ual747den
Posts: 1472
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Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 7:18 pm

So there has to be people here who have been married and gone through a divorce or even who were in a very long term relationship and broke up, how in the "F" do you get through something like that!

If you love your partner and she/he is all you have known for a very long time what exactly do you do when it all starts to fall apart? After waking up next to that person for years and years, 7 in my case how do you wake up in the morning without that person? What motivates you to even get out of bed and go to work?

I have been very happy for the past 7+ years and I feel like I have had the rug pulled out from under me. I have a good job that I really love but at this point I have no desire to even go on with that. Its like life has stopped but there has got to be some way to move on, any ideas because I sure have none? It's almost like losing someone to death but its not because that person is still there, still part of your life but not part of the life you have spent so much time building.

I am not the kind of guy who can't find someone else, I am pretty good looking, I have a lot going for me but I don't want to find someone else I want what I had. For years I have gone on not realizing how much my relationship meant to me and only when its falling apart have I realized how truly important it has been to every aspect of my life.

So the question is what do you do to move on and get past something so devastating? We are human we have to be able to move on but I haven't figured that part out. Someone else has so please give me your wisdom!
/// UNITED AIRLINES
 
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Braybuddy
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 7:20 pm

There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME! Hard and all as it is, it's not the end of the world and you will move on, believe me. Takes time though.
 
ajd1992
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:01 pm

Time, a lot of drinking and crying and eventually the realisation that they are worth nothing to you, otherwise they wouldn't have ended it.

It took me a long time to get over my first ever girlfriend, and recently I found out she cheated on me with my best friend and now she's worth nothing at all to me. It took me nearly 3 years but now it doesn't matter - they're an ex for a reason, aren't they?
 
Okie
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:01 pm

Grandpa Okie always said: Best way to get over a woman is to get over another woman.

Worked for me.

Okie
 
CaliAtenza
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:06 pm

Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 2):

It took me a long time to get over my first ever girlfriend, and recently I found out she cheated on me with my best friend and now she's worth nothing at all to me. It took me nearly 3 years but now it doesn't matter - they're an ex for a reason, aren't they?

same here...my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME! But i already made a thread about it like a year ago, so thats that. Im still getting over her, and the worst part is i still see her around campus sometimes  
 
ual747den
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:10 pm

Quoting okie (Reply 3):
Grandpa Okie always said: Best way to get over a woman is to get over another woman.

LOL, You know that is what I always did in my younger funner days but that is also a hard pill to swallow. For me that would be the end, that would mean that it was really over and the chances of fixing anything is done. I have thought about going out and getting smashed and jumping on the first hot blonde that comes my way but how do you know when its time for that? I guess when you just can't take it anymore, right?

Anyone up for hot blondes, I can be in Miami in 4 hrs! I have lots of buddy passes!
/// UNITED AIRLINES
 
bhill
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 8:21 pm

Time...lotsa fishing...if yer really really bummed, get some help with someone to talk to. Watch the booze tho..You will feel like shit the next morning AND still be bummed..
Carpe Pices
 
Fly2HMO
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:09 pm

Just get yourself a bunch of girl toys in the meantime, and take it as an opportunity to get back in the (dating) game and go out and have some fun. Enjoy your newfound freedom.

Quoting caliatenza (Reply 4):
my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME!

Life will get back at her for being a whore. Seen it happen too many times.
 
Rj111
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:40 pm

I can't say i've been married or in a relationship for 7 years, but i tend to find in life, that in all honesty you are compatible with a lot of people - say 5% (maybe more), of women (or whatever you're into). The reason you end up falling in love with one of them is usually circumstance and then habit. What one had might have seemed special but in all honesty it could have been with anyone. Once you start thinking like that it become easier.

Good luck whatever, best bet for now is to just have fun, get laid a few times and enjoy the freedom.
 
ghost77
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:24 pm

They've said it: TIME.

I know exactly how you're feeling dude. I'm exactly ending a relationship that wanted to last forever. I have hanged out with so many girls for my short age (just turned 24 on June 3rd). I've been with girls that have 15 to 17 years old and I've also hanged out with 27s, 29s and the older one 31 when I was 22. I've date so far near to 20 girls since I was 16.

But I've only loved 3 girls. The last girl, I thought SHE was the one. It was the girl I wanted to have kids and grew and ger married in 5-7 years. She spoiled it all 2 weeks ago and she gave me the news a week before my 24th birthday. I thank her for doing so and not giving me the bad news after my b-day. She told me she was pregnant and I was NOT the father because time doesn't match with the last time we had sex and the weeks she has.

We had a year together, so it's now over, time to move on... and I have 2 fish on target. I'm every second thinking on her and she's on my mind and heart, but I can't do anything but to move on. I've been badly hurt before, so this new not-so-nice experience for some might be like the end of the world, fortunately the 2nd girl I love the most, taught me and hurt me a lot that now I'm so much mature to move on fast.

Once you get over this, you'll see how stronger you'll become.

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 7):
Life will get back at her for being a whore. Seen it happen too many times.

Absolutely!!

g77
Ricardo Morales - flyAPM - ¡No es que maneje rapido, solo estoy volando lento!
 
AirframeAS
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:24 pm

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 5):
I have lots of buddy passes

I'd join you but I have to work Friday morning.

Quoting caliatenza (Reply 4):
my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME!

Had that same problem.... Plus she went with a fellow A.netter who is no longer a member here. This was 5+ years ago.

[Edited 2010-06-09 15:50:46]
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
NWAESC
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:43 pm

Since you asked, a good place to start would be to not be so narcissistic.

With all due respect, if you're anywhere near as self involved at home as you are on here, I'm surprised she stayed 7 years.

A little introspection on your part may be in order here.
"Nothing ever happens here, " I said. "I just wait."
 
KingFriday013
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:56 pm

See if you can find some of flairport's threads, those might give you a good laugh -- or at least something else to think about.

On that note... go buy a snowglobe and smash it against something! And I'm actually somewhat serious about this -- you know how it feels good to punch a punching bag or something when you want to take out your emotions on something? Do it on a snowglobe!

And finally, lots of people have said what it takes:

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 1):
There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME!
Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 2):
Time
Quoting bhill (Reply 6):
Time
Quoting ghost77 (Reply 9):
They've said it: TIME.

-J.
Tho' I've belted you an' flayed you, By the livin' Gawd that made you, You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
 
IMissPiedmont
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:01 pm

Quoting nwaesc (Reply 11):
Since you asked, a good place to start would be to not be so narcissistic.

Wow, that's a bit mean. Are you sure you're not me ?
The day you stop learning is the day you should die.
 
ual747den
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:33 pm

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 10):
I'd join you but I have to work Friday morning.

Your in Denver still right, Loveland isn't far and Ft. Collins has bars full of CU girls! We could have fun!

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 10):
Had that same problem.... Plus she went with a fellow A.netter who is no longer a member here. This was 5+ years ago.

Wow, I hope you inflicted some serious pain on this member! If I had someone to hit and a reason to hit that person I might just feel better about things.

Quoting nwaesc (Reply 11):
With all due respect, if you're anywhere near as self involved at home as you are on here, I'm surprised she stayed 7 years.

I am, I am the most conceded Ahole you will ever meet, thats just me.
I don't think that being confident in myself makes me a bad person though, if I wasn't so strong I would never be where I am today and that could very well include my marriage. I have had to fight for everything I have in life, I have had to deal with people constantly telling me that it couldn't be done but the cocky Ahole in me says watch me and in a lot of cases it has worked. In my professional life I have always been the "kid" that doesn't really belong in the old mans club so the only way for me to survive is to keep the attitude that I am here because I am better than the others and then do the work to prove it. I understand that my attitude isn't liked by most people but without it and without working twice as hard as everyone around me I would be in the same position as "most" people and I want more.
I should also mention that I have a lot of very good friends who I am very loyal to. Although I am aggressive in getting what I want I also try to do what is right and make sure those around me are taken care of. I volunteer hundreds of hours a year and hold a seat on the board of a non-profit that helps people who need it. I think I'm a pretty good dad, I not only give my children what they need financially but I spend as much time with them as possible.

So you can judge me all you want, I expected as much but the reality is that I know who I am. You could very well be right that she just had enough and didn't want to deal with a person like me anymore, I don't really know?

Quoting KingFriday013 (Reply 12):
See if you can find some of flairport's threads, those might give you a good laugh -- or at least something else to think about.

Oh I'm familiar with the "flairport saga" and I can thankfully say that I have never and will never be in any situation that might even come close to resembling anything that he has been through! It is however some really really funny reading!
/// UNITED AIRLINES
 
kiwiinoz
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:37 pm

I have been with my wife a similar amount of time as you. It is a very happy marriage, we are each other's best friend, and most of the happy times in my life are spent with her. Add in to the equation the fact that we have a baby daughter, who is just wonderful, it's hard to imagine things ever ending.

However, I am a pragmatist and therefore know that any fall is possible. Everyone goes into a loving relationship thinking and hoping it will work out forever. One of the strengths of our marriage is the fact that we were both strong, emotionally independent individuals before we got together, and I think that helps. Anyone who looks for self-validation in a relationship will eventually seek it outside the relationship as well.

(Thanks....Dr Phil!!)

So, having said that, I am quite sure that, if for some reason our marriage broke up, I would not actively seek to move on to another partner or try and seek out the same kind of relationship. I know that if I did, it would take many attempts for it to "measure up" and I doubt I would be interested in wasting the energy. Not to mention the pain and suffering that could be inflicted on any potential partners. I trust that after a period of "mourning" I would eventually find myself quite happy in the company of friends and myself. Sex....well that's a different story, I imagine that need would have to be satisfied occasionally!!
 
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aerorobnz
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:48 pm

just treat it like you would any grieving - find another vice and get over it as quickly as possible, it maybe a damaging vice like drinking and drug use or constructive use like throwing yourself into work/hobby/promiscuity. One step in front of the other, head up and shoulders back. If falling in love again is a priority look at it this way - No one is going to fall in love with an emotionally needy, self pitying sap so don't fall into that trap and don't use time as an excuse not to get over it. You will be lucky to reach a life expectancy of 75+ so really you don't have time to sit around waiting for that day when you no longer grieve to happen.

Personally I think you should quit trying to 'complete' yourself by finding a mate to spawn with and realize that you and only you are all you need to survive happily, the concept of 'soul mates' and marriage is naive and detrimental to living a fulfilling active life and is a way to force people to 'settle in one place' and buy all sorts of consumer products to fill the void which one gets from having a stable boring suburban lifestyle.
Flown to 120 Airports in 44 Countries on 73 Operators. Visited 55 Countries and counting. Wanderlust is like Syphilis, once you have the itch it's too late for treatment.
 
soon7x7
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:02 am

Been through it all....If your not a pilot...become one...you will find something that comes close to great sex...next, ...think in your mind that you have one direction to move , only forwards, not the square to the left, not the square to the right,...only the square that lays before you...going backwards is not on the menu...third...you came into the world ,,bald broke and naked,...you will leave the world, bald, broke and naked...in short...life is too short...cry yourself too sleep...get it out...mourn naturally..NO BOOZE, NO DRUGS, don't blame yourself , it took two to 'ef it up...You will be fine!...Just when you think your happy being alone again and like your space...you'll meet another woman and go through it all again...good luck...you can get Kleenex by the case cheap on Ebay...g
 
ual747den
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2003 1:29 pm

RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:08 am

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 15):
So, having said that, I am quite sure that, if for some reason our marriage broke up, I would not actively seek to move on to another partner or try and seek out the same kind of relationship. I know that if I did, it would take many attempts for it to "measure up" and I doubt I would be interested in wasting the energy. Not to mention the pain and suffering that could be inflicted on any potential partners. I trust that after a period of "mourning" I would eventually find myself quite happy in the company of friends and myself. Sex....well that's a different story, I imagine that need would have to be satisfied occasionally!!

You know I am completely with you on this, I had everything you talk about and in one day (my birthday) BOOM its all gone. I cannot understand why we put ourselves in the position to be hurt so bad, I will NEVER do it again. I will hopefully figure out how to go on and in the future I will make sure I am in control of my own happiness. It really doesn't make since when you look at it from the outside to let someone else have so much control of our emotional wellbeing.
/// UNITED AIRLINES
 
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Aaron747
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:20 am

Quoting UAL747DEN (Thread starter):
I have a lot going for me but I don't want to find someone else I want what I had

Unloading this contradictory mentality is the first step toward any kind of progress. You have to accept that you have a lot going for you as a starting point and accept you *won't* have what you had as an end point. You lost what you had - only a selfish person is incapable of letting that go.
If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:20 am

Best piece of advice in the thread:

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 1):
There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME!

2nd and 3rd best pieces of advice in the thread:

Quoting bhill (Reply 6):
get some help with someone to talk to. Watch the booze tho..You will feel like shit the next morning AND still be bummed..
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
tommy767
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:31 am

I'll be the first to say that booze and drugs aren't the answer to get over a past love. It's fun at the time but then you look back and you say to yourself "what the f*** was I thinking?" When I ended things with my last GF in late 2008, I was in my last semester of college so I went wild (and rightfully so.) I had a few friends who wanted to have fun and we did it up. But all of that nostalgia with your ex comes back to haunt you no matter how much you drink or how many girls you try to get with.

I hate when people say that "Time" is the only way because that is so lame and hopeless but in many ways it's true. Try various dating websites, going out with friends, get introduced to girls by other people. In many ways you have to be proactive to get through this. But unless your with friends who want to party alot I'd leave the excess boozing on the wayside.

Ugh. I'd be so down to go to Miami but I think I'm taking vacation next month!
"KEEP CLIMBING" -- DELTA
 
Ken777
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:33 am

First remember that there are "a lot of fish in the sea", as an old girlfriend once said,

Then accept what the others posting said about time.

If this was your first "big love" then understand that there will probably always be a spot in your heart for her. Don't worry about that because when you meet someone else they will be far more important.

Then try to work out what went wrong and why. You have already figured out part of it.

Just give it time and see how things work out.

And when you bump into her act like a decent guy - and not with sad puppy eyes.
 
ShyFlyer
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:01 am

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 16):
just treat it like you would any grieving

Exactly. You've lost something you cared about. It is natural to grieve. And remember, there is no time line for grieving.

Also, take things one day at a time. Yeah, I know, it's another cliche in a thread full of them, but I can personally vouch for the fact that this is the way to go. Getting bogged down in how you're going to face the rest of your life without ________ won't allow you to move one.
I lift things up and put them down.
 
kiwiinoz
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:05 am

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 18):
I cannot understand why we put ourselves in the position to be hurt so bad, I will NEVER do it again.

You misunderstood me, (only slightly though). There is nothing wrong with putting yourself in that position. Having so much to lose is a good thing and makes us human. In time you will definitely not regret being in your relationship, even though it ended.

What I was saying is that one has to evaluate the value of trying to find it again, or whether or not you just say, "that was great, I have had something amazing, now I am going to focus on other things"

Probably a good time for a holiday as well!!
 
TSS
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:28 am

Quoting KingFriday013 (Reply 12):
go buy a snowglobe and smash it against something! And I'm actually somewhat serious about this -- you know how it feels good to punch a punching bag or something when you want to take out your emotions on something? Do it on a snowglobe!

I find making a voodoo doll of my ex and sticking it full of pins whenever I'm feeling low to be very cathartic.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
ual747den
Posts: 1472
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2003 1:29 pm

RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:34 am

Quoting TSS (Reply 25):
I find making a voodoo doll of my ex and sticking it full of pins whenever I'm feeling low to be very cathartic.

Oh wow look Flairport just changed his username!
/// UNITED AIRLINES
 
TSS
Posts: 2480
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 3:52 pm

RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 5:40 am

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 26):
Quoting TSS (Reply 25):
I find making a voodoo doll of my ex and sticking it full of pins whenever I'm feeling low to be very cathartic.

Oh wow look Flairport just changed his username!

Hardly. You'll note that no snowglobes were harmed in my post.  

Seriously though, moving on from the "Oh woe is me, how could this happen to me?" phase to the "That b_tch, how dare she do me this way" and then eventually to the "Good luck finding someone half as good as me, sister/I hope now you realize what you gave up" phases is a good thing.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
 
Mudboy
Posts: 962
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 6:49 am

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 14):
I am, I am the most conceded Ahole you will ever meet, thats just me.
I don't think that being confident in myself makes me a bad person though, if I wasn't so strong I would never be where I am today and that could very well include my marriage. I have had to fight for everything I have in life, I have had to deal with people constantly telling me that it couldn't be done but the cocky Ahole in me says watch me and in a lot of cases it has worked. In my professional life I have always been the "kid" that doesn't really belong in the old mans club so the only way for me to survive is to keep the attitude that I am here because I am better than the others and then do the work to prove it. I understand that my attitude isn't liked by most people but without it and without working twice as hard as everyone around me I would be in the same position as "most" people and I want more.
I should also mention that I have a lot of very good friends who I am very loyal to. Although I am aggressive in getting what I want I also try to do what is right and make sure those around me are taken care of. I volunteer hundreds of hours a year and hold a seat on the board of a non-profit that helps people who need it. I think I'm a pretty good dad, I not only give my children what they need financially but I spend as much time with them as possible.

So you can judge me all you want, I expected as much but the reality is that I know who I am. You could very well be right that she just had enough and didn't want to deal with a person like me anymore, I don't really know?

Dude, you seriously sound like I used to sound, and I understand where you are coming from, but the best advise I can give you, is to first, get over yourself!! It is one thing to be confident in your ways, but being arrogant, will do nothing but alienate you. I love when people tell me something cannot be done, and I love to prove them wrong, but you have to keep yourself in check. Remember the old saying, "If you have to tell people you are important, you are usually not"! ?

The lowest point of my life was being in a hotel room alone, on Xmas eve after my wife left me, and I could have crawled in a hole and died, but I asked myself, " how did I get here, and how do I keep this from ever happening again"? And I got of my ass, and wiped the dirt off and started living, and have not looked back. I took a long look at myself in the mirror, and started working on my short comings.
Those that live in the past, can never move forward, and you have to realize that anything you did, 1 yr, 6 months or 5 minutes ago, cannot be changed, the only thing you can change is whether your learn from or repeat the mistakes of the past.

It is funny how when a relationship ends, we think this was our one chance, and we blew it. Letting go of that woman was the hardest pill I ever swallowed, but I look back now, and I laugh at myself, and say "wtf was I thinking"? The woman I am with now, is everything I always wanted in a girlfriend/wife, but had I shut myself off from everyone, I would have never met her, on the other side of the planet. (another story).

You have to accept the fact, that for whatever reason, that relationship ended, and learn from the mistakes and move on. You never know if tomorrow is the day, you meet the love of your life, but if you don't, keep moving forward, and stop looking back. Good Luck!
 
JMA777
Posts: 31
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:18 am

RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 10:59 am

Quoting Mudboy (Reply 28):
You have to accept the fact, that for whatever reason, that relationship ended, and learn from the mistakes and move on.

Good advice that.

We've all been where you are. It's called life, everything ends one way or another - so there's little or no point looking back on something that can't be changed: que sera sera.

Line up your f*** dolls for the next few months, get back into having a really good social life and inevitably you will meet the next-ex before you know it.
Josh
 
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HAWK21M
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:19 am

Time is the best cure.....Meet up with friends & get busy in activities.
I may not win often, but I damn well never lose!!! ;)
 
AirframeAS
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:39 pm

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 14):
Your in Denver still right, Loveland isn't far and Ft. Collins has bars full of CU girls! We could have fun!

Westminster, actually.

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 14):
Wow, I hope you inflicted some serious pain on this member!

Serious pain was inflicted on me, indirectly, by my ex-gf.
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
 
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casinterest
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:48 pm

As others have said.
Time and more time. Maybe some therapy.  

My favorite from Adam Sandler that makes me laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ9_CCxg7O8
Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
 
wn700driver
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:36 pm

Quoting TSS (Reply 25):
I find making a voodoo doll of my ex and sticking it full of pins whenever I'm feeling low to be very cathartic

Or sending your new ex's parents a bunch of sex toys for xmass/chanukka, etc, with her name in the "From:" header. Grand parents too if they're still around. That one never gets old!

Seriously man, best thing you can do is hang out on Anet all day. Also, fast food and lots of it.
Base not your happiness on the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. No Hope = No Fear
 
flanker
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RE: Love - How Do You Move On?

Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:39 pm

Quoting UAL747DEN (Thread starter):
I have had the rug pulled out from under me. I have a good job that I really love but at this point I have no desire to even go on with that. Its like life has stopped but there has got to be some way to move on, any ideas because I sure have none? It's almost like losing someone to death but its not because that person is still there, still part of your life but not part of the life you have spent so much time building.

I know how you feel my friend, I am going through that right now so when I come up with an answer I will get right back to you. Until then, I have the same questions as you.
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist

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