jayeshrulz
Topic Author
Posts: 349
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What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:45 pm

I'm 17, a intelligent guy, and very hardworking.I have all qualities that a good friend needs, and what a good student should have. But I am facing this bad issue which is constantly eating me up recently.
I'm doing Media course, which involves group thesis, group research etc.In my group.
But as it was a new year, i said i have no issues with the allotted group and accepted it.

But as the days passed, things started taking backfire on me.My members were not working, and i was the one that sits till 3 am at night a finish our work, edit movies etc.But they fail to give me credit for this. Our teacher has said that everyone NEEDS to have credit.So unfortunately,i had to write their names.
Now comes the best part. When there is work, they call me,be nice and take help from me.I do not have the habit unfortunately NO, so i cant refuse anyone  .
Now that the projects are on hold, i am suddenly invisible. Those people dont even revert back my text message forget about socializing!
Take a example of my friend. He was cool with me till there was project work.We really got along well with each other,went for parties, etc.Now, i suddenly am invisible to him. He doesn't even talk!
I accept, that sometimes i act immature. My sense of humor sucks and i am very bad at cracking jokes!
Instead, i sometimes get caught in their humor and being made a joke of!
I cant take this! I mean why is my name being gone down when i am the one who does everything?
If u ask anyone my name they will be like..... errmm yah i know. I find this bad!  

What's wrong with me! I know that getting good marks is not everything, but why am i becoming so foolish? Why am i slowly getting into this nerdy attitude! Why am i loosing people!
Is it really my fault that i'm not that cool? I'm sure that they will come back if they have work, but this is getting bad  
Please help!

Thank you.
Keep flying, because the sky is no limit!
 
Birdwatching
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:59 pm

Well, it looks like you are in a very, very, very typical situation that happens thousands of times, around the world, every day. One does the work and the others use him, take credit for somebody else's work. The others in your team are not right to behave in that way, but you can't really do a thing about it. I wouldn't be too unhappy about not partying and socializing with them, they don't sound like the people I would want to be friends with. What I would do is just keep going until the project ends, in the long run you'll be more successful in the future since you're used to hard work and you learned a lot of stuff from this work as you've done most of it. The others, on the other hand will fail sooner or later.

Soren   
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tristarenvy
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:05 pm

"The powers that be" will see who did the work and who didn't, in the end. Just be happy in your work. The hard work pays off, even when morons are attached. Be the "leader" and take the high road here.
If you don't stand for SOMETHING, you'll fall for ANYTHING.
 
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aerdingus
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:21 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):

You're only young. Any time I have ever spoken to you on this site you always come across as nice & friendly, with a good sense of humour.

Unfortunately, everyone wants to be cool. But what is the international-nah....inter-planetary standard for coolness? There is none. You will learn to be yourself, and ultimately learn to be happy with yourself. I was like you at that age, you'll get past it & make REAL friends. It's all part of growing up.

Take it easy  
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iairallie
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:33 pm

Sounds like a pretty normal situation. Project working relationships are different from friendships. Sometimes a real friendship develops out of a project or work situation often one does not. Don't let your feelings be hurt by this.

It's not unusual to have an uneven divide of the work load. I've worked on many projects where it was difficult to get even half the group to pull their weight.
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sw733
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:58 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
My members were not working, and i was the one that sits till 3 am at night a finish our work, edit movies etc.But they fail to give me credit for this

Very normal...there is always someone who cares more than the others, and the others often know this and can take advantage of it. Happens all the time...always has, always will. It extends beyond education to the real world too...get used to it.

I used to be like you, but one time I just said I would slack off, take a hit on my grade and prove a point. So, I slacked off...my group did poorly, our grade suffered. But next time something came up, they knew I wasn't going to just do it for them...they finally accepted working together, and we made up that low grade with no problem.

Quoting aerdingus (Reply 3):
But what is the international-nah....inter-planetary standard for coolness?


OK, I am kidding, kidding...
 
RussianJet
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:06 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
What's Wrong With Me!

Sounds like you're too whiny and immature.

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
sometimes i act immature. My sense of humor sucks and i am very bad at cracking jokes!

You might want to work on that sort of thing.
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fatmirjusufi
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:08 pm

Jayesh, always keep in mind that you are the guy who is working hard, you are the one who is learning and getting experiences. You care about their laziness, huh?! As Birdwatching mentioned, it seems that your "friends" simply are not your type!
I do not doubt that better days are coming for you.

Keep believing!  
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MadameConcorde
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:12 pm

Hey Jayesh raise your chin! You are allright! Everybody goes through these stages.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!!!

Just go to the professor/teacher who is responsible for the class and talk the situation over with him/her.

There is no way these other students in your group have any right to take advantage of you!
You cannot keep going like this for the rest of the year, you doing the work and them doing nothing and getting the praise.
There was a better way to fly it was called Concorde
 
directorguy
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:29 pm

Sadly that's life-people who use you, people who play games with you, and people willing to use others as a free meal ticket.
My advice is not to confront anyone-now that would seem childish and could turn into a bitter spat. My advice would be to ever so subtly assign work and do only yours. If they don't do their part, it's their problem. I understand this would bring down the overall quality of work but I'm sure your instructor would agree that you need only do your share.
If these people aren't nice to you if they don't need something from you, it's their loss. If I was in your place, I wouldn't need people like that in my life.
 
MadameConcorde
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:32 pm

Quoting directorguy (Reply 9):
Sadly that's life-people who use you, people who play games with you, and people willing to use others as a free meal ticket.

You are a wise man, Omar.
All that you are saying in your post is so true.

 
There was a better way to fly it was called Concorde
 
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aerdingus
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:11 pm

Quoting sw733 (Reply 5):

Duly taken & noted. I go with the Fonz & the fella on the trailer.  
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jayeshrulz
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 5:38 pm

Quoting Birdwatching (Reply 1):
Well, it looks like you are in a very, very, very typical situation that happens thousands of times, around the world, every day. One does the work and the others use him, take credit for somebody else's work. The others in your team are not right to behave in that way, but you can't really do a thing about it. I wouldn't be too unhappy about not partying and socializing with them, they don't sound like the people I would want to be friends with. What I would do is just keep going until the project ends, in the long run you'll be more successful in the future since you're used to hard work and you learned a lot of stuff from this work as you've done most of it. The others, on the other hand will fail sooner or later.

You may be right Soren on this, but the truth is, i need to show them my importance.I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!
And to be honest, in a class of 40 odd people, hardly i've got 4-5 good friends! And yes, they are good.
95% of my class are found outside partying.And i dont even get a chance to know them.
Shall i talk to them and make familiar? Or Just be happy with people i know? Because i am hating to just sit around the class and talk nothing! They are busy in their own world. And yes, this is what here means to be "cool". Atleast here.  
Quoting tristarenvy (Reply 2):
"The powers that be" will see who did the work and who didn't, in the end. Just be happy in your work. The hard work pays off, even when morons are attached. Be the "leader" and take the high road here.

i think i'll just do that.

Quoting aerdingus (Reply 3):

Hey again  

I am lucky enough to have few great friends who i am sure will do anything for me.I'm so confident!  
Its just that, i need someone to appreciate and atleast say "thank you" when i give them their own work.

Quoting iairallie (Reply 4):
Sounds like a pretty normal situation. Project working relationships are different from friendships. Sometimes a real friendship develops out of a project or work situation often one does not. Don't let your feelings be hurt by this.

Your right!

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 6):
Sounds like you're too whiny and immature.

Its not whining!, its desperation! i wanna get out of this class!

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 6):
You might want to work on that sort of thing.

Can u please help me out then?

Quoting FatmirJusufi (Reply 7):

I just hope it happens soon!

Quoting MadameConcorde (Reply 8):

I dont know madame! Why am i blaming myself for this?
But if i dont work, my marks will be shot, which will make it difficult for me!

Quoting directorguy (Reply 9):

You may be right. But if i dont do their work, my work falls apart too.


I know this is so embarrassing situation for me. I have come to such a point that i'm readily available as a joke to class.
How do i present myself, so that i can make good friends in class without being a way to get marks out of me?
I just want to make myself important, and not be neglected!

Its the first time in my life this has happened.I'm sorry if i sound immature, but really, this experience has surprised me.!

Quoting sw733 (Reply 5):

i love the fat guy there :P  


Thank you people. that's why i love a.net so much!
Keep flying, because the sky is no limit!
 
AR385
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 6:40 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
And to be honest, in a class of 40 odd people, hardly i've got 4-5 good friends! And yes, they are good.
95% of my class are found outside partying.And i dont even get a chance to know them.
Shall i talk to them and make familiar?

You need to get a good hold on the concept of friendship. For example, I would rather have 4 great friends, that as you say would do anything for you, than 35 people I call my friends but won´t answer the phone in the middle of the night when I need them. A lot of people, at all ages, but specially in their teens, confuse friendship with popularity. You need to worry about the former. You also need to question yourself how much of a good friend are you?

Because:

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
You may be right Soren on this, but the truth is, i need to show them my importance.I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!

You want these people to socialize with you, but in order to to do that, you need to be more social yourself. The above does not sound too friendly to me. Maybe you are giving off some rather negative vibes.

I am sure your school has some sort of Management program. You should try to enroll in any type of "Organizational Behavior" classes. You don´t need to be there formally, maybe just as an observer. Those types of classes do wonders by teaching you team-working and team-management skills. You´d be surprised how complex team dynamics can be, but if you have the right skills and tools to deal with the issues that arise in such environments, your life will become so much easier.
 
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aerdingus
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:21 pm

Quoting AR385 (Reply 13):
You need to get a good hold on the concept of friendship. For example, I would rather have 4 great friends, that as you say would do anything for you, than 35 people I call my friends but won´t answer the phone in the middle of the night when I need them.

Nail on the head there.
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kanban
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:31 pm

check out Aspberger's syndrome... it's not bad, it's just we do things differently and are less social, yet because we're task oriented we end up finishing what others have started because we are more focused... Also at your age, kids are fickle and follow through suffers because there is always something new to do...

incidently Da Vinci, Einstein and many geniouses had Aspberger
 
lewis
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:46 pm

Don't worry if they are not "truly" your friends. It always happens. Most people who in the future may be friendly with you at work are not really your friends outside the workplace. This is even good sometimes.

As for this:

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
You may be right. But if i dont do their work, my work falls apart too.

When I was studying and we had group projects, the professor would always assign a team leader for each team. He was responsible to present afterwards how he delegated the work so that the professor would have a good idea of who did what. Also, after every project, we had to hand in peer reviews and write about how we thought we performed and how we graded each other individual's contribution. It was a good system to deal with people that didn't do their part. Of course the overall project result could suffer, but at least those who worked really hard on it could get a fair share of the mark. Although it is a weird thing to do in an academic environment, it is exactly what you will go through when you get reviewed at work, so I got accustomed to that system at an early stage.

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
I know this is so embarrassing situation for me. I have come to such a point that i'm readily available as a joke to class.
How do i present myself, so that i can make good friends in class without being a way to get marks out of me?
I just want to make myself important, and not be neglected!

It seems to me that it is already clear to you, they are not really your friends and are sometimes nice to you in order to get what they want without actually doing the work they should do. Is this what you want? Probably not. Just ignore them outside the class too, you have nothing to gain by trying to be nice to them. If you have to work with them again, keep a firm but not rude attitude, only do what you are supposed to do for a project and make it clear to them that you will not be doing what you used to do. If they really want to get a good grade, they will realize that they have to do their share, knowing that you will not be working overnight to cover for them.
You will know when someone is really interested in becoming your friend or it is because he just wants to get something out of it. From what you write, you seem like a person that understands that too. I made good friends when working in groups, I also met people that I wouldn't want to socialize outside the classroom.
 
ozglobal
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:47 pm

What is affecting you is less about the distribution of work and credit and much more about you and your identity and security. You are not at home in your own skin, and probably even so less than average, even for an adolescent. You compensate by seeking approval, in part by always agreeing to do 'favours' for others. Then you step back and see that you are being 'used' and resent it. This is also why you're awkward and unnatural when it comes to humour. People can smell this and find it unattractive. At the same time they smell a soul willing to strive to please and they know they can exploit this. All of this is mainly subconscious, but age-old and extremely common.

You probably need to cultivate your sense of self-worth and start to respect yourself first if you want others to. Ask yourself why you are cracking sick jokes and being a personal slave. If you're not happy with the motive, then just say, "No" to being a slave, No to being desperate to be accepted and Yes to respecting yourself. Next RELAX. People feel uneasy around you because you are striving so hard be 'cool'. Memo, COOL = RELAXED and at home in your own company...

Courage, you'll be alright.
When all's said and done, there'll be more said than done.
 
mt99
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:59 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
He was cool with me till there was project work.We really got along well with each other,went for parties, etc.Now, i suddenly am invisible to him. He doesn't even talk!

Dont try to hard. My biggest regret in High School was to try to hard to fit in with the "cool kids" , and in the process i myself ignored a smaller groups of kids that which looking back i realize that i would have enjoyed hanging out with them much more.

Relax, enjoy your 4 or 5 friends..forget about the rest.

I was on you a situation similar to yours, and i choose to side-line my own little group just to have a shot of hanging out with the cool kids. And of course, it never worked. It truly has been a big regret.

Remember: not everyone has to like you, and that you don't have to like everyone. Its a fact of life.

It reminds me of that 30 Rock episode in which Liz Lemon goes to here high-school reunion in which she wants to see all the people that where she remember being mean to her. Turns out, that they were nice to her, and she was considered the class b*thc, and she was the one that was mean to everyone..
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shamrock321
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:15 pm

I was this person up until recently! Stop doing it, and they dont be long about changing their attitude!
 
wingscrubber
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:19 pm

I had similar experiences at high school, college and uni with people hanging-on just long enough to benefit from my work.
Key thing is to learn to put your friends and your workmates/colleagues in seperate boxes, even if they happen to be the same people. By that I mean you treat them differently depending on the situation. Learn to let bad friends fall by the wayside if they're pretentious or make you try to act a certain way.

Bottom line is, even if your friends benefit from your work - it's still your work, and when you get a job in your chosen profession you won't be around to help them, and they'll just have to deal with the fact that you make more money than they do!
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cpd
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:49 pm

Quoting directorguy (Reply 9):
My advice is not to confront anyone-now that would seem childish and could turn into a bitter spat. My advice would be to ever so subtly assign work and do only yours. If they don't do their part, it's their problem.

Exactly right.  

Now, the next thing is to start to value yourself! Find people who really are friends, rather than hangers on who want to use you for your knowledge and then hang you out to dry.

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
You may be right Soren on this, but the truth is, i need to show them my importance.I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!

No you don't need to do that. All you need to do is get your work done without fuss or fanfare. When it comes around to your 'friends' having to do real work, they'll flounder because they haven't got adequate knowledge of what to do.

What else to do? Do things that increase your confidence. Take up some sort of fitness activity - maybe boxing (for fitness, not competitive), that's one that works wonders.

[Edited 2010-10-13 15:56:30]
 
BMI727
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:28 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
But as the days passed, things started taking backfire on me.My members were not working, and i was the one that sits till 3 am at night a finish our work, edit movies etc.

Sometimes that's what happens. But, for every instance of this, you'll probably also have an instance where you are in a quality group that functions as it should. Luck of the draw really. But, as you go through school or work, I would encourage you to mentally note who you would want to work with and who you'd rather avoid if you ever get the chance to get groups together yourselves rather than be assigned.

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
credit.So unfortunately,i had to write their names.
Now comes the best part. When there is work, they call me,be nice and take help from me.I do not have the habit unfortunately NO, so i cant refuse anyone .
Now that the projects are on hold, i am suddenly invisible. Those people dont even revert back my text message forget about socializing!

Work is work. Friends are friends. Sometimes you get lucky and the two mix, but being a good friend does not mean you ought to work with them or vice versa.

Quoting OzGlobal (Reply 17):
You are not at home in your own skin, and probably even so less than average, even for an adolescent. You compensate by seeking approval, in part by always agreeing to do 'favours' for others.

   You aren't working so people like you. You do the work because it needs to get done.
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texan
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:34 am

This used to happen to me a lot. One of the things that really helped me was the following saying: "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who do the work and those who take the credit. Be in the first group. There's less competition."

If you do your work and work hard, you'll do fine.

Texan
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cpd
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:46 am

Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
But as the days passed, things started taking backfire on me.My members were not working, and i was the one that sits till 3 am at night a finish our work, edit movies etc.But they fail to give me credit for this. Our teacher has said that everyone NEEDS to have credit.So unfortunately,i had to write their names.
Now comes the best part. When there is work, they call me,be nice and take help from me.I do not have the habit unfortunately NO, so i cant refuse anyone .

Maybe also you need to shake up the project team a bit too. Do some delegation - you take the lead, assign out work-packages to the others, and set agreed deadlines for those to be met by those people. Work it in such a way that the others must meet their obligations.
 
steeler83
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:01 am

Quoting lewis (Reply 16):
When I was studying and we had group projects, the professor would always assign a team leader for each team. He was responsible to present afterwards how he delegated the work so that the professor would have a good idea of who did what. Also, after every project, we had to hand in peer reviews and write about how we thought we performed and how we graded each other individual's contribution. It was a good system to deal with people that didn't do their part. Of course the overall project result could suffer, but at least those who worked really hard on it could get a fair share of the mark. Although it is a weird thing to do in an academic environment, it is exactly what you will go through when you get reviewed at work, so I got accustomed to that system at an early stage.

This reminds me of some of the group projects I did while at college and graduate school. We had a professor who even wanted to see communication between everyone in the group to see who was doing what (using the whole "cc" function in outlook express). We had to include in the final product a list of the group members and who was responsible for each task.

As for this situation, I was in one of those myself. Back in 9th grade I was in an English class with a bunch of d-bags who were pretty much inspiring to be nothing but naval lint in today's society. This particular project was to write a creative story, and as a group of 3 or 4 we were to brainstorm ideas and participate in writing the flow of the plot. Well, guess who did about 99% of the work? Yours truly, pal! Their contribution was pretty much agreeing with my input. Whatever! "We" got 100% on that project, and it was more than likely the only "A" they ever saw in their life. As for me, I graduated high school with honors, got a decent education in the PA System of Higher Education, including 2 "BA"s and a Masters. I got a 4.0 to close out my BA studies with a bang, and I started my MA program with a 3.9.

I work as a caregiver right now, and I've been doing so for almost 2 years because of a sluggish economy and what have you. I'm still light years ahead of those buffoons tho, as I am sure McDonalds doesn't even want to pay them arm pit hair wages to ask, "you want fries with that?"

The moral of the story, it's just as others have said on here. You're the one with a future here. Just worry about yourself and just worry about being nobody else but yourself. Those other two slackers, well they'll wind up in the dumpster with the rest of today's trash sooner or later and you will never have to worry about 'em ever again...
Do not bring stranger girt into your room. The stranger girt is dangerous, it will hurt your life.
 
NoUFO
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:30 pm

I know I'm late to the party...

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
You may be right Soren on this, but the truth is, i need to show them my importance.I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!

No, that would come across as being arrogant. Your real problem lies here:

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
95% of my class are found outside partying.And i dont even get a chance to know them.
Quoting jayeshrulz (Thread starter):
Now that the projects are on hold, i am suddenly invisible. Those people dont even revert back my text message forget about socializing!


For once, I want to quote Bertolt Brecht:

I outswam sharks,
And I killed the tigers,
Eaten I was by the bugs

You do the big things right: You work hard (sharks), your are helpful and reliable (tigers), but the sercret ties between your fellow students, the relationships between them (the bugs) are killing you. Work is not always about moving dossiers around, or doing some pixel pushing - it's about maintaining relationships. It can be about "scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours".

I do not blame you for not having closer ties to more of your fellow students; after all they don't seem to be too friendly.
But you need to know that there are thousand of hard working people out there who attend meetings very, very well prepared *thinking* they would discuss business issues over the next hour when in fact the decisions have already been made - be it when (most) of the others had a beer together the previous evening or on the golf course. The meetings are just there to announce the decisions to those outside those bonds.
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CamiloA380
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RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:08 pm

Hey Jayesh.

I hope everything other is fine. And don't take those things too serious, they actually loose in not working on the project too, because they won't learn much. If i would you i would've talked seriosly with the teacher. And Jayesh...you are a cool guy....  

Don't give up my friend.

  
Flying4Ever!
 
babybus
Posts: 2379
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 5:07 am

RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:28 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!

Maybe your friends pick up on this attitude toward them?

Quoting kanban (Reply 15):
incidently Da Vinci, Einstein and many geniouses had Aspberger

Very supportive but they're all long dead. How can you diagnose them? The greatest medical minds can only guess they might have been.

I agree with MadameConcorde. Tell your teacher about this and let your friends put their case.
and with that..cabin crew, seats for landing please.
 
Luftfahrer
Posts: 976
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:27 am

RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Thu Oct 14, 2010 5:26 pm

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):
Shall i talk to them and make familiar? Or Just be happy with people i know?

"Be polite to all, but intimate with few."

Thomas Jefferson
'He resembled a pilot, which to a seaman is trustworthiness personified.' Joseph Conrad
 
wn700driver
Posts: 1475
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 10:55 pm

RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:38 am

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):

Thank you people. that's why i love a.net so much

Not after my advice you won't... Seriously though...

Quoting jayeshrulz (Reply 12):

You may be right Soren on this, but the truth is, i need to show them my importance.I need to prove to them, that without me they are crap!

Absolutely not. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong that mentality is. You're 17, so you have a lot of growing up to do, and a lot of what I'll tell you will make much more sense when you've had a bunch more on-the-job experience.

First off, as others have said, the world is full of freeloaders. It's a fact of life that you will never get away from. So, what to do about that, especially in project situations? Accept it and begin what's called a work-around. For example, when involved in a multi-person project here at work, I start by assessing who's weaknesses and strengths are what and where. I then assign tasks accordingly. It's never mattered whether or not, by the way, if I was the boss or not. More on that later... Once the assignments are out, I make sure to have my shit together, post haste. When that is under control, it is time to supervise whatever else I can, and impose assistance where needed. I never bother to wait for a request in this matter of course. And if some partner doesn't want my help, that's too damned bad. The method for that madness, by the way, is that if they resent my doing their job for them, they'll make damned sure they don't need it next time. It's a rough, and energy consuming approach to project management, and more than once I've been accused of being a micro-manager of sorts. But the truth is that after a few cycles, my workload tends to diminish greatly.

Now, as I said above, one does not need to be told to take charge. There ways to do this politely, and without ruffling the wrong feathers, but that personal touch comes more from experience than anything else. The point is that even while having someone else to answer to, once can still take responsibility or ownership of a project.

As for project credit, here's something you can use, right now, that's always worked for me. When listing credit, be specific. This has always helped me be able to identify to my supervisors which cylinders aren't firing. BUT one must be diplomatic when skewering your dead weight slackers. Example:

Wn700driver: Project Manager; Designated Activities Coordinator
Number 1: Financial Reporting; Allocations
Number 2: Customer Representitive
Number 3: Present
Number 4: Also Present

Try that little number out on your next run, and see what happens. As for being popular with these guys, who cares? Keep up your work habits, sharpen your credit management skills, and you'll be surprised where you end up... Less than two years ago, I found myself laid off from an airline, six months later, I ran into the same story at yet another airline.

I finally got smart and picked up a job in the private sector, way out of my field of expertise and at entry level, no less. I'm now a Station Manager here, making what would taken another seven years of seniority at my old job(s). And it's not from working hard either. If there's one thing lazy people are awesome for, it's contrast value. Knowing what to do with people, and how to manage the slackers of life will actually get you far in life if you want it to...
Base not your happiness on the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. No Hope = No Fear
 
jayeshrulz
Topic Author
Posts: 349
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2007 7:36 pm

RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Fri Oct 15, 2010 5:01 am

Quoting AR385 (Reply 13):

You need to get a good hold on the concept of friendship. For example, I would rather have 4 great friends, that as you say would do anything for you, than 35 people I call my friends but won´t answer the phone in the middle of the night when I need them. A lot of people, at all ages, but specially in their teens, confuse friendship with popularity. You need to worry about the former. You also need to question yourself how much of a good friend are you?

I get you. Absolutely.
I dont define friend just to do project and get invisible. We really dont socialize.

And honestly, i went a spoke professor regarding this, and i came to know that there are 20 other people who are facing the same situation. So out of a whole class of 85 (yes its a HUGE class), atleast i have 25 on my side. How much more do i want? They are pretty good, hardworking, and 90%+. I'm happy i found a good company!

Quoting mt99 (Reply 18):

Dont try to hard. My biggest regret in High School was to try to hard to fit in with the "cool kids" , and in the process i myself ignored a smaller groups of kids that which looking back i realize that i would have enjoyed hanging out with them much more.

You are absolutely right. I dont need wannabes with me.I'm not a flirt, nor a alcoholic, nor a smoker...whatever!

As said, there was a good bunch of people i was missing out. I just went and spoke to them regarding this situation. I just opened up! They completely agreed to this.

Quoting Steeler83 (Reply 25):
As for this situation, I was in one of those myself. Back in 9th grade I was in an English class with a bunch of d-bags who were pretty much inspiring to be nothing but naval lint in today's society. This particular project was to write a creative story, and as a group of 3 or 4 we were to brainstorm ideas and participate in writing the flow of the plot. Well, guess who did about 99% of the work? Yours truly, pal! Their contribution was pretty much agreeing with my input. Whatever! "We" got 100% on that project, and it was more than likely the only "A" they ever saw in their life. As for me, I graduated high school with honors, got a decent education in the PA System of Higher Education, including 2 "BA"s and a Masters. I got a 4.0 to close out my BA studies with a bang, and I started my MA program with a 3.9.

I work as a caregiver right now, and I've been doing so for almost 2 years because of a sluggish economy and what have you. I'm still light years ahead of those buffoons tho, as I am sure McDonalds doesn't even want to pay them arm pit hair wages to ask, "you want fries with that?"

Thanks for sharing, your quite a Einstein  
Quoting CamiloA380 (Reply 27):

Thanks Camilo. How are you doing?

Quoting wn700driver (Reply 30):
Not after my advice you won't... Seriously though...

I liked your opinion! And still like A.net  
Quoting cpd (Reply 21):
Quoting BMI727 (Reply 22):

I promise i'll reply to each one of you once i come from college.

I have something more to share.  

Be right back soon!

[Edited 2010-10-14 22:01:57]
Keep flying, because the sky is no limit!
 
jayeshrulz
Topic Author
Posts: 349
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2007 7:36 pm

RE: What's Wrong With Me! Please Help!

Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:13 am

Things are better now. I confronted my group, and warned them today, that if this repeats itself,i will would approach the Professor and inform her that they are out of my group. They were like WTF? I told them, that as i'm doing everything for them, they are getting their piece of thesis in hand, why not i become the group leader?

Quoting shamrock321 (Reply 19):
Quoting lewis (Reply 16):

And guess what, they were startled. Though not in anger, i just told that whenever our group got a assignment, we would divide it. People who like their share can do it, and whatever is left for me i'll do it.

You see, its better to fail in originality rather than copying others. That's what they used to do!

As u guys said, i've taken the leadership, and things are slightly getting better. i hope i'm at the right way! :]
Keep flying, because the sky is no limit!

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