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fca767
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Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:01 pm

This type of situation has had me going crazy for well over a year in all types of places where i've come accross people.

I have been a happy go lucky person and never seemed to have a problem in my previous jobs or out and about.

But I'm noticing this more, an example from yesterday (Never mind the one a few weeks earlier, seems a regular occurrence)

I started a new job and said to the manager opposite who had a woman on his left, I was sort of saying it loud enough for both to hear, and I said:
"This siebel system keeps reminding me of the comedy show cybill"
He laughed as normal as it was meant to be funny, but this woman just didnt even look at me even though i've been talking to both every now and then. but a minute later when i would have been doing something else, he looked at her and she laughed.
But the thing is, why couldn't she laugh with me rather than pretending to ignore me.
Another episode on that day was with someone else where i was just chatting about the job, and she looked at the other and smiled as if to say "What the heck is this person"
I dont say anything offensive.
I even asked her and explained i get this alot in my other jobs and she said i've done nothing wrong but I can tell somethings up.

Like the 3rd example of the same day, this girl says "The weather is depressing" I say, "At least it's warm as I slipped on the ice yesterday" She just looked at me and didn't even say anything.

OK the question probably is this:
Laughing behind someones back....does this mean they are unfriendly people, or that they dislike me, or could it be they find me quirky because I'm more lively, however I'm not a parrot, I probably speak for 2 minutes every 20 mins if I think of something interesting. And right now it's only been work related questions.
I'm just loosing faith in making friends, I mean I know that not everyone is like that, as i used to make friends easily and I was even more hyper a few years ago.
 
Fly2HMO
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:11 pm

First off, take a chill pill.

Second, don't over analyze life so much.

Third, sounds like you work with a bunch of weirdos.

Fourth, there were always be people that come off as rude or as they seem to ignore you and what not, but they're most likely just without much of an attention span or whatever you want to call it. My desk neighbor is a lot like the girls you mentioned, if she's concentrating too much on something i have to call her name like 10 times before she puts attention and at first I thought she was deaf. My other neighbor seems quicker to react even with busy. That's just the way some people are wired in their brains.
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:18 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 1):
First off, take a chill pill.

Second, don't over analyze life so much.

Third, sounds like you work with a bunch of weirdos.

Fourth, there were always be people that come off as rude or as they seem to ignore you and what not, but they're most likely just without much of an attention span or whatever you want to call it. My desk neighbor is a lot like the girls you mentioned, if she's concentrating too much on something i have to call her name like 10 times before she puts attention and at first I thought she was deaf. My other neighbor seems quicker to react even with busy. That's just the way some people are wired in their brains.

True, it's just sometimes they chat too and seems like they'd be a hypocrite if they thought i was bad. maybe because i'm new and i'm chatting like they are friends or something. The thing is, I went to australia and met travellers and did fine there talking  
 
einsteinboricua
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:26 pm

I remember when I worked at Toys R Us, one of the supervisors was the human resources director and she would often chat and joke with the more senior members (senior as in they have been working for a few years), but was as dry as the desert with the newcomers. Obviously, you feel left out since you expect to be treated the same as all the others.

Just ignore that behavior. Be yourself. as long as your co-workers find your behavior spirited rather than annoying, you should be fine. Maybe it takes time. Don't stress out trying to impress her. Just do your work.
"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:28 pm

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 3):
I remember when I worked at Toys R Us, one of the supervisors was the human resources director and she would often chat and joke with the more senior members (senior as in they have been working for a few years), but was as dry as the desert with the newcomers. Obviously, you feel left out since you expect to be treated the same as all the others.

Just ignore that behavior. Be yourself. as long as your co-workers find your behavior spirited rather than annoying, you should be fine. Maybe it takes time. Don't stress out trying to impress her. Just do your work.

Thanks, I will try to afterall I should really, and realise not everyone would be like them, plus I only really go there to work although would be nice to get a bit of a frienship but once you're in that seating area that's it   I'll be alright though  
 
UH60FtRucker
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:31 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 1):
First off, take a chill pill.

Second, don't over analyze life so much.

Third, sounds like you work with a bunch of weirdos.

I concur.

The only thing that you could have done, that might have been "rude", is if you had donkey punched the miserable old salt. But seriously, what the hell do you care what she thinks?

Okay this is what you do. Next time she gives you attitude, tell her the shut that hole in her putrid face, before you give her the biggest Glass Bottom Boat that she's ever had. Bigger than the ones the johns would give her back when she was pullin tricks to get the cash to satisfy her crack rock addition.

That'll shut her up.
Your men have to follow your orders. They don't have to go to your funeral.
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:38 pm

Quoting fca767 (Thread starter):

Like the 3rd example of the same day, this girl says "The weather is depressing" I say, "At least it's warm as I slipped on the ice yesterday" She just looked at me and didn't even say anything.

Sometimes people just want you to agree with them, or at least sympathize or empathize. Whether that's good or bad, sometimes it is just good to be nice and try and empathize, rather than disagree (I know you weren't really disagreeing as such, but anyway).

Quoting fca767 (Thread starter):
"This siebel system keeps reminding me of the comedy show cybill"
He laughed as normal as it was meant to be funny, but this woman just didnt even look at me even though i've been talking to both every now and then. but a minute later when i would have been doing something else, he looked at her and she laughed.
But the thing is, why couldn't she laugh with me rather than pretending to ignore me.

Why should she laugh? Perhaps she simply didn't find it funny. And I'd wager she doesn't know you well enough to joke with you about your joke possibly not being funny to her, so it was probably easier to just ignore it.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:41 pm

The more I work in the corporate world the more I find that they hire a lot of people with very poor or questionable social skills - that is they have any skills at all. When I worked in the airline world there was a lot of camaraderie. We worked hard but we played hard. In my last airline job out of EVERYONE there I can think of only like one person who really bothered me. The rest were great. Then I left for the IT world. Many of the people I encounter in IT seem like they live in their mom's basement, play video games, never see sunlight and have very poor social skills. They are just plain weird. All of my managers are even more weird and you really wonder how on earth they got their jobs. I tried hard to build camaraderie in our office but it just didn't happen. This is probably by design though.

In prior generations you WERE your job. Work hard at it and you had a shot to move up and they would keep you for life. You would get that gold watch after 40 yrs on the job. Now? You were hired to do one job only, you have little shot of learning new and different stuff and no matter how hard you work if they feel the least bit threatened by you or if they can save 10 shillings they will throw you right out the door.

It goes without saying that we basically have to look for social interaction now outside of work. Everything has become too politically correct, short-sighted and "goals oriented" in today's offices. Jobs used to be places where you interacted, grew, made something of yourself, made pals, met your spouse and all of that. Jobs now? Well if they put bread on your table you are doing OK.

Don't be offended by this woman. She sounds like a jerk or a boor. People who are unkind to others usually get it in return and with interest down the road.
Ich haben zwei Platzspielen und ein Microphone
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:42 pm

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 6):
Sometimes people just want you to agree with them, or at least sympathize or empathize. Whether that's good or bad, sometimes it is just good to be nice and try and empathize, rather than disagree (I know you weren't really disagreeing as such, but anyway).

Oh, I meant it as to cheer her up in the way I said it, in a cheerfull way, but maybe it could have sounded like I was dissagreeing.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 6):
Why should she laugh? Perhaps she simply didn't find it funny. And I'd wager she doesn't know you well enough to joke with you about your joke possibly not being funny to her, so it was probably easier to just ignore it.

But I thought like watching a comedian we laugh if we find something funny, maybe she didnt know I was joking.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:50 pm

Quoting acidradio (Reply 7):
It goes without saying that we basically have to look for social interaction now outside of work.

Why is that a bad thing? My best friends were made before I started working full-time anyway.

Plus, I see work people for 40+ hours a week. I don't generally have much desire to see them outside work (with a few exceptions).

Quoting fca767 (Reply 8):
Oh, I meant it as to cheer her up in the way I said it, in a cheerfull way, but maybe it could have sounded like I was dissagreeing.

I know - but people misconstrue things sometimes.

Quoting fca767 (Reply 8):

But I thought like watching a comedian we laugh if we find something funny, maybe she didnt know I was joking.

Like I said - maybe she didn't find it funny.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
varigb707
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 12:45 am

Quoting fca767 (Thread starter):
Is This Rude? 

Was this an episode of The Office?
First, I said 'hey' and then I said 'now'. "Hey Now!" - Hank K.
 
BAViscount
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:11 am

Personally I find it important to get on well with people that I work with. We spend too many of our waking hours in the company of people that we may not necessarily choose to associate with under normal circumstances. Therefore I tend to think that if people that I'm working with are not able to join in with general "office banter", then the chances are that they're too busy trying to climb the corporate ladder to be of any importance to me.

Maybe it's just an age thing and I've spent too many years doing corporate stuff to have any time for people who don't play the game, but let's not forget that they pull their trousers on one leg at a time, the same as the rest of us They also have friends and family who probably have no idea of how uptight they behave at work and just see them as the person that they are in a familiar/social environment.

We're a complex race!!
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:21 am

Quoting acidradio (Reply 7):
It goes without saying that we basically have to look for social interaction now outside of work. Everything has become too politically correct, short-sighted and "goals oriented" in today's offices. Jobs used to be places where you interacted, grew, made something of yourself, made pals, met your spouse and all of that. Jobs now? Well if they put bread on your table you are doing OK.

Don't be offended by this woman. She sounds like a jerk or a boor. People who are unkind to others usually get it in return and with interest down the road

Thanks for your reply   I think she's not used to talking much maybe, she seems all smiley infront of me but you can tell it's a put on face, she seems shy but also able to subltely smile about what just happened with her friend.
I must just pretend i'm a magnet and let the good metals attract to me lol
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:24 am

Quoting varigb707 (Reply 10):
Was this an episode of The Office?

Come to think of it, like I could be a ricky gervais but not that dramatic, just mentioning a training program (as i'm a new starter) Like why's it not working and oh why can't I do this way instead, and just being cheerfull.

But yeah I guess it could be a mild gervais of me but not that bad, more like "Karl Pilkington" on "an idiot abroad" (Youtube it) except I don't really moan and I just try and see different sides of a problem.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:26 am

Quoting BAViscount (Reply 11):
Personally I find it important to get on well with people that I work with. We spend too many of our waking hours in the company of people that we may not necessarily choose to associate with under normal circumstances. Therefore I tend to think that if people that I'm working with are not able to join in with general "office banter", then the chances are that they're too busy trying to climb the corporate ladder to be of any importance to me.

Maybe it's just an age thing and I've spent too many years doing corporate stuff to have any time for people who don't play the game, but let's not forget that they pull their trousers on one leg at a time, the same as the rest of us They also have friends and family who probably have no idea of how uptight they behave at work and just see them as the person that they are in a familiar/social environment.

We're a complex race!!

I mean they're nice and smiley to me but just the reactions about me after I've spoken, and it's normal stuff, just recognising flaws in a computer system that I'm on, or mentioning the weather. I dunno  
 
RussianJet
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:18 am

Pull yourself together man,.

If you go through your entire working life being paranoid about everybody's tiniest little reaction to everything that you ever say then you will drive yourself mad. Let it go. People are all very different and sometimes can be very hard to read. Just get on with it.
✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
 
iairallie
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 2:52 pm

I'm going to be honest at risk of getting deleted because it seems like you want honest feedback. Having read all your posts on this thread you come across really offputting and you aren't funny even though you seem to think you are. You said you get this kind of reaction often I'm not surprised. You seem to be lacking the ability to read people. It also sounds like you are the type of person who listens in and then randomly interupts somonelse's conversation. Now that is rude and it might account for some of the strange reactions you get. You need to calm down. If you want to make friends at work stop with the trying to be mr. comedy. Most people aren't that funny. Instead laugh at other peoples jokes make them feel good and when you get to know them better then test the waters to see if they find your type of humor funny. You can be an obnoxious person or you can be a likeable person.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
hka098
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:08 pm

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 3):
Just do your work.

Exactly. That is, after all, why you are there. It can be tedious to spend most of your day doing something, and surrounded by strangers. I guess I am lucky I have my own office. Some of my colleague have to share offices with people that I would not last an hour among.

I would give her the same treatment she gives you. She can see how that fits and adjust her attitude accordingly. "what" is a great way to getting under other people's skin. If she were to say something or explain something to you and you reply with "what?" often enough, she may just go away. "I don't know" is another excellent way to keep folks from bothering you (should you choose to go that way). You seem like an outgoing person, which is fine, but remember there are other out there which are miserable and can't stand talking to others. (me included). Sometimes, it is specific others that we cannot handle in any dose.

There is this secretary in the building who is young and perky, and border-line spastic. You may know the type that puts "super" in front of a word to accentuate it and uses physical actions to explain herself. She is sweet and means well, but I can't handle too much of her without wanting to discharge her from a window.
 
AR385
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:05 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 16):
I'm going to be honest at risk of getting deleted because it seems like you want honest feedback.

I have to concurr with iairallie. You do come out being weird. In any case, it´s a matter of patience. People at work will get to like you eventually...or not. That is not your problem. Your job is not to make friends.

I´ve been sent abroad to companies where I´ve arrived in a management role and not being local, it can be hard. But, I´ve learned results speak for themselves and if you just worry about doing your job, the socialization will happen on its own.
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:36 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 16):
I'm going to be honest at risk of getting deleted because it seems like you want honest feedback. Having read all your posts on this thread you come across really offputting and you aren't funny even though you seem to think you are. You said you get this kind of reaction often I'm not surprised. You seem to be lacking the ability to read people. It also sounds like you are the type of person who listens in and then randomly interupts somonelse's conversation. Now that is rude and it might account for some of the strange reactions you get. You need to calm down. If you want to make friends at work stop with the trying to be mr. comedy. Most people aren't that funny. Instead laugh at other peoples jokes make them feel good and when you get to know them better then test the waters to see if they find your type of humor funny. You can be an obnoxious person or you can be a likeable person.

I'm not even trying to be funny, I'm just trying to smile while I talk, and I don't but in
And what do you mean! Are you trying to say that someone who tries to make people happy is a bad person!
OK so I'm bad for wanting to make people happy
No wonder there's evil in this world, if we are meant to not make people happy

You're the perfect example of them girls, just like the ones with a permanent non smile on there face that's been there by many years of being nasty.
I like to help people and I am respectfull!
I haven't been in a job for a long time and haven't seen a friend in 2 months

So Excuse me! If I am a little happy to be working and want to say hello to people! Is that a crime?

Thanks

[Edited 2010-12-11 08:39:41]

[Edited 2010-12-11 08:40:10]

[Edited 2010-12-11 08:45:21]
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:46 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 16):
I'm going to be honest at risk of getting deleted because it seems like you want honest feedback. Having read all your posts on this thread you come across really offputting and you aren't funny even though you seem to think you are. You said you get this kind of reaction often I'm not surprised. You seem to be lacking the ability to read people. It also sounds like you are the type of person who listens in and then randomly interupts somonelse's conversation. Now that is rude and it might account for some of the strange reactions you get. You need to calm down. If you want to make friends at work stop with the trying to be mr. comedy. Most people aren't that funny. Instead laugh at other peoples jokes make them feel good and when you get to know them better then test the waters to see if they find your type of humor funny. You can be an obnoxious person or you can be a likeable person.

Who said I seem to think I'm funny! Was I being rude and saying "HAHA I'm funny and you're not"? I have been depressed for a long time and I try to make friends by being friendly.
That's the type of comment from a narrow minded person who doesn't like anyone being happy

[Edited 2010-12-11 08:47:56]
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:50 pm

Quoting hka098 (Reply 17):
I would give her the same treatment she gives you. She can see how that fits and adjust her attitude accordingly. "what" is a great way to getting under other people's skin. If she were to say something or explain something to you and you reply with "what?" often enough, she may just go away. "I don't know" is another excellent way to keep folks from bothering you (should you choose to go that way). You seem like an outgoing person, which is fine, but remember there are other out there which are miserable and can't stand talking to others. (me included). Sometimes, it is specific others that we cannot handle in any dose.

I understand. I don't just talk to them, they are just sat there waiting for a call and look bored so I just say hello and just say something like, this computers not working, and say something like that. I can't believe airallie is blasting me for being a bad person, I've done nothing wrong yet she thinks I have a big ego.
 
hka098
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:30 pm

I would go with what some others have said in this thread, "chill". Do you really care what Arialle thinks? Unless you are attracted to her in some way, this shouldn't matter. Workplace romances are a bad idea anyway (unless it is a FwB). She, herself, may be insecure. If she thinks you have a big ego, and you are in fact, quite normal, then she may be lacking in that department. She may not be into small-talk, like you seem to be. Arialle could also be into you, and expresses it like a child by acting uninterested and blase.
 
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Aloha717200
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:33 pm

I don't think airallie was blasting you, i think he was being very blunt. I can't honestly say that I agree with the people who say you come across as weird. But then again, I have asperger's and therefore have similar social problems. It's hard for me to understand the nuances of human behavior. So when I'm at work, I basically detach myself from my own self and focus on working.

To be honest, i begin to get nervous when people begin to socialize with me at work. Because I know that the more I begin to talk, the more it will become apparent that my mind doesn't think on the same wavelength as most human beings, and usually, once people find that out, it becomes difficult to fit in. I have to start explaining things ive said and it gets awkward.

So I pretend to be normal, focus on my job and stay super friendly to people. It's for my own good. Being open in the past cost me jobs because normal people really can't, dont, or arent interested in understanding Asperger's disorder. I can say though that I have done what you do, which is try to joke with random people and such. I get mixed results. Same as you.

[Edited 2010-12-11 09:35:32]
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 6:11 pm

Quoting hka098 (Reply 22):
I would go with what some others have said in this thread, "chill". Do you really care what Arialle thinks? Unless you are attracted to her in some way, this shouldn't matter. Workplace romances are a bad idea anyway (unless it is a FwB). She, herself, may be insecure. If she thinks you have a big ego, and you are in fact, quite normal, then she may be lacking in that department. She may not be into small-talk, like you seem to be. Arialle could also be into you, and expresses it like a child by acting uninterested and blase.

I don't know her but I get what you mean lol

Quoting Aloha717200 (Reply 23):
I don't think airallie was blasting you, i think he was being very blunt. I can't honestly say that I agree with the people who say you come across as weird. But then again, I have asperger's and therefore have similar social problems. It's hard for me to understand the nuances of human behavior. So when I'm at work, I basically detach myself from my own self and focus on working.

To be honest, i begin to get nervous when people begin to socialize with me at work. Because I know that the more I begin to talk, the more it will become apparent that my mind doesn't think on the same wavelength as most human beings, and usually, once people find that out, it becomes difficult to fit in. I have to start explaining things ive said and it gets awkward.

So I pretend to be normal, focus on my job and stay super friendly to people. It's for my own good. Being open in the past cost me jobs because normal people really can't, dont, or arent interested in understanding Asperger's disorder. I can say though that I have done what you do, which is try to joke with random people and such. I get mixed results. Same as you.

I understand what you mean   Sometimes it's just that so many people have different ways of socialising, Like I actually hate crowds, I wouldn't go into a club and start talking to a group of girls, I've been to a club about 10 times in my life at 28.
So I'm happy to stay away, and prefer one on one basis usually, I have a few friends and they are special to me.

It should be ok, as long as I just remain a little more reserved but smile  

[Edited 2010-12-11 10:14:11]
 
iairallie
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:38 pm

Don't misconstrue this but have you considered professional therapy? Your reactions especially here are really disproportionate. A therapist could help you get some perspective and give you tools to help keep your responses and behavior situationally appropriate so that you have an easier time fitting in when you are around a new group of people.

The suicide comment you made in PM is particularly disturbing and irrational. NO one can make you commit suicide it is a choice that ONLY you can make. The fact that a stranger's observation about your behavior (Which YOU solicited BTW) could evoke such a strong reaction is a serious red flag that you need to get help.

You have a disconnect with reality about how you percieve things (a therapist could be a great sounding board to help you get perspective). I never said a word about your ego. You drew that conclusion on your own. I said that you don't come across as very funny so you should step back a little before trying to joke around with people you don't know. Wait until you learn a little more about them and whether they are the type of person who might get your sense of humor before you joke or you will just make them feel uncomfortable. Especially if you grill them about their reaction later. Women especially are wary of that sort of behavior it makes them feel unsafe so they want to keep away.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
Birdwatching
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:59 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 25):
step back a little before trying to joke around with people you don't know

I agree! Because THAT is the root of the problem. You can say something funny and the other person doesn't laugh, then his/her long time co-worker cracks EXACTLY the same joke and the other person laughs like a hyena. That's perfectly normal. You have to know a person before you can comfortably joke around with them. How do you know you're not hurting them?
So this girl you mention said "the weather is depressing". Why, why on earth do you ridicule her by turning it into a joke? What if she is really depressed, maybe broke up with her bf recently or whatever?

Soren   

[Edited 2010-12-11 12:00:23]
All the things you probably hate about travelling are warm reminders that I'm home
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:26 pm

Quoting Birdwatching (Reply 26):
I agree! Because THAT is the root of the problem. You can say something funny and the other person doesn't laugh, then his/her long time co-worker cracks EXACTLY the same joke and the other person laughs like a hyena. That's perfectly normal. You have to know a person before you can comfortably joke around with them. How do you know you're not hurting them?
So this girl you mention said "the weather is depressing". Why, why on earth do you ridicule her by turning it into a joke? What if she is really depressed, maybe broke up with her bf recently or whatever?

Yes exactly! From observing, I noticed people around them said practically the same type of things yet I couldn't so I felt it was hypocritical.
Also the other girl opposite, when I saw a collegue give her sweets, she just looked up at her, didnt smile what so ever, took the sweets and said nothing to her, and just went back to looking at the computer. It looked crazy, where are the thankyou's in this place. 2x she was given, well first skittles then crisps from another girl, I'm like WTF! Say thanks or smile or something.

RE: the Ridicule, I wasnt doing that, I was saying at least it's warm as now the ice has melted.
I was wanting to make her happy and see the brighter side, and I smiled too.
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:28 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 25):
Don't misconstrue this but have you considered professional therapy? Your reactions especially here are really disproportionate. A therapist could help you get some perspective and give you tools to help keep your responses and behavior situationally appropriate so that you have an easier time fitting in when you are around a new group of people.

Therapist for watching people's reactions? ok? what about your insensitive comments about insinuating that I find myself funny as if I'm on an ego trip.

[Edited 2010-12-11 12:49:43]
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:33 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 25):
The suicide comment you made in PM is particularly disturbing and irrational. NO one can make you commit suicide it is a choice that ONLY you can make. The fact that a stranger's observation about your behavior (Which YOU solicited BTW) could evoke such a strong reaction is a serious red flag that you need to get help.

The fact that you said this in PM, and decided to spread it more on this thread shows your nastyness and insensitivity to people.
Have you considered a therapist yourself.
Have you ever heard of the phrase "If you haven't anything good to say then don't say anything at all"
Nothing of your posts are constructive, I gave you a chance in PM to see if you had a heart and would say sorry, but no you are just pure insensitive.
 
vikkyvik
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:06 pm

Quoting fca767 (Reply 28):
what about your insensitive comments about insinuating that I find myself funny

You pretty much said it yourself:

Quoting fca767 (Reply 8):
But I thought like watching a comedian we laugh if we find something funny, maybe she didnt know I was joking.

You're saying she should have laughed because you were being funny. I asked, what if she didn't think you were funny, and you didn't really address that part of it.

Quoting fca767 (Reply 29):

Seriously, please calm down. If you're going to ask a question in an open forum, you should be prepared to hear stuff that you don't necessarily want to hear. Sure, Iairallie was blunt, but my suspicion is that she's not far off the mark.

And ultimately, she's trying to help you, not insult you, so it would do well for you to step back and realize that.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
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Aloha717200
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:13 pm

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 30):
Seriously, please calm down. If you're going to ask a question in an open forum, you should be prepared to hear stuff that you don't necessarily want to hear.

Especially on airliners.net. Let me tell you from the voice of experience that A.net, being a huge community as it is, means you're exposing your thoughts and feelings to a very wide range of people and just like in the real world, you're gonna have some people a) want to help, b) don't give a shit, or c) will be delighted to hear of your weaknesses and exploit and troll the hell out of you for amusement.

Trust me. I learned that years ago. It's different than smaller sites where people are generally comfortable with each other. A big community means a larger sample of people who really don't want to hear about your problems and will let you know in all sorts of ways.

I'm saying this to help you. My asperger's has gotten me in a ton of social trouble before.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:20 pm

Quoting Aloha717200 (Reply 31):

Trust me. I learned that years ago. It's different than smaller sites where people are generally comfortable with each other. A big community means a larger sample of people who really don't want to hear about your problems and will let you know in all sorts of ways.

I agree with you totally, I see it alot on other forums too where people are just really insensitive to other people's feelings. Funnily enough it seems to be a gender that is attacking me for something.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 30):
You're saying she should have laughed because you were being funny. I asked, what if she didn't think you were funny, and you didn't really address that part of it.

I don't remember where I said that they should have laughed, or at least that isn't my problem, my problem was that when I talk, people smile at eachother as if I'm not allowed to talk...end of story, and shouldn't be told off on here by 1 female telling me that I shouldn't think of myself as a funny person. and then continue to ruin me by taking a pm of suicide and posting in in a forum for the public to see. She did that purposly as there's no reason to post this, as she put the exact same message in a pm.
P.S I don't want suicide, I wanted to know if she had a heart. end of...this proves my point.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:32 pm

Quoting fca767 (Reply 32):
1 female telling me that I shouldn't think of myself as a funny person. and then continue to ruin me by taking a pm of suicide and posting in in a forum for the public to see. She did that purposly as there's no reason to post this, as she put the exact same message in a pm.

Take a deep breath man. First, it's probably not a good idea to mention suicide to someone who barely knows you because you really don't know how they'll react. You could get trolled "Have fun, good riddance!", you could get told "yeah, right, grow up", or you could have the cops called on you by someone trying to save your life. So. Don't do it. You'll rarely get the reaction you seek.

That said I agree that it wasn't nice to post the contents of a private message on the public forum. But it wasn't a good idea to say it in the first place. but my sugestion to you is..why care? You don't know iairallie personally so, if she doesn't like you as you suppose, thats different than if your best buddy turns around and starts to hate you. Also, believe me, you coulda been treated far, far worse and considering the nature of this thread, I'm surprised someone else didn't say something worse and deliberately try to hurt you. again, big community. But reacting as you are actually does the opposite of what you mean for it to do, it lets people know you're vulnerable and trolls LOVE seeing someone like that to pick on. Theyre a huge source of amusement for the less sensitive among us. So really, do yourself a favor...dont take it so personal and just remember that you dont actually know any of us. There are people in your life who know and love you and its them who know whats good about you. A stranger doesn't know any more than what you tell them or communicate and will draw their own conclusions based on THEIR past experiences with people.

So if someone says you sound weird, its mostly because they probably knew someone weird once who acted similar. They don't know who you really are. They're just drawing conclusions. First impressions if you will. Only you and the people closest to you are truly qualified to judge you as a person. So, consider that before getting so upset.

I was just like you once. I had to learn these social skills to survive.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:33 pm

Quoting fca767 (Reply 29):

The fact that you said this in PM, and decided to spread it more on this thread shows your nastyness and insensitivity to people.
Have you considered a therapist yourself.
Have you ever heard of the phrase "If you haven't anything good to say then don't say anything at all"
Nothing of your posts are constructive, I gave you a chance in PM to see if you had a heart and would say sorry, but no you are just pure insensitive.
Quoting fca767 (Reply 32):

I don't remember where I said that they should have laughed, or at least that isn't my problem, my problem was that when I talk, people smile at eachother as if I'm not allowed to talk...end of story, and shouldn't be told off on here by 1 female telling me that I shouldn't think of myself as a funny person. and then continue to ruin me by taking a pm of suicide and posting in in a forum for the public to see. She did that purposly as there's no reason to post this, as she put the exact same message in a pm.
P.S I don't want suicide, I wanted to know if she had a heart. end of...this proves my point.

Dude seriously calm the heck down. Going by your latest posts I am leaning strongly now towards it's actually you that has the issues. Just quit trying too hard to be funny and sociable, and quit dwelling on things so much. You're only torturing yourself.

Iairallie means no harm. Yes, she's as blunt as they get but that's just how she is. So lighten up a bit.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:40 pm

Quoting Aloha717200 (Reply 33):
Take a deep breath man. First, it's probably not a good idea to mention suicide to someone who barely knows you because you really don't know how they'll react. You could get trolled "Have fun, good riddance!", you could get told "yeah, right, grow up", or you could have the cops called on you by someone trying to save your life. So. Don't do it. You'll rarely get the reaction you seek.

Sorry I made a mistake, I only said to her, "I'm not going to make you make me commit suicide" I guess I forget how it's percieved  
But either way, she's not said sorry and is very outlandish herself.
I am relaxed but I don't like people who try to rub salt in people's wounds.

Thanks to everyone else for helping me at least 99% are constructive posts.

Thanks Aloha too I am greatfull  

I'll just not be sensitive to these types, if they don't like people talking to them even when they say they're bored and they're just looking at my screen while I'm a trainee doing programs, you know it's like you need to say something to them if they're just watching you for no reason, so striking convo related to the work you're doing seems normal to me usually with a few side bits about previous jobs in which they asked in the first place, yet it goes a bit funny after.
Oh well, some people we get on with some people we don't.  
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:42 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 34):
Dude seriously calm the heck down. Going by your latest posts I am leaning strongly now towards it's actually you that has the issues. Just quit trying too hard to be funny and sociable, and quit dwelling on things so much. You're only torturing yourself.

Iairallie means no harm. Yes, she's as blunt as they get but that's just how she is. So lighten up a bit.

I need to be sociable, I've been without any for 2 months, it get's a heck lonely when you've got nothing at home and then suddenly thrown into a job since June I've been unemployed except for a 3 day job in between.

Let's end the thread now, I only wanted to know if I've done bad by talking to people.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:46 pm

Quoting Aloha717200 (Reply 33):
So if someone says you sound weird, its mostly because they probably knew someone weird once who acted similar. They don't know who you really are. They're just drawing conclusions. First impressions if you will. Only you and the people closest to you are truly qualified to judge you as a person. So, consider that before getting so upset.

I was just like you once. I had to learn these social skills to survive

Thankyou, I think you've given really good advice to me, I'm off to bed now  
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:48 pm

Quoting Birdwatching (Reply 26):
How do you know you're not hurting them?

Precisely perhaps the person you joked about the crappy computer system with had something to do with the selection or creation of that system. The point is that you should wait to get to know people a little before trying to use humor. Humor is subjective. Something one person finds hillarious might offend, insult or annoy someone else.

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 30):
Sure, Iairallie was blunt, but my suspicion is that she's not far off the mark.

And ultimately, she's trying to help you, not insult you, so it would do well for you to step back and realize that.

Thank you that is precisely what I was doing the OP appeared to be soliticiting honest feedback I miscalculated.

You can take or leave what I had to say. If you'd calm down for a second and actually read my feedback for what it is it could help you with your situation a lot better than someone who is just going to tell you they are all bitches and the whole world is nuts. If the whole world is nuts then there ain't nothin' you can do about it but piss and moan. However, If there is something you are doing inadvertantly that puts people off isn't it better that someone tell you so you can work on it? You can only change you, you can't change anyone else.

I'm not sure why you see fit to bring gender into it. If you come off in person like you do online you probably make many women feel very unsafe and uncomfortable to be around you. Agressive friendlines and inappropriate behavior are offputting. You may think you are just being nice but that may not be how you come off, put yourself in their shoes and keep it neutral and professional until people start to get to know you better.

Quoting Aloha717200 (Reply 31):
My asperger's has gotten me in a ton of social trouble before.

You seem to have developed some good coping tools and strategies. Based on what you've posted here it seems like you are actually pretty adept at reading people or have worked really hard to learn how.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:49 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 34):
Dude seriously calm the heck down. Going by your latest posts I am leaning strongly now towards it's actually you that has the issues. Just quit trying too hard to be funny and sociable, and quit dwelling on things so much. You're only torturing yourself.

But it's when people say I'm the problem that annoys me...I didn't do anything wrong but talk to people at work. I didn't call them names, I didn't say they're not funny. I didn't say you're rubbish when they get something wrong and want feedback.
I just try to be nice that's all...can't be a crime really. That's all that upset me about air allie.
If I got the messages mixed up on here then I'm sorry I mis read, but it doesn't mean I deserve what happened at work.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:51 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 38):

Precisely perhaps the person you joked about the crappy computer system with had something to do with the selection or creation of that system. The point is that you should wait to get to know people a little before trying to use humor. Humor is subjective. Something one person finds hillarious might offend, insult or annoy someone else

All I would have said about joking about a computer is:
"Arrhhh this computer just gave me an internal server error, oh that's annoying hehe" that's it...trying to say what's happened but not being a moaner as much but just stopping them being bored as they said they were bored and watching my computer.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:56 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 38):

I'm not sure why you see fit to bring gender into it. If you come off in person like you do online you probably make many women feel very unsafe and uncomfortable to be around you. Agressive friendlines and inappropriate behavior are offputting. You may think you are just being nice but that may not be how you come off, put yourself in their shoes and keep it neutral and professional until people start to get to know you better.

I don't think the world is nuts. I think I need to know if what I am saying is wrong. I think I've given examples of the words I've said and people have said there's nothing wrong.
I'm going to bed now, I emailed a girl who I sat next to 5 years ago where I was a heck of alot more smiley and happy, and she said I was a lovely person. So to be honest I am milder now, and all I have ever been is respectfull. I watch a heck of alot of behaviour by people, hence why I notice people smiling later in relation. So I know that there's people who are abrubt and push themselves into others conversations and are rude and people who respect others like I try to.
I'm going now as I feel a bit sick being on this thread.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:57 pm

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 34):
Iairallie means no harm. Yes, she's as blunt as they get but that's just how she is. So lighten up a bit.

Hell just froze over LOL.

Quoting fca767 (Reply 36):
I need to be sociable, I've been without any for 2 months, it get's a heck lonely when you've got nothing at home and then suddenly thrown into a job since June I've been unemployed except for a 3 day job in between

Congrats on the new job BTW. There are lots of lonely people out there if you need more socialization go do some volunteer work(the elderly especially enjoy companionship) and/or find a group on meetup that shares and interest. Part of the problem could be there is no balance in your life so your expectations about your co-workers are skewed. You can't expect your co-workers to be your social support network. It's awesome when it works out that way but thats not the point of work.
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:57 pm

Quoting fca767 (Reply 39):
I didn't call them names, I didn't say they're not funny. I didn't say you're rubbish when they get something wrong and want feedback.

Here's another thing to consider. There are a lot of people in the world who pretend to be nice to someone just so that they can later use them and take advantage of them. We've all met one of those kind of people. I learned that if you come on to strong and try to be too close to someone too fast, it makes them worry that you're one of those types that's trying to "get something" out of them.

I believe that is part of what Iairallie is meaning when she says it makes women feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with being friendly but you have to keep it neutral.

That, and alot of people have been insulted by others before for having opinions. So, while the comment "at least it's warm" was innocent and benign, it could have been interpreted by the person as "Quit whining, at least it's warm"

Again. Theyre drawing on past experience. You may have meant nothing of the sort. Likewise, about the computer program, your boss laughed cos he knows you. But someone else doesn't and they'll react according to their own life experience.

So what you do is stay neutral and pleasant. For the warm thing, I would have said "Fortunately the ice seems to have melted, that'd be one silver lining I suppose  "

At that point my intentions become clear.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:03 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 42):
Congrats on the new job BTW. There are lots of lonely people out there if you need more socialization go do some volunteer work(the elderly especially enjoy companionship) and/or find a group on meetup that shares and interest. Part of the problem could be there is no balance in your life so your expectations about your co-workers are skewed. You can't expect your co-workers to be your social support network. It's awesome when it works out that way but thats not the point of work.

the workplace I'm at seems to be like that though, the manager who sits opposite me was handing round lottery tickets on a print out saying anyone want to join in...and I mentioned no becuase I lost £2000 on online betting lol...Now that statement is as outlandish as I get in work, so I can't be that bad can I? that's why I get confused because it's something like that that I think oh no they didnt like me talking lol...but offcourse in this instance the manager thought wow! and we had a laugh, but I dunno if it would be the same if I said it to the others. who knows now.
I'll forget about it, I just wanted to know if people thought these statements were bizarre that's all...to help me not worry.

[Edited 2010-12-11 14:13:52]
 
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fca767
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:11 pm

I take that back!
Air Allie just pm's me
Get help you are clearly an unstable
person. You will have a much happier
less painful life if you do. Don't PM
me again.

Stop harrasing me air allie if you're going to start being passive aggressive on me. I am very stable, I am 28 and haven't once had an argument in real life with anyone! I see hooligans everyday being aggressive, lots of business men attacking wives, rich people going through airports with black eyes because of abuse.
So don't tell me I need help when I dont.
 
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Aloha717200
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:17 pm

Let it go man. Just go from this day forward knowing a bit more about how people behave and make the best of it.
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:18 pm

FYI I sent this after a series of 5 totally off the wall ranting PM's
Enough about flying lets talk about me!
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:19 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 38):
You can only change you, you can't change anyone else.

      

That could be the end of the thread right there. It's amazing how many people don't realize that.

Quoting fca767 (Reply 39):
But it's when people say I'm the problem that annoys me.

See the above quote. If you can't handle constructive criticism of yourself, then you really have no business judging others (and that's not an attack - many people, myself included, struggle with that).

I'm not saying you are definitely the problem. But I see your responses to people in this thread, and they are very defensive, to a fault. Maybe you're just emotional right now, I don't know, but I'd advise rereading this thread in a week or something.

Quoting fca767 (Reply 39):
.I didn't do anything wrong but talk to people at work.
Quoting fca767 (Reply 41):
I think I need to know if what I am saying is wrong. I think I've given examples of the words I've said and people have said there's nothing wrong.

Here's the thing: you can tell us what you said, but you certainly can't tell us how you said it. And the same exact words can be taken many different ways depending on how you say them.
I'm watching Jeopardy. The category is worst Madonna songs. "This one from 1987 is terrible".
 
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RE: Is This Rude?

Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:21 pm

Quoting iairallie (Reply 47):
FYI I sent this after a series of 5 totally off the wall ranting PM's

I don't know but I've had enough of this thread, I'll take your posts on the thread as helpfull and that's it, and assume you are not digging at me. There's no reason for me to get help, it was an innocent first post as a point of view interest and nothing more.
I'd quite happily go to work on monday and be quiet and probably have more people make friends that way rather than talking, it was just that I was confused as to why people don't like it. But horses for courses.

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