Two years ago, I had no idea what sort of replies I would get when I started Going Through Life Nervous (Very Long Post) (by KLM672 Mar 23 2009 in Non Aviation)
Its been two years and, although I'd like to say "many things have changed", well, maybe things have not. I'm doing better but the nervousness is still there. I passed that financial accounting class I mentioned, and have not had any anxiety at school sense. I really enjoy school, and if it were up to me, I would just go to school the rest of my life. I have a girlfriend of nearly two years (we were "just talking" when I made this post, and started dating May 2009). Things are great, but I am very nervous around her family. Birthday parties, holidays, forget it, so much anxiety but yet once I'm there I am fine. I enjoy discussing, laughing and hanging out with her family and feel as if I am "out of the woods" and when "auntie so and so's birthday rolls around, i't'll be fine" and when the birthday rolls around the anxiety flares up etc. I haven't spent much time with the family and its very time is spent a lot at my house. It drives my gf crazy and I know its unfair but I just can't help it.
I've had my share of jobs since the post--from washing cars to working the ramp (currently) and still am nervous when doing these jobs. Although I am good at what I do, and have had better coworkers I still get nervous. I'm about to head to work in about 15 minutes with a knot in my stomach--although I know full well that once I clock in, I'll be fine! Friday nights we have plenty of people (sometimes we are short on people) and my supervisor is a laid-back 20 year old kid. Despite that, I go through my shift in a very similar manner of visiting with my gf's family, have a good laughs, work hard and at the end of the night I, again, have the "out of the woods" feeling and feel that "phew, next week I'll be fine!!". Next week comes and well, rinse and repeat.
Last year, around this time I was able to get into counseling. Things were "ok" but I didn't feel any progress. Summer hit and I would be full time employed and felt that that would help, plus if I had counseling every week, I had to come up with some silly excuse to my mom as to where I was going (she is a school teacher with summers off). Full time helped, but I was still anxious. Monday-Wed was anxious while Thurs and Friday I was ok. Sunday night was aweful as I knew I'd have to wake up and go to work the next morning. I was wrong about my mom, as months later I told her that I did go to counseling and we had an open and honest discussion regarding my fears. Well, Monday I start on a new journey with a new counselor. I hope all goes well.
Thanks again for the help.