will never betray you.

I love dogs and i have one back in the States. Thing is, i have a pretty small appt and im not very fond of small, yappy dogs  Sad, which is prolly the only kind i can keep here. Im gone for most of the day as well  Sad. I'll look into though, but seeing as how i'll only be here for another year, it doesnt make that much sense right now.

Quoting Brons2 (Reply 30):
you should hook up with one of her friends, that always helps, and it makes her mad to boot!

ehh, a lot of her friends are nutcases too  Sad.
 
Inbound
Posts: 614
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2001 7:59 am

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:28 pm

Man, I too just got out of a 2.5 year r/ship 3 weeks ago.

I can't offer any advice, I can only sympathize with you because I'm feeling the same crap you're feeling.

My breakup was mutual. I think the worst part of this is losing your best friend. Someone you shared everything with.

I'm of indian descent too, so I know how families can be when it comes to marriage. And I'm 30, so I'm like an insult by being single so old :p

Well good luck, and keep checking the "would you hit it -blue and women athletes' threads hehe.
Maintain own separation with terrain!
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:08 pm



Quoting Inbound (Reply 34):

Good to see another indian in this thread  Smile. Well 2nite, over drinks and dinner i found out that she had been lying to me the entire time she was with me during the past year and up untill the break up. My best friend finally decided to break his promise to her and told me that she had told him a year ago that she was going to end things with me, but she didnt know exactly when. And She still moved in with me! argggh...now i realize that it was just because she didnt have any other place to stay and i like a fool, failed to see the signs both she and my friend were giving me. Now i see that she used me in the worse way possible, while i was still sharing my mind and heart with her. Even at the low points i still thought she was my best friend, my true companion, etc, etc...i guess that all was just a lie to her  Sad. Im glad my friend told me all of this now, but i kinda wish i knew this before because i would have dumped her lying ass straight away and moved on ASAP. Now i have to go through this bombshell. Are all 20/21 year olds this stupid?? The worse part was that she had the gall to me childish and immature...!
 
AirframeAS
Posts: 9811
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:56 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:25 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 35):
Are all 20/21 year olds this stupid??

Sadly, yes. People at that age don't really know what they want in their life and don't have the life experiences to make a mature decision. The busiest time of one's life is between high school graduation until the age 26. That is never going to change, ever.

But not all 20/21 year olds are that stupid.... but the majority of them are.... Trust me, I was one.  wave 

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 35):
Im glad my friend told me all of this now, but i kinda wish i knew this before because i would have dumped her lying ass straight away and moved on ASAP.

You would have never known anyway. So don't fret. It happens to the best of us. Hell, it even happened to me, too.... Shit happens.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 35):
My best friend finally decided to break his promise to her and told me that she had told him a year ago that she was going to end things with me, but she didnt know exactly when.

Takes a lot of guts to do that. A LOT!
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:40 pm

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 36):

Sadly, yes. People at that age don't really know what they want in their life and don't have the life experiences to make a mature decision. The busiest time of one's life is between high school graduation until the age 26. That is never going to change, ever.

But not all 20/21 year olds are that stupid.... but the majority of them are.... Trust me, I was on

I thought girls mature earlier than boys??...this is what ive learned throughout all of my biology and science classes..

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 36):
You would have never known anyway. So don't fret. It happens to the best of us. Hell, it even happened to me, too.... Shit happens.

Probably not but she claimed to be so "mature"..she could have told me if she really wanted to, instead i was used in the worst way possible.  .

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 36):
Takes a lot of guts to do that. A LOT!

yeah he had a tough time deciding whether or not to tell me and he finally did. Im glad he did, it gave me closure...


[Edited 2009-09-03 12:41:52]
 
AirframeAS
Posts: 9811
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:56 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:49 pm



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 37):
I thought girls mature earlier than boys??

Ehhhh.... in a way..... yeah, but still everyone is human and still do stupid things at that age. But if you compare a 27 year old female and a 27 year old male, you'll notice the difference in maturity big time. But not in 21 year olds, no.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 37):
Probably not but she claimed to be so "mature"..she could have told me if she really wanted to, instead i was used in the worst way possible.  Sad

Girls lie too, ya know. They are not always "All-That"..... Sorry to say. She was never mature to begin with, seems like. She should have been completely honest with you from the start... The chances of any girl doing that to a guy is always slim to none.

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 37):
yeah he had a tough time deciding whether or not to tell me and he finally did. Im glad he did, it gave me closure...

If I were you, I would consider keeping the guy as a real close friend. "Bros before Hos" comes to mind.... and that is not a quote I invented, BTW...that quote has been around for years and years...

If you really want to get back at her, go get laid with her best friend. "A revenge is best served on a cold dish...." <----- again, not my quote but it is true....
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:43 pm



Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 38):

Girls lie too, ya know. They are not always "All-That"..... Sorry to say. She was never mature to begin with, seems like. She should have been completely honest with you from the start... The chances of any girl doing that to a guy is always slim to none.

She thought of herself as a saint i guess...she claimed she was never lying to me..ehh, fat chance of that being true...now i know all. You're right, she wasnt even mature to begin with..she could have been completely honest. Sure it would have hurt, but it would have been the right thing to do.

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 38):

If I were you, I would consider keeping the guy as a real close friend. "Bros before Hos" comes to mind.... and that is not a quote I invented, BTW...that quote has been around for years and years...

No yeah i told him, Bros before Hos...but he's still afraid that if i go and have a blow up with her about this that it'll get back to him and he'll look like the bad guy. I told him to not care about what she thinks and he should support me as a friend.

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 38):

If you really want to get back at her, go get laid with her best friend. "A revenge is best served on a cold dish...." <----- again, not my quote but it is true....

her best friend has a bf..but im currently working on something with her ex-roomate..may or may not come to frutition.
 
tommy767
Posts: 4658
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 12:18 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:28 pm

I've seen a few of these similar thread over the past year, and I've wrote long paragraphs so I'll be brief this time around...

I broke up with a girl who I was in a long distance relationship with last november. We were in a relationship for over a year and a half. We were both from NJ, only a few towns away but met when were juniors in college. I called it quits over thanksgiving break senior year. Mostly because she knew that she was staying in Baltimore, and I love Los Angeles so I was supportive of staying out here. Because she got a job in BWI, she felt compelled for me to move in with her and that I would bend over backwards for her. When I said no, she flipped out and that pretty much put a sword in the relationship from then on out. To be fair though she was a bad drunk, had selfish qualities, set in her ways, and rather naive, and didn't consider my situation ( I was a film major and wanted to work in the industry..why would I go to BWI?) All you guys talk about how girls are mature, but this girl was 21 and was stuck in her New Jersey bubble. She might as well been 17. I wasn't a saint either..but I was always supportive of her ways...until she got that job and became REALLY self centered...

Anyway be strong and everyday that goes by is a good one. Go out and start going to young, college-aged bars or parties and hook up with new chicks and get numbers. Go out with your guy friends, they'll be supportive and show you a good time.

Heres a good example incorporating how bad of a drunk she was involving aviation a little bit..

I flew home that thanksgiving on United to EWR from LAX via the DEN. I talked to her when I was having dinner at DEN and she was fine, excited to see me, talked to her about teh flight etc...

I got on the connecting UA 757 to EWR and some 3.5 hours later called her back as we taxied to the gate and she was wasted and told me she felt sick (she was still at school and I flew home earlier..) Then she said she was thinking of going out to a bar and I said..but "you feel sick..why would you do that..?" and trying to make her feel better and make the right decision of staying home And then she said.."your going to break up with me this week aren't you? I was talking her down as we were taxiing and other pax were giving me the strangest looks..I was so fed up walking out of terminal A that night..she was such a bad drunk..

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 38):

If you really want to get back at her, go get laid with her best friend. "A revenge is best served on a cold dish...." <----- again, not my quote but it is true....

If you can do that do it! But generally most of her friends will probably have her support after the breakup is over..at least in my situation..
"KEEP CLIMBING" -- DELTA
 
AirframeAS
Posts: 9811
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:56 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:05 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 39):
but he's still afraid that if i go and have a blow up with her about this that it'll get back to him and he'll look like the bad guy.

Yeah, don't do that. Let it go. You'll be the better person in the situation if you just let it go, and people will begin to see that.
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:10 am



Quoting Tommy767 (Reply 40):

Anyway be strong and everyday that goes by is a good one. Go out and start going to young, college-aged bars or parties and hook up with new chicks and get numbers. Go out with your guy friends, they'll be supportive and show you a good time.

i would do this, but problem is that clubs here are "couples-only" entry...and pubs here in town just mainly attract creepy dudes. Im trying to hook up with new chicks but im focusing on school and getting back in the gym for now  Smile. Its just really devastating to know that she was such a big liar and she moved in with me just to use me as "storage" till her roomate moved out.
 
User avatar
HAWK21M
Posts: 29867
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2001 10:05 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:24 am



Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 35):
My best friend finally decided to break his promise to her and told me that she had told him a year ago that she was going to end things with me, but she didnt know exactly when

Remember the term.....My story,your story & the truth.
If your best friend was your best friend why tell you now.How do you know its true.

My advice......DTA.....Don't trust Anybody.....Believe what you see out yourself or double check the facts.

Your friend could be telling the truth but how would you know.as for your GF,the story could be true or there is another reason.

I'm Indian,I stay in Mumbai but I have friends from all communities,I know the pressures some of them face regarding their marriage.Some stories are similiar to yours.

Looking neutrally at things one can judge better.Time is the best cure.As time passes by so will the disapointment.

regds
MEL.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:35 am



Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 43):

Remember the term.....My story,your story & the truth.
If your best friend was your best friend why tell you now.How do you know its true.

My advice......DTA.....Don't trust Anybody.....Believe what you see out yourself or double check the facts.

True...and i see your point, but he has no reason to lie to me now about anything. Yes, then he had made a promise to her because he was a close friend of her's as well, but now he doesnt talk to her much, if at all. Mumbai is def more cosmopolitan than Bangalore, more chances to meet people, etc. I barely get time to go out here much anymore these days and with Bangalore's 11:30 curfew, the scene has gone down  Sad.
 
User avatar
Revelation
Posts: 13827
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2005 9:37 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:50 pm



Quoting Brons2 (Reply 30):
you should hook up with one of her friends, that always helps, and it makes her mad to boot!

LOL!

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 33):
ehh, a lot of her friends are nutcases too

It's funny how that works, no?

But according to Brons2, you aren't interested in their minds, right?

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 44):
Bangalore's 11:30 curfew

What's up with that?
Inspiration, move me brightly!
 
CaliAtenza
Topic Author
Posts: 1626
Joined: Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:43 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 6:03 pm



Quoting Revelation (Reply 45):

It's funny how that works, no?

But according to Brons2, you aren't interested in their minds, right?

no, but most of her friends arent really lookers anyways

Quoting Revelation (Reply 45):

What's up with that?

they did that to prevent crime, but it just made crime more, lol.
 
vikkyvik
Posts: 11799
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:58 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:21 pm



Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 38):
"Bros before Hos" comes to mind.... and that is not a quote I invented, BTW...that quote has been around for years and years...

And it was just as stupid then as it is now  Smile

I'm not a big believer in "bros before hos". I've seen some "bros" do some pretty downright awful things, and cause a great deal of completely unnecessary and unjustifiable grief to some "hos".

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 39):
I told him to not care about what she thinks and he should support me as a friend.

He has to make decisions for himself. His decisions may not always be to your liking, but that happens in life. If he's good friends with the girl as well, then he's put in a tough spot.

I will say this, however:

Quoting CaliAtenza (Reply 35):
My best friend finally decided to break his promise to her and told me that she had told him a year ago that she was going to end things with me, but she didnt know exactly when.

If my best friend had kept that from me for a year, I'd have some serious reservations about calling him my best friend. Not because of any "bros before hos" slogan or whatever, but just because of what a best friend is supposed to be all about, irrespective of gender.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
AirframeAS
Posts: 9811
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 3:56 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:43 pm



Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 47):
I'm not a big believer in "bros before hos". I've seen some "bros" do some pretty downright awful things, and cause a great deal of completely unnecessary and unjustifiable grief to some "hos".

So you'd give up a bro (which is a lifetime friendship...) over a ho (which can be terminated at anytime for any reason)??

But true, everyone does stupid crap at a young age....and after a relationship. I know this because I have done stupid crap before, too. I'm not perfect, per se....

The last relationship I was in.....it was a huge, HUGE nightmare for 8-9 months after the actual break-up. I finally stopped talking to her after that. And that gave me a huge sense of freedom!
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
vikkyvik
Posts: 11799
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:58 pm

RE: Getting Over A 2 Year Relationship..how?

Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:32 pm



Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 48):
So you'd give up a bro (which is a lifetime friendship...) over a ho (which can be terminated at anytime for any reason)??

A "bro" can be terminated at anytime for any reason as well.

I'm not one to support what my friends do all the time, with no regard for anyone else. If they're doing something stupid, I'll tell them that. We generally have enough mutual respect that that's not a problem, without having to resort to what I think is a rather childish slogan.

Am I going to give up my girlfriend (my "ho") over one of my friends (my "bros")? Hell no. Same goes for the reverse.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Ken777, lewis, luckyone, NoTime and 10 guests