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jetmech
Posts: 2316
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Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:37 am

I thought this was funny   .

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…

6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over showing her growler, naturally)
6:45 Shit, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

http://www.muzzerino.com/2008_11_16_archive.html

Regards, JetMech

[Edited 2009-09-03 01:39:47]
JetMech split the back of his pants. He can feel the wind in his hair :shock: .
 
wilco737
Posts: 7279
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:21 am

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:32 am



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):

Sounds about right Big grin  bigthumbsup 

wilco737
 
Springbok747
Posts: 4007
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:30 am



Quoting WILCO737 (Reply 1):
Sounds about right

Seconded  bigthumbsup 
אני תומך בישראל
 
Speedbirdie
Posts: 873
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:42 am

Oh good grief, that certainly put a smile on my face...
Brilliant Big grin
Never give up..
 
HOMER71
Posts: 2123
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:58 am

I wish...  Sad  Sad  Sad
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
fridgmus
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:53 pm



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):

Works for me!  bigthumbsup 
The Lockheed Super Constellation, the REAL Queen of the Skies!
 
yooyoo
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:04 pm

growler?...isn't that term for a sausage? I wouldn't want these "women" showing me their sausage!!

I hope it means something else in Australia.  Wink
I am so smart, i am so smart... S-M-R-T... i mean S-M-A-R-T
 
HOMER71
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Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 10:56 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:17 pm



Quoting YooYoo (Reply 6):
growler?...isn't that term for a sausage? I wouldn't want these "women" showing me their sausage!!

I hope it means something else in Australia.

Think "exodus"...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
yooyoo
Posts: 5686
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:31 pm



Quoting Homer71 (Reply 7):
Think "exodus"...

What's Bob Marley have to do with any of this?  Wink
I am so smart, i am so smart... S-M-R-T... i mean S-M-A-R-T
 
Force13
Posts: 192
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:37 pm

This will be sent out in a mass email to everyone I know. And since it was written in Australian slang it's even better! (Growler is Australian slang, right?)
Do not taunt. Do not shake. Do not pander. Add coffee. Subject should be slightly human within an hour.
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:40 pm



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…

6:00 Alarm

My only disagreement:

A perfect day for me would most definitely NOT start at 6 AM.

More like 11  Smile
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
HOMER71
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Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 10:56 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:26 pm



Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 10):
A perfect day for me would most definitely NOT start at 6 AM.

If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
wilco737
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Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:21 am

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:35 pm



Quoting Homer71 (Reply 11):
If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...

The longer the day the more BJ's possible... So set the alarm to 6 AM Big grin Big grin

wilco737
 
Springbok747
Posts: 4007
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:13 am

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:42 pm



Quoting Force13 (Reply 9):
(Growler is Australian slang, right?)

More British actually...

Growler = Vagina

Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 10):
A perfect day for me would most definitely NOT start at 6 AM.

The longer the day..the more opportunity for BJ and:

Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):
Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

 biggrin 
אני תומך בישראל
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:50 pm



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies

But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?  cheeky 
I lift things up and put them down.
 
HOMER71
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:09 pm



Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 14):
But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?

I'll settle for watching (I'll be tired from all of the BJs throughout the day)
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
TSS
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:21 am



Quoting Homer71 (Reply 15):
Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 14):
But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?

I'll settle for watching (I'll be tired* from all of the BJs throughout the day)

*I believe "drained" might be a more appropriate term than "tired", at least in that context.  Wink
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
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jetmech
Posts: 2316
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:55 am



Quoting Speedbirdie (Reply 3):

Strangely, the females perfect day is all about confirming her sexiness and desirability, yet there is no actual sex involved  scratchchin  .

Quoting YooYoo (Reply 6):
growler?...isn't that term for a sausage?

Growler or growling is a slang term that I have heard being used to describe cunnilingus. Google reveals that it can also refer to a women’s "Fifi"  Smile .

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 14):
But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?

It'd be a damn good show nonetheless!

Regards, JetMech
JetMech split the back of his pants. He can feel the wind in his hair :shock: .
 
vikkyvik
Posts: 11762
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:58 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 5:05 am



Quoting Homer71 (Reply 11):
If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...



Quoting WILCO737 (Reply 12):
The longer the day the more BJ's possible... So set the alarm to 6 AM



Quoting Springbok747 (Reply 13):
The longer the day..the more opportunity for BJ and:

Haha, fair enough, good point.

However, for me, following the 6 AM BJ would be 5 more hours of sleep (perhaps interrupted once or twice for encores  Wink )
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
YVRLTN
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Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:49 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 5:37 am



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated

Unfortunately this is about the closest most of us will get.....
Follow me on twitter for YVR movements @vernonYVR
 
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HAWK21M
Posts: 29867
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:07 am

Makes sense. bigthumbsup 
Only thing about the Alarm 0600hrs seems to early.After a night shift it would be 1400hrs.
regds
MEL.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
aircatalonia
Posts: 508
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:50 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:21 am



Quoting JetMech (Thread starter):
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…

I'm sure someone's doing that as we write.
 
Speedbirdie
Posts: 873
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:18 am



Quoting JetMech (Reply 17):
Strangely, the females perfect day is all about confirming her sexiness and desirability, yet there is no actual sex involved .

Well my dear friend, let me explain. Most women couldn't couldn't give a crap about having sex. We actually do lie there and think 'oh no I forgot to iron a work shirt' or something along those lines Big grin
Never give up..
 
wilco737
Posts: 7279
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:21 am

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:35 am



Quoting Speedbirdie (Reply 22):
Most women couldn't couldn't give a crap about having sex.

Maybe that's why we have so many gay men on here  duck   Big grin Big grin

wilco737
 
HOMER71
Posts: 2123
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2001 10:56 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:25 pm



Quoting TSS (Reply 16):
*I believe "drained" might be a more appropriate term than "tired", at least in that context.

I stand corrected...
 bigthumbsup 
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
 
jcs17
Posts: 7376
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2001 11:13 am

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Sat Sep 05, 2009 12:11 am



Quoting YooYoo (Reply 6):
growler?...isn't that term for a sausage? I wouldn't want these "women" showing me their sausage!!

Growler for me means a log of excrement.

Geez, we need to standardize the meaning of this immediately. It could lead to some bad things.
America's chickens are coming home to rooooost!
 
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jetmech
Posts: 2316
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RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Sat Sep 05, 2009 2:49 am



Quoting Speedbirdie (Reply 22):
We actually do lie there and think 'oh no I forgot to iron a work shirt' or something along those lines

It's all so unfair  Sad . So easy for females to fake orgasms, so difficult for males to fake erections  boggled  .

Regards, JetMech
JetMech split the back of his pants. He can feel the wind in his hair :shock: .
 
ShyFlyer
Posts: 4698
Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:38 pm

RE: Perfect Day, Men Vs. Women

Sat Sep 05, 2009 6:36 am



Quoting JetMech (Reply 26):
so difficult for males to fake erections boggled .

Yep, the only thing on the planet that is difficult but at the same time not hard.













Taxi!  duck 
I lift things up and put them down.

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