Got this on email for not the first time recently so thought I would post it look out for yourself in there:
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE
YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
The Morning after
Stage 1 - STUPID
As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache,
the churning stomach and the cold sweats, you realize that
you have lost not only several hours of your life, but also
the ability to concentrate on anything at all. You are now
STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.
Stage 2 - UGLY
Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom
mirror, the first thing you are horrified to discover is
that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously
thought possible. Not only have you got bloodshot eyes and a
glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much
that your grandfather probably looks healthier.
Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than
to try to shave while still shaking.
Stage 3 - POOR
Having crawled out of bed and got dressed, you are about to
shamble out the door when you discover that the money that
was to last you the week is now missing from your wallet.
Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to it but the
traces of pizza on your clothes allow the possibility that
you might have treated everyone to a takeout at some point.
Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you
might have given the taxi driver a fifty dollar note by
Rationionalizing that you couldn't possibly have been that
STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to
believe that you were the only one who bought any food or
drinks all night and start to loathe all your friends.
Stage 4 - FRAGILE
As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently
FRAGILE self-esteem plummets. Your already FRAGILE physical
condition ensures that you feel liable to shatter if anyone
even speaks to you.
Stage 5 - CONSPICUOUS
This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately,
everyone can spot this CONSPICUOUS condition and its cause
from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can
complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are
too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR
to bribe them and too UGLY to hide.
So any A.netters other than me